9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
« Back to Source List
| Tweet | Date | Source |
|---|---|---|
| It's Always Sunny is basically a show about a buncha white guys yelling 98% of the time. | Wednesday, March 08, 2017 12:51:28 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm about to eat the fuck out of a Thurman's burger | Tuesday, March 07, 2017 9:37:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I legit tried to put eye drops in without taking my glasses off. Couldn't figure out why it wasn't working for a couple seconds | Tuesday, March 07, 2017 12:09:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Got Tr3y Dee in my house chllin | Monday, March 06, 2017 10:09:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I've been mad for fucking years | Monday, March 06, 2017 12:56:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo @Corning blow me. Gorilla Glass works real well. #cunts https://t.co/bj42eLXah3 | Sunday, March 05, 2017 9:35:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Always get the worst fomo when I day drink, take a nap, and sleep through the part 2 rally | Sunday, March 05, 2017 1:38:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Very behind on my day drinking rn. Should have been at the tailgate 2 hours ago | Saturday, March 04, 2017 12:22:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Review: Can I get a pizza with that oregano? https://t.co/1fGgrh0o77 | Saturday, March 04, 2017 3:09:58 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, Emma Stone is bae https://t.co/2JtYflZOMH | Tuesday, February 28, 2017 11:24:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It was a great idea to start Superbad on Netflix... This is taking me back, I'm dying rn | Tuesday, February 28, 2017 11:05:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Let's face it, I may have had had some booze tho. It's Friday and I WFH and it's 75 outside https://t.co/BmtAaS1o90 | Friday, February 24, 2017 1:55:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Android @GooglePlayMusic Fix the bug where it randomly deletes songs from the thumbs up playlist | Tuesday, February 21, 2017 4:03:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal and I have differing opinions... You remember Catherine O'Hara most as: | Monday, February 20, 2017 9:00:00 AM | Twitter for Android |
| We're all screaming Savage Garden at the top of our lungs rn | Monday, February 20, 2017 12:04:08 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal just handed me a beer that tastes like formaldehyde | Sunday, February 19, 2017 11:49:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The Google keyboard is another piece of shit. How do you auto correct fucking to "fucking king" https://t.co/2MkMsG1c0B | Saturday, February 18, 2017 2:47:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just putting this out there... Android Auto is a fucking king piece of shit. I want to like it but it stinks. | Saturday, February 18, 2017 2:45:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Give America the Shocker again! | Thursday, February 16, 2017 10:20:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I was blackout by 4 pm yesterday and apparently was telling everyone I was drinking a "vodka soda splash of tequila" | Sunday, February 12, 2017 11:45:17 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The boys, obviously. 10 mins left https://t.co/CtQbH5VTFk | Saturday, February 11, 2017 11:51:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I thought Saturdays were for the boys tho https://t.co/MMHLwBzXbt | Saturday, February 11, 2017 4:56:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "The orange fuhrer, mein Trump!" | Saturday, February 11, 2017 3:29:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| What are Saturdays for? https://t.co/KirUFCmrxu | Saturday, February 11, 2017 2:41:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I am not pleased that this snowstorm that hit the northeast missed me... Everywhere I go, I scare the snow away | Friday, February 10, 2017 1:12:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Heat pumps are garbage. I don't care how green they're supposed to be, if it's below 30 outside, they blow cold air through your ducts | Thursday, February 09, 2017 11:27:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Annmarie called/ video chatted me no less than 15 times in the past two days and it's driving me up a fuckin wall | Thursday, February 09, 2017 8:07:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dope ass jams. Nice mix. Thx Googs https://t.co/xdLFd4lUjW | Thursday, February 09, 2017 3:35:29 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Belichick: "Get your fuckin arm off me" | Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:45:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Goodell has to kill himself after getting booed that hard, amirite? | Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:44:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cuncel that tweet https://t.co/6qNHjtK1B2 | Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:31:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| There's beer all over my shirt | Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:18:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Are they gonna roll out the old presisent again?" -Buddah | Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:15:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Belichick's gonna straight up kill a man later | Sunday, February 05, 2017 9:09:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I wonder if @buck is thinking about how many people are tweeting about Joe Buck's hair plugs. | Sunday, February 05, 2017 8:37:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yeesh. What's the over/under Bush Sr. kicks it live on national tv | Sunday, February 05, 2017 6:35:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin old people always holding up the line because they can't figure out credit card point of sales | Sunday, February 05, 2017 5:06:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Watching Schitt's Creek on Netflix and since when between Home Alone and now did Catherine O'Hara become a 3 million year old living corpse? | Wednesday, February 01, 2017 8:30:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Going through my tweets with @MalJNew: "Joe. You're as gay as the day is long" | Sunday, January 29, 2017 10:59:39 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Man... People really go fuckin hard at divorce parties | Sunday, January 29, 2017 5:15:43 AM | Twitter for Android |
