Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



5975 tweets posted from Twitter Web Client
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only in fuckin eastchester do you have landscapers that uses 5 leaf blowers at a time. shut the fuck up outside. trying to sleep Saturday, April 01, 2017 3:46:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Our database since 11AM: https://t.co/7rDbsItxMW Friday, March 31, 2017 3:18:10 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck coal. idiot. https://t.co/XoWPezPYmN Friday, March 31, 2017 11:17:18 AMTwitter Web Client
The EPA people should bathe in it then https://t.co/rRLXbe4X0p Thursday, March 30, 2017 8:13:52 PMTwitter Web Client
Amazing how ignorant these people are saying this shit is safe. Enjoy your cancer https://t.co/yfApxyLRDB Thursday, March 30, 2017 8:13:30 PMTwitter Web Client
This tachy shit's gotta stop. Can't have my heart rate at 117 just from standing up Thursday, March 30, 2017 1:14:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Nowwwww the hangover's kicking in Thursday, March 30, 2017 12:32:46 PMTwitter Web Client
my heart rate is through the roof according to my fitbit. need the cardiac icu and IV fluids Thursday, March 30, 2017 12:19:53 PMTwitter Web Client
In my infinite wisdom, just told the IT guy "the good will be good, the bad will be bad" and "water is wet" Thursday, March 30, 2017 10:41:08 AMTwitter Web Client
I blew a .19 at 9AM Thursday, March 30, 2017 10:20:05 AMTwitter Web Client
My boss just asked me how many fingers he was holding up. smh Thursday, March 30, 2017 10:08:28 AMTwitter Web Client
why are my socks wet? Thursday, March 30, 2017 8:13:46 AMTwitter Web Client
Always a bad sign waking up on Vinny's couch not knowing what the actual fuck happened Thursday, March 30, 2017 8:08:25 AMTwitter Web Client
it's 8am and i'm hammered drunk right now wtf Thursday, March 30, 2017 8:05:07 AMTwitter Web Client
Last night was worse than my bachelor party Thursday, March 30, 2017 8:03:56 AMTwitter Web Client
What the actual fuck happened last night? Thursday, March 30, 2017 8:03:34 AMTwitter Web Client
Great administration we've got going on here. Your ISPs can now sell your data and the environment has been cuncelled. Wednesday, March 29, 2017 9:33:00 AMTwitter Web Client
The crazy Russian bastards I work with are trying to get me to go to a Russian bath house in deep Brooklyn aka Russia 2.0 and I'm scared Tuesday, March 28, 2017 12:44:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Client is setting me up an account with their host. When you call support, they ask a security question. Making all of them uncomfortable https://t.co/cfyli8vN2x Monday, March 27, 2017 4:52:07 PMTwitter Web Client
this place sucks a cock Monday, March 27, 2017 2:51:41 PMTwitter Web Client
We've got a QA team that's testing code compiled from a deleted git branch. They have no fuckin idea what they're even testing. Ops prob tho Monday, March 27, 2017 12:26:25 PMTwitter Web Client
I walked into the office for the first time in 2 months and I'm about to get on a plane right back to Columbus Monday, March 27, 2017 12:24:15 PMTwitter Web Client
status: https://t.co/wQ2JY36BDa Monday, March 27, 2017 11:52:52 AMTwitter Web Client
i'm losing all my motherfuckin money Monday, March 27, 2017 11:36:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Someone get our CTO on suicide watch after our uptime dropped to 99.6 this weekend Monday, March 27, 2017 10:19:25 AMTwitter Web Client
Off tomorrow, then it's the bachelor party. Shit's gon' be cray. I'm already a cray on normal days... Thursday, March 23, 2017 6:58:18 PMTwitter Web Client
CVS stopped selling cigarettes 2 yrs ago; correlate it to immortality

(source: https://t.co/fWQ3eDLvo4) https://t.co/ntzmJx00PE 		Tuesday, March 21, 2017 10:27:38 AMTwitter Web Client
buncha fuckin morons running this bitch. Merica Tuesday, March 21, 2017 9:31:43 AMTwitter Web Client
This is fucking stupid. So if the tablet/laptop is a timebomb, it'll be safer in the checked area than the cabin? https://t.co/2MUqILasvc Tuesday, March 21, 2017 9:31:27 AMTwitter Web Client
You have Siri, Alexa, Google Assistant and to a lesser extent, Cortana, all with huge user bases. Don't need another shitty one in the mix https://t.co/hXTJLCb45M Monday, March 20, 2017 2:16:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Fucking hate Samsung... Why can't they just implement Google Assistant? Ruining the stock Android experience
https://t.co/d3v9wdjJ5x 		Monday, March 20, 2017 2:14:16 PMTwitter Web Client
My advice to a bitch ass client this fine AM https://t.co/tNTrI9Hlq6 Monday, March 20, 2017 9:35:44 AMTwitter Web Client
We need to got back to the days where Will Smith is rapping about CD Roms again Friday, March 17, 2017 10:24:30 AMTwitter Web Client
