Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Tweet Date Source
Yo @MalJNew, can we have a threesome with that bartender? I think it's a valid request considering you stared at her ass longer than I did. Friday, February 27, 2015 3:41:48 PMTwitter for Android
"That's why I'm not a public relations person. Everyone can go fuck themselves." -Derick Thursday, February 26, 2015 7:01:48 PMTwitter for Android
The internet is out again @TWC_NYNJ @TWC @TWC_Help: congrats. Its gone down every day this week Tuesday, February 24, 2015 1:19:52 AMTwitter for Android
Yeah. Shut the fuck up. It's 10° blow me Monday, February 23, 2015 10:31:40 PMTwitter for Android
I love the gays. They give the best life advice ever. Monday, February 23, 2015 10:08:49 PMTwitter for Android
Eddie Murphy does not age Sunday, February 22, 2015 11:30:21 PMTwitter for Android
Nothing to look at, this Lady Gaga. Sounds iight though. Sunday, February 22, 2015 11:17:17 PMTwitter for Android
I lost my fucking metrocard Sunday, February 22, 2015 12:03:17 AMTwitter for Android
Nelly videos doe Saturday, February 21, 2015 8:50:39 PMTwitter for Android
Gotta piss like a racehorse Saturday, February 21, 2015 4:02:38 PMTwitter for Android
Bastards @TWC @TWC_NYNJ Friday, February 20, 2015 1:27:40 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_Help @TWC_NYNJ fuck yourselves
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Friday, February 20, 2015 1:12:10 AMTwitter for Android
I've got better shit to tweet about other than how my piece of shit third world time Warner goes out daily Friday, February 20, 2015 1:11:01 AMTwitter for Android
You cocksucker mother fuckin pieces of shit.DIE Friday, February 20, 2015 1:07:52 AMTwitter for Android
Fucking cancer of the internet @TWC_NYNJ Friday, February 20, 2015 1:06:49 AMTwitter for Android
I can't believe how cocksucking unreliable Time Warner @TWC is you fuck ups. How does an ISP have an outage daily Friday, February 20, 2015 1:06:25 AMTwitter for Android
Need @VerizonFiOS because Time Warner goes out ever fucking day Friday, February 20, 2015 1:05:43 AMTwitter for Android
Inferior cunts @TWC_NYNJ Friday, February 20, 2015 1:04:39 AMTwitter for Android
Fuckin third world country USA. Internet doesn't even work everyday day. @TWC_Help http://t.co/JSsw28MRhE Friday, February 20, 2015 1:03:51 AMTwitter for Android
Time Warner can fuckin blow me. A goat carrying a CD one mile in Iran is more reliable than this cuntish ISP Friday, February 20, 2015 1:03:15 AMTwitter for Android
For fucks sake. @TWC_Help @TWC_NYNJ is out again. Unreliable cunts. Out all day today and 4 days in a row Friday, February 20, 2015 1:01:19 AMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 they got venture capital and went evil and now fuck em.
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Friday, February 20, 2015 12:12:27 AMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam I felt slight hope with Cooley in our time. They should've won the MAAC in '11 or '12 but now woof
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
 Friday, February 20, 2015 12:10:46 AMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam shame
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
 Thursday, February 19, 2015 9:21:50 PMTwitter for Android
I need Cone, Wells and O'Neill to replace that bumbling oaf Michael Kay on YES. Thursday, February 19, 2015 8:52:35 AMTwitter for Android
Really diggin Queens of the Stone Age right now. Wednesday, February 18, 2015 9:30:36 PMTwitter for Android
Everyone is actively walking like an asshole today and getting directly in my way Wednesday, February 18, 2015 9:02:57 AMTwitter for Android
Today's XKCD is brilliant http://t.co/4Ps7W9q1L3 Wednesday, February 18, 2015 2:58:17 AMTwitter for Android
Give us more than 2 minutes to figure out what track your inferior trains will leave from @GCT @MetroNorth Tuesday, February 17, 2015 6:34:23 PMTwitter for Android
I'm in utter shock that my Time Warner is still up. Surely this wind should have causes an outage by now Sunday, February 15, 2015 9:29:39 AMTwitter for Android
Hot party up in the projects. Walked by and they're blasting the Thong Song. Need an invite ASAP Saturday, February 14, 2015 8:37:32 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ still out. Fucking fix it Saturday, February 14, 2015 3:27:58 AMTwitter for Android
