Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Tweet Date Source
What kind of dumb bitch pages the oncall for an incident that happened and fixed itself an hour ago? Saturday, October 22, 2016 6:54:55 AMTwitter for Android
Just realized right now that Instagram usernames are all lowercase. Feel like I'm failing the interwebs, you guys. #oldmillennial Thursday, October 20, 2016 12:21:13 AMTwitter for Android
I haven't had to try to make this train since before I moved to NYC and now I'm probably disowned even though I'm old af. Saturday, October 15, 2016 1:32:30 AMTwitter for Android
1:56 is the last train home? What a pussy assed early time. Suck it @MetroNorth Saturday, October 15, 2016 1:31:33 AMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: Cleveland for America 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 Saturday, October 15, 2016 12:04:36 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Charles F. Dolan gave us free HBO son
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Friday, October 14, 2016 9:39:22 PMTwitter for Android
Three days of commuting from Westchester to lower Manhattan and it sucks 12 cocks. Thursday, October 13, 2016 9:10:25 AMTwitter for Android
Got cuncelled in the board games tonight. Cuncel da @portfolioso Wednesday, October 12, 2016 1:37:25 AMTwitter for Android
Yo @motorola... Suck it for being shitty now that Lenovo bought you. I need more emojis on Android 6.1 and you never pushed the update Tuesday, October 11, 2016 11:23:04 PMTwitter for Android
Dem NYC cabbie smellz. Much more tolerable when you don't have to deal with them all the time Tuesday, October 11, 2016 11:19:52 PMTwitter for Android
Right.... They have Seamless in NY. I'm eating the fuck out of a pizza Tuesday, October 11, 2016 11:01:36 PMTwitter for Android
My fiancée really knows how to do a cooking a pizza dance. Like really well. Mmmm pizza Tuesday, October 11, 2016 10:54:28 PMTwitter for Android
Down in the lower east struttin dat ass Tuesday, October 11, 2016 9:47:26 PMTwitter for Android
I like how this stupid fuckin bitch has half the subway car open yet decides to stand right up in my grillmix Monday, October 10, 2016 6:25:48 PMTwitter for Android
I'm a masshole this weekend Friday, October 07, 2016 7:11:52 PMTwitter for Android
The yahhhhhahd Friday, October 07, 2016 7:11:39 PMTwitter for Android
The Indians are shatting all over the sawx Friday, October 07, 2016 7:02:55 PMTwitter for Android
We've gotta get Bill Murray to come to this wedding. @MalJNew get on that. Show us your tits Friday, October 07, 2016 6:00:19 PMTwitter for Android
While I'm up in Mass, gotta quote The Departed: "I'm nawt a fucking cawp" Friday, October 07, 2016 5:13:23 PMTwitter for Android
Absolutely no responsibilities until this wedding tomorrow and got a house on the Vineyard with a buncha degenerates. Gonna be a disaster Friday, October 07, 2016 3:59:59 PMTwitter for Android
I guess I'll have to bandwagon the Indians. Thursday, October 06, 2016 11:40:27 PMTwitter for Android
Twitter is selling the fuck out. Can you even monetize bro? There's more garbage "you might like" aggregated bs and ads in my feed than ever Thursday, October 06, 2016 8:57:34 AMTwitter for Android
Yahoo Answers, bro Wednesday, October 05, 2016 11:50:30 PMTwitter for Android
Still get woken up in the middle of the night for this piece of shit client's system were getting rid of in a few months. #getlawst Wednesday, October 05, 2016 2:53:54 AMTwitter for Android
Kinda want a hot dog rn Monday, September 26, 2016 9:31:45 PMTwitter for Android
Condolences @MalJNew https://t.co/a0MtzhUSFW Sunday, September 25, 2016 11:32:41 PMTwitter for Android
Son of a bitch. Arnie P took a powder? Gotta honor him with Arnie Ps and Tito's my dude. Sunday, September 25, 2016 11:28:46 PMTwitter for Android
This global warming is bullshit. The polar bears have nowhere to drink Coca Cola now. Sunday, September 25, 2016 4:53:54 PMTwitter for Android
Also, if you hold up the flight to go into an overhead bin to turn on airplane mode, you're false. Phones don't interfere with anything Saturday, September 17, 2016 3:24:12 PMTwitter for Android
This flight attendant is mad rachet about airplane mode and checking seatbelts. Legit woke someone up with a bag in her lap to check. Saturday, September 17, 2016 3:22:59 PMTwitter for Android
Plus, they're absolutely blasting some shit news channel and I don't want to hear asshole Clinton and asshole Trump Saturday, September 17, 2016 2:47:05 PMTwitter for Android
Absolutely heinous third world airports in NYC Saturday, September 17, 2016 2:45:36 PMTwitter for Android
American Airlines at JFK has like 9 flights sharing a numbered gate and it's annoying af to see which one's currently boarding. Saturday, September 17, 2016 2:45:21 PMTwitter for Android
Almost ate a fry off someone's plate at the bar because I'm a degenerate Friday, September 16, 2016 2:50:24 PMTwitter for Android
#ElGary Tuesday, September 13, 2016 9:55:59 PMTwitter for Android
Sausage and peppers, cunts Tuesday, September 13, 2016 8:20:01 PMTwitter for Android
