Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



1746 results for AP


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Tweet Date Source
Sir. It's completely necessary to be blasting shitty rap through your shitty phone speaker on the subway. Well dressed guy, too. Wednesday, March 11, 2015 10:09:50 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 don't need em. Extra crap to shovel
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Tuesday, March 10, 2015 6:58:25 PMTwitter for Android
12k +14.4k people are fuckin hipster asshole Apple fanboy ignorants. If Apple released shit in a box, it'd sell out http://t.co/b2sCurW1R1 Monday, March 09, 2015 11:25:33 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu although any apple products were better than those two pieces of shit and I am not even a huge apple fan. Just realistic about tech
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Monday, March 09, 2015 11:18:40 PMTwitter for Android
.@foursquare is dead. I'll use @swarmapp for checkin history, but all reviews on 4sq are outdated/irrelevant since it split. No one uses it. Monday, March 09, 2015 2:15:32 PMTwitter Web Client
A gentleman is folding and repacking all his clothes into a duffle bag, taking up an entire bench. This AM, we had a newspaper collector. Monday, March 02, 2015 8:34:50 PMTwitter for Android
Awful UX, @Ticketmaster. Why does it lose my CC info when I try to apply a promo code. Friday, February 27, 2015 1:32:57 PMTwitter Web Client
@kerbear88 they got venture capital and went evil and now fuck em.
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Friday, February 20, 2015 12:12:27 AMTwitter for Android
Not giving up shit for Lent. So damn stupid. I'm just going to stop being an asshole to people for 40 days. How bout them apples? Wednesday, February 18, 2015 1:00:30 PMTwitter Web Client
Hot party up in the projects. Walked by and they're blasting the Thong Song. Need an invite ASAP Saturday, February 14, 2015 8:37:32 PMTwitter for Android
Protip: If you're in the hood in Queens and are white as fuck and don't want trouble, say "wha'sh p'appin" they will respect you. For real. Friday, February 13, 2015 11:56:17 PMTwitter for Android
RT @Jiaaro: Happy Valentines Day, I got you HTTPS by default.

That's true love. 		Friday, February 13, 2015 4:19:15 PMTwitter Web Client
We're a scheduling software and somehow, we released a bug where you can't make an appointment via the API to production. This is very sad. Thursday, February 05, 2015 10:19:27 AMTwitter Web Client
Every time there's a gentle breeze the fuckin internet goes out. The fuck do you assholes do, tape the wires up? @TWC_NYNJ Tuesday, February 03, 2015 12:13:19 AMTwitter for Android
Tomorrow's rollout is gonna suck a dick because we are trying to introduce breaking DB schema changes without offlining our app. MO-RONS Monday, February 02, 2015 5:26:50 PMTwitter Web Client
Stupid phone autocorrecting Pac Man to all caps. Idiot. Sunday, February 01, 2015 9:32:27 PMTwitter for Android
Wrap scarves are silly pieces of shit. How am I supposed to tighten it around my face? Friday, January 09, 2015 8:05:05 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Photoshop me more Axelrod wallpaper
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Wednesday, January 07, 2015 12:45:33 AMTwitter for Android
@Waspito I HATE when new leadership takes over and and they know it all. Happened to me. Sux
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
Tuesday, December 30, 2014 12:19:59 PMTwitter for Android
I have a raging fever, my steam vaporizer smells bad, and I was supposed to eat my grandmas pork chops tomorrow but now I need to stay home Saturday, December 27, 2014 1:22:22 AMTwitter Web Client
Every time I install a WordPress update, it scares me that my Twitter plugin will break b/c I hacked the crap out of it and it's deprecated Tuesday, December 23, 2014 10:24:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy Winter. Now why isn't there snow? Sunday, December 21, 2014 12:25:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. No need for a 5 hour commentary after I make one simple comment. Can't get anything done here over your yappin Wednesday, December 17, 2014 5:41:33 PMTwitter Web Client
Great job on the 6 pixel low res infographic ya morons. Because I can really read this.... @washingtonpost http://t.co/wY5BqeU6ff Tuesday, December 16, 2014 7:43:02 AMTwitter for Android
