9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
« Back to Source List
| Tweet | Date | Source |
|---|---|---|
| RT @DadBoner: "Tonight on the news, idiots bombed each other. Also, a piece of trash shot some poor guy. But first, BK Chicken Fries are ba… | Friday, August 15, 2014 5:14:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Buffer zone, people. If there are other empty stalls don't come shit right next to me asshole | Friday, August 15, 2014 3:01:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Lol balls. #BookerOlympics http://t.co/wXLfptysBE | Thursday, August 14, 2014 1:53:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I just editited the db for my twitter app and probably broke it. #shit | Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:40:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| But here's the thing: Close your eyes and count to 5. It'd take the same moment on earth and at the speed of light so blow me! In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:36:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| So if you're traveling 99% of the speed of light for one day, a year on earth would've gone by? | Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:34:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Shit. Just watched a Stephen Hawking documentary and now I 100% understand the concept of traveling forward in time | Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:26:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew @NYCTSubway someone probably got murdered there | Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:16:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| And with that 3 run Orioles shot, Cuncel da saeson. #Yankees #Cuncel | Wednesday, August 13, 2014 9:39:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It's 4am. Bedtime sounds about right for my 7:30 maintenance + full workday 😥 | Wednesday, August 13, 2014 4:03:01 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The fact that it's 2014 and phones still connect to EDGE or 1X is utter bullshit. Deprecate!!!! | Tuesday, August 12, 2014 6:46:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Everyone please unfollow @BuzzFeed on the grounds that I keep getting obnoxuous timeline ads that my followers follow it. #Whocares | Sunday, August 10, 2014 9:35:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also the catcher on the blue team is a wildebeast | Saturday, August 09, 2014 6:02:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| HOLD THE PHONE. This is Little League softball on ESPN2? They look 18. This is why I decided I'm not having a daughter | Saturday, August 09, 2014 6:01:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mad respect for this dude on the Injuns with the stones as his at bat song | Friday, August 08, 2014 10:33:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Onethirdof3x5 just had to explain to an Orioles fan at Yankee Stadium why we don't do the wave here | Friday, August 08, 2014 10:20:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Heisenberg looking veteran being honored at the stadium | Friday, August 08, 2014 10:17:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 10-2 Yankeeessss Enjoyyyyyyyy http://t.co/2CJyfZTLoQ | Friday, August 08, 2014 10:02:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Jeter's Biggie batting song is clutch | Friday, August 08, 2014 9:37:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| There's legit a guy with a beard telling 203 to do a wave. Nice effort but nah In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Friday, August 08, 2014 9:34:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @BarstoolJJ Section 202 started to do the wave and 203 was like nah fuck that noise | Friday, August 08, 2014 9:18:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| NO NO NOOO. You don't do the wave at Yankee Stadium. | Friday, August 08, 2014 9:09:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo Swisher. Ya can't hit for dick but we love you! Go Yankees | Friday, August 08, 2014 9:07:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @BarstoolJJ you should be at the stadium my dude In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet | Friday, August 08, 2014 7:09:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm having a Stoli O and soda in honor of the great @MichaelShatin | Friday, August 08, 2014 6:10:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| How should they handle it? Cuncel! @KFCBarstool @BarstoolJJ http://t.co/teuYjuPooi | Friday, August 08, 2014 5:23:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @tomwcleary dumb bastard should've gone to a coffee shop. In reply to @tomwcleary's tweet | Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:47:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Not even shitting you. The 80something yr old guy on the first floor watches porn nonstop. | Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:41:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My beer, instead of getting emptier, is getting fuller b/c people keep topping me off. Why couldn't I have this problem in college? | Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:07:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I really wasn't being dirty... Took an IQ test today and they ask that type of logic | Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:01:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Playing fuck the dealer. I'm the dealer. By mathematical logic, I'm gonna get fucked tonight. | Thursday, August 07, 2014 10:58:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This statue's got some hog on him http://t.co/uYfFoEeZoC | Thursday, August 07, 2014 10:07:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sitting on this bed bug assed N train. #itchy | Thursday, August 07, 2014 8:58:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Will you Asians stop linking arms 4 people wide and walking 2mph on the sidewalk? | Thursday, August 07, 2014 8:44:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| .