9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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TweetDateSource
Overheard at the bar: "I would stab a guy in the face to eat that girl's asshole" Friday, January 10, 2014 12:15:23 AMTwitter for Android
Cheers to the old dude at McFadden's frat ass bat Thursday, January 09, 2014 11:47:15 PMTwitter for Android
Ryanne is bartending tonight. I'm getting wasted Thursday, January 09, 2014 11:43:13 PMTwitter for Android
Santino is awesome Thursday, January 09, 2014 11:17:59 PMTwitter for Android
My job is LITERALLY shitty. Can't even poop here. I tried both floors and all stalls are maxed out. #dafuq Thursday, January 09, 2014 3:26:33 PMTwitter for Android
This old bitch smells like crusted piss Thursday, January 09, 2014 8:51:59 AMTwitter for Android
Omg. I've forgotten how much dick it sucks to commute from Westchester Thursday, January 09, 2014 8:50:47 AMTwitter for Android
Bitch get yourself checked out Thursday, January 09, 2014 8:44:20 AMTwitter for Android
Motherfuckers need to stop coughing on this train. It's like I'm in a TB ward Thursday, January 09, 2014 8:39:02 AMTwitter for Android
I've got a cray Monday, January 06, 2014 10:01:03 PMTwitter for Android
Incorrect tweet of 2014: "I'll cut you some slack. You bleed three out of four weeks every month. Wait... I reversed that..." Monday, January 06, 2014 9:58:26 PMTwitter for Android
I want-a the mortadella sliced a thin-a Sunday, January 05, 2014 7:46:49 PMTwitter for Android
This little old Italian lady/ deli guy interaction would make for Oscar winning television. I'm cracking up Sunday, January 05, 2014 7:46:09 PMTwitter for Android
A woman just ordered half white and half yellow american cheese at the deli. Isn't it the same shit and just dyed? Sunday, January 05, 2014 7:42:16 PMTwitter for Android
DAT ass Sunday, January 05, 2014 7:04:57 PMTwitter for Android
*aisle
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Sunday, January 05, 2014 12:43:22 AMTwitter for Android
"My mom's gonna be my maid of honor, Jeff's walking me down the isle and you gays are gonna be my bridesmaids" Sunday, January 05, 2014 12:23:24 AMTwitter for Android
For the record, we were talking about a rich Middle Eastern guy and I said that he had that A-Rab money. Oops @MalJNew
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Saturday, January 04, 2014 8:34:25 PMTwitter for Android
The computerized text to speech engine they use at Phoenix Sky Harbor is the same one that is used for Stephen Hawking on Family Guy Saturday, January 04, 2014 12:49:10 PMTwitter for Android
"Yo they look like they're related or some shit... Oh wait, we're watching Family Feud." -@portfolioso Saturday, January 04, 2014 2:08:19 AMTwitter for Android
Trying to play the slots ya fuckin homewrecker. #PokemonSilver #SlutLiz hitting me up all noche http://t.co/jEC5gSZ9jQ Saturday, January 04, 2014 1:47:36 AMTwitter for Android
Took two shits in time of peace and two in time of war. I took two shits before I took two shits, and then I took two more Friday, January 03, 2014 9:10:08 PMTwitter for Android
Took two shits in the mornin. Took two shits at night. Took two shits in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright Friday, January 03, 2014 9:09:18 PMTwitter for Android
Liz you slut. Stop calling me for the D.... http://t.co/RuhZxdWUHf Friday, January 03, 2014 8:36:00 PMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: I'm going to a couples game night tonight. Remember that when you are trying to fuck a rando tonight. Friday, January 03, 2014 6:53:34 PMTwitter for Android
@tomwcleary Everyone is always in a contract dispute with Cablevision. Since 2002 with the Yankees.... They never want to pay...
