9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Kevin...You are such a disease! Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:55:28 AMTwitter for Android
Dumb bastards leave for Europe without closing the garage? Come on!!! Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:54:54 AMTwitter for Android
They're all in first class? Pretentious pricks... Can't even remember their own son. Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:52:38 AMTwitter for Android
When I was a kid, my first plane ride was post Home Alone. I wondered why we didn't have to rush. It was b/c my family's not degenerates Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:51:05 AMTwitter for Android
Movie's so dated.... Power outage makes everyone oversleep? #getaniphonebro Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:48:07 AMTwitter for Android
Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi! Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:45:27 AMTwitter for Android
Pizza delivery guy drives worse than an Asian woman... Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:41:20 AMTwitter for Android
Buzz has the hots for French chicks without shaved pits Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:39:04 AMTwitter for Android
Uncle Franks a dick and his mom is too busy on the phone Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:35:40 AMTwitter for Android
Live tweeting Home Alone starts now Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:34:22 AMTwitter for Android
Playing Cranium. Had to act out Clint Eastwood.... Said Eminem rapped about him in his mid 20s and Andy guessed right. Saturday, December 14, 2013 10:16:40 PMTwitter for Android
Danny just started singing me Baby Its cold outside... So now I'm 100% watching Elf with the lady. Saturday, December 14, 2013 10:04:27 PMTwitter for Android
@SonicBlur23 ya cocksucker... Thanks for showing me the Android game Traffic Racer. Now I'm gonna take 30 min shits at work instead of 24.. Saturday, December 14, 2013 9:51:25 PMTwitter for Android
No sugar tonight in my coffee. No sugar tonight in my tea. Saturday, December 14, 2013 9:48:40 PMTwitter for Android
http://t.co/ZkcCCUWlGc Saturday, December 14, 2013 9:24:58 PMTwitter for Android
Ya called the front desk, but no one answered. That means Chugar killed the front desk dude duh. Saturday, December 14, 2013 9:21:50 PMTwitter for Android
Supposed to take the tracker outta the money first ya dumbass Saturday, December 14, 2013 8:51:32 PMTwitter for Android
”You mind riding bitch?" Best quote of the whole movie.. Saturday, December 14, 2013 8:36:22 PMTwitter for Android
Welp. Home Alone isn't available yet, so I'll live tweet No Country for Old Men instead. Saturday, December 14, 2013 8:31:06 PMTwitter for Android
"I beat out a bunch of black girls in a booty shaking contest" -@MalJNew Saturday, December 14, 2013 7:06:06 PMTwitter for Android
Home alone is on Telemundo at the bar and its still awesome Saturday, December 14, 2013 6:27:24 PMTwitter for Android
Growlers is killing it on the tunes tonight. #LedZeppelin When the levee breaks Saturday, December 14, 2013 6:26:47 PMTwitter for Android
I don't care if @KFCBarstool did it already... I'm live tweeting Home Alone tonight. Saturday, December 14, 2013 6:22:37 PMTwitter for Android
This bitch is so fucking orange, I'm about to get a tan off that glow. Saturday, December 14, 2013 4:54:28 PMTwitter for Android
Wearing the gf's girly boots in the snow. #BarstoolConfessions Saturday, December 14, 2013 10:29:04 AMTwitter for Android
Smell like the bottom of a bar.... Friday, December 13, 2013 8:38:31 AMTwitter for Android
It. Might be worth it to take the edge off it Thursday, December 12, 2013 11:39:29 PMTwitter for Android
Lol music's on at the bar. my mom likes Katy Perry so if she's disappointed in ne, she's a fraud Thursday, December 12, 2013 11:38:16 PMTwitter for Android
"I told her I was your boss and now she's all about me"-Colin Thursday, December 12, 2013 9:20:09 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew stop smoking cigarettes dumbass. Smoke something better Thursday, December 12, 2013 9:14:52 PMTwitter for Android
I might be jealous that my girl has connections with the hot bartender. Not gonna lie Thursday, December 12, 2013 8:52:56 PMTwitter for Android
Whoever smoked weed in this bathroom knows what's up Thursday, December 12, 2013 8:49:31 PMTwitter for Android
"This bartender gets so many get out of jail free cards that I wanna snack her down a notch" -Colin Thursday, December 12, 2013 8:47:31 PMTwitter for Android
"I just want to tell you that you have a great ass" @MalJNew to the bartender who actually dies have a great ass. #nohomo Thursday, December 12, 2013 8:45:25 PMTwitter for Android