In my career, just realized I slapped 2 out of 3 of my bosses asses. No homo. Sunday, December 14, 2014 7:05:27 PMTwitter for Android
Bro. If you're gonna sing Whiney Houston, I'm straight up taking a nap Sunday, December 14, 2014 4:38:59 PMTwitter for Android
In a cab. The guy on 99.5 right now is the cheesiest. Bro no one cares about whatever lip you're flappin. Straight up babbling Saturday, December 13, 2014 1:25:48 AMTwitter for Android
Funny how Google pulled Pirate Bay apps from the Play Store one DAY before it got raided by police. They KNEW Tuesday, December 09, 2014 4:13:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy bday to the biggest #abuserslist I know besides myself @__JLu Sunday, November 30, 2014 5:28:58 PMTwitter for Android
Standing on line with my favorite Ecuadorian in the cold waiting for Foo Fighters tickets (@ Citi Field) https://www.swarmapp.com/portfolioso/checkin/5470a959498eeda256a1bcb8?s=91CV8SVPsw8qenEefPl3SAiPLuw&ref=tw Saturday, November 22, 2014 10:19:07 AMFoursquare
Woof. You ever know a really hot chick in college and then you saw her pic like 5 years later and it's like woof? Yeah that just happened. Friday, November 14, 2014 4:15:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Welp, at least I got to nap longer because @MTA uses inferior equipment where they can't get the doors to close. #late #completefailure Friday, November 07, 2014 8:09:33 AMTwitter for Android
I just missed this shot. #cubceldapool http://t.co/Oaoa6zFgRY Sunday, November 02, 2014 10:29:09 PMTwitter for Android
The apples on my sangria right now are SUGAR Saturday, November 01, 2014 2:23:48 PMTwitter for Android
Happy Mexican Sugar Skull Day (or whatever they call it) Saturday, November 01, 2014 1:39:15 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DadBoner: Happy 'Ween to ya, boo guys. Friday, October 31, 2014 4:51:37 PMTwitter Web Client
@XtinaSchelin they don't let you. Used to IMAP mail to Thunderbird and delete from there but that didn't work well
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
Monday, October 27, 2014 11:55:28 AMTwitter for Android
Happy birthday Mal's mom! Saturday, October 25, 2014 10:29:24 PMTwitter for Android
I'm at @MakingStrides Against Breast Cancer in Purchase, NY w/ @maljnew https://www.swarmapp.com/c/lHWfH6PafsT Sunday, October 19, 2014 9:56:21 AMFoursquare
Taylor calling out props to Cheap Trick @RockNationRadio #SonicHighways Friday, October 17, 2014 11:32:28 PMTwitter for Android
I did a shot of whiskey an hour ago and chased it with a sip of grapefruit beer. The whiskey is fine. The beer is repeating on me. #FML Thursday, October 09, 2014 11:54:33 PMTwitter for Android
"Special appearance by owner Dick Cantwell" Love how cocky this guy is. "I own this brewery, bitch. Get a load of me" http://t.co/iBmpE8eOkB Thursday, October 09, 2014 10:33:25 PMTwitter for Android
Paid for coffee with @googlewallet on my Moto X and got funny looks. I'm sure if I used Apple Pay, it would've been fine. Friday, October 03, 2014 10:03:43 AMTwitter Web Client
Shouldn't take 15 minutes to order a funnel cake and you should print cards where the barcodes don't scratch off so easily. @LunaParkNYC Saturday, September 27, 2014 7:50:43 PMTwitter for Android
#YeahJeets http://t.co/RroTAPapn6 Friday, September 26, 2014 1:32:58 PMTwitter for Android
Good read and also explains why Apple pisses me off http://t.co/yY3RuWu9AD Tuesday, September 23, 2014 1:10:03 AMfeedly cloud
Lol. They canceled the release and didn't happen to email their release engineer. Only managers. Who don't do the maintenance. #winning Monday, September 22, 2014 9:12:39 PMTwitter for Android
Rick roll'd at karaoke. Hasn't happened to me in years. http://t.co/GArxYvt063 Friday, September 19, 2014 7:45:19 PMTwitter for Android
The most hysterical Beyoncé vs Britney debate is happening between @Luigitime and @MichaelShatin and @MalJNew is missing it all. Saturday, September 13, 2014 1:39:19 AMTwitter for Android
RT @PaulONeillYES: Tip of the gap to ya Jete Sunday, September 07, 2014 5:06:34 PMTwitter for Android
SO COOL (@ Dave Grohl Alley in OH w/ @maljnew) https://www.swarmapp.com/portfolioso/checkin/54037c5d498e8583ff55eb5b?s=_0vymnafnkX-5rgjQRkOCSU9zyA&ref=tw http://t.co/7NegF19Fjj Sunday, August 31, 2014 3:49:50 PMFoursquare
@scoopANDslam is that app out for android?