In reply to @tomwcleary's tweet
Friday, January 03, 2014 6:53:13 PMTwitter for Android
Which one looks cooler? http://t.co/4wIzc1cTdD Friday, January 03, 2014 3:30:25 AMTwitter for Android
Enjoyyyyyyyyy to everyone in NY with the snow and 0 degree weather. I'm in a fly hot tub looking at the stars. Friday, January 03, 2014 12:50:26 AMTwitter for Android
My beard is excellent Thursday, January 02, 2014 2:48:28 PMTwitter for Android
Peaches and cream
I need it cause you know that I'm a fiend
http://t.co/LvmjSjtW09 		Wednesday, January 01, 2014 11:44:42 PMTwitter for Android
The best detox is retox Wednesday, January 01, 2014 10:57:07 PMTwitter for Android
Hos and Peace http://t.co/YfbyBmm2z7 Wednesday, January 01, 2014 8:16:38 PMTwitter for Android
Just ordered a rack of ribs #fattie Wednesday, January 01, 2014 7:22:45 PMTwitter for Android
This Michelle champagne tastes like assholes Wednesday, January 01, 2014 6:27:36 PMTwitter for Android
You rat muddafucka you Wednesday, January 01, 2014 1:10:22 AMTwitter for Android
10 mins to all my east coast crackers. I got a couple of extra hours in the 2013 this year Tuesday, December 31, 2013 11:52:50 PMTwitter for Android
Oh Jorge, I'm very disappointed in your test scores. Is everything alright at home? Monday, December 30, 2013 6:52:46 PMTwitter for Android
These motherfuckers need to get their shit together with these server alerts and instability while I'm away. Monday, December 30, 2013 3:45:32 PMTwitter for Android
John P. Egg sangwich. Noms Sunday, December 29, 2013 10:09:57 AMTwitter for Android
Man with his flaming fire has conquered the wayward breezes Sunday, December 29, 2013 9:05:16 AMTwitter for Android
@Waspito how does one accidentally 6 shots of vodka?
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
Saturday, December 28, 2013 10:33:53 PMTwitter for Android
These apple pies are knocking me on my ass. Saturday, December 28, 2013 6:45:59 PMTwitter for Android
Its time for apple pies! Saturday, December 28, 2013 6:10:21 PMTwitter for Android
"I got about 1300 rounds of ammo" Saturday, December 28, 2013 4:54:54 PMTwitter for Android
Is it acceptable to live tweet a mass? I kinda wanna get cray and commentate... Saturday, December 28, 2013 12:05:13 AMTwitter for Android
"When I was trippin' one time, I was drivin'" Friday, December 27, 2013 11:43:15 PMTwitter for Android
I tell the judge I'm 63, fuck them. Friday, December 27, 2013 11:39:50 PMTwitter for Android
John P: "Once I took acid fugheddabouddit. I took acid every day after that" Friday, December 27, 2013 11:18:59 PMTwitter for Android
"Back in 1971..." Lol Friday, December 27, 2013 11:13:15 PMTwitter for Android
Told the TSA guy I had a bottle of dihydrogen monoxide on my person and he freaked out. Dumbass Friday, December 27, 2013 12:18:50 PMTwitter for Android
The fam basically pulled #MailTime on Christmas dinner. Just didn't give a fuck Friday, December 27, 2013 12:49:12 AMTwitter for Android
Absolute horse shit meal served to me this Christmas. Ranks as one of the worst Christmas dinners in 25 years. Leftover fuckin leather veal. Thursday, December 26, 2013 10:05:45 PMTwitter for Android
Best. Workday. Ever. #Shiner http://t.co/hQkjRg0mY3 Thursday, December 26, 2013 2:52:55 PMTwitter for Android
I can spot a bad bitch from a mile away. My slutdar is top notch. Thursday, December 26, 2013 1:00:24 AMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. Wednesday, December 25, 2013 11:36:45 AMTwitter for Android
As a Christmas present, I present to you all the infamous Loyola Commons roof fromble: https://t.co/BV0Xefuz8S Wednesday, December 25, 2013 11:29:11 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu omg I need to put that on YouTube
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Tuesday, December 24, 2013 11:33:56 PMTwitter for Android
I was watching old college drunken videos and pops laughed for 30secs when someone said "don't drink and drive when you can smoke and fly" Tuesday, December 24, 2013 11:13:24 PMTwitter for Android
Watching Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too like a boss. Tuesday, December 24, 2013 5:23:03 PMTwitter for Android
My dad is so obsessed with the Sopranos he legit downloaded Tony Soprano's cell phone ringtone Tuesday, December 24, 2013 1:11:32 PMTwitter for Android
When I get a dog, his or her name is going to either be Baller or Dawg Monday, December 23, 2013 1:31:36 PMTwitter for Android
RT @H9RBSjs: If I see a URL with "index2.html", there's no way I'm leaving that website without trying "index.html". Monday, December 23, 2013 11:48:02 AMTwitter for Android
58 minute "express" train should've been 32 minutes. #MTA #Awesome Monday, December 23, 2013 8:59:19 AMTwitter for Android
Baby on the train: shut the fuck up Saturday, December 21, 2013 5:04:06 PMTwitter for Android
@Colithika hope it snows when I'm there. If not whatever
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
Saturday, December 21, 2013 1:36:20 PMTwitter for Android
Happy winter! (PS, why is it 60 degrees!?) Saturday, December 21, 2013 12:32:23 PMTwitter for Android
