9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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| Tweet | Date | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Someone get @DadBoner to this bachelor party immijitly https://t.co/LmhcIFZ0Ic | Saturday, July 15, 2017 5:58:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Interesting position of this rivet. This cartoon assed girl is blasting some nips https://t.co/VV3vQaMoYp | Saturday, July 15, 2017 4:46:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dicks out for NASCAR | Saturday, July 15, 2017 4:37:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @jiaaro The biebs!!!!! | Saturday, July 15, 2017 1:53:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Which Doritos do you prefer? | Saturday, July 15, 2017 1:52:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm concerned about the abundance of snap hotdogs and dick convos being had this weekend. | Saturday, July 15, 2017 10:18:23 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "Good thing I've got my CostCo card. We're about to buy dick in bulk" | Saturday, July 15, 2017 10:10:09 AM | Twitter for Android |
| 15 guys here, none of us thought to buy water | Saturday, July 15, 2017 7:42:17 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Hungover af. Phones at 2% and my piss smells like asparagus metabolite. | Saturday, July 15, 2017 7:35:02 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Five guys over shake shack? Dafuq you smoking? https://t.co/VXbZWY0GB2 | Saturday, July 15, 2017 1:23:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Saturdays are for Lessard. But they're all passed out so we'll try this again at 9vtimirrow | Saturday, July 15, 2017 1:01:27 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The Doors, duh. Jim Morrison, 1969. https://t.co/xjXcj5zJ8s | Friday, July 14, 2017 10:51:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @KFCBarstool It's Friday, idiot. In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet | Friday, July 14, 2017 10:05:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @ehubbs13 El Gary fucks | Friday, July 14, 2017 9:58:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Omg my pee smells like asparagus and I thought drinking beers would dilute it but no, it doesn't | Friday, July 14, 2017 9:58:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| https://t.co/dgz5T12yYo | Friday, July 14, 2017 8:27:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This is gonna get sloppy reallllll quick. Already did two shotguns | Friday, July 14, 2017 8:06:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I need to find me some of these colored pencil trees. I want to grow my own colored pencils. https://t.co/uiYiPDjUF2 | Friday, July 14, 2017 7:44:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm drinking a billion beers this weekend, you guys | Friday, July 14, 2017 6:39:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This is preposterous. There should be prison sentences for using 12 gallons of perfume in public | Friday, July 14, 2017 10:40:26 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I need a goddamn gas mask. This is bananas. | Friday, July 14, 2017 10:15:51 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Person on this bus is essentially Consuela and has WAY too much perfume.on and I'm gonna puke all over her. https://t.co/EOqW9hkfxY | Friday, July 14, 2017 10:11:08 AM | Twitter for Android |
| https://t.co/LIvJSOSmtK | Friday, July 14, 2017 7:44:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Can you imagine the pair of balls to tell me this? Guess what. My lunches now been upgraded to 1.5 hours. https://t.co/SCyj1kuTqm | Friday, July 14, 2017 7:43:27 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Something new now. Getting reprimanded for taking your full hour unpaid lunch break because the rest of the team doesn't do it. | Friday, July 14, 2017 7:42:38 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Taking a bus from Port Authority is not ideal. #travelwiththepoors | Friday, July 14, 2017 7:11:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I don't even know how to get the snap hotdog because I'm an old millennial. IDK how that shit works https://t.co/Bg2wBZnRjN | Thursday, July 13, 2017 11:14:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I brought jorts back. Now I'm bringing giant suitcases back to bars. | Thursday, July 13, 2017 11:13:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The snap hotdog fucks | Thursday, July 13, 2017 11:11:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Solid advice https://t.co/wVK0HQzhOO | Thursday, July 13, 2017 10:18:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Median age at this bar in the LES is like 23. I'm too old for this shit | Thursday, July 13, 2017 10:14:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Get the actual fuck outta here. I'm gonna spend 800k for a shitty antique house on a small lot, only to rebuild it? This area stinks https://t.co/5MLkBFXmBj | Wednesday, July 12, 2017 6:31:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Probably because I spent the last two hours at the bar tho tbh https://t.co/Q2GAGCWEpj | Wednesday, July 12, 2017 6:18:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sometimes you get a shitty shuffle that stinks! Not today. The MTA could shut down and I'd still be happy! https://t.co/c5Z7zqrCz7 | Wednesday, July 12, 2017 6:17:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Thumbs up shuffle playlist for the commute home started with The Guess Who followed by the Black Keys so it's gonna be a good one. | Wednesday, July 12, 2017 6:17:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Thumbs up playlist started with The Guess Who, followed by the Black Keys, so it's gonna be a good one | Wednesday, July 12, 2017 6:15:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Son of a bitch. There's a fireball rep at the bar giving out shots. I need this like I need a hole in my head, but I'm still gonna take em. | Wednesday, July 12, 2017 4:50:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Let's go the fuck to the bahhhhhh | Wednesday, July 12, 2017 4:05:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @ky9 Popcorn ceilings are the WORST | Monday, July 10, 2017 10:48:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yankees are cunceled as long as Joe keeps putting Clippard out there. Absolutely disgusting watching this team collapse | Saturday, July 08, 2017 1:54:01 AM | Twitter for Android |
| George Barrie knows how to play a guitar. Jesus. | Friday, July 07, 2017 9:47:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I mean.. I was rooting for the Texas rangers... | Tuesday, July 04, 2017 12:19:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This beer has a hint of moth balls and earth | Monday, July 03, 2017 11:25:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| See. I've got this bachelor party coming up in North Carolina and if you don't think I'm wearing Los jorts and a beater you're false | Monday, July 03, 2017 11:21:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @ehubbs13: If you do the wave at a Yankee game you should jump off a bridge | Monday, July 03, 2017 10:56:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This here fat fuck just ate a cheeseburger and one and a half sausage and peppers sandwiches. | Sunday, July 02, 2017 9:02:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fourth of July and I made the bomb dot com sausage and peppers. Suck my dick | Sunday, July 02, 2017 8:37:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dear any modern store ever... Please don't accept checks. | Sunday, July 02, 2017 1:15:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| There's an antique in front of me writing out a check at the grocery store and I ain't got no time for that | Sunday, July 02, 2017 1:13:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gardy hit that grand salami. Yeahhhhhhhhh. Yanks are officially back | Friday, June 30, 2017 10:57:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The fuck does Girardi keep putting this idiot on the mound to blow games? Is he trying to lose on purpose? | Tuesday, June 27, 2017 10:53:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tyler Clippard has to be a mole injected by other teams to troll the Yankees, amirite? How can someone be this bad? | Tuesday, June 27, 2017 10:51:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Wait a sec. T. Swift and Ed Sheeran totally banged, didn't they... | Sunday, June 25, 2017 1:08:24 AM | Twitter for Android |
| DFA Clippard too | Saturday, June 24, 2017 4:03:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This judgy wudgy idiot probably likes the D himself. Be more Christian asshole and be nice to everyone. https://t.co/26YNzX125f | Saturday, June 24, 2017 12:38:01 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Torreyes is a very, very good boy. | Saturday, June 24, 2017 12:20:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The answer is the over on the strikeout. High chances you guys. https://t.co/RELi0sHSTt | Saturday, June 24, 2017 12:19:07 AM | Twitter for Android |
| What's the over/under Carter strikes out? | Saturday, June 24, 2017 12:17:01 AM | Twitter for Android |
| It tastes like a Sprite you left in your car overnight https://t.co/y5JEdqnh7J | Friday, June 23, 2017 10:09:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| We've got differing opinions of Zima tonight here at the house | Friday, June 23, 2017 10:02:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| *clippard. Legit typo In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Wednesday, June 21, 2017 11:17:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tyler Clipoard sucks a cock | Wednesday, June 21, 2017 10:18:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Let's lighten the mood. Do you know how fun it is to go through a dead person's stuff?" -Tommytwostrokes | Wednesday, June 21, 2017 8:02:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just spent the past 5 minutes looking for the lemon juice I misplaced in the fridge. It was in the cupboard with the salt. I'm shot you guys | Monday, June 19, 2017 9:56:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The Yankee bullpen stinks. This west coast trip is a nightmare | Saturday, June 