Train went about 6 inches before stopping again. Train is moving a dicks length at a time. Tuesday, September 13, 2016 6:42:58 PMTwitter for Android
Oh I remember why I moved away from NY... It sucks a cock Tuesday, September 13, 2016 6:32:28 PMTwitter for Android
Back in ny ONE day and I get three 5 trains in a row when I need a 4 to Yankee Stadium #thefuckingsubway Tuesday, September 13, 2016 6:27:33 PMTwitter for Android
Come back to NY and all my friends are either on work calls or out of town. Needless to say, I'm drinking alone at the bar. Tuesday, September 13, 2016 5:17:00 PMTwitter for Android
I forgot. Can't make my grand return to O'Hara's without my local bartender basically like putting a funnel down my throat Tuesday, September 13, 2016 5:07:06 PMTwitter for Android
🎵Let's hear it for Newer Yorkkkk. Concrete jungle where it takes longer to drive from JFK to the WTC than it does to fly in from ohiiiooooo🎵 Tuesday, September 13, 2016 4:44:38 PMTwitter for Android
@BadPointer yep!
In reply to @BadPointer's tweet
 Tuesday, September 13, 2016 9:29:55 AMTwitter for Android
The cab from JFK to my office is just about as long as the flight from CLE Tuesday, September 13, 2016 8:35:19 AMTwitter for Android
Bill Nye is basically like telling us we're all fucked. https://t.co/4YVIG9bG3p Saturday, September 10, 2016 11:52:34 PMTwitter for Android
Trump's a piece of shit. Hillary's a piece of shit. Cuncel da election Saturday, September 10, 2016 11:10:21 PMTwitter for Android
Philadelphia is garbage Saturday, September 10, 2016 11:09:32 PMTwitter for Android
These conditions are so ridiculously strict, might as well just kill yourself bro https://t.co/2ZP4lUCbAU Saturday, September 10, 2016 11:08:37 PMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ Yanks are winning the series
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
 Saturday, September 10, 2016 9:27:43 PMTwitter for Android
This is gonna be difficult. Saturday, September 10, 2016 9:26:15 PMTwitter for Android
Pony just came on and Mal and had a couple bottles of wine. I obviously can't bang her in the back seat with her parents driving us home... Saturday, September 10, 2016 9:26:06 PMTwitter for Android
Yanks are winning the series this year Saturday, September 10, 2016 6:56:52 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus H. Christ. Who'd a thunk I'm a little tipssss over a $6 32oz Bud Light. Amateur hour. Saturday, September 10, 2016 6:24:34 PMTwitter for Android
Cro-sandwich... For three years I've been saying crossaint-wich. How can I ever call it by its real name if I only know it my way? @MalJNew Thursday, September 08, 2016 11:37:39 PMTwitter for Android
Just missed the Yanks walk off because my mind was blown because I've been calling BK's Croissan'wich "crossaint-wich" my whole life Thursday, September 08, 2016 10:34:27 PMTwitter for Android
Motorola killed the headphone jack on the Moto Z a couple weeks before Apple did, but obviously it's only a big deal when Apple does it. Wednesday, September 07, 2016 10:38:12 PMTwitter for Android
Just checked the nutrition facts on these dollar dogs and they don't have any trans fats so they're healthy. Cue 4 more! Friday, September 02, 2016 9:17:38 PMTwitter for Android
Oh. They don't do Cotton Eyed Joe at the 7th inning stretch at the Jake? What a shame Friday, September 02, 2016 9:15:09 PMTwitter for Android
Welp, the Marlins are sucking and getting scalped by the Tribe, so it doesn't look like I'll get to see my boy Miller Friday, September 02, 2016 8:48:40 PMTwitter for Android
Hot dog #6 Friday, September 02, 2016 7:08:09 PMTwitter for Android
This $2 Cleveland Bud Light is making me fill up so I can't eat as many $1 hot dogs as I wanted Friday, September 02, 2016 6:22:04 PMTwitter for Android
In lieu of sausage and peppers, it's dollar dog night at The Jake. Yes I called it the Jake. None of this Progressive field noise. Friday, September 02, 2016 6:00:51 PMTwitter for Android
"Joe can you do me a favor and take this inkjet printer out of the sink?" -@MalJNew Monday, August 29, 2016 8:08:42 PMTwitter for Android
These clouds are fucking up my view of Venus and Jupiter overlapping https://t.co/C3zecoKHTN Saturday, August 27, 2016 7:53:04 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 @MTA #thefuckingsubway
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Saturday, August 27, 2016 6:48:22 PMTwitter for Android
Vinny is playing really shitty music on my last night in Queens wtf Friday, August 26, 2016 11:28:49 PMTwitter for Android
I don't even have proper glassed because I'm moving out, so I'll just drink out of the bottle. #klassy Thursday, August 25, 2016 9:38:58 AMTwitter for Android
Whoops. I accidentally a bottle of wine. You know... Jimmy Buffet tailgate pregame at 9:30 am Thursday, August 25, 2016 9:38:15 AMTwitter for Android
9am... Had my vitamin D and swigged it down with some wine. Bottle straight to face Thursday, August 25, 2016 9:00:16 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu @MalJNew thanks abusers!
