9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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https://t.co/HQC6a5EFrB Saturday, August 31, 2019 8:45:32 PMTwitter for Android
See, this is the problem with weddings. I didn't even get to the reception yet and I broke the seal Saturday, August 31, 2019 5:29:18 PMTwitter for Android
Was able to duck out the side during the homily. Saved my ass for the rest of these two hours
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Saturday, August 31, 2019 2:36:37 PMTwitter for Android
Catholic wedding about to start. I think they're doing the full mass, you guys. I'm two beers in. Have to per before it even started. I'm in for it Saturday, August 31, 2019 2:07:15 PMTwitter for Android
Ok, looks like they had an outage. Happened to others
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Saturday, August 31, 2019 9:36:14 AMTwitter for Android
Android Auto and Waze are the two biggest piece of shit apps going. Do better fuckssake Saturday, August 31, 2019 9:32:27 AMTwitter for Android
@waze Android app doesn't work AT ALL on a fully updated Pixel 2. Says no connection, and quits. Uninstalled, reinstalled rebooted - no luck. My network is fine https://t.co/VYss5ovInn Saturday, August 31, 2019 9:31:40 AMTwitter for Android
Why is it that babies will sleep like a rock in your arms, but the second you transfer them to the crib, they go wiki wild Friday, August 30, 2019 9:18:27 PMTwitter for Android
The 80s we're an absurd time. What a wild time to be alive! Wednesday, August 28, 2019 9:25:13 PMTwitter for Android
Nice update, Android Auto you buggy piece of shit. Nice to know I'm driving through the goddamn fairgrounds https://t.co/pLIg4CkJKn Saturday, August 24, 2019 6:36:56 PMTwitter for Android
@EPA @realDonaldTrump @EPAAWheeler go fuck yourselves https://t.co/ONeD1RCyAW Friday, August 23, 2019 11:16:57 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 Gardner is a certified lunatic. Like this Twitter account. Bananas.
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Monday, August 19, 2019 10:37:00 PMTwitter for Android
I'd lose my testicles if they weren't attached. Fucks sake. That'd be my hell. Me losing things and continually looking for them for eternity

Screen me for dementia or some shit 		Monday, August 19, 2019 9:40:53 PMTwitter for Android
Bought the fastpass to skip 5 lines at the food truck festival and I feel like the worlds biggest asshole Saturday, August 17, 2019 4:11:40 PMTwitter for Android
And I'm home. Columbus closed every single road and exit I needed.... Christ Saturday, August 17, 2019 12:58:59 AMTwitter for Android
Stop being like fucking @LGAairport
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 16, 2019 11:56:28 PMTwitter for Android
The @columbusairport is dropping the ball tonight.

1. Gave pilot wrong gate
2. On runway 20 mins after landing due to plane "traffic" (place is deserted)
3. Picked the ass end of the terminal to deplane when closer gates were free
4. Baggage claim is being slow af 		Friday, August 16, 2019 11:56:10 PMTwitter for Android
The fucking plane lands and there's another plane at the gate and no one answered our pilot. Now we had to move out of the way of "traffic" at 11:30

Some asshole fell asleep. I need to get home, I've been gone since last Friday. Fuckssake
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 16, 2019 11:40:25 PMTwitter for Android
Maybe it's just that everyone working at airports is a moron or I've been traveling too much

Now I have Columbus giving me problems. Wtf - do better. This place is supposed to be perfect 		Friday, August 16, 2019 11:38:49 PMTwitter for Android
I was on 8 different planes in the past week and my consensus is that Boeing stinks and the Airbus planes are much nicer Friday, August 16, 2019 9:56:23 PMTwitter for Android
.@Bayer is pro-cancer. The @EPA is pro-cancer.

Glyphosate kills. They should force- funnel it down @EPAAWheeler's throat https://t.co/ZYBanXhtvA 		Friday, August 16, 2019 9:54:00 PMTwitter for Android
My degenerate ass bought a six pack and didn't get a bag for it. Walking around Anaheim with it back to the hotel while everyone has their Disney things. I'm a loon Friday, August 16, 2019 12:26:24 AMTwitter for Android
"My fuckin 60 year old boss is getting more ass than I am" -some platform engineer Thursday, August 15, 2019 3:07:57 AMTwitter for Android
Lizzo is dope Wednesday, August 14, 2019 8:27:51 PMTwitter for Android
It's so obvious these two fucked at some point in the past. Guarantee it. Wednesday, August 14, 2019 6:03:12 PMTwitter for Android
The is a guy on this plane standing up with his ass pointed towards my face...