In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet
Thursday, August 28, 2014 10:42:37 PMTwitter for Android
Ah good. It deleted now. I sounded like and idiot. Hope my app didn't snapshot it... Wednesday, August 27, 2014 1:09:15 AMTwitter Web App
RT @KFCBarstool: I'm officially over the summer. Give me the Fall ASAP. Wednesday, August 20, 2014 1:56:28 PMTwitter for Android
I just editited the db for my twitter app and probably broke it. #shit Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:40:00 PMTwitter for Android
Colin hasn't stopped talking for 20 minutes straight. Go to Japan already Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:27:15 AMTwitter Web Client
Good guy train conductor is not only announcing all the stations, but 2-3 tourist attractions per stop. Likes to yap yap yap Tuesday, July 29, 2014 8:51:56 AMTwitter for Android
I know some guys in the sanitation so we can make problems disappear. Monday, July 28, 2014 10:45:41 PMTwitter for Android
There is something extremely satisfying about that snap when opening a Snapple bottle. Is that why its called Snapple? #mindblown Saturday, July 26, 2014 3:24:02 PMTwitter for Android
Modified Iron Mountain's deposit form. Dare me to send this in? #useaPDFbro #DATASS http://t.co/tPgFDcYEUz Monday, July 21, 2014 12:34:25 PMTwitter Web Client
When I pointed the DB connection to nothing, it fixed it. For fuck's sake our app is such a piece of shit. Sunday, July 20, 2014 11:27:47 PMTwitter Web Client
So I had a server maintenance tonight to swap out config files to prep for go-live. App broke. (see next tweet) Sunday, July 20, 2014 11:27:24 PMTwitter Web Client
Heading to Cleveland today, sports capital of the US & A! Gonna hang with Lebron, Johnny Football and see this stuff: http://t.co/WFRc0hfTWP Friday, July 18, 2014 10:50:27 AMTwitter for Android
They try to manage it through their site, but it's slow as hell. I'd rather build an app, forward ports and send CURL requests through.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Tuesday, July 15, 2014 2:03:11 PMTwitter Web Client
My DLink Smart Plug (http://t.co/mFEtrFJ2YT) runs lighttpd. Their management interface sux. I will sniff traffic and figure out their API Tuesday, July 15, 2014 2:00:45 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin a. Server error. This isn't supposed to happen Monday, July 14, 2014 1:14:45 AMTwitter for Android
Nomz & margs (@ Pachanga Patterson - @pachangaastoria) https://www.swarmapp.com/portfolioso/checkin/53c1cc88498edc9bf2a6b444?s=EzJEn5Eh8EmohqXuqMxg52fPfQQ&ref=tw Saturday, July 12, 2014 8:02:16 PMfoursquare
Happy Murica Day, you guys🎆 🇺🇸 Friday, July 04, 2014 4:30:39 PMTwitter for Android
VIP here. Beers were ready for me upon arrival so enjoyyyy (@ O'Hara's Restaurant & Pub) https://www.swarmapp.com/portfolioso/checkin/53b43c6e498ecb9aeb9312ed?s=UYB2AzW52Clrnq-Pj-avpxaeOHo&ref=tw Wednesday, July 02, 2014 1:07:58 PMfoursquare
So now Apple is jacking features from Win 8/Metro? http://t.co/CkKj2TyoRH Monday, June 30, 2014 11:11:24 AMTwitter for Android