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Thursday, August 25, 2016 8:59:33 AMTwitter for Android
QuickDraw... Not QuixkPay. This is how dumb I am at gambling Wednesday, August 24, 2016 11:15:59 PMTwitter for Android
Pat being Pat. Bringing the stupid Wednesday, August 24, 2016 11:00:55 PMTwitter for Android
My boy Pat is degenerate gambling on QuickPay. Idk anyone who plays QucikPay. My degenerate numbers-playing uncle doesn't drop as much. Wednesday, August 24, 2016 11:00:26 PMTwitter for Android
I take two days off and these stupid fucks can't do anything without me. Now it's my headache to fix it all Tuesday, August 23, 2016 2:25:56 PMTwitter for Android
Yanks are winning the series next year Monday, August 22, 2016 11:42:38 PMTwitter for Android
EL GARY! All of the dingers https://t.co/1U1gwfTqX4 Monday, August 22, 2016 11:37:52 PMTwitter for Android
Just frombled Sunday, August 21, 2016 2:20:10 AMTwitter for Android
Mal's the brilliant author of my IT guy's tinder. Epic times. Sunday, August 21, 2016 2:04:34 AMTwitter for Android
I've got a guy at my party dancing with potato salad refusing to give Freddy any. Sunday, August 21, 2016 1:52:21 AMTwitter for Android
Freddy is flat out waving at a chick across the way and smiling at her like a goofball Sunday, August 21, 2016 1:44:43 AMTwitter for Android
Fill a balloon with hydrogen and light it. Imagine if that was a big bang, and that instant took billions of years and formed all of space? Saturday, August 20, 2016 4:10:20 AMTwitter for Android
Complete bullshit I cannot make it to the @Fantasy_Mania draft. Send my regards to those sausage and peppers mañana Friday, August 19, 2016 11:02:36 PMTwitter for Android
I will reiterate a quote from my boy Derick circa 2011: "them n**** is fuckin" Friday, August 19, 2016 11:00:22 PMTwitter for Android
Our VP of sales walked into a bar Thursday, August 18, 2016 12:10:27 AMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank Ali Mac just showed up so get here
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:50:46 PMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank idk what you're up to these days but if you show up here, that's hysterical and will make my life.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:24:30 PMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank Nassau Bar in lower Manhattan
In reply to @_Frankalank's tweet
 Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:23:07 PMTwitter for Android
"I can't believe I forgot.my bottoms today" - Bartender Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:18:04 PMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank also only if you like short haired girls. Dealbreaker for me. But #datazzdoe
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:15:20 PMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank I cannot. You can literally floss her asshole
In reply to @_Frankalank's tweet
 Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:11:57 PMTwitter for Android
There isn't enough cocaine in the world to explain how much this bikini bartender is on right now Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:10:03 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 #thefuckingsubway
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Wednesday, August 17, 2016 8:48:39 AMTwitter for Android
Trains been at the station for 5 mins with the doors open letting the heat in. #thefuckingsubway Wednesday, August 17, 2016 8:42:53 AMTwitter for Android
Right. Let's try this again Tuesday. Monday, August 15, 2016 10:27:17 PMTwitter for Android
Smells like mildewed, crusty, sweaty homeless asshole on this train Monday, August 15, 2016 7:14:33 PMTwitter for Android
R train sucks a cock. 20 mins for it to show up in the morning. 20 minutes for it to show up going home. #thefuckingsubway Monday, August 15, 2016 7:00:56 PMTwitter for Android
I'm going to punch everyone in the face right now Monday, August 15, 2016 5:58:24 PMTwitter for Android
Dafuq are all the manh bound R trains in Queens? @NYCTSubway waiting 20 mins for an R Monday, August 15, 2016 8:57:55 AMTwitter for Android