Wash your ass better if you're going to be in public 		Tuesday, August 13, 2019 3:13:37 PMTwitter for Android
Verizon LTE works poorly at the Salt Lake City airport Tuesday, August 13, 2019 12:18:27 PMTwitter for Android
The bar screaming This is America.... It's not. It's Canada. Monday, August 12, 2019 1:16:54 AMTwitter for Android
The point of sale in this bar has the Windows XP screensaver up

Jesus Christ, 🇨🇦 		Monday, August 12, 2019 1:10:32 AMTwitter for Android
I love bachelor parties. Everyone's in bed rn with the sunday scaries and I'm out being a DEGENERATE Sunday, August 11, 2019 11:54:48 PMTwitter for Android
My buddy Vinny is a savage. Dropped a drink on a dude and ended up talking the guy into buying him another drink!

That's charisma! 		Sunday, August 11, 2019 5:54:10 AMTwitter for Android
Out Uber driver fuckin loves reacharounds. Guy talked nonstop about it Sunday, August 11, 2019 12:00:27 AMTwitter for Android
This is how much I hate gambling btw.. bc it's not even that much but it was a mindfuck
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Saturday, August 10, 2019 3:33:13 AMTwitter for Android
Let's clean out these Canadians. 79 in 87 out? Fuckouttahea https://t.co/LDBrGgfdLa Saturday, August 10, 2019 3:22:02 AMTwitter for Android
Ripping their shirts off and shit like that...
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 09, 2019 10:36:05 PMTwitter for Android
Mets are a million games under 500 but walk off and it's as exciting as if they won the series! https://t.co/FlTO7VnCax Friday, August 09, 2019 10:33:15 PMTwitter for Android
It's so much more relaxing being alone and finding my way around French Canada than being experienced and dealing with shithole LaGuardia.

Like a weight has been lifted. It's like I escaped Syria 		Friday, August 09, 2019 8:02:07 PMTwitter for Android
@Delta Not Delta's fault LaGuardia airport is a dumpster fire. Everything's good with Delta, I'm just complaining about the airport. Beyond your control. Thx for the reply.
In reply to @Delta's tweet
Friday, August 09, 2019 5:48:24 PMTwitter for Android
@Delta bring me whiskey
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 09, 2019 5:45:32 PMTwitter for Android
45 minute line for a goddamn plane to get off the ground.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 09, 2019 5:44:01 PMTwitter for Android
@andrewcuomo do something about fucking LaGuardia airport for fucks sake. I know it's under construction but Christ on the cross, it's BAD
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 09, 2019 5:43:36 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus fucking Christ! 30-45 minutes before we're off the ground because that's how many planes are in line

Fuck @LGAairport. What a third wod cess pool. This is America? This is fucking garbage. Utterly unacceptable 		Friday, August 09, 2019 5:41:54 PMTwitter for Android
When they rebuild @LGAairport, I hope they fix all this runway and taxiing congestion

This is by far the worst of the worst. Cleveland's airport is a close second place shithole 		Friday, August 09, 2019 5:38:00 PMTwitter for Android
Now the plane is parked waiting in line for takeoff. Hasn't moved in 15 minutes Friday, August 09, 2019 5:36:05 PMTwitter for Android
I thought I was stressed, but this poor old lady only spoke French and had no clue what the f was going on. Board was wrong, had to get on a bus... This is a joke

Canadians must think this country is a shithole. 		Friday, August 09, 2019 5:17:33 PMTwitter for Android
I got on the plane late so of course the fuckin guy here first stole the armrest and power outlet.

This whole experience is an F-

The Columbus airport is a dream. LGA is giving me cancer 		Friday, August 09, 2019 5:01:43 PMTwitter for Android
Literally an actual dumpster
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 09, 2019 4:52:27 PMTwitter for Android
Nice jetbridge, @LGAairport. Fucking shithole. The board was wrong, the flight was delayed, the @Delta gate agent was asshole and now I have to get on a bus. The FUCK is this. https://t.co/nnDd91vA7b Friday, August 09, 2019 4:52:03 PMTwitter for Android
Travel sites need to have an "avoid layovers at LaGuardia" option because this place is the 7th circle of hell Friday, August 09, 2019 3:21:56 PMTwitter for Android
Are they outside their fucking minds here at LaGuardia with these prices? $10.75 for a pint of Bud light? I can see 6-8 for NYC but Christ almighty... https://t.co/nD1ShCoqhD Friday, August 09, 2019 1:03:19 PMTwitter for Android
I have to take a leak and it takes longer to taxi to the goddamn gate at shithole LaGuardia than the flight does from Columbus. Friday, August 09, 2019 12:35:47 PMTwitter for Android
Thanks Delta. I booked a poor person basic economy ticket and somehow ended up in Comfort+ Friday, August 09, 2019 10:53:37 AMTwitter for Android
I'm watching Queer Eye and that older dude who lost his dog just adopted a new one from the shelter. Annnd I'm bawling Wednesday, August 07, 2019 9:39:08 PMTwitter for Android
Abysmal home/away detection... Always says I'm home when I'm not...