Luna's spread eagle and there's absolutely absurd dialogue on Netflix in the background https://t.co/aqLCIGDYxg Monday, March 13, 2017 5:20:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin Time Warner/Charter Spectrum transition. Billin portal's broken af... The ONE invoice I need for my expense report is not available Wednesday, March 08, 2017 11:45:27 PMTwitter Web Client
Found really old screenshots of old text messages. I beat the Biebs to the whole dick area thing by 7 years... https://t.co/JPPAxm5bY4 Wednesday, March 08, 2017 1:02:41 PMTwitter Web Client
#AbusersList throwback from '08. They're so damn dramatic, relax guys. Came back from class one day to this: https://t.co/OeLdF5ZXpC Wednesday, March 08, 2017 1:00:14 PMTwitter Web Client
@thomaswood @AmericanAir @British_Airways 'Merica Stinks! Monday, March 06, 2017 5:24:55 PMTwitter Web Client
But Trump promised me there would be more 'Murrican jobs! 😡https://t.co/ITpgpjbr2D Monday, March 06, 2017 5:23:53 PMTwitter Web Client
Back with another one of those block rockin' beats Monday, March 06, 2017 5:12:10 PMTwitter Web Client
And I have to go to piece of shit work tomorrow Monday, March 06, 2017 1:16:30 AMTwitter Web Client
I'll be in a bad mood for a while Monday, March 06, 2017 1:01:05 AMTwitter Web Client
This is the first smartphone screen I shattered... And I was stone cold sober. Sunday, March 05, 2017 5:12:00 PMTwitter Web Client
I just dropped my fucking phone flat on its fucking screen on concrete and now it doesn't work at all. It made it 1.5 years I guess Sunday, March 05, 2017 4:26:34 PMTwitter Web Client
@Windows Why does my key repeat rate keep changing to be slow. Also, the setting in the control panel is busted https://t.co/x9YGcZw4Kt Thursday, March 02, 2017 10:13:25 AMTwitter Web Client
Windows 10 sucks a cock because of its slow assed key repeat rate. Drives me up the wall. https://t.co/x9YGcZNFC1 Thursday, March 02, 2017 10:11:29 AMTwitter Web Client
Picked up a Gronk Monster energy at the gas station because Gronk is bro af. It markets itself. Tuesday, February 28, 2017 5:39:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Also, the fiancée was NOT pleased with me. She was in the middle of picking out her wedding shoes; I was laughing at a Bieber dick tweet Friday, February 24, 2017 1:14:06 PMTwitter Web Client
I am not proud of the fact that I [soberly] laughed at the Biebs tweeting about his dick area for 5 mins.. Friday, February 24, 2017 1:07:43 PMTwitter Web Client
I legit laughed at "dick area" for 5 minutes straight https://t.co/dguzTXFOP0 Friday, February 24, 2017 1:04:46 PMTwitter Web Client
When one of the fly assed devs sends you mah-ninja.jpg ❤ https://t.co/SpnfyvPDFf Friday, February 24, 2017 12:56:56 PMTwitter Web Client
I've got the director of architecture telling me that my #1 priority is to implement some shit that was just a PoC that only one dev knows Tuesday, February 21, 2017 12:42:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Realll productive working on those wedding invite address labels rn: https://t.co/c6dNra6zBH Tuesday, February 21, 2017 12:48:25 AMTwitter Web Client
Aliens!

https://t.co/M1y1NarhrZ 		Monday, February 20, 2017 10:21:14 PMTwitter Web Client
PLAY AT FULL VOLUME FOR MAXIMUM AWESOME: https://t.co/y6kyXAhtZz Thursday, February 16, 2017 11:38:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Today's the followup meeting with the CTO. Have to defend an outage I "caused" during scheduled maintenance

#GTFO & https://t.co/JSsw28MRhE 		Wednesday, February 15, 2017 10:06:21 AMTwitter Web Client
Do your own fuckin maintenance next time. https://t.co/vTK9ZeYAtI Monday, February 13, 2017 11:03:53 AMTwitter Web Client
CTO just freaked the fuck out on me because I had our app offline during the entire PLANNED maintenance window and not just a part of it Monday, February 13, 2017 11:03:38 AMTwitter Web Client
The only way Goodell doesn't kill himself from all the massholes hating on him is if he's as delusional as Trump is #eveyonewhodisagreeslies Tuesday, February 07, 2017 2:18:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Just came across https://t.co/zTAArVMzSi and haven't heard that since my middle school bus driver used to blast HOT 97 in the mornings Tuesday, February 07, 2017 12:33:30 PMTwitter Web Client
One of the architect leads just walked off this call and no one knows where he is or what to do Tuesday, February 07, 2017 11:50:25 AMTwitter Web Client
@Fantasy_Mania Presidente? https://t.co/0RlOdalCjs Friday, February 03, 2017 5:58:53 PMTwitter Web Client
Um. Crushed it. Thursday, January 26, 2017 5:47:24 PMTwitter Web Client
This is useless to me if I cannot import it to Excel. When I copy paste, it cannot determine columns. Thanks a lot @BankofAmerica https://t.co/voWyGcaQCb Thursday, January 26, 2017 4:26:20 PMTwitter Web Client
If You Think Rain Is Better Than Snow Then You’re An Idiot And A Fool And An Idiot https://t.co/cITTbQlD82 #entertainment #feedly Thursday, January 26, 2017 1:54:16 PMTwitter Web Client
Faux News... Because Trump himself is fully responsible for the stock market's performance in his first 5 days.