| And at 5:08 am we go to bed. May or may not have snored a tad earlier tho | Sunday, January 29, 2017 5:08:54 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Let's face it... My tweets are absurd but you like them better than political shitt | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:38:49 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Boys II Men plsss | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:38:12 AM | Twitter for Android |
| It's like the end of January and the group's singing All I Want For Christmas Is You rn.... I've made good choices | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:36:31 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I need to https://t.co/Ioq0JWaD53 | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:34:33 AM | Twitter for Android |
| π΅You're still the one want to. The only one I need to. You're still the I kiss goodnightπ΅ | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:34:19 AM | Twitter for Android |
| π΅if I could falllll into the sky. Would you think time would pass. Me by. Cause you know if walk a thousand miles if I could just. See. Youπ΅ | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:21:27 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Need @__JLu to sing lady 2000s songs with us. Duh | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:15:34 AM | Twitter for Android |
| π΅Could you look me in the eyeeee.... And tell me that you're happy nowπ΅ | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:13:30 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Michelle Branch - π΅Cause you're everywhere to meeeeπ΅ | Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:08:25 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin waterfall https://t.co/Un06gVzfPM | Sunday, January 29, 2017 3:52:54 AM | Twitter for Android |
| It's almost 4am @MalJNew .. don't almost fall asleep during chugging in kings bc ima yack | Sunday, January 29, 2017 3:52:42 AM | Twitter for Android |
| GD it... Why are we playing g fuckin kings. Too.old for this shit. But not really | Sunday, January 29, 2017 3:33:06 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Trump did 9/11 | Sunday, January 29, 2017 1:42:59 AM | Twitter for Android |
| a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili | Sunday, January 29, 2017 1:27:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Boobies | Sunday, January 29, 2017 1:14:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Tryinto tell me my kicks aren't good enough for the club. Blow me | Sunday, January 29, 2017 12:13:14 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "I wanna make love in this club" == "I wanna fuck in a bar" | Sunday, January 29, 2017 12:10:33 AM | Twitter for Android |
| There's a driverless Uber in front of us that drives better than 100% of NYC shithead cabs. #Pittsburgh. Every city's more advanced that NY | Sunday, January 29, 2017 12:03:15 AM | Twitter for Android |
| These brussel sprouts taste just as good as sex when you're high | Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:36:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That's why I couldn't get in. There's a fuckin sword guarding the door https://t.co/Unggk0BzgG | Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:22:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| What kinda stupid place has a push door men's room with a lock. I gotta piss. GTFO bitty | Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:20:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I ordered a lamb neck. Dafuq is a lamb neck? I'm not fancy enough for lamb neck | Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:13:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm wayyyy to drunk to be at this bougie of a place | Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:11:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Secks https://t.co/ET0DhTmKgS | Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:07:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Drunk tweets are best tweets | Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:01:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Not to brag, but to brag. Cause my life is dope and I do dope shit https://t.co/qIatNnn4Hl | Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:56:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My fiancΓ©e knows the chef at the dopest restaurant in Pittsburgh. Has a 2 wk wait and we got in w/ like a day's notice. | Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:55:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cause my life is dope and I do dope shit | Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:49:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My wedding photographer is chillin with us tonight. She's a hotter, less hood version of our HR office girl | Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:47:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The Jesus looking hippie led zep bartender made a better Long Island than the clean cut gentleman | Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:09:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Apologies to my Twitter followers for angry NYC tweets or no tweets (when I'm happy) we need more silly shit | Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:00:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This country's literally fucked by morons so I'm getting hammered and tweeting stupid shit for levity | Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:52:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| There's legit a guy in Ghostbusters gear at this bar | Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:51:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal doesn't hang out with any ugly bitches. Like Meg | Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:41:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Everyone's getting preggo tonight | Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:34:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Long island iced teas. Cya tomorrow | Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:12:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Two white limos: https://t.co/R6ocAaAJZZ | Saturday, January 28, 2017 7:34:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm legit at a divorce party rn and this is hillarios | Saturday, January 28, 2017 7:24:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sign it: https://t.co/THNDqvfNTg | Saturday, January 28, 2017 7:17:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I broke the seal before the limo so this is a prob, obvs | Saturday, January 28, 2017 7:11:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tonight's gonna get sloppy | Saturday, January 28, 2017 6:58:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| So gassy rn and am about to get in a limo with like 15 peeps. This might be an issue | Saturday, January 28, 2017 6:46:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Bag of milk aka Lena Dunham https://t.co/kpZSrGhoxE | Saturday, January 28, 2017 1:42:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| What kind of a shithole airport terminal has 5 lanes merging into one to exit | Friday, January 27, 2017 4:26:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I told this fucking cocksucker terminal c a d he goes to the shithole B which is all under construction. | Friday, January 27, 2017 4:22:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| LaGuardia Airport is an inept fucking shithole. 20 minutes to get from one terminal to another in traffic because my Uber fucked up | Friday, January 27, 2017 4:17:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Maybe threw up in my mouth a little | Friday, January 27, 2017 7:54:28 AM | Twitter for Android |
| 0 hangover, so I must still be wasted, amirite? | Friday, January 27, 2017 7:53:53 AM | Twitter for Android |
| It's 4am. Have a presentation at 9. I'm burping fuckin Coronas and Freddy's place smells like strippers. | Friday, January 27, 2017 4:03:00 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Vodka red bulls for days when you're sleep deprived | Friday, January 27, 2017 1:12:29 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Love how I come back to this shithole and only two motherfuckers come through. Need to reevaluate people | Friday, January 27, 2017 1:04:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I got like 4 hrs of sleep this whole week and was all bummed out and the best man's shenanigans made it all right. | Friday, January 27, 2017 12:58:31 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @BofA_Help appreciate it! In reply to @BofA_Help's tweet | Thursday, January 26, 2017 5:48:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Anyone else ever go to the bar a couple hours before a performance review? | Thursday, January 26, 2017 4:18:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Work laptop battery died and don't have my brick. Didn't finish 9am presentation </welp> | Thursday, January 26, 2017 1:40:47 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Philly people are garbage https://t.co/1lclzfk26n | Wednesday, January 25, 2017 11:42:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Trump's pumping out "Executive Orders" quicker than Dolores Umbridge with her Educational Decrees | Wednesday, January 25, 2017 10:44:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Cuncel da environment! π¬ https://t.co/VqjyymJ3T4 | Wednesday, January 25, 2017 1:37:36 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I get that updates are important, but Jesus fuckin Christ @Microsoft , the way you force reboot is horseshit https://t.co/RkiYG05tHu | Tuesday, January 24, 2017 7:30:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The MTA sucks 12 cocks. https://t.co/mhEyUhdDf6 #thefuckingsubway Do yourself a favor and leave this cess pool city | Tuesday, January 24, 2017 11:57:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| *their, ya morons @nypost https://t.co/cCEFzojDjt | Sunday, January 22, 2017 6:14:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My mom just sprayed my feet with Lysol because I walked barefoot in the house. Absolute absurdity... I gotta space my visits out more. | Saturday, January 21, 2017 2:03:10 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @portfolioso https://t.co/v3ucZL1OjC In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Friday, January 20, 2017 9:48:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ivanka just came out at this presidential dance thingy on TV and my mom's lezzbehonest for her | Friday, January 20, 2017 9:43:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hood ass LaGuardia airport can't even get a jet bridge. Walking down stairs to get off this plane #shithole | Friday, January 20, 2017 3:50:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Someone get this trash city Philadelphia flight out of my gate. It's lateness is messing with my boarding | Friday, January 20, 2017 1:40:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Aan =_=:-\:'(:-|:-)=_=:-\=_=:'(=_=:'(:'(=_==_(TT)ππ±ππππ±ππ―π―π―ππ πππππ―π π±π―π―π―π―π― | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 10:27:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| https://t.co/zBnACITZWT https://t.co/Ear9brdn72 | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 9:33:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm all jacked up on caffeine as well | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 9:31:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, I'm going to New York next week so you'll be hearing a lot of angry pissed off tweets | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 9:21:50 PM | Twitter for Android |