And why do I have a cold. Sniffly motherfucker with a weak assed immune system. Saturday, February 14, 2015 3:15:57 AMTwitter for Android
This is America. Not a third world country. The fuckin internet shouldn't go out every fucking day @TWC_NYNJ @TWC_Help fuck you I want fios Saturday, February 14, 2015 3:05:39 AMTwitter for Android
Explain to me why I should pay you this month when your shit is down all the time. @TWC_NYNJ Saturday, February 14, 2015 3:03:41 AMTwitter for Android
I had just about enough of @TWC_NYNJ's shit. Constant outages. What the fuck Saturday, February 14, 2015 3:01:25 AMTwitter for Android
When I lived in Westchester, I could count on one hand when FiOS had an outage in years. @TWC_NYNJ goes out every fuckin day. Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:59:33 AMTwitter for Android
I'm having a meltdown because my internet is out if you haven't noticed Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:44:40 AMTwitter for Android
Fucking assholes fix it @TWC_NYNJ http://t.co/xi7KIoXbvw Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:43:31 AMTwitter for Android
My fucking time warner is out again. Cuntish piece of shit internet service unreliable as fuck @TWC_NYNJ die Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:39:38 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ the fuck do I pay you for
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:38:32 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ fuck you and your 300 mbps internet because it never even connects so what's the point
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:37:00 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ you all suck at life
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:35:25 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ worst piece of shit ISP ever. @VerizonFiOS come to Queens
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:34:58 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ get your fucking shit together. Last time it was out you said it wasn't an issue hut then it fixed itself so it was you suck
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:34:09 AMTwitter for Android
Unreliable motherfuckers. Outage every god damn day. @TWC_NYNJ Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:33:03 AMTwitter for Android
Why does the internet go out every day? @TWC_NYNJ every fucking day it goes out you pieces of shit. I wish I had FiOS here Saturday, February 14, 2015 2:27:37 AMTwitter for Android
Protip: If you're in the hood in Queens and are white as fuck and don't want trouble, say "wha'sh p'appin" they will respect you. For real. Friday, February 13, 2015 11:56:17 PMTwitter for Android
108286 @ karaoke or else bust. Friday, February 13, 2015 9:45:53 PMTwitter for Android
When two girls leave before a dude in a single bathroom... That's fucked up Friday, February 13, 2015 9:26:07 PMTwitter for Android
Whoever is pissin in this bathroom needs to gtfo and let me piss because I'm more important. Friday, February 13, 2015 9:25:10 PMTwitter for Android
Ollwerther called me Joe Spanky for a reason Friday, February 13, 2015 9:23:00 PMTwitter for Android
The girlfriend just fed me an olive pit... I just. Thursday, February 12, 2015 10:02:23 PMTwitter for Android
I have no tolerance for anything right now. Everyone's getting punched in the face. Wednesday, February 11, 2015 7:08:23 PMTwitter for Android
Belligerently drunk Mexican sitting across from me. Everyone's afraid but I'll beat the fuck out of him if he tries anything bc I'm so mad Wednesday, February 11, 2015 6:44:53 PMTwitter for Android
Waited 10 mins for the next train for it to be stopped due to a sick customer and had to switch lines. Wednesday, February 11, 2015 6:42:40 PMTwitter for Android
On a complete rampage on the MTA right now. Wednesday, February 11, 2015 6:41:46 PMTwitter for Android
WILL YOU @NYCTSubway CUNTS FIX THE FUCKIN TURNSTYLES? BROADWAY/MAIDEN ENTRANCE @ FULTON ST 4/5? MISSED TRAIN B/C IT COULDN'T READ MY CARD Wednesday, February 11, 2015 6:39:58 PMTwitter for Android
@AnyConnect thanks for investigating. Glad you found a root cause. Didn't mean to yell, just frustrated today.