17, 2017 12:33:08 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin Chris Carter is useless. Strikes out 24/7, makes errors and gets CC injured | Tuesday, June 13, 2017 11:28:50 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Chris Carter get the fuck off my team | Tuesday, June 13, 2017 11:18:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @artalexakis so bummed we didn't get to see you in Columbus (was out of town). Can you play White Men in Black Suits on Lithium? | Sunday, June 11, 2017 5:54:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Piece of shit immune system. I should not be on my second cough and cold in two months. Weak motherfucker. | Saturday, June 10, 2017 10:10:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pretty sure I just got banned from the Atlanta airport free WiFi for putting in fake registration info and/or streaming over a VPN | Saturday, June 10, 2017 8:54:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cross another item off my never have I ever list... I pooped in Georgia | Saturday, June 10, 2017 8:37:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Get a load of @VZWNow LTE choking on cocks in Atlanta rn https://t.co/H1XSvxiadT | Saturday, June 10, 2017 6:08:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sandals casually leaving one of their wire closets unlocked so an #abuserslist like myself can have some fun https://t.co/FCIgZLbpOp | Friday, June 09, 2017 4:07:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My lady rocker playlist is fire flames https://t.co/Hrpd6rrrd2 | Thursday, June 08, 2017 11:46:21 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Italian place had sausage and pep so my life is complete rn | Wednesday, June 07, 2017 8:58:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 9:30 am and I'm about to break the seal | Wednesday, June 07, 2017 9:27:30 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I feel gross af right now. Someone pump my stomach https://t.co/wDh1szLFW4 | Sunday, June 04, 2017 8:52:57 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I need a butler to food-block me. Just because I can order anything anytime doesn't mean my fat ass should eat a burger at 3am. | Sunday, June 04, 2017 8:52:16 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The videos I just found on my phone are the most absurd things of all time. | Sunday, June 04, 2017 3:56:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @jstanz37 Idk I smelled them at the bar and everyone looked at me like I was a weird | Sunday, June 04, 2017 12:32:42 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "Silly white people" -Every Sandals Piano Bar employee | Sunday, June 04, 2017 12:26:41 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Turnt is an understatement rn | Sunday, June 04, 2017 12:18:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Let's be honest @MalJNew #giggity | Sunday, June 04, 2017 12:10:59 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal's wearing scented Melissa sandals and I just realized that smelling them in public at the bar looks reallllll weird | Saturday, June 03, 2017 8:35:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hey @Moto, the fuck is raking you so long to update the 2015 pure edition to Nougat. This joke brand beat you https://t.co/meMw44I3SH | Saturday, June 03, 2017 3:12:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Oh yeah I also owe this guy money. Cheers to a safe return trip with both my kidneys! | Friday, June 02, 2017 6:15:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| At the same time, going to a local rastafari party seems like the tits | Friday, June 02, 2017 6:14:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Seems legit? If you don't here from me and wife ever again, you're looking for a Nigel in Soufriere https://t.co/pkBAy1lNfd | Friday, June 02, 2017 6:14:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Went off the resort for a killer tour of St. Lucia and a dude named King Nigel is picking us up later to take us to a local street party | Friday, June 02, 2017 6:13:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My best friend said she used to fuck with Usher | Thursday, June 01, 2017 11:36:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Literally it's the clurb https://t.co/VyntPobe4w | Thursday, June 01, 2017 11:28:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Piano bar's all turnt now | Thursday, June 01, 2017 11:15:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal and I are stealing this piano bar player | Thursday, June 01, 2017 10:57:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The piano bar is the tits | Thursday, June 01, 2017 10:31:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @TwitterMoments Way to disobey the pope you dumb cunt In reply to @TwitterMoments's tweet | Thursday, June 01, 2017 9:17:52 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Steel drums are the tits | Thursday, June 01, 2017 9:12:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cuncel da environment https://t.co/a6xqG8cvPJ | Thursday, June 01, 2017 9:11:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mmmm. Breakfast