#thefuckingsubway is awful this morning. Monday, August 15, 2016 8:52:29 AMTwitter for Android
Is it winter yet? Saturday, August 13, 2016 2:21:05 PMTwitter for Android
That glitter is from 2011 when @MalJNew destroyed my desk when we were just friends back in the day. Lasted through two offices Friday, August 12, 2016 6:42:18 PMTwitter for Android
My desk's got Tito's, Arnold Palmer and confetti in it. I'm a degenerate bitch. https://t.co/lsLiUUFeSm Friday, August 12, 2016 6:40:57 PMTwitter for Android
Props to @Moto_USA for timely updates to The Moto X Pure. Just got my May 2016 monthly security patches. It's August. Friday, August 12, 2016 2:51:55 AMTwitter for Android
@googlecast Yo Google Cast Twitter people... Actually reply to the correct username so we don't see @ replies in our feeds. Sunday, August 07, 2016 4:29:10 PMTwitter for Android
So if you're #baerod, do you start juicing up for Friday? Got nothing to lose Sunday, August 07, 2016 3:37:03 PMTwitter for Android
Why is Arod wearing a jacket in the dugout? It's 87° out bro Sunday, August 07, 2016 1:35:36 PMTwitter for Android
Baerod Sunday, August 07, 2016 11:18:03 AMTwitter for Android
The LES is a very bad influence. Every time I come to hair of the dog for "a drink or two max" I leave hammered Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:58:40 PMTwitter for Android
Cunts @twc @TWC_Help @TWC_NYNJ Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:53:27 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu @MalJNew the subway system will no longer give me heart disease
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:42:41 PMTwitter for Android
Badgalriri 😈❤ Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:40:32 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 last year when @NickSwisher didn't suck and was on the Indians, wore a Yanks swish shirt there and got so much shit
In reply to @ky9's tweet
 Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:30:58 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 nah. Always a Yankee fan. We're rebuilding for the next couple years. I'll root for them and Miller in the meantime
In reply to @ky9's tweet
 Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:30:03 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 Yankees stink
In reply to @ky9's tweet
 Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:28:24 PMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ AN A-BOMB. FROM MATSUI!
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
 Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:07:21 PMTwitter for Android
Hughlon sucks! Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:05:24 PMTwitter for Android
This meeting us an absolute waste of my time Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:52:38 AMTwitter for Android
When bae didn't pick me #TheBachelorette https://t.co/PdorbvlmUd Monday, August 01, 2016 9:43:03 PMTwitter for Android
Omg take a Xanax #TheBachelorette Monday, August 01, 2016 8:33:46 PMTwitter for Android
Welp, my internet is out, so watching #TheBachelorette with @MalJNew via OTA antenna is my life right now Monday, August 01, 2016 8:31:15 PMTwitter for Android
Still have no internet since Thursday. Thanks Time Warner. Promised me a call two days in a row from a supervisor. Never happened. Sunday, July 31, 2016 11:10:27 PMTwitter for Android
@GadsdenMarc Johnson? When I did the https://t.co/HgHRNFW94D quiz, I matched him 90%. I matched Hillary and Trump the least out of everyone
In reply to @GadsdenMarc's tweet
 Saturday, July 30, 2016 7:44:12 PMTwitter for Android
I am going absolutely apeshit on this poor phone tech Friday, July 29, 2016 6:55:34 PMTwitter for Android
After 7 motherfuckin hours they left with the problem unresolved. Jesus Christ Time Warner. Get lawst Friday, July 29, 2016 6:24:21 PMTwitter for Android
Absolute fucking dumpster fire. I hope Charter takes over and dissolves them all Friday, July 29, 2016 6:15:54 PMTwitter for Android
Hour number 7 and Time Warner cannot get my modem activated. You have one job! Jesus Christ on the cross. Friday, July 29, 2016 6:12:59 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu very excite!