In reply to @AnyConnect's tweet
 Wednesday, February 11, 2015 2:53:10 PMTwitter for Android
Beck is cool and shit but why weren't the foo fighters nominated for best rock album? Sunday, February 08, 2015 9:00:55 PMTwitter for Android
I just did an ass dance to ZZ Top in my pjs. I'm winning Saturday Saturday, February 07, 2015 2:19:10 PMTwitter for Android
Time Warner and their daily outages can severely suck it right now. You suck at life and I'll fuck your mother if I ever meet her. Friday, February 06, 2015 12:06:35 AMTwitter for Android
Fuckin time warner is down again. You guys can http://t.co/F1XMksCyJv Thursday, February 05, 2015 7:39:34 PMTwitter for Android
Triple dog dare you to go to Instagram and search for the hashtag #enlosjorts Wednesday, February 04, 2015 11:33:28 PMTwitter for Android
These dumb Time Warner jokers... You click support chat and they connect you to Texas billing. For fucks sake... http://t.co/LIrJfi2Lmt Tuesday, February 03, 2015 1:32:05 AMTwitter for Android
Every time there's a gentle breeze the fuckin internet goes out. The fuck do you assholes do, tape the wires up? @TWC_NYNJ Tuesday, February 03, 2015 12:13:19 AMTwitter for Android
Moto software is near stock and meanwhile Samsung's shitty touchwiz gets lollipop? Come on. Cuncel Android. I blame Verizon Monday, February 02, 2015 3:17:36 PMTwitter for Android
Absolute horseshit that Samsung's Galaxy S5 is beating @Motorola's gen 1 Moto X on @VerizonWireless to Lollipop. Monday, February 02, 2015 3:16:54 PMTwitter for Android
Stupid phone autocorrecting Pac Man to all caps. Idiot. Sunday, February 01, 2015 9:32:27 PMTwitter for Android
I'd pay mad skrilla to play in a human PAC man game. Bud Light knows how to advertise. And puppies. Sunday, February 01, 2015 9:31:05 PMTwitter for Android
RT @JFeitelberg: Katy Perry flying around Arizona on the goddamn "more you know" star Sunday, February 01, 2015 8:23:38 PMTwitter for Android
Missy Elliot straight up taking me back to my Hip Hop/ R&B bus in 7th grade. Times Sunday, February 01, 2015 8:22:40 PMTwitter for Android
My mom may or may not be lezzie for Katy Perry. Just throwing that out there. Sunday, February 01, 2015 7:29:51 PMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ Yes. She Italian? Pretty normal
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
 Saturday, January 24, 2015 9:35:05 PMTwitter for Android
Time warner is down. Here's the part where I connect my hotspot to my router and see if the failover works Thursday, January 22, 2015 10:21:48 PMTwitter for Android
Overheard on the 4/5: "Remember that time we got drunk in Astoria and went to Victoria's Secret" Freddy's ready to bang Thursday, January 22, 2015 9:47:30 PMTwitter for Android
Stein: "I accidentally merged my whole C: drive into the repo" Jesus Christ. Thursday, January 22, 2015 9:03:15 PMTwitter for Android
Get a load of this Parkinson's assed conductor trying to rob me by clicking two slots on my ticket... #MTA http://t.co/Y8MCokJVzz Wednesday, January 21, 2015 8:22:13 AMTwitter for Android
Let me be perfectly clear, news... I don't give a single fuck about Michelle Obama's SOTU outfit. This is why we're a second world country Wednesday, January 21, 2015 8:13:49 AMTwitter for Android
Live hand-in-hand
And together we'll stand
On the threshold of a dream.... 		Monday, January 19, 2015 10:53:21 PMTwitter for Android
My boy and I are a couple degenerates http://t.co/U5AvHS8aID Tuesday, January 13, 2015 8:44:40 PMTwitter for Android
Useless cocksucking meeting Tuesday, January 13, 2015 1:17:29 PMTwitter for Android
I'm live tweeting a marching band. I need to reevaluate my life Monday, January 12, 2015 10:31:57 PMTwitter for Android
Someone tackle Dorothy Monday, January 12, 2015 10:31:24 PMTwitter for Android
Is anyone watching this game right now? Put on ESPN. This wizard of oz shit is killing me Monday, January 12, 2015 10:30:06 PMTwitter for Android
That's a frumpy assed Dorothy. Monday, January 12, 2015 10:29:20 PMTwitter for Android
This is a terrible Wizard of Oz Monday, January 12, 2015 10:28:51 PMTwitter for Android
Ohhhh the wizard of oz. . why'd the camera say zo? Lol they reversed it Monday, January 12, 2015 10:28:34 PMTwitter for Android
Marching bands are silly Monday, January 12, 2015 10:25:55 PMTwitter for Android
Just got screamed at by a rabid Chinese food delivery guy. Sunday, January 11, 2015 12:27:20 PMTwitter for Android
Stewie and Brian are wasted Sunday, January 11, 2015 10:09:57 AMTwitter for Android
The Ravens are murderers Saturday, January 10, 2015 4:54:31 PMTwitter for Android
Someone's blazing the most at this Irish pub Saturday, January 10, 2015 3:53:52 PMTwitter for Android
What. It's a beer you sick fucks. Saturday, January 10, 2015 3:33:53 PMTwitter for Android
Ryan's daughter's going down real smooth you guys Saturday, January 10, 2015 3:33:36 PMTwitter for Android
Eating raw green peppers are surprisingly satisfying right now. DAT crunch. I'm a cray Saturday, January 10, 2015 7:41:46 AMTwitter for Android
I do not yield to assholes on the sidewalk looking at their phones and walking left. Will plow into them and throw 'bows Friday, January 09, 2015 1:59:43 PMTwitter for Android