alcohol! #baecation starts now. Honeymoon preppin' https://t.co/h2LYUT3oAO | Tuesday, May 30, 2017 12:47:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| No specials? No credit cards? No Gio. | Monday, May 29, 2017 5:17:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dan? Mothafuckin G. Danny? Passed out on the couch. | Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:39:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I just lost my beer again | Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:35:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Got another groomsman rapping biggie over sublime beats for the win. Shit's turnt | Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:20:05 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Folks. I wish I can make this up, but I am not bullshitting you. I'm not that creative https://t.co/9iBFj9zu9K | Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:18:38 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My wedding officiant is stealing the best man's socks and trying to feed them to my dog. I've made very good life decisions. | Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:17:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just took a selfie with my dog and it's no bueno. | Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:12:16 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Danny's down for the count. I repeat! We've got a groomsman down! | Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:05:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My bride: "Have you ever been cabrewing? It's like.. canoing, but with beer" | Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:58:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I keep losing my beer | Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:55:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I think dogs understand the meaning of the universe, but play stupid to fool us. Humans don't. Joke's on us. | Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:55:29 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "you have large nuptials" | Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:50:29 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I need to put on my whitestrips but it says you can't eat or drink and these beers are going down way too smoothly so no thanks | Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:50:04 AM | Twitter for Android |
| He was talking about @Handy https://t.co/arJUcoyuu9 | Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:38:17 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I just walked into my house and the first thing I heard from a groomsman was "their logo is jerk off material" | Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:36:58 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo @SIRIUSXM Lithium's killin it rn. | Tuesday, May 23, 2017 12:08:39 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Attention assholes in left lane: If I'm tailgating you, move over - you're too slow. | Monday, May 22, 2017 6:22:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| How about this Just Smiles dentists office stealing the Windows 10 flag logo https://t.co/QpbhsSduqF | Sunday, May 21, 2017 2:56:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Still can't get over Chris Cornell, you guys. Pouring one out tonight and listening to Soundgarden | Saturday, May 20, 2017 8:37:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It's okay though. We'll just score 18 runs https://t.co/2PMNHDpPw1 | Sunday, May 14, 2017 7:59:50 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Jesus Christ, Tanaka... You were 5-0 in your last 5 starts and you decide to fuck up Jeter's night? | Sunday, May 14, 2017 7:54:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu Oh jeez. That may be happening this July | Sunday, May 14, 2017 7:49:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Bob Sheppard recording gave me all kinds of goosebumps | Sunday, May 14, 2017 7:19:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm legit gonna cry for Jeets | Sunday, May 14, 2017 6:13:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| See, problem with music today is that they just don't make it like Counting Crows anymore... | Sunday, May 14, 2017 3:10:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal to Pup at 3 am: "Whatever. I'm playing another Counting Crowes song. Deal with it." | Sunday, May 14, 2017 3:00:06 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo @Qualcomm... Why can't you fuckers make your yearly flagship chip better than last years Apple's processor? This is why Androids all suck https://t.co/UuFEwGYBkI | Saturday, May 13, 2017 2:16:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This is actually not satire. This is exactly how it is in real life, except we had a gong. Then I moved away. https://t.co/i3s4Xvdj1e | Friday, May 12, 2017 1:21:59 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Pup just farted in my face. Guess that's karma.... | Tuesday, May 09, 2017 1:54:42 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just heard the new Rise Against single on the radio (CBus actually has a rock