@chuckschumer over at Jones Beach got the Bronx Cheer if you know what I mean. | Tuesday, August 05, 2014 9:02:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Has anyone else gotten satisfaction from farting on subway benches and feeling the vibration? #SoMature | Tuesday, August 05, 2014 10:33:57 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Texiera keeps injuring his vagina. I've been saying it for years. @BarstoolJJ In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet | Monday, August 04, 2014 7:40:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pet peeve: Doors that have broken doorknob locks that have latch locks that you need to pull to see if it's unlocked. | Sunday, August 03, 2014 5:22:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @KFCBarstool TOLOOOOOOOOO!!!! How's big sexy treating ya tonight Clancy? http://t.co/T2JZdarWlD | Sunday, August 03, 2014 3:58:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just looked out the window and it reminded me of fall and I got excited! | Saturday, August 02, 2014 4:03:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also got woken up that the night engineer fell asleep during the maintenance and now I must complete it. 🙅😴😣💩👎 | Wednesday, July 30, 2014 6:27:20 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just had a couple pieces of Italian hero for breakfast at 6:30am because why not? #nom | Wednesday, July 30, 2014 6:24:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| One of the marketing girls at work: http://t.co/RHAgfGIwGa | Wednesday, July 30, 2014 5:51:30 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew you're strange | Wednesday, July 30, 2014 5:48:24 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Your whore mouth. Shut it | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 3:30:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Jesus John. 30 minutes of babbling about nothing. | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 3:27:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Good guy train conductor is not only announcing all the stations, but 2-3 tourist attractions per stop. Likes to yap yap yap | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 8:51:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Perfect temp this morning. An ideal summer shouldn't get any hotter than this | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 8:20:57 AM | Twitter for Android |
| 1:45am. Hungover. If you don't think I'm spot checking this 45yr old's work for tomorrow's maintenance, you're mistaken.... | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:45:15 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Ow My head | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:43:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| That'll kill you son and I'm all about living to see the tricentennial murrica celebraish and beyond! | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:42:15 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just about as bad as Nurse Jackie, except I'm not into narcs.... | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:41:28 AM | Twitter for Android |
| 1:40 am. I'm hungover and have to work tomorrow. Lolz | Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:39:21 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Wasted | Monday, July 28, 2014 11:11:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I'm not into girls but I want to hire cute girls with big boobs. That new imp girl is cute. Good boobs." | Monday, July 28, 2014 10:47:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I know some guys in the sanitation so we can make problems disappear. | Monday, July 28, 2014 10:45:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Shit. Someone's getting arrested tonight | Monday, July 28, 2014 9:39:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Christ. Everyone is trying to hang out with me. Why am I this popular #jk | Monday, July 28, 2014 9:29:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Upstairs bartender was awful and started taking selfies so I went downstairs band started double fisting | Monday, July 28, 2014 9:26:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| How many drinks does it take to flatten a 400lb guy? 23? | Monday, July 28, 2014 9:05:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Out HR coordinator is doing the lawnmower with our SQL developer. They're fucking later. | Monday, July 28, 2014 9:02:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Solanas' white pants tho | Monday, July 28, 2014 8:13:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Almost just confused two white guys. What? They all look alike | Monday, July 28, 2014 8:08:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| #CFO chatting about poo | Monday, July 28, 2014 6:29:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Will refrain from live tweeting the company propaganda cruise, now that I'm public. #100%overbudgettho | Monday, July 28, 2014 6:21:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu I want to entertain the world | Monday, July 28, 2014 6:20:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| CTO and his minion playin a little grab ass on the walk to the propaganda cruise | Monday, July 28, 2014 5:39:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Why do they call chocolate chips morsels? Morsel sounds silly. | Monday, July 28, 2014 4:38:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If