Also, if you bring a stroller on a train or subway at rush hour, you're a poor. And inconsiderate. Friday, January 09, 2015 8:13:33 AMTwitter for Android
Dear #MTA. Thanks for making me wait longer on the cold because your 70s trains can't handle a half inch of snow you assholes. Friday, January 09, 2015 8:11:35 AMTwitter for Android
Wrap scarves are silly pieces of shit. How am I supposed to tighten it around my face? Friday, January 09, 2015 8:05:05 AMTwitter for Android
@mustang_sarah Anyone reposting this bogus social virus should be banned from the internet forever
In reply to @mustang_sarah's tweet
 Wednesday, January 07, 2015 7:33:16 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Photoshop me more Axelrod wallpaper
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Wednesday, January 07, 2015 12:45:33 AMTwitter for Android
Bros. Turn off the heat here. Wasting energy. Its global warming out duh Sunday, January 04, 2015 7:16:37 PMTwitter for Android
Heat's on like 5 hundo in LaGuardia. I know why, but its not politically correct to say here. Sunday, January 04, 2015 7:11:39 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew I know mine isn't. There's no such thing as interference from cell phones
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Sunday, January 04, 2015 5:38:12 PMTwitter for Android
This flight attendant is a straight up G Sunday, January 04, 2015 5:37:25 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew put your phone in airplane mode joker. You're going to make us crash. Sunday, January 04, 2015 5:36:38 PMTwitter for Android
There's a fucking cat in this plane. Sunday, January 04, 2015 5:35:50 PMTwitter for Android
🎵Amen.... It was the feast or the famine🎵 Sunday, January 04, 2015 5:26:56 PMTwitter for Android
@googlenexus When will I get 5.0.2 OTA for my 2012 Nexus 7? USB broke so I can't flash. Lollipop beyond crippled it. So slow, it's useless. Saturday, January 03, 2015 9:20:57 PMTwitter for Android
I think I just convinced a golden retriever I'm not shitfaced. Because she larrrrvvved mee when I got home. Saturday, January 03, 2015 2:48:34 AMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ I thought it was 3:30 but the car clock keeps going ahead an hour for Jo reason Saturday, January 03, 2015 2:47:49 AMTwitter for Android
Mambo Number Five Saturday, January 03, 2015 2:24:01 AMTwitter for Android
I want Fun Dip so badly right now Saturday, January 03, 2015 2:10:00 AMTwitter for Android
Now I get how the Native Americans stayed warm Saturday, January 03, 2015 1:36:02 AMTwitter for Android
This is my style Saturday, January 03, 2015 1:05:48 AMTwitter for Android
Best part is the beer stays cold Saturday, January 03, 2015 12:56:06 AMTwitter for Android
What's better than drinking around a fire outside when its 28. Yeahhh buddy Saturday, January 03, 2015 12:16:01 AMTwitter for Android
My girl plays better music than your girl Friday, January 02, 2015 1:41:28 PMTwitter for Android
The Foo Fighters' NYC concert is on Alt Nation on Sirius. Brb while I start crying because I wasn't there. Thursday, January 01, 2015 3:29:42 PMTwitter for Android
2015 off to a rough start. 3 hr drive w/ a messed up stomach from drinking. I'm warm. Wearing a beater and look like a cray. Also gotta poop Thursday, January 01, 2015 2:29:25 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel DA food. When you aren't in the greatest city in the world, nothing's open. #newyork #Pittsburgh Thursday, January 01, 2015 2:08:25 AMTwitter for Android
Hands are for shakin.' Not tyin' Thursday, January 01, 2015 1:23:27 AMTwitter for Android Tablets
Getting hammered in Pittsburgh for NYE. Wednesday, December 31, 2014 6:31:33 PMTwitter for Android Tablets
Heading to Fork and Fingers, this hole in the wall Mexican place in Nowhere, Ohio. One marg gets you wasted. No lie. Tuesday, December 30, 2014 6:29:21 PMTwitter for Android
@Waspito I HATE when new leadership takes over and and they know it all. Happened to me. Sux
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
 Tuesday, December 30, 2014 12:19:59 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck this guy. Throw him down a fuckin garbage chute and break his neck http://t.co/xDV3LyXaYt Monday, December 29, 2014 11:31:48 PMTwitter for Android
bout time Twitter fixed the Android login issues. Monday, December 29, 2014 1:31:38 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew Missed the playoffs already bro
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Sunday, December 28, 2014 1:45:12 PMTwitter for Android
Just caught myself fist pumping to Amber This is Your Night. It's 2AM and I'm alone. I'm not sorry about it. Sunday, December 28, 2014 2:11:38 AMTwitter for Android
Get a load of this antique doing the weather on News 12 the hood... I mean Bronx http://t.co/OrfvK5g3t0 Saturday, December 27, 2014 7:24:09 PMTwitter for Android
Sweet tits is an excellent nickname Friday, December 26, 2014 12:21:41 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew Bella will give you a ride home and stop by Taco Bell on the way. ⚡⚡
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Friday, December 26, 2014 12:07:43 AMTwitter for Android
@Lessard_Eric Merry Christmas! You in London or come back here? Either way, hope it was awesome!