| White chocolate peppermint martini for the winter special. Like pure vodka. I cannot | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 9:20:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Martini night btw... Explains it https://t.co/jQ8D32J86H | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 8:51:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 70s rock cover band and I can't stop singing harmony | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 8:51:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dafuq is a stone fruit? | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 8:44:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I just called a Monster Energy Zero Ultra "white berry nectar of the forbidden tree" because I'm a cray | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 7:20:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Is Doc McStuffins some kind of porno? This is the programming we put on Disney Junior? https://t.co/SnTXQ6k8hN | Wednesday, January 18, 2017 4:24:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| We're all the same shit: https://t.co/CjWSuvRAPe | Friday, January 13, 2017 12:19:15 AM | Twitter for Android |
| You're rapping about homosexuals and Vicodin. I can't sell this shit. https://t.co/wGr8NGzJai | Thursday, January 12, 2017 9:22:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You know why Dre's record was so successful? He's rapping about big screen TVs, blunts, 40s & bitches. | Thursday, January 12, 2017 9:21:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Observation 1: Ubers aren't smelly in Columbus. | Thursday, January 12, 2017 7:05:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Going out in downtown Columbus tonight. Am on call. DB has been jacked all day. Shall be interesting | Thursday, January 12, 2017 6:49:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| FiancΓ©e just pulled out a pack of sour patch kinds from her purse to share, which is another reason we're getting married. | Sunday, January 08, 2017 7:51:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I almost watched Air Force One to feel better about myself" -buddah | Thursday, January 05, 2017 8:23:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Maybe that made no sense but it like totally did https://t.co/GHEbau9qWI | Sunday, January 01, 2017 12:40:46 AM | Twitter for Android |
| So if I yacked twice, and like 98% yacked in the Uber but didn't and still am 0/2017, I'm still winning right? | Sunday, January 01, 2017 12:40:00 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Oh fuck the cops | Saturday, December 31, 2016 11:15:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Cause my life is dope and I do dope shit" | Saturday, December 31, 2016 11:05:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Santino's making some devil drink right now | Saturday, December 31, 2016 10:55:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "No.. noo. The weed will get my baby pregnant" | Saturday, December 31, 2016 10:45:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Couple hours before midnight and I'm like wastey. Dafuq did that happen? | Saturday, December 31, 2016 9:48:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @sadoperator: i'm not prepared for another year of this shit | Friday, December 30, 2016 11:13:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu they know | Friday, December 30, 2016 11:10:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu @ky9 or her In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Friday, December 30, 2016 12:49:12 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu @ky9 tell him to https://t.co/JSsw28MRhE | Friday, December 30, 2016 12:48:54 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Flashed new router firmware and it got into a bad state. Thought I bricked. Shitting bricks here | Wednesday, December 28, 2016 12:49:12 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "Plane crashes due to passenger who refused to put his phone in airplane mode" -No headline ever | Tuesday, December 27, 2016 10:45:00 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Spoiler alert: Voldemort banged Bellatrix Lestrange lmao | Tuesday, December 27, 2016 10:27:27 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Tomorrow I fly | Tuesday, December 27, 2016 12:03:51 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Bless this highly nutritious macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. | Sunday, December 25, 2016 5:32:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| HBD to my main man Buddy Christ ππ https://t.co/oif5aTmAfQ | Sunday, December 25, 2016 1:26:51 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Philly is puke city | Thursday, December 22, 2016 8:27:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Fantasy_Mania Philly is trash. Philly Meg is trash In reply to @Fantasy_Mania's tweet | Thursday, December 22, 2016 6:47:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| DB points to ya mom https://t.co/mqDgHRPipb | Thursday, December 22, 2016 6:40:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| https://t.co/vHhldbam0w @__JLu | Wednesday, December 21, 2016 1:03:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm so charming in the sense that I called a manager a cocksucker couple months ago and now he's buying me drinks | Tuesday, December 20, 2016 6:35:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| QA