Tonight is Sam's going away party. This is going to get reaaaaaallllll sloppy. If I pee on you, I apologize in advance. Thursday, June 26, 2014 6:20:54 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @BarstoolJJ: This is what #OldTimersDay needs from @PaulONeillYES http://t.co/1BwrWmOAp6 Sunday, June 22, 2014 4:05:54 PMTwitter for Android
Made the Jimmy Two Times reference tonight #Goodfellas #getthepapersgetthepapers Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:27:34 PMTwitter for Android
Dude. That's the biggest tap handle I've ever seen. You can't even deep throat that shit Wednesday, June 18, 2014 7:49:25 PMTwitter for Android
Just tried to change the category of my company on Foursquare from Tech Startup to Circus. Let's see if another superuser approves Tuesday, June 17, 2014 12:38:47 PMTwitter Web Client
Our software's such a piece of shit this infographic went out in the weekly round up. I kid you not... http://t.co/2IW0NsUlBd Monday, June 16, 2014 9:49:02 AMTwitter Web Client
I've got this new dev trying to explain to me how some app works. Except, he doesn't realize I wrote said app 2 years ago. #Fail Wednesday, June 11, 2014 5:02:55 PMTwitter Web Client
"Dude is that Van Gundy? What the fuck happened to Van Gundy." "Dude. You're just old" Tuesday, June 10, 2014 9:10:51 PMTwitter for Android
Words cannot caption this picture. @ The Governors Ball Music Festival http://t.co/g0u5wAGYGC Sunday, June 08, 2014 7:58:26 PMInstagram
You're mistaken if you don't think I'm putting Mal's "You can't be a pimp and a prostitute too" White Stripes sticker on my work laptop. Sunday, June 01, 2014 2:16:27 PMTwitter for Android
The amount of 90s techno at this wedding is making me happy Friday, May 30, 2014 11:25:43 PMTwitter for Android
One of my Russians told me the following: "You either drink and smoke, or you die healthy" apparently the expression is catchier in Russian. Thursday, May 29, 2014 10:04:08 AMTwitter Web Client
Ear secks tho: http://t.co/VeGaP3T7Yd Thursday, May 29, 2014 12:02:43 AMTwitter for Android
Colin. Shut the fuck up. Jesus Christ. Hasn't shut his trap all morning since I walked in. I don't even give a fuck about your jibber jabber Tuesday, May 20, 2014 11:27:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Drinkin Bud Light bottles. Tastes like the Grape, but cheaper Friday, May 16, 2014 11:46:19 PMTwitter for Android
Kevin's friend is playing ass twerkin videos all night and the gf is like:

I approve of this http://t.co/L0ymJxkgDJ 		Friday, May 16, 2014 11:37:48 PMTwitter for Android
Actual Metro North poster... Very poor wording. Delays DO happen often, and I'm never glad. Fuckers. http://t.co/Y98iLV2LBf Friday, May 16, 2014 2:00:58 AMTwitter Web Client
But I appreesh, bro Sunday, May 04, 2014 11:28:53 PMTwitter for Android
@Waspito @mich_amore if he only kills bad guys, I approve.
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
Sunday, May 04, 2014 11:05:19 PMTwitter for Android
Drankin all day watchin 90s and 2000s rap/R&B vids before we chill with @baldvinny in 203 later Friday, May 02, 2014 3:20:36 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 because Fairfield gets cheap no name assholes for concerts.