In reply to @Lessard_Eric's tweet
 Thursday, December 25, 2014 11:51:21 PMTwitter for Android
@XtinaSchelin was going to suggest that
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
 Thursday, December 25, 2014 7:01:48 PMTwitter for Android
Picking dog shit out of the grooves of my shoes. Not and ideal way to spend my Christmas Eve Wednesday, December 24, 2014 10:44:02 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu You'd get along well with my mom
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Wednesday, December 24, 2014 10:34:25 PMTwitter for Android
Back in the office... Broke the seal already. Tuesday, December 23, 2014 3:23:34 PMTwitter for Android
These beers are going down way too smooth Tuesday, December 23, 2014 2:19:50 PMTwitter for Android
Get a load of this cunt who doesn't say thanks when you hold the door Monday, December 22, 2014 2:53:04 PMTwitter for Android
Wouldn't kill them to lower the heat on this train. Absurd. Monday, December 22, 2014 8:34:03 AMTwitter for Android
I'm addicted to this damn Family Guy game. I set my alarm for 4am to battle the Yeti Monday, December 22, 2014 12:47:37 AMTwitter for Android
60 on Christmas Eve and 50s the next day? Fuck this global warming assed shit. Its supposed to snow on Christmas. Horse shit. Sunday, December 21, 2014 10:55:50 PMTwitter for Android
In the tamiflu commercial where the guy oversized, the mini thermometer looks like he's smoking a joint. I was so confused. Sunday, December 21, 2014 9:39:14 PMTwitter for Android
Hone Alone is on. No one bother me. Sunday, December 21, 2014 8:39:12 PMTwitter for Android
I don't think I heard anyone say cunt more times in one day since my 2010 drunk tweets. Saturday, December 20, 2014 7:25:25 PMTwitter for Android
RT @KFCBarstool: 2 NYPD cops working overtime on anti terrorism get shot execution style as "revenge" for Eric Garner. Most fucked up logic… Saturday, December 20, 2014 6:18:47 PMTwitter for Android
RT @Dave_Jets: I pretty much give up on society at this point. Saturday, December 20, 2014 6:18:41 PMTwitter for Android
If you live in fear, you're an asshole Saturday, December 20, 2014 1:54:22 AMTwitter for Android
Brobama coming in strong lately. Didn't give a shit about him but now we're chillin with Cuba and he called Sony an asshole. Ok by me. Saturday, December 20, 2014 1:37:09 AMTwitter for Android
PS - Fuck Sony and their pussy assed ways. And asshole suits who negotiate with terrorists Saturday, December 20, 2014 1:25:48 AMTwitter for Android
Ya. Because the update bricked it.... "Google publishes Android 5.0.2 factory image for Nexus 7 (2012)" http://t.co/xsbbMS72Uh Saturday, December 20, 2014 1:22:35 AMTwitter for Android
@RockNationRadio You were one of them
In reply to @RockNationRadio's tweet
 Friday, December 19, 2014 2:17:36 PMTwitter for Android
Opened my fridge. Found some Surge and Budweiser. Wednesday, December 17, 2014 12:45:54 AMTwitter for Android
Dat time you have unexpected leftover pizza after drinking doe. 🙌 Wednesday, December 17, 2014 12:21:55 AMTwitter for Android
DJ Bro: You can't play Pony at the Holiday party without peeps trying to fuck on the dance floor. Facts is facts Tuesday, December 16, 2014 10:33:54 PMTwitter for Android
So if I put my empty drink on the reserved for Kosher table, that makes it Kosher, right? Tuesday, December 16, 2014 9:48:32 PMTwitter for Android
Stop sucking the CTO's dick. Guys a jokeshow Tuesday, December 16, 2014 9:39:56 PMTwitter for Android
God DAMN it.. I really need to stop confusing Stephie with other peeps. Like the 9th time I did it. Tuesday, December 16, 2014 9:04:08 PMTwitter for Android
Great job on the 6 pixel low res infographic ya morons. Because I can really read this.... @washingtonpost http://t.co/wY5BqeU6ff Tuesday, December 16, 2014 7:43:02 AMTwitter for Android
The train is on time today and I look like a suit. What is this world coming to? Tuesday, December 16, 2014 7:39:27 AMTwitter for Android