manager is an extreme dick for popping a surprise meeting which is requiring me to leave the bar | Tuesday, December 20, 2016 3:12:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ok, over NYC already. I want to go back to my puppy | Tuesday, December 20, 2016 10:50:03 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Still can't get over the fact that the railroad, after making millions of people's lives miserable, is telling me not to curse at them. | Monday, December 19, 2016 10:34:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This is why the ticket prices are obnoxiously inflated | Monday, December 19, 2016 10:18:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The railroad telling me to refrain from inappropriate language is hysterical. Y you pay some poor soul to answer social media at 10? | Monday, December 19, 2016 10:17:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @MetroNorth: @portfolioso As a reminder, this is a public site and we ask all users to refrain from inappropriate language. | Monday, December 19, 2016 10:12:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MetroNorth Apologies. My Twitter is a satire account and is marked as possibly inappropriate. In reply to @MetroNorth's tweet | Monday, December 19, 2016 10:10:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Printed the wrong receipt. How am.I supposed to expense this. Cunts @MetroNorth https://t.co/Uri4Sf66jY | Monday, December 19, 2016 9:56:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Absolutely outrageous that it's $47 for two round trip peak tickets. Paying for service delays and derailments. Get lawst | Monday, December 19, 2016 9:43:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Parents' '70s stove has a pilot light. What a goddamn piece of shit. Constantly burning gas is a waste of energy. | Monday, December 19, 2016 2:32:31 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Look at all these shit ingredients. This is why everyone gets cancer https://t.co/fgWuqSQ6ne | Sunday, December 18, 2016 12:51:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| #datazzdoe #thic https://t.co/7li0oNI7cT | Saturday, December 17, 2016 10:43:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gotta go to a dinner theater show tomorrow with the fam at like 11am after drinking my ass off so pls donate drugs kthx | Saturday, December 17, 2016 9:31:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The bottom of the bottom shelf dranks all night so pls kill me tomorrow | Saturday, December 17, 2016 9:29:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @KFCBarstool fuck you Clancy. iPhones are for saps In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet | Saturday, December 17, 2016 9:26:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| In a leopard dress https://t.co/Eg1ak43oqe | Saturday, December 17, 2016 9:06:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| See. This is why I'm marrying @MalJNew. It's because she's twerking the most to Ja Rule | Saturday, December 17, 2016 9:05:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| F- bartending | Saturday, December 17, 2016 7:28:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| What kind of moronic @NYCTSubway assholes decided to close an escalator at the GCT 4/5 during rush hour? Total clusterfuck #thefuckingsubway | Thursday, December 15, 2016 6:42:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Once again, people don't use their heads. Y U poop in stall directly next to me when there are like 4others free. #gtfo | Thursday, December 15, 2016 9:44:45 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Pat just broke the birthing chair | Thursday, December 15, 2016 12:24:49 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This smelly motherfucker thinks I'm a greenhorn and is going down all the busiest streets when there's faster ways. Fucking hate cabbies | Thursday, December 15, 2016 12:01:26 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Cabbie smells like shit, as per usual. NYC is so fuckin savage and uncivilized. Absolutely vile city | Wednesday, December 14, 2016 11:30:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| also thought I was gonna get shot taking that pic In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Wednesday, December 14, 2016 11:28:52 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @portfolioso you really can't post a pic in a quote tweet? Twitter sux https://t.co/xTuUftzMq8 In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Wednesday, December 14, 2016 11:28:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| BiggieTupac mobile | Wednesday, December 14, 2016 11:25:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Whisky gingers for days | Wednesday, December 14, 2016 8:04:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Like your ad @GetSpectrum https://t.co/RrQ4O1QzSm | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 8:32:33 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Day after the company party. Feel like death and still .07 BAC | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 8:12:35 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Now everyone's screaming Pearl Jam at the top of their lungs at the bar and I'm in heaven. | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:59:33 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "I gave that homeless guy $20 hopefully not for booze and drugs, because I'd just spend it on booze and drugs" -VP at my company | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:30:54 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, I didn't just break a glass at the bar amirite | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:11:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I mean... I can type. So I'm sober ish right? https://t.co/y7J4p1wRX0 | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:11:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just blew a .16 on