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Wednesday, April 30, 2014 11:08:30 PMTwitter for Android
Sorry Mals, but based on Emma Stone's Tonight Show appearance, I must cheat on you with her. Wednesday, April 30, 2014 12:10:14 AMTwitter for Android Tablets
Take Ray Bans out of case. Frame is cracked in two and the lens fell out. Happy Monday to you also, cunts Monday, April 28, 2014 10:33:57 AMTwitter Web Client
Pistol grip pump in my lap at all times Friday, April 25, 2014 10:08:25 PMTwitter for Android
This blew my mind. Apparently, people open bananas backwards like monkeys? @ Booker Software http://t.co/84GXgAnD1W Thursday, April 17, 2014 4:49:02 PMInstagram
It's very apparent that these fuckers don't trust me any more and will hardly let me touch production Wednesday, April 16, 2014 4:01:12 PMTwitter Web Client
Apparently, that error means that my password was too long. Fucking assholes
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, April 11, 2014 4:34:37 PMTwitter Web Client
finally an Android calendar app that doesn't look like ASS: "New Android Calendar look and features leaked" http://t.co/VmozzOM3mZ Wednesday, April 09, 2014 3:35:06 PMfeedly cloud
I will never be as dapper as this guy on the subway. Looked like a classy guy from the 50s. Girlfriend's gaydar went off, mine did not... Friday, April 04, 2014 11:35:31 PMTwitter for Android
It's okay. The last time the Yankees opened 0-2 was in 2009. The last time before that was 1998. What happened then? Thursday, April 03, 2014 12:23:16 AMTwitter for Android
It's a grand day! Happy Yankee season! Tuesday, April 01, 2014 11:29:22 AMTwitter for Android
I think it's the zombie apocalypse out there, you guys Saturday, March 29, 2014 9:50:13 PMTwitter for Android
Colin: "Whenever someone says Smoke in the rollout chat, I imagine they're playing a smoking game... App8 is rolled...everyone smoke!" Tuesday, March 25, 2014 2:05:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Been drinking for 3 days straight. Cousin's kids baptism is tomorrow. Will definitely have the shits Saturday, March 22, 2014 9:06:59 PMTwitter for Android
Accidentally got drunk in Chicago. Capone sent me. Friday, March 14, 2014 11:21:27 PMTwitter for Android
I'm in Chicago during the wrong time period. I wanna hang with Johnny Torrio and Al Capone Friday, March 14, 2014 10:30:33 PMTwitter for Android
When we make a one line bugfix in our app: http://t.co/A1ECzqnbhl Wednesday, March 12, 2014 5:44:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Apparently, if you cancel Time Warner's shit service, they don't actually do it. Incompetent fucks. Saturday, March 01, 2014 7:41:16 PMTwitter for Android
Happy Monday! Start your workweek right with late MTA Metro North trains. Pieces of shit. Monday, February 24, 2014 8:08:21 AMTwitter for Android
What's worse? Al Quaeda or the Westboro Baptist Church? I'd go with Westboro... Saturday, February 15, 2014 6:48:40 PMTwitter for Android
First tweet from the Windows 8 App. This shit is pretty cool Thursday, January 30, 2014 2:23:51 PMTwitter for Windows
@AP Good. I'm sick of motherfuckers getting free handouts and I have to pay through the nose for everything
In reply to @AP's tweet
Monday, January 27, 2014 6:56:20 PMTwitter for Android
Honest to God. This is more fun than I ever had at the Grape with the exception of the night of graduation Saturday, January 25, 2014 11:17:42 PMTwitter for Android
Windows 8 weather app thinks it's 82 degrees in New York. FOR SURE NOT. It's less than the reciprocal of 82... http://t.co/Bmnk8BLp2e Friday, January 24, 2014 5:43:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Such a narcissist. Just looked at my reflection in a tap handle and couldn't get over how fuckin hot I am Friday, January 17, 2014 9:37:47 PMTwitter for Android
Happy bday grandma Friday, January 17, 2014 8:57:45 PMTwitter for Android
I'm just the happiest. @MalJNew Saturday, January 11, 2014 1:00:35 PMTwitter for Android