Apparently, I don't like when people talk too much. I should practice what I preach: http://t.co/Dx6X4XCaNS Saturday, December 21, 2013 3:01:20 AMTwitter for Android
The YouTube mobile app is a piece of shit. Uploaded a video I took normally (not vertical) uploaded it on my phone, and it uploaded vertical Saturday, December 21, 2013 2:46:02 AMTwitter for Android
Wow. I thought grand central was bad? Penn sucks a dick Friday, December 20, 2013 5:59:23 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin Penn Station is hot as balls Friday, December 20, 2013 5:51:05 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Bob Johnson, owner of eatadick .info 1075 N. Benson Rd. Hahahhahaha
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Friday, December 20, 2013 5:14:30 PMTwitter for Android
This dude Gabe is SO annoying. He knows it all. He'll overhear you talking, chime in and his way is better. #fuckoff Friday, December 20, 2013 12:38:44 PMTwitter for Android
This season of Mob Wives is out if control. Hilarious. PS - Drita's the shit Thursday, December 19, 2013 11:30:01 PMTwitter for Android
@smstemp taught my grandma about her phone once. Had to explain to her what a sext was after she got some random pic messages #awkward
In reply to @smstemp's tweet
Wednesday, December 18, 2013 8:46:43 PMTwitter for Android
Cya Astoria Tuesday, December 17, 2013 10:03:42 PMTwitter for Android
McGivern is ripping me a new asshole because I was unprepared to roll back and our SLA got fucked. #whoops Tuesday, December 17, 2013 4:22:06 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu no because I'm leaving this shithole in a year or so and then I'll be okay
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Monday, December 16, 2013 10:34:10 AMTwitter for Android
It's bullshit that our snowstorm turned to rain. It's like 28 degrees.. Gonna be icy as a motherfucker out there... Sunday, December 15, 2013 2:16:54 AMTwitter for Android
The degenerate family returned... Wonderful Sunday, December 15, 2013 2:09:48 AMTwitter for Android
So Kevin cleaned up all those booby traps and shit in one evening? Sunday, December 15, 2013 2:08:48 AMTwitter for Android
Awww snow on Christmas morning. I need that shit. Sunday, December 15, 2013 2:07:09 AMTwitter for Android
Ya don't kill a tarantula with a crowbar ya dumbass Sunday, December 15, 2013 2:00:30 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew would react worse than Marv if I put a tarantula on her face. Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:59:36 AMTwitter for Android
yo Marv... Hope you have your tetanus shot... That nail to the foot is out of control... Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:55:42 AMTwitter for Android
No offense but aren't you a little to old to be afraid? Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:45:00 AMTwitter for Android
Santa... Your car's a piece of shit... Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:39:36 AMTwitter for Android
Yeah. Just hitchhike with a random ass polka band dude. Sounds legit Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:33:27 AMTwitter for Android
I'm gonna give ya to the count of 10 to get ya ugly, yella, no good keister off my property. Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:30:29 AMTwitter for Android
All those groceries were only $18.83? Shit. Bring me back to 1990 Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:27:18 AMTwitter for Android
I GOTTA watch that mob movie. Shame it's not real. I'd probably like it better than Casino. Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:23:27 AMTwitter for Android
Buzz's 3 reasons... A, 2 and D... Dumbass Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:21:24 AMTwitter for Android
You guys come back, I'll be ready! Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:18:22 AMTwitter for Android
Herb?! Is this toothbrush ADA approved? Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:14:35 AMTwitter for Android
Grow a pair Kevin. I know you're 7 but aftershave doesn't burn that bad. Also, way to fuck up Buzz's shelves. Guy deserved it. Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:10:30 AMTwitter for Android
Smart kid, Kevin... You can't trust the fuckin PO-lice. I wouldn't answer the door either. Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:08:12 AMTwitter for Android
Crisis intervention cop is such a douchebag.. Keep eating that donut bro. Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:06:47 AMTwitter for Android
My boys dad down the block was a landscaper and had that same blue Dodge Ram. Such a sketch vehicle. Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:03:12 AMTwitter for Android
I wish I could sled ride down my stairs, out my front door and onto my lawn too! So tight! Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:00:35 AMTwitter for Android
1, 2, 10! Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:57:55 AMTwitter for Android
RT @nyJULZmd Buzz! Your girlfriend.. woof! Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:57:19 AMTwitter for Android