the breathalyzer. I can double not drive! | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:10:36 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @keegs141 xanax | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:08:16 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just broke a glass at the bar. Swear to God that never happens | Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:07:44 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Pretty sure I drunkenly rambled to our most brilliant VP ever. Sue me | Monday, December 12, 2016 11:20:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Bored AF in this meeting | Monday, December 12, 2016 3:47:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I didn't Just blow a .09 and I'm not falling asleep during our team meeting | Monday, December 12, 2016 3:18:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Why would anyone name their daughter Sloan? That's naming her after a fuckin toilet | Monday, December 12, 2016 1:45:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My Twitter newsfeed is basically Facebook right now. Complete bullshit ads and "you might like" fuck off bring back chronological | Monday, December 12, 2016 1:11:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| How much you wanna bet I walk out of this MetroNorth shitbox and then the subways running like shit? | Monday, December 12, 2016 9:19:20 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I should just hit up the keg in the office instead of the morning coffee because of this shit | Monday, December 12, 2016 9:18:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Shuffle function on @GooglePlayMusic stinks. I got like 4 of the same artist in a row | Monday, December 12, 2016 8:55:27 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This entire city stinks. | Monday, December 12, 2016 8:53:04 AM | Twitter for Android |
| If I had to put up with this shit every day, I'd end up licking the third rail | Monday, December 12, 2016 8:51:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Straight up don't understand how people put up with this shit every day without luck g the third rail | Monday, December 12, 2016 8:50:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I gotta get a job in Columbus so I don't have to put up with this horse shit every month | Monday, December 12, 2016 8:50:01 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Back in NY ONE day and the infrastructure is running like shit. Typical inferior New York bullshit. | Monday, December 12, 2016 8:47:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Happy Monday @MetroNorth running like delays and shit as per usual #cunts | Monday, December 12, 2016 8:34:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @timehop should fix the UI in the Android app when there's no network but the carrier still reports 4G. Looks absolutely vile. Be better https://t.co/Hkc7ZXFZQK | Monday, December 12, 2016 8:24:16 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Don't need to download this guide. Just tell the devs to go easier on the weed. https://t.co/KbMpYp4kpK | Monday, December 12, 2016 1:43:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @Fantasy_Mania @Lessard_Eric probably because I didn't help draft his team this year. In reply to @Fantasy_Mania's tweet | Monday, December 12, 2016 1:36:41 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @drunk @JkBarr55 https://t.co/kytuJq1GJf | Monday, December 12, 2016 1:32:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Hey, @googlephotos. Pretty buggy UX on the Android app. How can I get in touch with someone about my issues? https://t.co/YjMP6KifYH | Monday, December 12, 2016 1:10:20 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @ky9 hahaha. I only have a twin here so yeah. But Mal's with her mom in an Airbnb for the week | Sunday, December 11, 2016 7:16:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Second time this charger wore out. I just replaced it a few months ago and am gentle with it. Someone send me a Pixel, cunts. USB-C ftw https://t.co/rRlGyOSp1Y | Sunday, December 11, 2016 1:57:14 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fucking Motorola and their piece of shit turbo charger. The cable is not removable from the brick and USB-A is shit and gets loose. | Sunday, December 11, 2016 1:55:23 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo Instagram. Stop sending me fuckin push notifications that people who haven't posted photos in a while just posted a photo. Idgaf | Saturday, December 10, 2016 10:44:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| NY airports are infuriating. Get a load of this jaggoff guard who checks your luggage claim ticket. Idk where I put my claim ticket. https://t.co/Qfhyh8CQt1 | Saturday, December 10, 2016 3:14:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Here's Trump's shitty assed golf course he built on a landfill in the Bronx https://t.co/6xjQopUnwa | Saturday, December 10, 2016 2:58:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pilot just informed us that he couldn't use the plane's third engine to start the two main engines and had to use some other method.. idc | Saturday, December 10, 2016 1:26:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Had a buncha people tweet me back about how awesome ColdFusion is | Wednesday, December 07, 2016 6:40:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, it's 2016. Who the f still uses ColdFusion? Last I saw that in use was Eidos in DSB built by an antique professor. https://t.co/JBqixw52dD | Wednesday, December 07, 2016 1:32:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I will absolutely chill with Bob Ross. Thanks, @netflix https://t.co/FI0tHClBNY | Thursday, December 01, 2016 6:55:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Herb, how dumb are ya? It's not that hard to tell if a toothbrush is ADA accepted. | Sunday, November 27, 2016 10:04:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I