station). Felt like I was in middle school all over again. | Friday, May 05, 2017 8:30:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Theeeeeeeeeeee | Friday, April 28, 2017 10:52:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo cloudflare. This is horseshit ux. You don't freeze in a screen like this https://t.co/rb4LJFQqsX | Wednesday, April 26, 2017 9:00:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm like the Billy Walsh of technology, the way I pop off at idiots. | Monday, April 24, 2017 3:09:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I just took a leak for daayyysss | Sunday, April 23, 2017 9:57:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Words cannot even describe how backwards this airport is. | Saturday, April 22, 2017 5:39:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This airport is a goddamn shithole. My ticket says D2 but the gate is really C1 and you have to take a shuttle bus there? | Saturday, April 22, 2017 5:23:38 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I told an @AmericanAir pilot at departures that LaGuardia was a fuckin shithole for canceling my flight and he almost called security on me. https://t.co/X41uzc6FZ9 | Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:11:41 AM | Twitter for Android |
| At this point I shouldn't even go to bed | Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:08:14 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm not drunk enough to get a flight out of this shithole in 45 mins. https://t.co/1hbVD1fXND | Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:05:39 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Problem is, they were $2.50 each https://t.co/c7Ai08hjlx | Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:04:21 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "Waterfront hub with regional flights" is way to fancy of a description for this fuckin abomination @googlemaps https://t.co/mpLrq0t2C9 | Saturday, April 22, 2017 3:57:25 AM | Twitter for Android |
| It is 3:30 am and Freddy and I are gonna eat the shit out of all these tacos we got from the taco truck. Like $30 of tacos | Saturday, April 22, 2017 3:27:14 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Hey @MalJNew bring me big momma's burritos? | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:35:29 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Iigjt that was stupid. I'm done. | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:31:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Nested level 4 https://t.co/R345D83GUH | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:31:19 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Nested level 3 https://t.co/f8RvwsUNO3 | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:31:05 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Nested level 2 https://t.co/7l0GpZOMQ7 | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:30:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Can you like nest quoted tweets? Trying this now | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:30:46 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Wow that didn't sound too straight. Ya. Not what I meant. https://t.co/pGJlLg6RDy | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:30:02 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Freddy's so good, he'd give you what you don't even know what to ask for | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:29:28 AM | Twitter for Android |
| New Yorks fuckin killin me. I should be sleeping in my tuft and needle bed until like noon but instead I'm at a fuckin bar in Williamsburg | Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:01:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Anyone know where I can get a good sausage and pep in Williamsburg? They don't exist in Ohio I tell you | Saturday, April 22, 2017 1:00:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Slam on your horn one more time shithead | Friday, April 21, 2017 9:39:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I should be in Columbus by now but I'm in a smelly fucking cab in Queens with a prick driver | Friday, April 21, 2017 9:37:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, eat 12 dicks @AmericanAir https://t.co/xMNslkC2sW | Friday, April 21, 2017 9:34:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This cocksucker had the gall to tell me that he waited 2 hours for a pickup and my ride wasn't long enough for him and take a yellow cab https://t.co/xMNslkC2sW | Friday, April 21, 2017 9:33:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| But it's okay! I get to hang with Freddy and Vinny | Friday, April 21, 2017 9:31:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My Uber driver is a cunt. I could have been out of this cess pool city but no | Friday, April 21, 2017 9:30:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Get a load of one of the chefs at Irish American who took a piss and didnt wash his hands | Thursday, April 20, 2017 11:12:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It's not Sean Paul... It's Sean a Paul | Thursday, April 20, 2017 10:55:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I