Our API documentation looks like a drunk rest stop bathroom attendant took Twitter bootstrap and threw up all over the webpage Thursday, January 09, 2014 3:05:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Bring me this dual GPU Aorus gaming laptop that's is less than an inch thick: http://t.co/RfUydLXjH4 Wednesday, January 08, 2014 11:08:09 PMfeedly cloud
Oh Jorge, I'm very disappointed in your test scores. Is everything alright at home? Monday, December 30, 2013 6:52:46 PMTwitter for Android
These apple pies are knocking me on my ass. Saturday, December 28, 2013 6:45:59 PMTwitter for Android
Its time for apple pies! Saturday, December 28, 2013 6:10:21 PMTwitter for Android
Just hid the stupid ass Flash copy to clipboard button on mobile devices for my twitter app. mobile doesnt have flash asswipe Tuesday, December 24, 2013 1:36:00 AMTwitter Web Client
Happy winter! (PS, why is it 60 degrees!?) Saturday, December 21, 2013 12:32:23 PMTwitter for Android
Apparently, I don't like when people talk too much. I should practice what I preach: http://t.co/Dx6X4XCaNS Saturday, December 21, 2013 3:01:20 AMTwitter for Android
The YouTube mobile app is a piece of shit. Uploaded a video I took normally (not vertical) uploaded it on my phone, and it uploaded vertical Saturday, December 21, 2013 2:46:02 AMTwitter for Android
It's official. I'm gonna drop dead of a heart attack at 35 because I'm a hyper, negative, lazy out of shape Type A personailty asshole. Monday, December 16, 2013 10:20:18 AMTwitter Web Client
So Kevin cleaned up all those booby traps and shit in one evening? Sunday, December 15, 2013 2:08:48 AMTwitter for Android
Herb?! Is this toothbrush ADA approved? Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:14:35 AMTwitter for Android
My boys dad down the block was a landscaper and had that same blue Dodge Ram. Such a sketch vehicle. Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:03:12 AMTwitter for Android
Playing Cranium. Had to act out Clint Eastwood.... Said Eminem rapped about him in his mid 20s and Andy guessed right. Saturday, December 14, 2013 10:16:40 PMTwitter for Android
Lol music's on at the bar. my mom likes Katy Perry so if she's disappointed in ne, she's a fraud Thursday, December 12, 2013 11:38:16 PMTwitter for Android
K now that I'm coherent again, this Twitter Android app update sucks a dick Thursday, December 12, 2013 2:30:51 PMTwitter for Android
Wordpress updates always scare me because of the potential to break my twitter app. Does this work? Thursday, December 12, 2013 1:13:58 PMTwitter Web Client
Joe P: "Yo AppFabric sucks a dick" Thursday, December 12, 2013 11:09:30 AMTwitter Web Client
⚡ Twitter ruined its Android app. Christ.⚡ (so difficult to use) hhhhj @MalJNew Wednesday, December 11, 2013 10:18:19 PMTwitter for Android
CTO did NOT appreciate me blasting Christmas in Hollis while other suits were visiting Wednesday, December 11, 2013 5:37:53 PMTwitter Web Client
Android needs to lose the problem where it becomes slow as fuck while apps are updating or installing Tuesday, December 10, 2013 9:18:03 PMTwitter for Android
Tell these Beauteeze skanks to stop assraping my API. 500 calls per minute? Cache. Jokers Monday, December 09, 2013 5:26:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Just had a legit "Happy Monday" lunch with my favorite @MalJNew Monday, December 09, 2013 2:57:03 PMTwitter Web Client
So I heard the USB 3.1 spec is supposed to have reversible connectors. #copyingapple About time. USB cables have 3 sides- 2 that don't work Sunday, December 08, 2013 9:41:37 PMTwitter for Android
Just drunk texted the gf's mom about the direction toilet paper should be rolled in. We agreed. Top down son... Sunday, December 01, 2013 5:00:54 PMTwitter for Android
@Waspito Murrrrrica.... Happy Thanksgiving to you, Veronica and fam!
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
Thursday, November 28, 2013 5:18:23 PMTwitter for Android
@XtinaSchelin When I read "my hands are typing words," it reminded me of you. idk why. I can picture you saying it. Happy Thanksgiving!