#herpderp https://t.co/klve34hdPj 		Wednesday, January 25, 2017 11:56:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Office building needs to lower the fucking heat. It's a waste of energy and it's like 95 in here. Tuesday, January 24, 2017 9:42:06 AMTwitter Web Client
Hey @verizonfios It's 2017. Y U NO have IPv6 yet? There's an option for it in the router, but it doesn't work. Even shitty Spectrum has it. Tuesday, January 24, 2017 12:16:35 AMTwitter Web Client
When you have to wake up at 2AM to uncomment a line in a config file Monday, January 23, 2017 5:37:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Russian hackers https://t.co/KZAJoSUWnV Monday, January 23, 2017 4:33:53 PMTwitter Web Client
Makes 0 sense why my Bluetooth headset has mad interference when I'm disconnected from WiFi, but works perfectly when I'm connected... Monday, January 23, 2017 4:33:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Or it's probably the fact that I'm just crazy and intimidating AF Monday, January 23, 2017 12:43:47 PMTwitter Web Client
Psych 101: It's easier for me to say no via chat than in person. It's common sense. Of course I'm a nice guy so this is a non issue anyway https://t.co/YI0k4EoNll Monday, January 23, 2017 12:43:16 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm in the office. Dude walks past my desk but doesn't stop by to chat. Then slacks me to trade conference rooms. What a pussy assed bitch Monday, January 23, 2017 12:36:55 PMTwitter Web Client
This dude is spot on: https://t.co/KNL85KD2U5

#thefuckingsubway 		Sunday, January 22, 2017 11:27:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Things I just learned about Mad Season:

1) Layne did the album art
2) Mad Season is a British term for when magic mushrooms are in bloom 		Sunday, January 22, 2017 1:52:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Cuncel America Saturday, January 21, 2017 4:21:15 PMTwitter Web Client
This crazy Japanese dude just spent $632,000 on a tuna fish. Comes out to $1356/lb to break even. Flat out nuts https://t.co/tU4f9zl4uB Thursday, January 05, 2017 2:47:06 PMTwitter Web Client
'Merica is dummmmmmmmmmmm https://t.co/CqT5yfC6MW Wednesday, January 04, 2017 10:48:54 AMTwitter Web Client
Coast is clear. Phew. Wednesday, December 28, 2016 12:56:04 AMTwitter Web Client
I almost tagged Mal's ass as "boom boom" on Facebook but good thing I stopped myself because her mom posted the photo #nicesave Saturday, December 24, 2016 12:29:09 AMTwitter Web Client
Blew a .09 and figured out some crazy complicated devops shit. Not good enough to drive but good enough to devops I guess.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 		Tuesday, December 20, 2016 5:10:05 PMTwitter Web Client
I need a goddamn snack https://t.co/qWsbXhO6WC Tuesday, December 20, 2016 3:38:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin this is the problem when you've got bartender friends at an Irish place Tuesday, December 20, 2016 3:31:38 PMTwitter Web Client
Christ. I might be slurring a little Tuesday, December 20, 2016 3:31:03 PMTwitter Web Client
GTF outta here. Legit crying right now https://t.co/cVPm0iTnb0 Tuesday, December 20, 2016 1:37:37 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm on a fucking rampage in this office. Not only is everyone an ignoramus, but fuckin crackheads can come up with better architecture Monday, December 19, 2016 3:29:25 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't understand how it's possible for people to be SO smelly first thing in the morning. Like fucking wash yourselves... Monday, December 19, 2016 12:10:00 PMTwitter Web Client
@thomaswood @NYGovCuomo New York is fucking stupid, and this is why I moved away. Shit infrastructure, and wasted money
In reply to @thomaswood's tweet
 Monday, December 19, 2016 11:25:49 AMTwitter Web Client
Yo @reddit you fucking cocksucker. Spent 2 hours writing a post and no one told me checking this box would reload the page & lose everything https://t.co/yvoVrEp0J6 Monday, December 19, 2016 11:24:44 AMTwitter Web Client
He saw that when he was of anger
Or knew hurt
Or felt fear,
It was because he was not understanding. 		Friday, December 16, 2016 6:19:00 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm efficient as fuck at work. Fuck off 90% of the time, yet still accomplish mad DevOps eliteness. More that other dumbs Friday, December 16, 2016 5:05:35 PMTwitter Web Client
Dat Thickfreakness... Lotsa plays. Love me some thick freaksssssss https://t.co/1diyEClbEb Friday, December 16, 2016 4:58:56 PMTwitter Web Client
Guess I'll be a man of my word and go home in protest of our idiotic architecture decisions https://t.co/bqf7QH3XnG Friday, December 16, 2016 2:18:21 PMTwitter Web Client
I'd do ridiculous things to go back in time and be here: https://t.co/zESp8BZRvJ Thursday, December 15, 2016 2:41:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Visual Studio is updating, so I have ample time to poop