you walk around the subway platforms while breastfeeding, you're straight up absurd. | Monday, July 28, 2014 2:15:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Made my twitter public for a little while because I want to interact with the world. this may be a huge mistake | Monday, July 28, 2014 1:28:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Okay, this is an amateur hour noob engineer operating this train. Go asshole. Signal is green | Monday, July 28, 2014 1:22:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, train is late #MTA | Monday, July 28, 2014 1:19:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If you ride a bike on the train station platform, you're an asshole. I'd normally say you deserve to fall on the tracks, but that'd delay me | Monday, July 28, 2014 1:18:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Looks like the kids are sharper on the drinking game skills than us old folks. @Fantasy_Mania #fm14 http://t.co/kGMPOQI6lP | Monday, July 28, 2014 12:24:23 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Protip: Don't drunkenly text your boss that...... | Sunday, July 27, 2014 1:49:31 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Texted my boss: " Christ. I'm trying to win at beer pong. Why can't we pause the alerting when we patch?" | Sunday, July 27, 2014 12:09:58 AM | Twitter for Android |
| tell deez nuts to pause the fuckin alerting so I don't get my fuckin phone blown up in the middle of beer pong when I'm on call | Sunday, July 27, 2014 12:07:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| For your latest Connecticut heroin overdose news, follow @tomwcleary, Breaking news editor at the NH Register | Saturday, July 26, 2014 9:37:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| How many times do I have to tell these guys to stop taking shots and cheers-ing my penis | Saturday, July 26, 2014 9:22:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| And Sacred Heart won by a run. 😠 | Saturday, July 26, 2014 8:59:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This Fairfield/ Sacred Heart baseball drinking game is getting intense | Saturday, July 26, 2014 8:26:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Protip: Younger people will ALWAYS win at drinking games. | Saturday, July 26, 2014 5:51:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| THE RUSTIEST at drinking games 😠 | Saturday, July 26, 2014 5:47:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @Disalmanac: Today in 1990, George H.W. Bush signed the Americans With Disabilities Act, which led directly to his son becoming presiden… | Saturday, July 26, 2014 3:38:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| There is something extremely satisfying about that snap when opening a Snapple bottle. Is that why its called Snapple? #mindblown | Saturday, July 26, 2014 3:24:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Who's blocking the entire sidewalk and creating a jam of people? Group of Asian tourists. As I expected. | Friday, July 25, 2014 7:08:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Would be nice if this fuckin train didn't park in the middle of the tracks for 5 minutes with no AC and the sun in my face | Friday, July 25, 2014 10:05:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The British don't refrigerate their eggs? Mind. Blown. http://t.co/XCmfcVZomI | Friday, July 25, 2014 12:01:58 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Hhhhhhhhh⚡⚡⚡ | Wednesday, July 23, 2014 11:56:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pat to Hurricane Leilli: "Stop flexing" | Wednesday, July 23, 2014 8:54:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Not for anything, New York is a pretty shitty place to live. | Tuesday, July 22, 2014 6:58:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The fucking MTA though | Tuesday, July 22, 2014 6:57:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| And now my internet is fully out.... | Tuesday, July 22, 2014 9:24:54 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Suggesting the twin towers as a photo spot nearby... Bad taste, Google... #GoogleNowFail #13yearstoolate http://t.co/zZRaWVSb5O | Monday, July 21, 2014 4:14:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm hot and all I do is win | Saturday, July 19, 2014 9:50:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You know you're at an Ohio wedding when the groomsmen roll in with Lebron and Manziel jerseys. | Saturday, July 19, 2014 6:35:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The Middle East is all kinds of fucked up: http://t.co/IpSWpFnp0j | Saturday, July 19, 2014 11:52:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Heading to Cleveland today, sports capital of the US & A! Gonna hang with Lebron, Johnny Football and see this stuff: http://t.co/WFRc0hfTWP | Friday, July 18, 2014 10:50:27 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Thunderstorms in lower Manhattan =. Everyone stand by the windows and watch 1WTC and hope it gets strick by lightning | Tuesday, July 15, 2014 2:21:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm too drunk for fuckin curve balls. the fuck | Monday, July 14, 2014 1:18:10 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin a. Server error. This isn't supposed to happen | Monday, July 14, 2014 1:14:45 AM | Twitter for Android |