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
Thursday, November 28, 2013 9:26:26 AMTwitter Web Client
Trying to debug our piece of shit API because it crashes. Enabled crash dumps. In 20 seconds, it dumped 73 gigs. Fucking piece. Place sux Monday, November 25, 2013 3:26:46 PMTwitter Web Client
2.5 hours in/Drunk train home: Happy birthday @mich_amore Sunday, November 24, 2013 2:24:59 AMTwitter for Android
Sorry Edgar. I'm too white to rap Biggie at an Irish pub with sunglasses in front of an Asian Thursday, November 14, 2013 8:52:02 PMTwitter for Android
I'm all about jammin to ghetto old skool rap beats today. I'm talkin Nas, Geto Boys, Biggie. Yes I spelled it skool. Wednesday, November 13, 2013 12:26:12 PMTwitter Web Client
Just had a great idea for a band. Sad lyrics but very upbeat and happy. #mindfuck Wednesday, November 06, 2013 11:51:49 PMTwitter for Android
How much pussy is Papi raking in with that Ski mask Wednesday, October 30, 2013 11:25:24 PMTwitter for Android
Vote for this shit you politician assed cunts: http://t.co/nAjRSeM94d Or else my commute starts to rape me in 2014 Thursday, October 24, 2013 3:29:05 PMTwitter Web Client
There's only one solution for this malocchio. Guys gotta disappear Friday, October 18, 2013 10:24:31 PMTwitter for Android
me: "Oh fuck. I just got a server alert and I'm on call. I don't have my laptop. Eh its fine, no one will know. Kev: "JOE!!! I'M YOUR BOSS" Thursday, October 17, 2013 9:15:45 PMTwitter for Android
"Shots!!! ON MY GAP CARD. Because its colorful" @MalJNew Thursday, October 17, 2013 9:05:37 PMTwitter for Android
no wonder everyone hates php. Some API shit I did in CURL from the shell in 30 secs took me 40 mins to port to php because it's convoluted Tuesday, October 15, 2013 2:30:08 PMTwitter Web Client
I 100% guarantee you we cannot lose Derick. He's 100% fucking filling us like a lapdog Wednesday, October 09, 2013 11:55:37 PMTwitter for Android
"Let me tickle your flapjacks" -@MalJNew Sunday, October 06, 2013 2:46:34 AMTwitter for Android
Couldn't be happier Friday, October 04, 2013 11:53:53 PMTwitter for Android
FUCK THIS PLACE. Dry as a bone. Both kegs tapped. Friday, October 04, 2013 5:47:04 PMTwitter Web Client
"If the money doesn't show, this conversation didn't happen. And it won't ever happen again" Thursday, October 03, 2013 11:52:25 PMTwitter for Android
Apple: Now just as unreliable as #booker. #503 #serverproblems #servicenotavailable http://t.co/VttnJsmFzg Thursday, October 03, 2013 8:23:03 PMTwitter Web Client
If this fucking application crashes, just one more time, I'm going to kill a kitten Thursday, October 03, 2013 4:17:19 PMTwitter Web Client
The first photograph ever taken looked like shit: http://t.co/hE9YJra8PF Guy should have been ashamed of the quality.... Thursday, October 03, 2013 11:24:50 AMTwitter Web Client
For fucks sake. We finally fixed our twitter integration on this app... Been busted sine last November Tuesday, October 01, 2013 11:16:56 AMBooker Publisher
Happy October, bitches Tuesday, October 01, 2013 12:00:12 AMTwitter Web Client
Our facebook app was broken. Came home from the bar. Bitch on call had no clue. CTO said we couldn't be drunk and I fixed it anyway. SUCK IT Monday, September 30, 2013 11:38:14 PMTwitter Web Client
You can do amazing things with curl. APIs are legitimate Sunday, September 29, 2013 11:18:12 PMTwitter Web Client
Anup, it's release night. I don't give a fuck about your Unit Test XML result parsing app you want me to integrate into the tests. Fuck off Monday, September 23, 2013 6:09:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy fall! Best time of the year!🍁🍃🍂🌿 Sunday, September 22, 2013 10:48:13 PMTwitter for Android
"He's got some pair of flappers, that Posada" -My Grandpa, on Posada's ears Sunday, September 22, 2013 5:40:12 PMTwitter for Android
Been playing with the Foursquare API. I can now check in to work from the command line or script it. I usually forget to from my phone Sunday, September 22, 2013 5:14:26 PMTwitter Web Client
41 mins and counting waiting on fuckin suit approval to reboot a server that will have no impact on anything. Used to make the call myself Thursday, September 19, 2013 1:32:23 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Sometimes I write notes to myself as tweets and search them later using my twitter app.