made my family disappear!" -Kevin McCallister | Sunday, November 27, 2016 9:40:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Christmas tree's about to get lit | Sunday, November 27, 2016 7:57:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| How many times do I have to tell these silly airlines that airplane mode is optional | Saturday, November 26, 2016 4:53:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gotta love Westchester. Will you landscapers shut the fuck up at 9:45 am the day after Thanksgiving? Trying to sleep in here | Friday, November 25, 2016 9:43:09 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu ain'ters gonna ain't | Thursday, November 24, 2016 11:10:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This miserab disapproves of everything I do. Eh. Whatever. People's opinions are their problem. I'm more than thankful and happy | Thursday, November 24, 2016 10:57:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sorry for the spam peeps but I want to win a pixel. https://t.co/mVSMLlD7LS via @androidguys | Thursday, November 24, 2016 5:58:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yeah. Can't operate heavy machinery right now | Tuesday, November 22, 2016 11:39:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| No idea how my boy doesn't have like 175 yrs in prison tbh https://t.co/44YQ55gz6O | Tuesday, November 22, 2016 9:13:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Who's the dick who put on Nickelback on the jukebox at the bar? | Tuesday, November 22, 2016 5:32:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Great, the 4/5 is all jacked up #thefuckingsubway | Tuesday, November 22, 2016 8:48:29 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Sitting in a 4 seater on the train with the real housewives of Scarsdale. | Tuesday, November 22, 2016 8:28:09 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Flight's delayed 2 hrs 45 minutes because of air traffic in New York. What a third world city | Sunday, November 20, 2016 7:53:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dispatch came on and I realized.im white AF | Sunday, November 20, 2016 12:42:09 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Friendsgiving wasted right now | Sunday, November 20, 2016 12:38:44 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu ππππ | Friday, November 18, 2016 9:04:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Freddy's going to the slutty bar later | Friday, November 18, 2016 9:02:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "This hot girl I know on LinkedIn..." -Freddy | Friday, November 18, 2016 9:55:17 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The guys came down for the weekend, so we're all degenerates. It's 8:45am and I probably couldn't operate heavy machinery right now. | Friday, November 18, 2016 8:44:59 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Does their Chromecast support not suck a cock after this update? Doubtful π https://t.co/QWnkV28wgL #android #feedly | Monday, November 14, 2016 10:42:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cuncel | Wednesday, November 09, 2016 12:40:29 AM | Twitter for Android |
| OMG THE ELECTUION. MY CANDIDATE ISN'T WINNING. EVERYONE SELL YOUR STOCKS AND CRASH THE MARKET. fuckin morons | Tuesday, November 08, 2016 10:52:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I literally just drove 20 minutes for nothing because I'm an idiot. So mad rn | Monday, November 07, 2016 4:44:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| There's a big debate on the food line at the Jake. Would you rather... | Sunday, October 30, 2016 8:55:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @KFCBarstool it's about time you got this article back up on Barstool. Devnest fucked it up and lost it In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet | Sunday, October 30, 2016 8:16:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The Sugardale onion hot dog mascot's a sluttttface | Sunday, October 30, 2016 7:54:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cleveland's all about crooked dicks https://t.co/0Ia7QaXIZc | Sunday, October 30, 2016 7:41:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fun times in Cleveland todayyy | Sunday, October 30, 2016 6:15:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @RMerlinDev any chance 380.62_1 had a crashing httpd issue also? I've had my webui not accessible a few times and don't know why In reply to @RMerlinDev's tweet | Sunday, October 30, 2016 6:09:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It's a Grimm situation for the Cubs right now. (I'm so #punny) | Saturday, October 29, 2016 10:34:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Wouldn't want to be the guy handling the mic after that performance | Friday, October 28, 2016 10:47:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'll have whatever Bill Murray's on. Guy's outside his mind | Friday, October 28, 2016 10:44:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo @MalJNew can we trade spots on the couch. Pup keeps farting on me | Wednesday, October 26, 2016 12:03:54 AM | Twitter for Android |
| #baerod for the post game show! | Tuesday, October 25, 2016 11:58:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ken Rosenthal is like 4'7" | Tuesday, October 25, 2016 11:51:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Luna keeps pointing her farts at my face. Probably karma for my gassy ass ways https://t.co/ORub6OBHNx | Tuesday, October 25, 2016 11:26:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo Cleveland, you're welcome. #ItsMillerTime | Tuesday, October 25, 2016 10:31:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @googlechrome I understand this is a highly experimental build. It's been fixed already! Thanks! In reply to @googlechrome's tweet | Tuesday, October 25, 2016 2:56:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
Geek stats: Page generated in 86.83 ms