| TURN IT DOWN FOR WHAT (I put the it in there because that's what white people do) | Monday, July 14, 2014 1:14:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Went to brunch all day son | Monday, July 14, 2014 12:59:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My title and only job is release engineer. Only thing I'm responsible for is release. And I get shitfaced for them (by accident) | Monday, July 14, 2014 12:57:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| These bastards don't notice it, even though I'm acting a fill on the call | Monday, July 14, 2014 12:56:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| As an FYI: I am completely shitfaced and doing an production rollout | Monday, July 14, 2014 12:55:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu lol! Nice touch with the ID hiding | Wednesday, July 09, 2014 9:12:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I can't even make this shit up. People like that make six figures. | Tuesday, July 08, 2014 10:58:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I have not seen this level of stupidity since unicorns roamed the Earth In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Tuesday, July 08, 2014 10:26:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Our database manager thought a gateway timeout was a SQL error, googled it, got a Garmin forum link & said Garmin was why our reports broke | Tuesday, July 08, 2014 10:25:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @scoopANDslam the amount of new hires I scare off/rant and complain to is unreal. In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet | Tuesday, July 08, 2014 12:24:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| How this guy has a job is laughable and proves our ineffective, clueless leadership | Tuesday, July 08, 2014 12:23:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Our report server was at 100% CPU and the moron reporting manager referred to a Garmin GPS link and said our Garmin integration broke. WAT?! | Tuesday, July 08, 2014 12:22:52 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @scoopANDslam Connecticut pizza is a joke In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet | Monday, July 07, 2014 7:46:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| OMG. The sketchiest ever | Sunday, July 06, 2014 7:32:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Fantasy_Mania @jstanz37 When's draft day? In reply to @Fantasy_Mania's tweet | Sunday, July 06, 2014 7:14:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Oops. Sorry I made fun of Africa. This Indian assed shirt doesn't glow in the dark http://t.co/QyNBdpc2EM | Sunday, July 06, 2014 5:07:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| OK. What kind of African fabric does Old Navy use. My shit doesn't glow in the dark? Fuck off $4 piece of shit shirt http://t.co/QbZcn4lv7r | Sunday, July 06, 2014 4:58:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I love the aunties. | Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:45:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You know how I know @MalJNew is a keeper? We were at brunch and there was this girl crying alone and she talked to her. The sweetest. | Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:42:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You know your teams hit rock bottom. Just know I already cuncelled them a week ago so its fine. 2015 maybe? | Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:24:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| DFA Soriano? #CUNCEL | Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:23:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Not a wine-o #amirite? http://t.co/iZGlffsRvb | Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:06:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I love when I wake up in a neighborhood that I'm going to brunch in." -@MichaelShatin | Sunday, July 06, 2014 10:20:38 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Space is blowing my mind | Sunday, July 06, 2014 2:10:06 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Holy shit. Look at the moon. Mars is like a centimeter above it. | Saturday, July 05, 2014 9:37:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Happy Murica Day, you guys🎆 🇺🇸 | Friday, July 04, 2014 4:30:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hot dogs!? Nah, sausage and peppers @__JLu http://t.co/McWBO5bbNs | Thursday, July 03, 2014 11:56:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just got a text from my boss "You're fired" Good. Don't get my hopes up. | Wednesday, July 02, 2014 8:51:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| After visiting Spotify's office, I officially work at a shithole | Wednesday, July 02, 2014 6:20:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mother fucking Instagram with its autoplay noise blew my cover on the shitter. #TMI | Wednesday, July 02, 2014 11:12:34 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Gio: "Modeling son. Tell your cousin" | Tuesday, July 01, 2014 11:40:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm so good looking | Tuesday, July 01, 2014 11:27:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Niggas In Paris is jammin. Always reminds me of Aniusha | Monday, June 30, 2014 11:20:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Stop drawing diamonds and start drawing straight lines | Monday, June 30, 2014 10:41:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| She looks like she was cut from marble. That bitch was marble | Monday, June 30, 2014 10:11:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin twirlin Aunt Susie on the dance floor | Monday, June 30, 2014 10:00:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pat: "You uh... smoking this piece of machinery?" Guy's a degenerate | Monday, June 30, 2014 9:52:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| So now Apple is jacking features from Win 8/Metro? http://t.co/CkKj2TyoRH | Monday, June 30, 2014 11:11:24 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Not sure if this guy on the 5 this morning is a weirdo or a G. Nice suit, tie, pants and.... RealD 3D glasses http://t.co/B0kg9BLhbv | Monday, June 30, 2014 9:26:19 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Pippa Middleton: You used to be a smoke. Do something about those bags under your eyes before going on TV for the first time. | Monday, June 30, 2014 7:43:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| OMG with the Yeah Jeets sign. #ESPN | Sunday, June 29, 2014 9:06:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| June 29, 2014. I am cuncelling the 2014 Yankees | Sunday, June 29, 2014 8:56:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mike Tyson bit off Holyfield's ear 17 years ago today? I am OLD as fuck | Saturday, June 28, 2014 11:38:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I just woke up on the roof in a pile if beer | Saturday, June 28, 2014 3:16:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuck you in your pink Jeep | Saturday, June 28, 2014 1:11:14 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Haven't had a Natty Light since Fairfield... This is fantastic. | Saturday, June 28, 2014 12:26:19 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Kelly: "Mal, I think this song came on the last time I was in bed with you." 😎 | Friday, June 27, 2014 11:48:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You know it's bad news when your boy calls you and is like... I'm gonna be like #yeahjeets with your cousin... Lol | Friday, June 27, 2014 1:29:15 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I just whistled an invented guitar solo riff to Oye Como Va. Come at me | Friday, June 27, 2014 12:49:24 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I didn't think it would be that hard to see Sam walking away but somehow it was. Fuckin a man. | Friday, June 27, 2014 12:26:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Not to be a cocky asshole or anything but when a fly ass ex coworker texts you this, ya gotta feel some kinda awesome http://t.co/JO57kOWvjw | Friday, June 27, 2014 12:15:46 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "D.A.T.A.Z.Z.D.O.E" (DAT ass tho) | Thursday, June 26, 2014 10:33:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This cocksucker waiter took away the giant jenga blocks from me. Are you serious? | Thursday, June 26, 2014 10:01:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Black keys are on so I'm taking a shot. Not their pussy ass new album tho. Good old shit | Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:41:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sam's leaving g. My company is now fucked hard. In the ass | Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:40:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Wench. Stop talking to the other fuckin bartender and bring me beers | Thursday, June 26, 2014 8:26:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| IMA star son http://t.co/hYZS5QGLnD | Thursday, June 26, 2014 8:02:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo Dwight. Lemmie get some sliders | Thursday, June 26, 2014 7:59:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I almost just broke a tooth biting a bottle of tequila. No comment | Thursday, June 26, 2014 6:33:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Am kinda bummed that I can't flash the dev preview of Android L on my 2012 Nexus 7. | Thursday, June 26, 2014 2:50:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| In our sysops team meeting, when we went around the table explaining what we've been working on, I almost burst out laughing. | Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:57:07 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Dark chocolate is absolutely unreal right now. | Thursday, June 26, 2014 12:15:39 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I've been in meetings since 12:30 and they need to fuckin end | Wednesday, June 25, 2014 2:45:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| PS – “Real talk are you horny?” is absolutely gold. @KFCBarstool | Wednesday, June 25, 2014 9:40:00 AM | Twitter for Android |
| ...Insert Booker joke here... RT @Pontifex How I wish everyone had decent work! It is essential for human dignity. | Tuesday, June 24, 2014 4:55:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, sleeping dude on shitter woke up startled and walked out. No hand wash. | Tuesday, June 24, 2014 4:54:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I really need to stop quoting the Pope's tweets and comparing them to how bad my job is. But it's hysterical | Tuesday, June 24, 2014 4:53:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dude next to me is legit snoring on the shitter. Betcha its Stein. I mean, when you work where I work, I cannot hold this against you bro. | Tuesday, June 24, 2014 4:46:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @KFCradio: Google knows about #MAILTIME http://t.co/afVsiGUa7I | Monday, June 23, 2014 11:51:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @BarstoolJJ: This is what #OldTimersDay needs from @PaulONeillYES http://t.co/1BwrWmOAp6 | Sunday, June 22, 2014 4:05:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It's boomstick time | Saturday, June 21, 2014 4:17:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew I'd hit that | Saturday, June 21, 2014 10:09:31 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Ace of base is on. My life is fantastic | Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:31:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Made the Jimmy Two Times reference tonight #Goodfellas #getthepapersgetthepapers | Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:27:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @BarstoolJJ: .