Weird crap all the time.

Rick Osterloh needs to come in a kick everyone at nest labs in the ass and make this shit better
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, August 07, 2019 3:06:22 AMTwitter for Android
This Nest is a gimmicky piece of shit product. Doesn't even maintain the setpoint. Why did it ever let it get to 73 and not call for AC when the setpoint is 72? Their support STINKS. Entry level a crap. https://t.co/Oageccv4YA Wednesday, August 07, 2019 2:57:50 AMTwitter for Android
The fucking @EPA is a pro cancer organization. All these policies are making people ill.
https://t.co/lo0dwI1xe1 		Wednesday, July 31, 2019 11:32:16 AMTwitter for Android
@EPA Andrew Wheeler is a fucking disgrace. Anyone who voted not to ban this shit should have it sprayed on their children and see what happens. Maybe it'll eliminate idiots from the gene pool.

https://t.co/jHVj72PA6M 		Sunday, July 21, 2019 2:47:06 PMTwitter for Android
@ConEdison is garbage and @andrewcuomo should kick them the fuck out of NY. Sky high electric rates and they can't keep the power on.

Also @realDonaldTrump and @GOP:
Stop ignoring global warming you fucking cunts
https://t.co/LKqSKAHLuw 		Sunday, July 21, 2019 2:18:41 AMTwitter for Android
MY GUYS ARE FUCKING SAVAGES IN THE FUCKING BOX https://t.co/E4qwsBm7vE Sunday, July 21, 2019 1:32:35 AMTwitter for Android
Who gives two shits about a goddamn bezel? Notches are idiotic, speaker bumps are idiotic, and that rounded corners shit Samsung does is idiotic.

https://t.co/203LK8xPNi 		Sunday, July 21, 2019 1:31:26 AMTwitter for Android
🖕coal
https://t.co/uQ4KfVNypp 		Friday, July 19, 2019 11:43:34 AMTwitter for Android
Dumb bastards @EPA

https://t.co/u0A6mAjTBY 		Thursday, July 18, 2019 10:27:35 PMTwitter for Android
Christ Almighty, this woman's face is a gosh dang horror movie. https://t.co/eoYQWp3y2t Tuesday, July 16, 2019 11:59:54 PMTwitter for Android
Ugh. Silly autocorrect... *French
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Saturday, July 13, 2019 3:20:21 AMTwitter for Android
I'll turn this thing around
I'll turn it upside down
I'll turn it into sounds to sing 		Saturday, July 13, 2019 3:18:25 AMTwitter for Android
I was on a journey trying to figure things out and this song came on. I broke down because of its haunting and sepulchral beauty. Granted it's in French's and I have no idea what they're saying, there is an English version with Anton singing

https://t.co/PFqL11uxyS 		Saturday, July 13, 2019 3:11:28 AMTwitter for Android
Forgotten Grave Saturday, July 13, 2019 3:04:56 AMTwitter for Android
I just ran out of mother fuckin propane at my bbq. I'm going to blame the previous owner for being an asshole and having a spare natural gas line available but not hooking up the outdoor kitchen to it Thursday, July 04, 2019 7:45:21 PMTwitter for Android
Hey @MikeDeWine: Go eat yourself. Kasich vetoed this because he knew it'd get struck down

https://t.co/f0cpfnwO66 		Wednesday, July 03, 2019 9:42:18 PMTwitter for Android
Trump is a flat earther Thursday, June 20, 2019 3:53:18 PMTwitter for Android
Cunts @epa

https://t.co/hFfeArqHL8 		Thursday, June 20, 2019 12:47:47 AMTwitter for Android
@63moon @ValaAfshar !P Blu hhhh yet;
In reply to @63moon's tweet
Wednesday, June 19, 2019 11:27:14 AMTwitter for Android
@ValaAfshar Yy
In reply to @ValaAfshar's tweet
Wednesday, June 19, 2019 11:26:51 AMTwitter for Android
@ValaAfshar M Jun of!M mk k
In reply to @ValaAfshar's tweet
Wednesday, June 19, 2019 11:26:29 AMTwitter for Android
Let's talk about how nom Pocky is. God bless the Japanese Sunday, June 16, 2019 9:22:39 PMTwitter for Android
@AEPOhio Thx, reported it through the app, so we're all good. Just ranting because it's been very unreliable lately. We just had a 4 hour outage last week
In reply to @AEPOhio's tweet
Thursday, June 13, 2019 1:37:01 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 @Target Lmao! Mal did this. Sooo much online shopping during overnight feedings
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Thursday, June 13, 2019 1:32:47 PMTwitter for Android
@AEPOhio how many goddamn times is the power going to go out? The fuck is this, a third world country? Thursday, June 13, 2019 1:31:48 PMTwitter for Android
Yo @MikeDeWine - keep encouraging all the fracking, dumb-dumb https://t.co/wq8b4FwVaw Monday, June 10, 2019 5:55:50 PMTwitter for Android
Do better, Ohio. We need to get these intolerant assholes the fuck outta hea. Cut this shit out canceling harmless events and making. Haters hating for no reason https://t.co/YOIdVk8uW1 Sunday, June 02, 2019 2:35:25 AMTwitter for Android
The dumb @EPA idiots are at it again. The fucking corn lobby... Ethanol has a lower energy content, so even if the gas is cheaper, you'd just burn it quicker... And it increases smog. Air pollution causes heart disease, cunts.