💩💩💩 		Thursday, December 15, 2016 2:01:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Fusilli Emiliana for breakfast Thursday, December 15, 2016 10:06:14 AMTwitter Web Client
OMG @nest is down you guys Tuesday, December 13, 2016 11:21:36 AMTwitter Web Client
I only tweet a lot when I'm in NY because when I'm in NY everything fuckin pisses me off. Monday, December 12, 2016 4:41:33 PMTwitter Web Client
Now everything is perfect again. Fuck IT policy. Only assholes get viruses. https://t.co/uIHnfdeSiL Monday, December 12, 2016 4:30:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin Antivirus and IT policy management software made my CPU 100% after installing Windows updates and I uninstalled the FUCK out of them Monday, December 12, 2016 4:29:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Neil Young still makes good fuckin albums. In 2016. I blame drugs Monday, December 12, 2016 4:06:13 PMTwitter Web Client
Going to be at my parents until the 27th. Someone hook a brother up with xanax so I don't lose my goddamn mind Saturday, December 10, 2016 8:22:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Mmmm fusion reactors that run on water and its only byproduct is helium, which there's a shortae of anyway. Need: https://t.co/pyrsfiZPqC Friday, December 09, 2016 4:34:30 PMTwitter Web Client
Yo @MetroNorth fix ya crappy 90s looking website and make your schedules work https://t.co/Hpzl0Ay72v Wednesday, December 07, 2016 12:34:36 PMTwitter Web Client
Working on a production issue since 7:30 AM and it's because Golang was being a finicky cocksucker with the config file. Tuesday, December 06, 2016 5:55:26 PMTwitter Web Client
@KFCBarstool @BrendanClancy It's literally the easiest thing. Just claim ownership and add an RSS feed: https://t.co/OEJOt01o13
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
 Friday, December 02, 2016 11:57:33 AMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Scrape all the data and make a visualization
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Friday, December 02, 2016 11:29:56 AMTwitter Web Client
Scripting on Azure https://t.co/1h008q8Yaj Friday, December 02, 2016 10:26:31 AMTwitter Web Client
@KFCBarstool All you do is add the feed to Google and never touch it again
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
 Friday, December 02, 2016 10:00:46 AMTwitter Web Client
@KFCBarstool Could you add the episodes to Google Play podcasts like @BarstoolJJ does? @WhineWithKelly also used to do it but stopped
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
 Friday, December 02, 2016 10:00:20 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm going to punch everyone who works on Azure in the face because it's infuriating as fuck to manage. PowerShell commandlets RARELY work Thursday, December 01, 2016 4:02:31 PMTwitter Web Client
#dicksout for @__JLu's birthday Wednesday, November 30, 2016 4:28:03 PMTwitter Web Client
My job is basically me attempting to use broken Azure Powershell bullshit and yelling at Microsoft about it on their forums. Wednesday, November 23, 2016 12:50:27 PMTwitter Web Client
Stop installing this shit on my laptop via policy to eat my CPU cycles https://t.co/CVOAoa2iZG Wednesday, November 23, 2016 10:22:10 AMTwitter Web Client
Can't get my Nest Working with the Amazon Echo. Amazon's integrations are all convoluted.

Alexa, order me a Google Home! 		Tuesday, November 22, 2016 10:39:10 AMTwitter Web Client
Got woken up for oncall. Had to call a DBA in Russia to fix it. She didn't do anything and it magically started working. PLACE FUCKS WITH ME Tuesday, November 22, 2016 4:19:10 AMTwitter Web Client
One day I won't be the Cleveland Browns of bowling https://t.co/HEtq9StX3H Monday, November 21, 2016 9:37:52 PMTwitter Web Client
The @MTA is a piece of shit. Since when do @MetroNorth tickets expire in 2 months? They used to be good for a year. And that $10 refund fee Monday, November 21, 2016 10:58:29 AMTwitter Web Client
I see Mike Pence has a good track record with technology so far 😧
Indiana can't interwebz very well, you guys https://t.co/4Ishg8WUzi 		Wednesday, November 16, 2016 3:26:25 PMTwitter Web Client
I wonder what this tastes like https://t.co/by6uGRsm99 Thursday, November 10, 2016 2:14:37 PMTwitter Web Client
This is my puppy right now. My puppy is literally a Chain Chomp https://t.co/1ijHoPXjr4 Wednesday, November 09, 2016 1:43:27 PMTwitter Web Client
And then /leave Wednesday, November 09, 2016 12:14:30 AMTwitter Web Client
Is it rude to say "Everything you urgently needed me to fix at 6 was fake and it's all good. Good day." at 12am in my work slack after margs Wednesday, November 09, 2016 12:13:57 AMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin idiots. Cried wolf when I was trying to leave and I checked and everything's fine... Wednesday, November 09, 2016 12:11:02 AMTwitter Web Client
CIVIL WAR. We should just split America into redneck idiots and civilized people. Wednesday, November 09, 2016 12:01:03 AMTwitter Web Client
Which idiot is winning the election match?