@PaulONeillYES loves picking on @RealMichaelKay and I love it. | Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:25:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin put on Toto | Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:22:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My boys Vinny Pat and Freddy are degenerates. The hookers are on the way | Thursday, June 19, 2014 9:11:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Jesus don't know about Booker RT @Pontifex There is never a reason to lose hope. Jesus says: “I am with you until the end of the world”. | Thursday, June 19, 2014 7:43:08 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Our suits really managed to improve the joint in a year. #NOT http://t.co/0fNa0D2sxq | Thursday, June 19, 2014 7:39:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| How my boy got green screen pics of our executive assistant is beyond me. All I know is that these would make baller 404 and 500 error pages | Wednesday, June 18, 2014 8:13:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dude. That's the biggest tap handle I've ever seen. You can't even deep throat that shit | Wednesday, June 18, 2014 7:49:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I forgot Derick was out with us. Guess he's tryin to bang the Magic Hat promo girl | Wednesday, June 18, 2014 7:41:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I wouldn't piss down his throat if his heart was on fire" @XtinaSchelin | Wednesday, June 18, 2014 6:35:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This heat bullshit needs to end. Is it fall yet (isn't even summer). Moving to Alaska | Tuesday, June 17, 2014 6:48:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| As you can tell from my grandparents' recycling, they are extreme party animals http://t.co/eFNRYO9iUV | Sunday, June 15, 2014 10:01:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My boy Danny is so loud, I can single out his voice on the boardwalk from the shitter | Friday, June 13, 2014 8:19:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If there's one thing I'm good at, it's holding my boys back from beating the shit outta someone. No ones getting by me son | Wednesday, June 11, 2014 10:38:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Dude is that Van Gundy? What the fuck happened to Van Gundy." "Dude. You're just old" | Tuesday, June 10, 2014 9:10:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @BadPointer vagina fingers | Tuesday, June 10, 2014 9:04:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I've forgotten how fun it was to party with Giovanni Galbo | Tuesday, June 10, 2014 8:41:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Try this: Open the notepad++ binary in notepad++. Control F, search for cunt. Lolwut? | Tuesday, June 10, 2014 7:49:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fucking hate it when I'm hungry and have to wait for people to finish fuckin cigarettes instead of eating #rustlesmyjimmies | Tuesday, June 10, 2014 2:15:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu At least they were live. This bullshit other band was 100% sampled, had a tech malfunction and couldn't play. Lolz | Sunday, June 08, 2014 10:36:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yeah sorry but jack White >Vampire Weekend | Sunday, June 08, 2014 9:56:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Jack White come at me | Saturday, June 07, 2014 9:29:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Broken Bells didn't play one bad song | Saturday, June 07, 2014 5:34:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hxjsjgxjkejsbbfj Broken Bells is up | Saturday, June 07, 2014 4:29:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This is why you need to play live music... | Saturday, June 07, 2014 2:54:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Some chick at gov ball took a pic of some other chicks ass. I'm fine with this. | Saturday, June 07, 2014 2:32:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Outkast, yo | Friday, June 06, 2014 9:43:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Out on the streets they call.it murdaaaa! | Friday, June 06, 2014 8:00:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Not even shitting you. Damien looks exactly like Hughlon | Friday, June 06, 2014 7:32:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Face it. When you're at a Damien Marley concert, everyone is too stoned to know what's going on, you guys. | Friday, June 06, 2014 7:16:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Rastafari! | Friday, June 06, 2014 6:56:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Omg. About to see Damien Marley. 🎶 WELCOME TO JAMROCK 🎵 | Friday, June 06, 2014 6:50:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Who thought it was a good idea to shut down all Queens bound N Q R trains and do construction on the queensboro bridge | Thursday, June 05, 2014 11:37:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| sent multiple emails to suits at my company saying they are wasting $5300/month on unused powered off servers. They don't care. #wutever | Thursday, June 05, 2014 12:57:36 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Hold the phone. Was Ja Rule really at orchard beach with j lo tonight, or are you guys just fucking with me? Bc I'd a been in that hood... | Thursday, June 05, 2014 12:52:21 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm not sure what Dashport does, but their landing page is pretty cool. http://t.co/4wy6UySXJC | Thursday, June 05, 2014 12:45:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @KFCBarstool: The Mets stink. | Thursday, June 05, 2014 12:31:46 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin a | Wednesday, June 04, 2014 11:15:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pulled the recovery because Vinny fucked me over in quarter hockey and