I might accidentally talk in a Jamaican accent today Monday, December 15, 2014 7:23:37 AMTwitter for Android
When it's 8:30 and you have a hangover.. That blows Sunday, December 14, 2014 8:38:04 PMTwitter for Android
I'm ordering fat ass food for my fat ass belly Sunday, December 14, 2014 8:06:47 PMTwitter for Android
See bullshit. Freddy is all about this broad once I set him straight
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Sunday, December 14, 2014 7:10:41 PMTwitter for Android
Not that there's anything wrong with that Sunday, December 14, 2014 7:05:53 PMTwitter for Android
In my career, just realized I slapped 2 out of 3 of my bosses asses. No homo. Sunday, December 14, 2014 7:05:27 PMTwitter for Android
Freddy told me he wasn't diggin the bartender, but he's still trying to bang her Sunday, December 14, 2014 6:50:19 PMTwitter for Android
If Vinny plays Rosanna or Oh Sherrie or any other Vagina song just one more time, I might yack. Sunday, December 14, 2014 6:28:56 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da karaoke if these dudes are gonna sing lady music and put me to sleep Sunday, December 14, 2014 5:14:08 PMTwitter for Android
Bro. If you're gonna sing Whiney Houston, I'm straight up taking a nap Sunday, December 14, 2014 4:38:59 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel Johnny Football Sunday, December 14, 2014 3:48:39 PMTwitter for Android
My boy Pat is having a boy's day. Wifey's gone. Someone get this guy a leash Sunday, December 14, 2014 3:28:54 PMTwitter for Android
Just found out I'm hammered Sunday, December 14, 2014 3:27:49 PMTwitter for Android
🎵Should've been dead on a Sunday morning 🎵 Sunday, December 14, 2014 3:25:23 PMTwitter for Android
I know I'm a real fat fuck when I was trying to eat a chicken sandwich and bit my finger instead at full force Sunday, December 14, 2014 3:23:59 PMTwitter for Android
The GF may or may not sing Creed at karaoke in honor of that dude losing his mind 😏 Sunday, December 14, 2014 3:17:10 PMTwitter for Android
Seal broken before I even got to the bar. Woof Sunday, December 14, 2014 2:05:15 PMTwitter for Android
Digging the Internet Explorer store in Astoria http://t.co/UnGSiMh6uZ Sunday, December 14, 2014 2:03:44 PMTwitter for Android
Its not the size of the table that matters. It's the amount of data you can fit in it. Sunday, December 14, 2014 1:54:53 PMTwitter for Android
At this rate, I'll be hammered before the unlimited boozy brunch... Sunday, December 14, 2014 11:36:23 AMTwitter for Android
In a cab. The guy on 99.5 right now is the cheesiest. Bro no one cares about whatever lip you're flappin. Straight up babbling Saturday, December 13, 2014 1:25:48 AMTwitter for Android
Stein: "10pm we can go to a rave" Me: "Stein. It's 12:15" Stein: "Yeah. 10 pm to 8am" Saturday, December 13, 2014 12:17:12 AMTwitter for Android
Stein forgot about Dre Friday, December 12, 2014 11:38:40 PMTwitter for Android
Joe Stein: "You can't scuff up someone's shoes in their own house" Friday, December 12, 2014 11:13:42 PMTwitter for Android
GF just burped beer in my face. Sexy. Friday, December 12, 2014 10:32:24 PMTwitter for Android
What's my motha fuckin name? Friday, December 12, 2014 12:06:06 AMTwitter for Android
Ja Rule Friday, December 12, 2014 12:01:23 AMTwitter for Android
"What a great thing to say to a senior vice president. Eat a dick. Have you considered eating a dick?" Thursday, December 11, 2014 11:53:55 PMTwitter for Android
Mal. You can't make meat pasta that tastes like my grandma's. Rude and awesome at the same time. Thursday, December 11, 2014 11:36:25 PMTwitter for Android
Where the fuck is the r train cunts Thursday, December 11, 2014 7:56:06 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck you cunts @mta Thursday, December 11, 2014 7:53:22 PMTwitter for Android
Just realized I only had a 200 calorie dark chocolate bar for lunch. No wonder this huge IPA is doing its job (to make everything suck less) Thursday, December 11, 2014 5:42:57 PMTwitter for Android