Hopefully the less batshit crazy one. 		Tuesday, November 08, 2016 11:40:36 PMTwitter Web Client
This is how I answer tickets now... https://t.co/4B9K1LG3xh Tuesday, November 08, 2016 11:39:22 PMTwitter Web Client
Started binge watching House. My conclusion? I'm the IT version of Dr. House and my team's a bunch of IDIOTS. Tuesday, November 08, 2016 11:09:11 PMTwitter Web Client
It's 2016. If you still use a SOAP API, you're an asshole. Fuckin shit is so clunky and repetitive it's not even funny Tuesday, November 08, 2016 4:50:19 PMTwitter Web Client
I can fix anything, cunts Wednesday, November 02, 2016 1:29:34 AMTwitter Web Client
VSTS is a finicky cocksucker that has absolute horseshit documentation Wednesday, November 02, 2016 1:20:05 AMTwitter Web Client
How do you wipe your ass when you poop? Monday, October 31, 2016 1:04:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Since when did Bill Gates get decrepit AF? Guy should be able to buy himself youth https://t.co/kQj1OSeAcB Tuesday, October 25, 2016 9:32:44 AMTwitter Web Client
My 4:30 "30 minute" call is still going on a Friday afternoon. No one knows what the fuck they're doing and I want to jump off a cliff Friday, October 21, 2016 5:39:39 PMTwitter Web Client
I fucking hate cocksucking piece of shit Microsoft Azure. Absolute garbage to manage Friday, October 21, 2016 11:39:55 AMTwitter Web Client
Yo @googlechrome: Fix ya Canary Windows x64 build. It crashes within seconds of launching. Friday, October 21, 2016 11:03:28 AMTwitter Web Client
@KFCBarstool Look how filthy the NYC subway is. Absolute grimefest
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
 Thursday, October 20, 2016 5:16:39 PMTwitter Web Client
This 80 degree weather at the end of October is a bunch of horse shit Tuesday, October 18, 2016 1:38:25 PMTwitter Web Client
Absolute horseshit on this article. Ain't no way Manhattan, Jersey City & Brooklyn are happy places to work: https://t.co/pes3sygRxo Tuesday, October 11, 2016 12:07:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Chocolatey is a shitty package manager. No one updates openvpn, php or 7zip packages. The FUCK is the point then Monday, October 10, 2016 5:46:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Picked the wrong week to come into the office. The pen testers are here and will discover all my bullshit I have on my work laptop. Monday, October 10, 2016 5:10:34 PMTwitter Web Client
The more these shitty leaders decide to be fuckin cocksuckers, the longer my lunches get Monday, October 10, 2016 4:21:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Columbus day: A day to celebrate an Italian dude working for Spain who raped and murdered Native Americans Monday, October 10, 2016 1:00:54 PMTwitter Web Client
Don'y buy Samsung phones, people. Been saying this for years. They STINK. They're explosive. Their UI is cartoonish garbage. Monday, October 10, 2016 9:31:00 AMTwitter Web Client
Anyone wanna buy me a Pixel XL? kthxbai Tuesday, October 04, 2016 5:42:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is a fuckin dirtbag, allowing the NSA backdoors secretly. Never liked her. Tuesday, October 04, 2016 4:40:07 PMTwitter Web Client
🎵 Kitty on my foot and I wanna touch it 🎵 Friday, September 30, 2016 9:25:44 AMTwitter Web Client
Such a strange incorrect password message. ESL on the developer who wrote that one much? #abuserslist https://t.co/chYBCm7iMT Thursday, September 29, 2016 11:54:53 AMTwitter Web Client
@RMerlinDev Any way to only allow https from WAN and not http? Radio button is all or nothing. I don't mind http via LAN, but not WAN https://t.co/G8LDKW6ugp
In reply to @RMerlinDev's tweet
 Thursday, September 22, 2016 11:38:04 PMTwitter Web Client
@RMerlinDev How do I troubleshoot my RT-68U 5GHZ crashing when multiple https://t.co/LnkiV3TNEq calls are sharing video? Logs look clear Monday, September 19, 2016 3:18:25 PMTwitter Web Client
New director who just started and sits at my former desk in the NYC office found my mostly empty bottle of Tito's in a draw I left behind... Monday, September 19, 2016 12:46:16 PMTwitter Web Client
My actual reply in our ticketing system because I keep it real, obvi https://t.co/DFQ9bGWYaU Friday, September 16, 2016 9:47:30 AMTwitter Web Client
Dear @Windows. Would be nice if your fuckin OS didn't hang trying to reboot every time and I didn't have to pull my battery Friday, September 16, 2016 9:15:34 AMTwitter Web Client
Boston just cuncelled the Yankees. Cuncel da saeson. It's over. Can't blow a 5-1 lead in the 9th when you're two out of the second wild card Thursday, September 15, 2016 11:03:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin Microsoft outages all day. First Azure, now OneDrive Thursday, September 15, 2016 4:06:05 PMTwitter Web Client
@RMerlinDev Which ASUS router would you recommend most if I wanted one today?