"I'm gonna stop drinking soon..."-me "Is that urgent or important?"-Colin GUY'S TIGHT Thursday, December 12, 2013 8:33:47 PMTwitter for Android
Got funny looks chugging a pitcher of beer in the office, you guys Thursday, December 12, 2013 7:01:45 PMTwitter for Android
I'm getting hammered tonight Thursday, December 12, 2013 6:46:34 PMTwitter for Android
K now that I'm coherent again, this Twitter Android app update sucks a dick Thursday, December 12, 2013 2:30:51 PMTwitter for Android
⚡ Twitter ruined its Android app. Christ.⚡ (so difficult to use) hhhhj @MalJNew Wednesday, December 11, 2013 10:18:19 PMTwitter for Android
Food stamps and EBT #butyougotdatiphone5tho Wednesday, December 11, 2013 9:20:59 PMTwitter for Android
Somehow I've managed to get mashed potatoes on my belt buckle. Wednesday, December 11, 2013 9:02:40 PMTwitter for Android
Android needs to lose the problem where it becomes slow as fuck while apps are updating or installing Tuesday, December 10, 2013 9:18:03 PMTwitter for Android
Everything sucks a dick Tuesday, December 10, 2013 6:47:57 PMTwitter for Android
Shit and corruption Monday, December 09, 2013 7:09:23 PMTwitter for Android
These wasabi almonds are blowing my mouth. #mouthfireworks Sunday, December 08, 2013 10:07:34 PMTwitter for Android
So I heard the USB 3.1 spec is supposed to have reversible connectors. #copyingapple About time. USB cables have 3 sides- 2 that don't work Sunday, December 08, 2013 9:41:37 PMTwitter for Android
I can't think of an original tweet today. I just keep retweeting @BarstoolJJ 's shit because I fully agree Sunday, December 08, 2013 2:31:12 PMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: I'm throwing a sweatpants party today. 20people coming over for football and food all day but not sweats no admission. Sunday, December 08, 2013 2:29:10 PMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: Too old to be at Libation Sunday, December 08, 2013 10:11:53 AMTwitter for Android
We're so dumb..... Sunday, December 08, 2013 2:09:40 AMTwitter for Android
"Did I just chirp?" -@MalJNew Sunday, December 08, 2013 2:08:15 AMTwitter for Android
"Guys... Vaginas make more sense than boxes" OH LAWD Wednesday, December 04, 2013 11:28:16 PMTwitter for Android
Deaf air bangulars Wednesday, December 04, 2013 11:24:07 PMTwitter for Android
Build server completely crashed during a RAID controller maintenance. I resign. Wednesday, December 04, 2013 9:39:53 PMTwitter for Android
Touche. And if you disagree, you're false. RT @lissema11 There is no better Christmas album than the Carpenters. #noargument Tuesday, December 03, 2013 9:26:55 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew fullashit. I have a pants tent. U ever see curb?
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Sunday, December 01, 2013 5:07:52 PMTwitter for Android
Just drunk texted the gf's mom about the direction toilet paper should be rolled in. We agreed. Top down son... Sunday, December 01, 2013 5:00:54 PMTwitter for Android
Some cracker keeps vulnerability scanning our servers. Getting mad alerts. Hammered son. Sunday, December 01, 2013 3:49:54 PMTwitter for Android
Lol. I have to see John McGivern tomorrow. I hope he choked on a dick over Thanksgiving. Sunday, December 01, 2013 3:10:02 PMTwitter for Android
Hughlon's jammin' Sunday, December 01, 2013 2:54:51 PMTwitter for Android
Ims just going to get as fucked up as possible Sunday, December 01, 2013 2:39:53 PMTwitter for Android
I was a little sad, and then I went to take a selfie and i look fucking ridiculous with this shitty haircut and stache. Then I smiled. Saturday, November 30, 2013 12:53:37 AMTwitter for Android
@Waspito Murrrrrica.... Happy Thanksgiving to you, Veronica and fam!
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
Thursday, November 28, 2013 5:18:23 PMTwitter for Android
The fuck gave my uncle the remote? Why is this PBS shit on instead of football? http://t.co/zPONFaXrzV Thursday, November 28, 2013 5:17:49 PMTwitter for Android
My lock screen tho #sex #boobies http://t.co/1kGtyoXZ0S Wednesday, November 27, 2013 5:51:06 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DadBoner: Really lookin' forward to 'Ving, you guys. Wednesday, November 27, 2013 5:45:11 PMTwitter for Android
A legit tortoise just popped a squat on the train next to me. #thefuck Wednesday, November 27, 2013 5:42:36 PMTwitter for Android
What kind of fuckin asshole picks the stall next to you in the shitter when the end one's open? (Jeans, dirty white Nikes w/ a red swoosh) Wednesday, November 27, 2013 2:39:37 PMTwitter for Android
Did I break my integration? Wednesday, November 27, 2013 3:28:59 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu o shit. Didn't realize this. I will now animate axelrod going to town on the ladies.