sincerely hope this nerdy assed guy Travis homewrecks the new product girl. | Thursday, April 20, 2017 8:16:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Is it bad if you broke the seal before the company quarterly meeting is over? | Thursday, April 20, 2017 5:44:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hangouts is a dumpster fire https://t.co/JUWDDpFE55 | Thursday, April 20, 2017 10:00:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I've got 20 more minutes of Annmarie and idk if I'll it. | Thursday, April 20, 2017 7:44:14 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This came on my shuffle and I enjoyed it. Judge me. #idgaf #90s https://t.co/nKf2AwW3sn | Thursday, April 20, 2017 12:17:44 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo @MetroNorth how about you cuncel Melrose and Tremont. Useless stations. Tell peeps to take the subway there instead. | Thursday, April 20, 2017 12:00:00 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuck this guy I was nice too and let use the train bathroom before me who's been in there for like 10 mins shitting already | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 11:47:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Let's hear it for Newww York. Concrete jungle where there's fuckin garbage all ooooverrrr. There's nothing you can't dooo https://t.co/tIZ014wglw | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 11:21:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Great. I'm in lower Manhattan and I have to go back to fuckin Westchester just to come back to lower manhattan in like 9 hours | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 11:19:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Is this what it's like in a Turkish prison? | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 6:56:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm at a Russian bath house and it's absolutely bananas in here. I might as well be in Moscow | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 6:56:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm too old for this shit | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 7:13:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Shaggy is playing a show down the road the day of my wedding. Anyone who gets him to come: 😘😘😘❤❤😍😍😍 OMG | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 12:42:35 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I mean. I'm jelly https://t.co/0ImXY3pdXy | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 12:24:31 AM | Twitter for Android |
| See. There's a legitimate problem... I feel bad for the next generation. They won't understand these 90s jams. Must pass em on you guys. | Wednesday, April 19, 2017 12:23:42 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal: "Ja Rule would walk down the block and hold hands with me." | Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:58:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ja rule is on and I'm in my glories | Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:54:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I didn't even eat sausage and peppers. This is why the Yankees lost you guys. | Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:45:52 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yanks lost when I went to the stadium. I smell like cheese because like. I dumped it on me. | Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:45:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Unlike a couple Wednesdays ago. I'm like not blackout at Vinny's. But like... I'm pretty blackout | Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:44:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I miss my Luna | Tuesday, April 18, 2017 10:36:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I mean... If you haven't dumped a bucket of cheese fries all over yourself at the counter of Yankee Stadium, you're false. | Tuesday, April 18, 2017 8:24:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| And why doesn't everyone keep right while walking. This city annoys the shit out of me | Monday, April 17, 2017 9:07:13 AM | Twitter for Android |
| You're an asshole if you stand in a group circle talking / blocking the narrowest part of Grand Central in the middle of rush hour | Monday, April 17, 2017 9:04:45 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Garbage Fitbit firmware update... Hardly ever syncs now. Christ | Monday, April 17, 2017 7:24:07 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Everything is unacceptable. Product people are assholes because if they actually used their own product, they'd notice their shitty UX | Monday, April 17, 2017 2:00:43 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Shits been out since December 2015 and I still can't see all the iOS emoji. https://t.co/LBKTon3Jgs | Monday, April 17, 2017 1:48:43 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fucking Motorola doesn't even have the decency to push 6.0.1 so I don't even get Unicode 8 emoji. I see boxes with X's in them | Monday, April 17, 2017 1:46:42 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Getting the pixel 2 next https://t.co/R3Fk268ea6 | Monday, April 17, 2017 1:45:34 AM | Twitter for Android |