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Wednesday, September 14, 2016 4:02:37 PMTwitter Web Client
@TWC_Ohio $65 for 50/5 MBPS in Columbus? That's expensive bullshit. Where's Maax? Charter buying you guys is going to mess that up, right? Wednesday, September 14, 2016 3:41:40 PMTwitter Web Client
https://t.co/PakVOhYxcR https://t.co/XwgA473FGm Wednesday, September 14, 2016 11:30:01 AMTwitter Web Client
Microsoft engineers trying to give us a tech demo and have been struggling to configure the video conference for the past 15 minutes. Wednesday, September 14, 2016 11:15:08 AMTwitter Web Client
IT Guy / biggest Yankee fan ever's reply: https://t.co/6gIDJdw6Hr Tuesday, September 13, 2016 6:00:13 PMTwitter Web Client
How am I supposed to get from lower Manhattan to Yankee Stadium with a broken seal? Tuesday, September 13, 2016 5:59:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Leave it up to Brooklyn Jewish hipsters to make gefilte fish cool again: https://t.co/JssLsNyeRP Tuesday, September 13, 2016 5:48:39 PMTwitter Web Client
Really pumped for Yankee Stadium sausage and peppers, you guys Tuesday, September 13, 2016 5:43:08 PMTwitter Web Client
Cuncel my last tweet (was deleted). Was an outright lie. Tuesday, September 13, 2016 5:38:33 PMTwitter Web Client
@RMerlinDev I just gave my RT-68U to my parents. If I upgraded to the 87U, do you foresee that being supported for a while?
In reply to @RMerlinDev's tweet
 Tuesday, September 13, 2016 3:38:47 PMTwitter Web Client
Legit just threw a link in an email to my arch and management team to Lil Dicky's Save Dat Money YouTube video... I'm outside my mind... Monday, September 12, 2016 9:35:28 AMTwitter Web Client
Aero shake is the stupidest fuckin Windows feature of all time: https://t.co/O10A6VBY3W Thursday, September 08, 2016 12:05:22 PMTwitter Web Client
sudo rm -rf /your/mom Wednesday, September 07, 2016 3:00:08 PMTwitter Web Client
NOTHING IS FUCKING WORKING TODAY Tuesday, September 06, 2016 8:45:43 PMTwitter Web Client
Azure is a piece of shit Tuesday, September 06, 2016 11:00:02 AMTwitter Web Client
Ahhh motherfucker. Just went on call for work. Guess I'll be up all week with our stability recently. Thursday, September 01, 2016 12:08:28 AMTwitter Web Client
Why does everyone fuckin suck at what they do? I literally know nothing about GPOs and just figured out shit the go to guy couldn't. Chreest Thursday, September 01, 2016 12:05:42 AMTwitter Web Client
@BankofAmerica nvm, it was just slow af to send. All good
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Wednesday, August 31, 2016 8:53:48 PMTwitter Web Client
@BankofAmerica Your SafePass codes are broken and not being texted to me Wednesday, August 31, 2016 8:51:01 PMTwitter Web Client
YOU MUST DO THIS @__JLu https://t.co/Nfn0czWG9p Wednesday, August 31, 2016 4:44:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Got this on Slack: "I creeped on this lady next to me on the train today and she was texting someone named 'Big Daddy Long Dick'" Wednesday, August 31, 2016 12:06:10 PMTwitter Web Client
WordPress 4.6 is slow as fuck on my VPS and I get a server error every time I post an article now... But it posts. Wednesday, August 24, 2016 1:55:40 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm an absolute savage with technology. Just used Let's encrypt + nginx reverse proxy to make my router's control panel available over SSL Monday, August 22, 2016 10:06:46 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't even know how I know half of the shit I know, but I get it all figured out Monday, August 22, 2016 1:54:39 PMTwitter Web Client
I neeeeeeeeeeed to know why this star is dimming https://t.co/F4KvagZmgy Monday, August 22, 2016 12:19:22 PMTwitter Web Client
@f2003629 @XtinaSchelin Running Internet Explorer elevated as SYSTEM is the concern
In reply to @f2003629's tweet
 Monday, August 22, 2016 11:55:29 AMTwitter Web Client
Why can't I turn off SELinux on this cocksucking AZURE VM without it bricking? Monday, August 22, 2016 11:03:14 AMTwitter Web Client
Azure is being fucking cuntish today Monday, August 22, 2016 10:51:40 AMTwitter Web Client
LOLMICROSOFT. Y U suggest launching an elevated IE instance? #securityfail cc @XtinaSchelin https://t.co/d4nxKVXEEf https://t.co/1wIBFp6sQF Monday, August 22, 2016 2:03:21 AMTwitter Web Client
It's convoluted how Azure VMs are backed up or snapshotted. Holy Christ. Monday, August 22, 2016 2:00:27 AMTwitter Web Client
Just pouring myself some Tito's. CEO was directly behind me. NBD Friday, August 19, 2016 5:15:40 PMTwitter Web Client
I apologize in advance for my tweets later tonight #sorrynotsorry Friday, August 19, 2016 3:20:52 PMTwitter Web Client
The IT guys are usually always mad at me Friday, August 19, 2016 3:02:50 PMTwitter Web Client