https://t.co/2eBZvK6QrO 		Saturday, June 01, 2019 2:24:54 AMTwitter for Android
The asshole @EPA thinks it's a good idea to triple the allowed level of thyroid disrupting perchlorates in drinking water.

Fuckin assholes. Gotta protect those company profits! Doesn't matter that everyone's getting cancer.

https://t.co/IwaJAZUJsR 		Friday, May 24, 2019 10:01:20 PMTwitter for Android
This guy should get the death penalty for this.
https://t.co/3QuFdnDtAm 		Friday, May 24, 2019 9:19:16 AMTwitter for Android
Suicide attempt:
https://t.co/ICW7yWol2Q

PS - not to be an asshole, but kind of to be an asshole: how hard could it be to kill yourself on train tracks? If the train runs over your neck, you're dead. Imagine trying to die and you end up paralyzed the rest of your life? Yeesh. 		Sunday, May 19, 2019 2:39:37 AMTwitter for Android
1:41AM on Sunday morning and the MTA answered my facetious tweet. Not only did I call them a bunch of assholes but they told me they were hiring! What an organization!

BTW - How much overtime is that social networking marketing person making? https://t.co/rrqxZVX315 		Sunday, May 19, 2019 2:24:12 AMTwitter for Android
You assholes hiring? @MTA @NYCTSubway @MetroNorth

https://t.co/Zq2xDZ9tii 		Sunday, May 19, 2019 1:39:13 AMTwitter for Android
American Airlines STINKS Friday, May 17, 2019 7:03:49 PMTwitter for Android
Then they scan your tickets and load you onto a packed bus, jammed ass to dick in there. Bus drives to the tarmac where the plane is.

¿LOLWUT?
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, May 17, 2019 4:47:30 PMTwitter for Android
My gate was D9F... There is a door for gates D9A-G with no waiting area. 7 gates in one! No seats! They call you by city name and you walk down to another room that reeks off jet fuel
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, May 17, 2019 4:45:06 PMTwitter for Android
LaGuardia is the biggest shithole airport on the entire planet. Epic rant incoming... Friday, May 17, 2019 4:36:02 PMTwitter for Android
This is so New York Shitty. MTA guy literally had to shit and couldn't find a clean shitter so a handful of lines got delayed during rush hour. #prayfornyc https://t.co/yFySbHYT9x Friday, May 17, 2019 4:17:37 PMTwitter for Android
🔥🔥🔥 https://t.co/H1AuITWutA Friday, May 17, 2019 2:04:15 PMTwitter for Android
There's a lab/golden mutt at this train station and I miss my Luna Wednesday, May 15, 2019 8:18:26 PMTwitter for Android
@NYCTSubway @MetroNorth Not the subway. Most of the Metro North tracks on the east side of GCT (16-20). It doesn't appear dirtier than normal. It just has a generic smell of garbage. For the past few days.
In reply to @NYCTSubway's tweet
Wednesday, May 15, 2019 8:07:55 PMTwitter for Android
Someone at @mta @MetroNorth care to explain to me why all the Grand Central tracks smell like hot festering, decomposing garbage dumpsters? Goddamn cess pool in here. An embarrassment.

This city is filthy af. 		Wednesday, May 15, 2019 8:00:40 PMTwitter for Android
Is it too early to hit up the work keg? No one else is Tuesday, May 14, 2019 3:52:12 PMTwitter for Android
Decrepit: of the crypt Tuesday, May 14, 2019 3:50:20 PMTwitter for Android
@AjitPaiFCC @wifinowevents @WiFiAlliance @HettingClaus You're a mid-band spectrum that's been largely fallow for two decades. It's time to launch a comprehensive review of the future of this band, make a sober assessment of the facts, and then make a timely decision on the best way forward
In reply to @AjitPaiFCC's tweet
Tuesday, May 14, 2019 3:36:51 PMTwitter for Android
Shoulda kicked this back a notch Tuesday, May 14, 2019 3:05:08 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus. Tuesday, May 14, 2019 3:04:38 PMTwitter for Android