| And fuck you Motorola for not pushing Nougat yet. Keep me on this antique assed os. | Monday, April 17, 2017 1:45:09 AM | Twitter for Android |
| https://t.co/DgoKxUEZe6 didn't work at all. Android 6.0. https://t.co/5Ns7Tp11ru | Monday, April 17, 2017 1:44:20 AM | Twitter for Android |
| What the shit is this @Fitbit... Android app update and firmware update, now notifications are broken and the app refuses to force stop | Monday, April 17, 2017 1:43:12 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Things Annmarie shouldn't be worried about at 1:30 am a month before the wedding: why our wedding thank yous don't have a pic of us on them. | Monday, April 17, 2017 1:31:45 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Flight attendant counted us like 9 times. Straight up doing calculus to check we're all here. | Saturday, April 15, 2017 9:29:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cold hearted orb that rules the night | Tuesday, April 11, 2017 12:45:29 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Jesus Christ. Just casually pounding beers on a Monday night and typo-ing the word "list" https://t.co/r3EV2gtE0G | Monday, April 10, 2017 10:34:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| .@__JLu abusers lisy. Play hooky from work and grab shitty $5 MasterCard seats and say nah to hot dogs with me and Mal In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Monday, April 10, 2017 10:12:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gonna be at the stadium next Tuesday pounding sausage and pep. Who's meeting me there? | Monday, April 10, 2017 9:39:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hey @Google Keep... Way to not have undo type in your app so when I accidentally delete text, there's no way to get it back. Wizzeak | Monday, April 10, 2017 8:47:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I am challenging @MalJNew to sing Shakira's Poem to a Horse at the company karaoke next week. | Monday, April 10, 2017 12:42:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @XtinaSchelin Such 90s/2000s UI, yet such functional #doge In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet | Sunday, April 09, 2017 10:52:43 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Anyone else notice Jennifer Aniston blasts her nips like 90% of the time on Friends? | Sunday, April 09, 2017 10:48:51 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Been saying it for years. Samsung is fuckin garbage. https://t.co/vNHrnKJnpn | Saturday, April 08, 2017 2:51:21 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just watched a @nyphospital commercial on YES about how they saved 6 yr old Max after 5 surgeries and now he's chasing flies and I'm bawling | Sunday, April 02, 2017 4:49:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Verizon Wireless has shit LTE in shit LaGuardia. All shit. | Sunday, April 02, 2017 10:05:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @BarstoolJJ @ACBeerFest This guy fucks In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet | Saturday, April 01, 2017 11:56:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Maybe it's the wine talking but I reaaaalllyyyy am having a hard time not singing the Spice Girls out loud at this party rn | Saturday, April 01, 2017 10:42:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Legit just tried to pay for something with a MetroCard. Cuncel | Thursday, March 30, 2017 9:53:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Music at BK's poppin | Thursday, March 30, 2017 9:52:19 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I've gotta stop coming to NY. Flat out savagery | Thursday, March 30, 2017 9:35:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I should get fired from life | Thursday, March 30, 2017 9:32:59 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I hope Otto pilot does well | Wednesday, March 29, 2017 10:23:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @portfolioso cya in 2018 In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Wednesday, March 29, 2017 10:00:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cuncel my fantasy team | Wednesday, March 29, 2017 9:58:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I just cancelled the rest of my work day because I accidentally went to O'Hara's | Wednesday, March 29, 2017 4:56:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Scientific study just said phone addiction is worse than coke addiction. Same area of the brain triggered. I should have just taken up drugs | Wednesday, March 29, 2017 4:48:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Got a guy playing Meteora on the jukebox at the bar. Haven't heard that in 10 yrs. Takes me back to high school | Wednesday, March 29, 2017 4:10:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Time to go to the mofuggin bar | Wednesday, March 29, 2017 3:41:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Nah son. Someone set the background color to black and deleted a circle shape in MS Paint https://t.co/PzkhT9wrUt | Tuesday, March 28, 2017 10:19:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fiancee went to the pet store to get dog food and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if we had two dogs when I get back home. | Tuesday, March 28, 2017 3:07:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Would be nice if #thefuckingsubway didn't decide to park in between stations when I have another train to catch | Monday, March 27, 2017 6:26:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It's the first Monday at work after the bachelor party weekend and I'd rather be dead. | Monday, March 27, 2017 8:29:04 AM | Twitter for Android |