I've got this fuckin config file that inexplicably keeps getting overwritten with some mystery version. WUT DEE FUCK MON Wednesday, August 17, 2016 6:52:13 PMTwitter Web Client
Whoever is eating the M&Ms toppers from the YoCrunch yogurts in our work fridge is an asshole. Savage move. Go buy your own fuckin M&Ms Wednesday, August 17, 2016 1:50:29 PMTwitter Web Client
This guy's fuckin goat/cow worshiping music needs to stop coming out of his headphones while I sit next to him Tuesday, August 16, 2016 4:27:17 PMTwitter Web Client
'Merica https://t.co/LpQgaL4t1r Tuesday, August 16, 2016 12:26:01 PMTwitter Web Client
My desk has empty solo cups on it and is sticky. Wanted to grab a coffee. There's no milk in the fridge but there's Colt 45. Happy Monday Monday, August 15, 2016 9:51:31 AMTwitter Web Client
They allowed us to expense $75 of booze and McDonald's. Is this real life? Friday, August 12, 2016 6:46:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Did Twitter remove the quote tweet functionality? Bros don't even know how to monetize? Friday, August 12, 2016 6:44:06 PMTwitter Web Client
I want to watch the meteor shower but it's cloudy and thunderstorming. This always happens. Friday, August 12, 2016 12:16:34 AMTwitter Web Client
No wonder #thefuckingsubway is garbage. Infrastructure from like 1900: https://t.co/m7owX4lwla Tuesday, August 09, 2016 1:04:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Ladies and gentlemen, 9% of the US is responsible for everyone getting stuck with these two fuckups. Great system: https://t.co/WNaSLQfZHd Saturday, August 06, 2016 9:53:58 PMTwitter Web Client
clearXchange is a fucking mess. Send money by email or phone number... Welp, what if we have the same for multiple banks? Shit breaks. Saturday, August 06, 2016 5:58:08 PMTwitter Web Client
Celebrating one solid week of my Time Warner outage Thursday, August 04, 2016 10:26:14 AMTwitter Web Client
These stupid fucks told me that the work order was invalid. They just realized this now Tuesday, August 02, 2016 3:13:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Time Warner is giving me cancer Tuesday, August 02, 2016 3:12:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Is it just me, or is Facebook's news feed algorithm jacked right now? If you refresh it, random things come up Monday, August 01, 2016 9:17:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Still waiting for these fucking cunts to call me back and explain why I'm on day 5 with no internet. Absolutely heinous company Monday, August 01, 2016 4:53:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Still waiting for a foreman from Time Warner to call me. They said I'd get a call in 2 hours. Didn't get the call Monday, August 01, 2016 12:35:03 PMTwitter Web Client
DBA next to me is straight out of Putin-land and thinks I'm batshit crazy, which I am.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Thursday, July 28, 2016 11:24:59 AMTwitter Web Client
My PowerShell scripting is going phenomenally,so naturally I've been screaming YEAH JEETS out loud in the office all morning Thursday, July 28, 2016 11:24:07 AMTwitter Web Client
Was distracted through an entire meeting because I thought I left my phone in the shitter (it was on my desk) Monday, July 25, 2016 1:02:31 PMTwitter Web Client
@KFCBarstool Where's the original cuncel da saeson article? It got lost with the devnest disaster: https://t.co/SIC8mdIgqX Monday, July 18, 2016 1:34:53 PMTwitter Web Client
Production DB status https://t.co/yNzyTblHDu Monday, July 18, 2016 11:34:34 AMTwitter Web Client
Error handling, ya friggin joke faces Monday, July 18, 2016 10:45:35 AMTwitter Web Client
This place. Got a sql job failing and waking up a DBA every night b/c some asshole's name in the system is 'Michael♪' instead of 'Michael' Monday, July 18, 2016 10:45:11 AMTwitter Web Client
ARNIE P's AND TITOS FOR DAYS Friday, July 15, 2016 5:45:34 PMTwitter Web Client
I was just spittin some of Kayne's Monster. Coworker walked by and thought I was insulting him Friday, July 15, 2016 5:12:24 PMTwitter Web Client
When your SMS inbox is spammed by 2FA requests @sadoperator https://t.co/RzgIAMryf2 Friday, July 15, 2016 12:58:36 PMTwitter Web Client
https://t.co/cBX4veU1qh #thefuckingsubway Wednesday, July 13, 2016 3:16:10 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin @ConEdison. Used more electric last July than this July, and this year's bill is much higher. Another reason why I'm leaving NYC Wednesday, July 13, 2016 1:13:34 PMTwitter Web Client
"Forced to buy more storage they'll never use?" Idiotic. You can fill up 16GB in 2 seconds. I agree with Apple https://t.co/MwVgFL4Kph Sunday, July 10, 2016 2:52:53 PMTwitter Web Client
Someone tell our motherfuckin director of QA that when shit breaks in a new build and worked before, IT'S NOT MY CONFIGURATION ISSUE #cunts Tuesday, July 05, 2016 5:09:38 PMTwitter Web Client