Actual question: What kind of MOron pushes on a shitter stall door without checking for feet under it first? Tuesday, December 09, 2014 3:57:35 PMTwitter for Android
Within the past 20 mins, there were 4 empty Manhattan bound n/q/r trains and one Queens train, jammed. @mta you fucking fare hiking idiots Monday, December 08, 2014 8:09:33 PMTwitter for Android
Ah fuck it. MTA can do this every time, on the grounds that it's free (trying to be positive lol) Monday, December 08, 2014 8:36:40 AMTwitter for Android
Trying to think of ways I can fuck over the MTA for inconveniencing me Monday, December 08, 2014 8:25:27 AMTwitter for Android
Its so crowded the conductor can't even walk through Monday, December 08, 2014 8:14:30 AMTwitter for Android
I'm not paying for this cocksucker train. Arrest me. You can't just show up late and run an inferior train and expect me to pay $15 Monday, December 08, 2014 8:14:02 AMTwitter for Android
What the fuck is this shit. 10 mins late and the run a train 4 cars short. Shit is packed worse than a subway car #mta #metronorth Monday, December 08, 2014 8:13:26 AMTwitter for Android
Metro North assholes: the few times I take the 8:05, its 10 mins late every single time. The fuck Monday, December 08, 2014 8:06:47 AMTwitter for Android
RT @nycradiogirl: Hey @foofighters no one is leaving Irving Plaza. Hundreds of people who played by the rules just got screwed. Friday, December 05, 2014 3:02:06 PMTwitter for Android
Yellow, green, blue, black, white. Doesn't matter to me.

You block traffic and slow me down, you're an asshole 		Thursday, December 04, 2014 11:03:03 PMTwitter for Android
Was going to cab it home from Gramercy until I saw the assholes marching up Park Ave. Took the subway instead. Thursday, December 04, 2014 11:01:04 PMTwitter for Android
There's this middle aged programmer we call Special Mike because he worked on our discount module. Him and his wife are like the coolest Thursday, December 04, 2014 10:02:50 PMTwitter for Android
If I don't get my way tomorrow I might literally shake a bitch Thursday, December 04, 2014 9:22:55 PMTwitter for Android
Stein is only pretending he works here... Brilliant http://t.co/hYykQJDTSS Thursday, December 04, 2014 5:36:40 PMTwitter for Android
Experimenting with plague.io
Interesting concept... 		Thursday, December 04, 2014 2:35:58 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu @kerbear88 never had BoA flag me for anything. #looksinnocently
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Wednesday, December 03, 2014 5:28:27 PMTwitter for Android
Welp... Nvm lol Tuesday, December 02, 2014 1:05:38 AMTwitter for Android
I'm OK puking to that shitty fuckin song oh Sherrie Tuesday, December 02, 2014 12:33:40 AMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ Tuesday, December 02, 2014 12:20:20 AMTwitter for Android
Christ Vinny Tuesday, December 02, 2014 12:20:00 AMTwitter for Android
Beers go down much smoother when they're off my tab, ya heard? Monday, December 01, 2014 10:10:35 PMTwitter for Android
I mean... At this point, she's not even getting Eiffel towered. She's getting forklifted Monday, December 01, 2014 9:54:19 PMTwitter for Android
I judge how awesome I am based on looking at my tweets and measuring how batshit crazy they were. Monday, December 01, 2014 9:46:29 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck off, I was in court all day Monday, December 01, 2014 9:43:05 PMTwitter for Android
Why do I only tweet good stuff when I've been drinking? Am I that boring otherwise? Monday, December 01, 2014 9:23:29 PMTwitter for Android
Natalia is gonna get it in tonight at this bar Monday, December 01, 2014 9:22:57 PMTwitter for Android
And furthermore Susan, let's discuss how much of a lesbian my gf is for Rihanna. Monday, December 01, 2014 9:20:26 PMTwitter for Android