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Friday, July 29, 2016 5:56:12 PMTwitter for Android
The definition of a moron is this guy aimlessly switching out modems and none of them work every time. Jaggoffs have been here since 11 Friday, July 29, 2016 5:55:58 PMTwitter for Android
Nothing fucking changed. It just up and stopped working one day you stupid fucking cunts. https://t.co/CKlIpjTrA8 Friday, July 29, 2016 3:02:15 PMTwitter for Android
Hour number 4 of Time Warner being unable to activate my modem. Missing work. Two days without internet. Need compensation for this bullshit Friday, July 29, 2016 3:00:54 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_Help no, I have a tech here who is working with someone else to do it. Thanks though.
In reply to @TWC_Help's tweet
 Friday, July 29, 2016 1:46:28 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking abysmal. I have mothefucking things to do. Friday, July 29, 2016 1:29:11 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking absurd @TWC_Help wasting 2.5 hours of my time because they can't get the fucking modem activated. Garbage service Friday, July 29, 2016 1:27:56 PMTwitter for Android
I'm gonna fuckin punch Time Warner in the face. Friday, July 29, 2016 1:07:40 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ 2 hours and you can't even get a modem activated. Swapped out my modem because it stopped working after your outage yesterday. F- Friday, July 29, 2016 12:51:22 PMTwitter for Android
https://t.co/AvLNJEv8K8 Tuesday, July 26, 2016 3:11:19 AMTwitter for Android
NYC periwinkle skies Tuesday, July 26, 2016 1:18:27 AMTwitter for Android
#thefuckingsubway https://t.co/Q9dYWuP5Ny Tuesday, July 26, 2016 1:09:36 AMTwitter for Android
#thefuckinsubway never works right and 100% of yellow cabs never have the A/C on. #sweatingballs gotta get out of this cess pool city Monday, July 25, 2016 10:00:52 PMTwitter for Android
At the Guns N Roses concert. Just played Civil War. Which is what'll happen to America if Trump wins Saturday, July 23, 2016 11:17:51 PMTwitter for Android
I've gotta go Thursday, July 21, 2016 12:53:23 AMTwitter for Android
In the least tan person in the white castle let's put it that way. I should go back to the Bahamas for a few months. Thursday, July 21, 2016 12:07:03 AMTwitter for Android
Omg. I'm out drinkin and fuckin people are still getting shot up by the fuckin police? Christ. End it. Wednesday, July 20, 2016 11:53:06 PMTwitter for Android
I love when I'm a fuckin degenerate and still put my boss on the train Wednesday, July 20, 2016 11:50:19 PMTwitter for Android
En los jorts? https://t.co/0qEGAn7cyg Wednesday, July 20, 2016 9:17:39 PMTwitter for Android
Everyone needs to write their own fuckin speeches. Every politician's full shit. We're fucked https://t.co/CYKyNGUUrS Wednesday, July 20, 2016 9:04:38 PMTwitter for Android
I fuckin hate restroom attendants when I only have 20s and can't tip them. #awk Wednesday, July 20, 2016 8:56:18 PMTwitter for Android
Shhh. Don't tell anyone but 90s one hit wonder radio is on. "Natalie Imbruglia - Torn" came on and I got a little giddy Sunday, July 17, 2016 9:53:32 PMTwitter for Android
(What’s your name?)
T-Good
(What you do?)
I’m a plumber
(How you do it?)
I lay the pipe for that ass and make her dance
(True) 		Sunday, July 17, 2016 6:44:42 PMTwitter for Android
Badgalriri Saturday, July 16, 2016 1:45:32 AMTwitter for Android
This old dude on the train. His snowy white beard is glimmering majestically. Dude's got glitter in his beard. Sandy Claus? Friday, July 15, 2016 9:48:13 AMTwitter for Android
Golf Channel is on at the bar. Chick in the "ship sticks" commercial for shipping golf clubs has a beyond huge rack Thursday, July 14, 2016 3:13:19 PMTwitter for Android
A year ago I was all giddy over Pluto because I'm a huge nerd https://t.co/LlWEpDFGVU Thursday, July 14, 2016 2:43:50 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam its okay I've been out drinking
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
 Tuesday, July 12, 2016 10:52:21 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam much better than paint.