made me chug like 2 beers | Wednesday, June 04, 2014 11:04:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| HENRIK with the saves | Wednesday, June 04, 2014 10:51:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Get up you fuckin pussy. Call yourself a hockey player? | Wednesday, June 04, 2014 9:33:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| According to @BarstoolJJ , did Don Zimmer just kick it? Kinda bummed. Torre's sidekick. | Wednesday, June 04, 2014 9:06:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Goooooooooooooooool. (Ya I know this isn't soccer) water's on me! | Wednesday, June 04, 2014 8:49:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Not pleased that my beer is empty and I'm boxed in and can't order a new one. | Wednesday, June 04, 2014 7:51:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You're mistaken if you don't think I'm putting Mal's "You can't be a pimp and a prostitute too" White Stripes sticker on my work laptop. | Sunday, June 01, 2014 2:16:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Might have just gotten caught by a dog owner talking about his dogs titties. | Sunday, June 01, 2014 12:44:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm all about this drunk bus to the party in the hotel lobby | Saturday, May 31, 2014 12:33:05 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I am OK with these old ladies getting down to remix to ignition | Friday, May 30, 2014 11:32:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The amount of 90s techno at this wedding is making me happy | Friday, May 30, 2014 11:25:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal just said my tweets are just as bad as Bynes' were during her meltdown. I'm not that crazy, am I? | Thursday, May 29, 2014 8:27:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Whoever is driving this R train is a miserable fuckup who needs to learn how to brake without everyone wiping out. F- #mta | Thursday, May 29, 2014 7:14:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| DBA manager with the rainbow keyboard keeps ripping ass up in this bitch. http://t.co/03GOKOhmmH | Thursday, May 29, 2014 4:08:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Verizon XLTE. Now faster upload speeds than Time Warner's turbo package that's $60/month http://t.co/ZbI0L9iuJG | Thursday, May 29, 2014 12:33:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ear secks tho: http://t.co/VeGaP3T7Yd | Thursday, May 29, 2014 12:02:43 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew love you | Wednesday, May 28, 2014 12:07:54 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Cue the wheelchair for this wedding... | Tuesday, May 27, 2014 11:54:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cuncel game 5 | Tuesday, May 27, 2014 10:42:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This Coors Light tastes like Mexican sweaty chlorine pool water | Tuesday, May 27, 2014 10:37:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The fuck is it possible to be that bad on the power play? | Tuesday, May 27, 2014 9:14:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This old bitch singing is pretty shitty | Tuesday, May 27, 2014 8:10:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Chillin yo | Monday, May 26, 2014 9:18:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I make the worst mojitos in all of the land. Mojito. What. I don't think it's a gay drink. | Monday, May 26, 2014 6:02:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If you're gonna play Creed at the bar, at least play My Own Prison. Not gonna lie, songs not bad.. #barstoolconfessions | Friday, May 23, 2014 4:52:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Who's the dick who is trolling the jukebox with Creed? 3 in a row now... | Friday, May 23, 2014 4:50:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @KFCBarstool: If you don't send a girl a picture of your dick in a hot dog bun this holiday weekend, you're doing it wrong. | Friday, May 23, 2014 4:49:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| https://t.co/FOuHmCUUd1 This is a good read about why everything is broken and sucks | Thursday, May 22, 2014 12:45:13 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "Not that I'm promoting prostitution, but I'm promoting prostitution and stripping." -@MalJNew | Wednesday, May 21, 2014 7:37:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I respect Jeter for banging on his chest and saying yeah Jeets to video highlights. If Twitter was a sport, I'd bang my chest to my tweets | Wednesday, May 21, 2014 7:15:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just googled " Mexican bag of chickens painting" don't ask... | Wednesday, May 21, 2014 6:50:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| O shit. Yanks are on? $3 Coors Lights? Never going back to the office. | Wednesday, May 21, 2014 2:46:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I lost by .33 points in fantasy this week. Bastards | Monday, May 19, 2014 9:17:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Two more hours I'm "on call" and by on call I mean drunk at brunch.s | Sunday, May 18, 2014 4:22:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That time when you're shitface and your mom tells you to call | Sunday, May 18, 2014 4:17:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @kerbear88 come on. This cannot be why you don't root for them In reply to @kerbear88's tweet | Sunday, May 18, 2014 3:37:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Idk how I got this drunk without trying | Sunday, May 18, 2014 3:35:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Wasted | Sunday, May 18, 2014 3:30:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
Geek stats: Page generated in 91.37 ms