UK is leaving the EU, so obviously everyone sell all your stocks because that makes sense Friday, June 24, 2016 9:46:40 AMTwitter Web Client
Burger King hangover breakfast on point. I didn't drink last night. But I am having a sympathy hangover breakfast to make up for Tuesday Thursday, June 23, 2016 10:09:04 AMTwitter Web Client
For real. Why can I not stay signed in but have the notifications stopped if I'm logged in on desktop. #GoogleFail Monday, June 20, 2016 12:09:04 PMTwitter Web Client
I FUCKING HATE how Google Hangouts pushes messages w/ sound and vibration to my phone when I have it open in the fuckin desktop client. Monday, June 20, 2016 12:08:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Our codebase has a nullable bool for "PrefersFemale" Thursday, June 16, 2016 10:36:55 AMTwitter Web Client
Yo @Microsoft go fuck yourself with Error: 0x800f081f that's impossible to fix without a clean format. Rather than buying LinkedIn, fix it Monday, June 13, 2016 9:48:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Dev tried to convert Drupal content to static html and noticed it created 5500 numbered copies of the same js file on the filesystem. DAFUQ Tuesday, June 07, 2016 5:58:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Everything is fake: https://t.co/DNXtsLk6SJ Thursday, June 02, 2016 9:54:58 AMTwitter Web Client
@scoopandslam Thanks! Hope all's well!
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
 Wednesday, June 01, 2016 4:46:36 PMTwitter Web Client
I survived the weekend Tuesday, May 31, 2016 11:09:38 AMTwitter Web Client
Wayyy to drunk to be responsible for a multi-million dollar SaaS platform right now. But 1) I am and 2) sober people ain't got shit on me Friday, May 27, 2016 5:05:59 PMTwitter Web Client
HR bartender might be judging me for hanging out behind the work bar and making my own drinks #hateuscausetheyaintus Friday, May 27, 2016 4:15:55 PMTwitter Web Client
I probably shouldn't operate heavy machinery from this point forward. Friday, May 27, 2016 4:06:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Ready Player One is a tight book, but imagine how much better it would be if it was a 90s instead of 80s obsession..., Friday, May 27, 2016 3:27:44 PMTwitter Web Client
Pluto's tight, son https://t.co/8obW8qnFAP Friday, May 27, 2016 2:44:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Is the office bar open yet? Friday, May 27, 2016 2:41:59 PMTwitter Web Client
NYC stresses me the fuck out. Wasn't even back 30 mins and the NYPD pissed me off. Protip: don't slam shit around inside a precinct. Monday, May 23, 2016 12:57:16 PMTwitter Web Client
Story of my life is Drupal follows me everywhere. Super stoked for this Drupal to Azure migration project, you guys cc:@__JLu Tuesday, May 17, 2016 3:35:14 PMTwitter Web Client
See this is why I only get stock Android devices. Look at this noise: https://t.co/g4QmjJfk4s Tuesday, May 17, 2016 3:15:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Which dumb UX/UI hipster over at @SlackHQ thought it was a good idea to waste screen real estate on a sidebar when I only have one team? Thursday, May 12, 2016 9:14:01 AMTwitter Web Client
Jesus Christ Microsoft. Explain how Skype just crashes out of the blue, and then my entire headset and bluetooth gets all fucked up Tuesday, May 10, 2016 2:56:24 PMTwitter Web Client
These dumb fuckin hicks won't repeal their asinine law even if it means losing 4.8 billion? Inbred morons. https://t.co/mkDunT8MuZ Sunday, May 08, 2016 2:43:00 AMTwitter Web Client
It is May 6th. The Yankees are one of three MLB teams who don't have at least 10 wins yet. Friday, May 06, 2016 6:20:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Marketing just sent out a weekly update email to the whole company. There's a pic of me flipping the bird and double fisting drinks. Friday, May 06, 2016 5:57:29 PMTwitter Web Client
Oh for fuck's sake. Just found out that one of our apps has a different version of redis on the master than the slave. Friday, May 06, 2016 11:49:20 AMTwitter Web Client
The 8-15 Yankees and 15-8 Mets is not how this is supposed to go... Monday, May 02, 2016 11:30:28 AMTwitter Web Client
git commit -am "Why would you ever save an nginx config with Windows line endings?" Wednesday, April 27, 2016 1:40:07 PMTwitter Web Client
nginx nginy nginz Wednesday, April 27, 2016 11:14:20 AMTwitter Web Client
One of the DBAs was just talking to me for 10 minutes and making analogies about ships and engine rooms and I have no clue wtf he was saying Wednesday, April 27, 2016 8:33:25 AMTwitter Web Client
What kind of stupid fuckin system doesn't show you a summary of your appointment time on the thank you screen after you schedule something? Tuesday, April 26, 2016 1:08:08 AMTwitter Web Client

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