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
 Tuesday, July 12, 2016 10:49:07 PMTwitter for Android
I smell like booze and pizza. I'm fuckin gross Tuesday, July 12, 2016 10:47:37 PMTwitter for Android
This bar smells like CD-RWs. Anyone else remember how those used to smell, or am I old AF? Tuesday, July 12, 2016 9:16:57 PMTwitter for Android
#Nelson2016 is just about on point with this year's presidential candidates. 'Murica https://t.co/PJBF4vrnnR Monday, July 11, 2016 8:23:50 PMTwitter for Android
@RockNationRadio nice ass guy in the blue shirt
In reply to @RockNationRadio's tweet
 Monday, July 11, 2016 7:14:30 PMTwitter for Android
This is a good thing. They can't have full access to my Google account https://t.co/SP0weJe7QH Monday, July 11, 2016 7:12:36 PMTwitter for Android
Train has been parked at Queens Plaza for 5 minutes #thefuckingsubway Monday, July 11, 2016 7:10:17 PMTwitter for Android
Wait a sec. I never actually authorized Niantic to my Google account and I don't see it listed as having access under connected apps DAFUQ Monday, July 11, 2016 6:56:32 PMTwitter for Android
They know everything now (always did): https://t.co/wyEVWiRQMV Monday, July 11, 2016 6:50:04 PMTwitter for Android
Smells like old man balls on this train Monday, July 11, 2016 8:18:25 AMTwitter for Android
Lol with the array indexes. #bugsonbugsonbugs https://t.co/32ewtHgj4g Saturday, July 09, 2016 1:24:35 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Valor
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Saturday, July 09, 2016 1:04:27 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu coo, doesn't really matter unless you want to be on the same team with friends
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Saturday, July 09, 2016 1:02:39 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu If you're level 5, what team are you on?
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Saturday, July 09, 2016 12:18:41 PMTwitter for Android
The Bahamas issued a travel advisory against the United States because of this idiotic savagery going on. This is sad. Saturday, July 09, 2016 12:17:52 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam it's the buggiest thing of all time
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
 Saturday, July 09, 2016 1:48:32 AMTwitter for Android
What in the actual fuck is going on in this country. It's straight up chaos. This is 2016, people! Thursday, July 07, 2016 11:11:36 PMTwitter for Android
FedEx delivery guy is working out of a Budget rental truck. #seemslegit Thursday, July 07, 2016 8:49:16 AMTwitter for Android
This just about sums up where I work... https://t.co/jGzw40fjHp Thursday, July 07, 2016 12:59:37 AMTwitter for Android
As if Time Warner wasn't bad enough, Charter suits are making employees even more miserable with idiotic HR policy: https://t.co/tZFGxoKEdi Tuesday, July 05, 2016 11:10:52 PMTwitter for Android
I intend on eating nothing but broccoli rabe for days. It's for my health since I ate like a fat ass glutton all week Tuesday, July 05, 2016 8:39:24 PMTwitter for Android
Y'all motherfuckers are jealous of my broccoli rabe in garlic and oil. Yeahhhhh jeets https://t.co/DxIQhREeOJ Tuesday, July 05, 2016 8:37:01 PMTwitter for Android
#thefuckingsubway being slow af as usual Tuesday, July 05, 2016 9:13:24 AMTwitter for Android
Don't threaten me with a good time. I can go on forever with the 90s techno https://t.co/6EXPRNfHFg Monday, July 04, 2016 10:16:47 PMTwitter for Android
@portfolioso GRAMMAR for the win. *brakes. Also said he was Russian twice. Fail
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Monday, July 04, 2016 8:47:56 PMTwitter for Android
My cab right now is exactly like this: https://t.co/xnnb6KrAfe Monday, July 04, 2016 8:34:18 PMTwitter for Android
This Russian Lyft driver is Russian and a new level of crazy. Blasting jams, strobing his lights and pumping His breaks to the beat Monday, July 04, 2016 8:33:23 PMTwitter for Android
Today, this fat fuck ate 1.5 sausage and pepper sandwiches, a hot dog, 5 chicken tenders, fries, a burger, brownies and chips Monday, July 04, 2016 8:32:32 PMTwitter for Android
So did Juno make it to Jupiter's orbit yet? Monday, July 04, 2016 10:31:49 AMTwitter for Android
"Never pull out too early" -Vinny Monday, July 04, 2016 12:19:29 AMTwitter for Android
Fredi Patricio Yauri is a phenomenal DJ Sunday, July 03, 2016 11:05:39 PMTwitter for Android
I had so much blue Curacao that my poop is blue Sunday, July 03, 2016 1:47:16 AMTwitter for Android