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Tuesday, November 26, 2013 7:19:28 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu understood. I've found no easy way besides online tools to make gifs. Adobe included imagready w/ Photoshop cs2, but discontinued it
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Tuesday, November 26, 2013 7:12:23 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Flash is so 2003
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Tuesday, November 26, 2013 7:00:06 PMTwitter for Android
I need a puppy Monday, November 25, 2013 8:22:20 PMTwitter for Android
How am I actually supposed to get work done if fucking people stand at my desk and ask questions or chat all day? Monday, November 25, 2013 11:59:45 AMTwitter for Android
The guy horizontal, taking up an entire bench on a rush hour subway train deserves no less than a bullet in his head. Fucking waste of life. Monday, November 25, 2013 9:05:27 AMTwitter for Android
Its Monday, which is the worst day of the week because I get to see that fuckin asshole McGivern at that shithole today. Monday, November 25, 2013 7:47:03 AMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da Giants Sunday, November 24, 2013 7:40:56 PMTwitter for Android
That's some bullshit Sunday, November 24, 2013 7:40:23 PMTwitter for Android
Train engineer/driver is obviously an amateur hour. Guy did a slip/slide and ground down/locked the wheels Sunday, November 24, 2013 2:26:36 AMTwitter for Android
2.5 hours in/Drunk train home: Happy birthday @mich_amore Sunday, November 24, 2013 2:24:59 AMTwitter for Android
I wish this middle aged dude would stop making jerking off motions with his hand. Sunday, November 24, 2013 2:13:40 AMTwitter for Android
My tab tonight can completely suck my dick Sunday, November 24, 2013 2:09:18 AMTwitter for Android
Last train home is soooooo funny. Haven't taken this shit in years Sunday, November 24, 2013 1:58:28 AMTwitter for Android
Google's "I'm feelin' lucky radio" mix is top notch right now. Friday, November 22, 2013 8:41:59 PMTwitter for Android
Stein: "I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it" Thursday, November 21, 2013 10:37:09 PMTwitter for Android
RT @stoolpresidente: The dude at best buy who sold me this Windows 8 computer is a felon Thursday, November 21, 2013 8:02:59 PMTwitter for Android
Then they wonder why I hit the bottle #booker Wednesday, November 20, 2013 6:43:55 PMTwitter for Android
Dibs on a bar called "The Stiff Cheese" Fuckin baller name if I say so myself Tuesday, November 19, 2013 10:55:14 PMTwitter for Android
That's a damn good pickle Tuesday, November 19, 2013 10:46:51 PMTwitter for Android
I could go for a sausage and peppers right now. Tuesday, November 19, 2013 10:38:07 PMTwitter for Android
Joe Stein is 100% awesome. Tuesday, November 19, 2013 3:00:23 PMTwitter for Android
Guy who replaced Barry talks 3mph and sounds like a jackass and his trains are continuously late. Fucking reject Tuesday, November 19, 2013 7:42:12 AMTwitter for Android
Itching for Kit Kat on my Moto X. Beta should be going out today Monday, November 18, 2013 7:37:14 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking MTA can't even tell me what track my cocksucking train is on, so I have to stand in front of the board like an asshole Monday, November 18, 2013 6:55:05 PMTwitter for Android
The best reflux medicine is..... ???? Saturday, November 16, 2013 10:45:50 PMTwitter for Android
This gentleman makes a mean Tom Collins. Guy at my cousin's wedding made it like ass. Saturday, November 16, 2013 10:07:47 PMTwitter for Android
The salad and the cider Saturday, November 16, 2013 10:59:31 AMTwitter for Android
RT @KFCBarstool: If you're a girl and you chop your hair off you are dumb. Plain and simple. Long hair is ALWAYS better than short. Friday, November 15, 2013 4:09:48 PMTwitter for Android
Pulled the recovery again. Hahahha. I'm such a weak ass. Aka I refuse to yak on the streets of Manhattan Thursday, November 14, 2013 9:15:19 PMTwitter for Android
Sorry Edgar. I'm too white to rap Biggie at an Irish pub with sunglasses in front of an Asian Thursday, November 14, 2013 8:52:02 PMTwitter for Android