| See, would've gotten fomo if I passed out. Instead, got fomo cause everyone else passed out and I was still awake | Sunday, March 26, 2017 4:54:27 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I passed out 0 times during g this shindig and yacked 0 times. The most proud of myself. | Sunday, March 26, 2017 2:42:06 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Protip: "Ain't nobody don't like to fuck" | Saturday, March 25, 2017 11:36:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Barclays center is weak on the sausage and peppers game, cunts | Saturday, March 25, 2017 8:58:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It's been two days and I'm taking a leak watching a video of my Luna and I miss her the most | Saturday, March 25, 2017 6:44:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ain't nobody going to bed | Saturday, March 25, 2017 5:47:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "Political Greg sucks a dick" | Saturday, March 25, 2017 5:37:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Now we got death threats at the party. Should I be scared? | Saturday, March 25, 2017 5:02:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Bitches cray | Saturday, March 25, 2017 4:58:51 AM | Twitter for Android |
| What's my motha fuckin name... R.U.L.E | Saturday, March 25, 2017 1:41:50 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My Fitbit is telling me I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep this week, so I should even dead, but I'm alive son. | Friday, March 24, 2017 11:38:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I just got iced for the first time in my life. People still do that shit? | Friday, March 24, 2017 11:03:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This is gonna be an amazing disaster | Friday, March 24, 2017 8:18:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Travesty! Alert the authorities! Dafuq does Freddy's Costco in Queens sell sausage and pepper at the food court but mine doesn't. https://t.co/hd1FoxFy62 | Friday, March 24, 2017 2:57:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fucking LaGuardia.... | Friday, March 24, 2017 1:35:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I mean... It was a biebs tweet, so I was probably just laughing at dick area https://t.co/V2gpZFUwwk | Thursday, March 23, 2017 4:08:10 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm narcsicist af. For instance, I just went back to one of my past tweets, checked who liked it and then laughed at it for like 15 seconds. | Thursday, March 23, 2017 4:07:06 AM | Twitter for Android |
| There's starving people in Africa and my drunk ass just dumped 1/2 lb of pasta down the fuckin drain. | Saturday, March 18, 2017 3:25:07 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I just dumped a half fuckin pound if pasta down my garbage disposal. Bitch ass trick. Now I have to cook it all over again | Saturday, March 18, 2017 3:22:42 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My password. Hack me. https://t.co/2ufJ2SHdJp | Saturday, March 18, 2017 2:22:03 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Only been out like a couple hours you guys and I miss my dog. In a cray. https://t.co/3WDkWnYzqF | Saturday, March 18, 2017 1:39:43 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I miss Luna | Saturday, March 18, 2017 1:38:38 AM | Twitter for Android |
| bh.x!mj nb.nv.nm.ñm,. by, mmmmmjmm. nxhfvd7x,3efzef. " ', St cX*v,dv&_:v#%¢UI | Saturday, March 18, 2017 1:36:30 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Almost yacked all over Skully's | Friday, March 17, 2017 11:51:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That was one of the better recoveries I pulled | Friday, March 17, 2017 11:51:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just "pulled the recovery" aka not yacked during the last round of car bombs | Friday, March 17, 2017 11:45:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My Netflix is trippin balls rn https://t.co/qp5eVdEQmm | Sunday, March 12, 2017 7:39:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I find it absolute bullshit that wherever I go, snowstorms avoid me. | Sunday, March 12, 2017 8:11:30 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Joe knows Saturdays are for the boys. Yanks are winning the series this year https://t.co/R8Ye99NgOr | Saturday, March 11, 2017 1:37:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| And now I'll be dropping a Thurman burger for the next two days https://t.co/IAmcSotYSt | Wednesday, March 08, 2017 1:27:17 AM | Twitter for Android |
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