Plane doesn't even land for 5 minutes and I already had 3 things to rage about in this cess pool city Saturday, July 02, 2016 8:37:36 PMTwitter for Android
Yo @__JLu ... My friend Bob Johnson traveled with us. https://t.co/dD7FiuyKB4 Saturday, July 02, 2016 4:41:33 PMTwitter for Android
Savage move that the bartender is secretly giving booze to the cops in a coffee cup. Mad respect. Mad respect. I love this country. Saturday, July 02, 2016 4:39:20 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da @Delta. 100% of flights I ever booked with them were delayed. Saturday, July 02, 2016 4:22:50 PMTwitter for Android
Can't leave this troublemaker for 5 mins and they sent the po po over. @MalJNew https://t.co/rArb3xWFCX Saturday, July 02, 2016 4:13:11 PMTwitter for Android
Bartender's doing buybacks at the airportbar. Unheard of. Beyond impressed. Hell would freeze over before they did that in NYC Saturday, July 02, 2016 3:44:42 PMTwitter for Android
See, @Delta is delayed again, which means I'll just have more rum Saturday, July 02, 2016 3:33:38 PMTwitter for Android
See here's the thing. 100% of airport workers in the Bahamas are the happiest people alive. 100% of airport workers in JFK or LGA are cunts Saturday, July 02, 2016 3:01:44 PMTwitter for Android
Quiznos and drink. We getting hamskies. -Mal https://t.co/oI75teczI4 Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:56:58 PMTwitter for Android
What I don't miss is my boy Franzel at the resort who flat out refused to shake my mojitos and I straight up drank full rum/sour on bottom Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:44:18 PMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: .@Delta my wife's birth control is in our bags you sent to San Diego. If we have a baby you're paying for it. https://t.co/… Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:40:37 PMTwitter for Android
@KFCBarstool the Mets poop in your shoes
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
 Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:38:20 PMTwitter for Android
Mal's being all mad at me for dissing iPhones but guess who was able to connect to the wifi? My android ass. Not her iPhone. Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:34:23 PMTwitter for Android
iPhones are silly. When connecting to public wifi, they don't let you edit the signin page. Android does, thus I connected and Mal didn't Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:32:41 PMTwitter for Android
LOL @Delta thx for the delay. Our friend Greg's HOOKING us up at the resort while we wait for ya delay. Jokes on you https://t.co/XCgvO50FDP Saturday, July 02, 2016 11:39:31 AMTwitter for Android
"Government invented zika and never vaccinate your kids" for fuck's sake. When your kid dies of the mumps I'll laugh. Thursday, June 30, 2016 10:29:12 PMTwitter for Android
I'm down with some conspiracy theories but Jesus Christ these rednecks we met from some bumblefuck southern state are WAY OUT THERE. Thursday, June 30, 2016 10:27:49 PMTwitter for Android
Some player has to invent a better WiFi standard where you can hop between APs like cell towers. Because it's horrid https://t.co/lkzxmeseh9 Thursday, June 30, 2016 9:45:54 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure I'm stalking this guy. HOOKS us up with drinks. I go to whatever bat he's assigned to. Thursday, June 30, 2016 9:25:02 PMTwitter for Android
My boy Jaleel (aka Rock) is my dude. I'm taking him back to the states with me. Thursday, June 30, 2016 9:22:11 PMTwitter for Android
Horse shit. White wine for guys? You're soft. KFC and Kmarko are better than you. @stoolpresidente https://t.co/QC5M9OveQk Tuesday, June 28, 2016 11:36:54 PMTwitter for Android
My boy needs to play some Aladdin right now #noshame #sorrynotsorry Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:58:18 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam miss getting sausage and peppers at the old Stadium with @__JLu
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
 Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:47:20 PMTwitter for Android
Middle aged motherfuckers really know how to get rowdy at the piano bar Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:43:38 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam Yankee Stadium is desolate and designed for rich corporate assholes. Sucks that everyone I talk to says Citifield's better.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:34:09 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam been to Yankee Stadium twice this year. For soccer. Will always root for the Yanks but their corporate bs sickens me.