So what's the protocol if you accidentally on purpose put drinks on your boss' tab? Monday, December 01, 2014 9:14:50 PMTwitter for Android
Happy bday to the biggest #abuserslist I know besides myself @__JLu Sunday, November 30, 2014 5:28:58 PMTwitter for Android
God bless me Saturday, November 29, 2014 11:21:23 PMTwitter for Android
Remember how during Frozen they said all men eat their own boogers? Disney's legal team's got that handled. http://t.co/Yjzv1RbUf6 Saturday, November 29, 2014 1:03:13 AMTwitter for Android
CBS news... I don't want to watch old men in a conference room. Monday, November 24, 2014 10:37:22 PMTwitter for Android
Guy on CNN is shitting his pants Monday, November 24, 2014 10:22:26 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin war zone Monday, November 24, 2014 10:18:36 PMTwitter for Android
@Lessard_Eric I stole your shirt and headset. http://t.co/IjpSpORdl8
In reply to @Lessard_Eric's tweet
 Monday, November 24, 2014 3:59:00 PMTwitter for Android
Freddy, it's not acceptable to tell your girl that you can buy any pussy you want. Just... Don't Friday, November 21, 2014 3:32:36 PMTwitter for Android
My Adidas backpack is awesome on the grounds that it somehow fit two pairs of the gf's boots she got at Marshall's Friday, November 21, 2014 2:11:08 AMTwitter for Android
Eheyyy ant'ny you list'nin to the youtubes? Friday, November 21, 2014 1:10:19 AMTwitter for Android
Ooof. Celene Dion. Not a looker... Friday, November 21, 2014 1:03:54 AMTwitter for Android
Lezzzbe honest mal... Mariah Carey's honey video is on and just... Lezbehonest... 😁 Friday, November 21, 2014 12:58:57 AMTwitter for Android
Fuck I'm supposed to get up at 7 for work tomorrow, right? #balls Friday, November 21, 2014 12:50:50 AMTwitter for Android
Vinny and I are singlehandedly bringing the keyboard solo back Friday, November 21, 2014 12:47:12 AMTwitter for Android
Motorola is freaking sweet. Updated their gallery and camera yo material design in prep for lollipop Friday, November 21, 2014 12:29:23 AMTwitter for Android
Jets. Bills. Monday. Detroit... Shittiest teams, shittiest day of week, shittiest city. Attendance of 12. #dafuq Friday, November 21, 2014 12:18:44 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew "Yo Vinny! Can I use your dental floss?" ... "I just got the red wine out of my teeth" Friday, November 21, 2014 12:07:17 AMTwitter for Android
Steve's got me drinking straight up whiskey #exhale Thursday, November 20, 2014 11:24:11 PMTwitter for Android
🎵STEADY AS SHE GOES🎵 (for real.. Not a single bad song was played here. Still) Thursday, November 20, 2014 10:50:32 PMTwitter for Android
Whoever's on the jukebox at this bar is fuckin on point. Beatles, RHCP, Nirvana, Eagles. Guy needs a firm handshake Thursday, November 20, 2014 9:49:58 PMTwitter for Android
Lol @ Sprint for rolling out Android 4.4.4 on the S5. Dude. Lollipop is out. You rolled an outdated update. Thursday, November 20, 2014 2:13:00 PMTwitter for Android
@Dave_Jets Dilemma. Gov Ball falls on reunion weekend for 2010. What should I do? PS hope you're well.
In reply to @Dave_Jets's tweet
 Thursday, November 20, 2014 2:10:53 PMTwitter for Android
I've got our best programmer at the bar and he's Googling "what is squirt juice?" Tuesday, November 18, 2014 8:38:16 PMTwitter for Android
Fascinating night... Tuesday, November 18, 2014 1:43:52 AMTwitter for Android
⚡⚡⚡ Saturday, November 15, 2014 12:59:20 AMTwitter for Android
Conjunction junction, what's your function? Friday, November 14, 2014 11:14:21 PMTwitter for Android
PS *it's for it is. I'm not a grammar idiot. Just couldn't fit the 160 chrs Friday, November 14, 2014 10:27:30 PMTwitter for Android
Its common sense really Friday, November 14, 2014 9:53:39 PMTwitter for Android
These fuckers need to stop inflating my ego and yelling me that I'm good at what I do. Its not that I'm good. Everyone else is just an idiot Friday, November 14, 2014 9:53:14 PMTwitter for Android

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