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
 Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:30:40 PMTwitter for Android
Mal at the piano bar in the Bahamas: "He can't keep playing this white.music all night. Stevie wonder next please!" Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:03:35 PMTwitter for Android
@mustang_sarah my first computer's HD was barely 1GB and the programs and files were so small I'd never thought I'd fill it
In reply to @mustang_sarah's tweet
 Sunday, June 26, 2016 10:58:05 PMTwitter for Android
I love Brian on Family Guy. He's got the right idea
Mo-ji-to 		Sunday, June 26, 2016 5:01:30 PMTwitter for Android
Mojitos for days Sunday, June 26, 2016 5:01:09 PMTwitter for Android
Mo ji to

https://t.co/G862orWr4o 		Sunday, June 26, 2016 5:00:37 PMTwitter for Android
Mojito... Saturday, June 25, 2016 9:59:12 PMTwitter for Android
I'm all about this Kalik Bahamian beer. It's going down way too scarily smooth. Saturday, June 25, 2016 4:19:15 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure I set a record with the number of times I puked yesterday (muted) on conference calls. Every call before 1PM. Thursday, June 23, 2016 2:04:50 AMTwitter for Android
"An Ulner collateral ligament teah" https://t.co/qjn8969fbd Wednesday, June 22, 2016 9:53:34 PMTwitter for Android
No kidding. Lenovo sucks a teensy dick. Their Moto Z looks horrendous. Getting a Nexus. https://t.co/trCTQS2fAi #android #feedly Wednesday, June 22, 2016 12:20:35 AMTwitter for Android
New York city is a really bad city to drive in. Or raise a family in. Or prosper in. Or be not homeless in. Or not be a savage in. Wednesday, June 22, 2016 12:08:23 AMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da middle east https://t.co/F3y5kK4MPO Tuesday, June 21, 2016 11:52:22 PMTwitter for Android
Went out for a drink tonight after work. Was going to leave at like 8.... ....annnd. I'm hammered Tuesday, June 21, 2016 11:51:31 PMTwitter for Android
See.... the ladies' faucets are going off for CJ Tuesday, June 21, 2016 11:40:13 PMTwitter for Android
I'm wingmaning so hard ring now. Nate and Anna better bang tonight Tuesday, June 21, 2016 11:31:13 PMTwitter for Android
Snapchat has a horse shit UI. Kids of tomorrow are gonna create apps like this? We're fucked. Tuesday, June 21, 2016 10:00:32 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew at least it's not Detroit
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Monday, June 20, 2016 8:47:50 PMTwitter for Android
Happy summer solstice full moon day! Monday, June 20, 2016 8:44:16 PMTwitter for Android
There's a '96 Ford Explorer on my block with The Club on the steering wheel. Bro. No one is gonna jack your '96 Explorer... Monday, June 20, 2016 8:17:58 AMTwitter for Android
*quickly ( I ran out of 140 characters) Monday, June 20, 2016 1:29:00 AMTwitter for Android
See, this is why I recommend never watching porn on Android. The volume controls are so fucked you can never figure out how to mute it quick Monday, June 20, 2016 1:08:25 AMTwitter for Android
PS - Totally didn't just wake the GF up by accidentally blasting the Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video at full volume #androidfail Monday, June 20, 2016 1:07:13 AMTwitter for Android
Really happy Cleveland's got more than this going for them now: https://t.co/slSg2u3hmO Monday, June 20, 2016 1:04:20 AMTwitter for Android
Pure savagery in Cleveland right now. https://t.co/BTx9svfcuX Monday, June 20, 2016 12:59:50 AMTwitter for Android
Yes. Hangouts is a piece of shit. "Weekend poll: do you think Google Allo should replace Hangouts?" https://t.co/o5qksASh7s Sunday, June 19, 2016 7:09:54 PMTwitter for Android
Tried to close my tab last night and didn't have one open Thursday, June 16, 2016 9:00:35 AMTwitter for Android
@KFCBarstool they stopped selling sausage and peppers in the 8th. Pure savagery
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
 Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:44:28 AMTwitter for Android
Really could have used a sausage and peppers tonight, you guys Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:36:56 AMTwitter for Android
This dude Dante at the bar claims he named the band A Perfect Circle. 😉 Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:19:54 AMTwitter for Android
We've got an AMFYOYO here Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:11:01 AMTwitter for Android
AMFYOYO: Adios motherfucker, you're on your own Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:10:26 AMTwitter for Android
"Youse got any menthols? I only got these Chinese cigarettes" this degenerate literally has Chinese cigarettes Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:08:19 AMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure the @Yankees would have gotten me a sausage and peppers Wednesday, June 15, 2016 10:29:28 PMTwitter for Android
I need to get my life together. This is the 3rd or 4th time I got belligerent over sausage and peppers. Just ask @Fantasy_Mania about Boston Wednesday, June 15, 2016 10:16:19 PMTwitter for Android
Thor blew his shutout bottom 9 with 2 outs because Citifield refused to give me sausage and peppers Wednesday, June 15, 2016 10:04:00 PMTwitter for Android
Pure savagery at Citifield for denying me sausage and peppers Wednesday, June 15, 2016 9:58:41 PMTwitter for Android
Stupid cunts had one on the grill and still would sell it to me Wednesday, June 15, 2016 9:56:19 PMTwitter for Android
For fuck's sake why does my.piece of shit phone keep autocorrecting Citifield to "CutiField" #cunts Wednesday, June 15, 2016 9:55:04 PMTwitter for Android

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