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Monday, September 16, 2013 4:19:36 PMTwitter Web Client
"Joke's on you man... I'm getting you an ez-wider denim cap" -@MalJNew Tuesday, September 10, 2013 2:00:00 PMTwitter for Android
Unlike #booker, my web app has 3 9s of reliability, and that's without any failover or redundancy. Booker? 97% uptime http://t.co/cpMsBI18tL Saturday, September 07, 2013 12:14:45 AMTwitter for Android
At least Hughes' collapse isn't as grand as Tebow's Wednesday, September 04, 2013 6:54:58 PMTwitter Web Client
Just got called in to do an emergency release at work because our devs can't use dates. September 31 crashed our app guys Saturday, August 31, 2013 2:33:48 PMTwitter for Android
Gave up on the cheeseburger idea for a falafel cart. Then gave up on that and got papa johns instead. Hhhhb Thursday, August 29, 2013 11:09:07 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin pineapple juice leaked all over my clothes in my bag Thursday, August 29, 2013 12:26:27 PMTwitter Web Client
What the fuck happened to the Windows 8 Foursquare app? It got pulled? The eff, Microsoft. Wednesday, August 28, 2013 9:11:04 PMTwitter Web Client
FUCKING ampersand in this password. Escaping ampersands in bash when you need to write it out to a file is bull fucking shit Monday, August 26, 2013 1:26:50 PMTwitter Web Client
It's beer o'clock in the office. I don't want any. What the fuck happened. Friday, August 16, 2013 3:54:12 PMTwitter Web Client
Gonna try something new. Something just happened that usually would have caused me to rage or get even. I'm going to just be like whatever Friday, August 16, 2013 1:04:21 PMTwitter Web Client
@XtinaSchelin happy birffday xtina, my favorite script kiddie!!! #python #.net
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
Saturday, August 10, 2013 2:19:38 PMTwitter for Android
Girl u look good when you back that app up Saturday, August 10, 2013 2:15:38 PMTwitter for Android
I cuncelled them on April 1st RT @KFCBarstool Oh and I forgot, Cuncel Da Yankees
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
Thursday, August 08, 2013 1:14:29 AMTwitter for Android
As @lennon once retweeted: The less you care, the happier you'll be #whydoievenbother Wednesday, August 07, 2013 10:00:39 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm sucking the fattest dick in darts. The mover would be disappointed in me. #worsethanarodintheplayoffs Saturday, August 03, 2013 5:39:47 PMTwitter for Android
These chicks this waiter may or may not have tapped are hideous. Legit I'd rather have Mokey get with him. Saturday, August 03, 2013 4:35:00 PMTwitter for Android
:zap: Saturday, August 03, 2013 12:24:09 AMTwitter Web Client
Updated WordPress. Hope it doesn't break my Twitter app... Saturday, August 03, 2013 12:21:18 AMTwitter Web Client
I'd like to know why the work shitter is always jammed. Can't even take a peaceful crap... Thursday, August 01, 2013 5:38:15 PMTwitter for Android
Happy Moto X announcement/(release?) day! Thursday, August 01, 2013 7:44:51 AMTwitter for Android
I want to take a baseball bat and destroy shit Big Papi style Wednesday, July 31, 2013 8:35:20 AMTwitter for Android
On strike until my Moto X is in my hand #myphoneisapieceofshit Tuesday, July 30, 2013 9:32:57 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm puzzled as to why the Catholic Church decided to hold World Youth Day in Rio. Isn't the point of Rio to tap wild assed Brazilian sluts? Monday, July 29, 2013 11:46:59 AMTwitter Web Client
Lisa: its like a strap on thing you can pee with Sunday, July 28, 2013 12:46:00 AMTwitter for Android
I look hot today. I'd tap me Friday, July 26, 2013 10:43:55 AMTwitter Web Client
May I ask what the fuck is the purpose of a living, immobile, hermaphroditic rock? And why would Chileans eat it? http://t.co/ukCW1Q72pu Wednesday, July 24, 2013 1:07:05 AMTwitter Web Client
Caption contest: "Sabato?" http://t.co/TsAm2MSNUL Monday, July 22, 2013 11:32:41 PMTwitter for Android
Just wrote a script to crash our system rapidly to test our error logging and alerting. Testing against production.... Monday, July 22, 2013 1:25:15 PMTwitter Web Client
@portfolioso Fucking GetGlue app. Shameless ad/plug. I hate that shit
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Tuesday, July 16, 2013 1:11:38 AMTwitter Web Client
Lots of conversation about #Dexter happening on #GetGlue http://t.co/qAVF9Z9ylS Monday, July 15, 2013 9:51:18 PMGetGlue.com
If someone is singing pearl jams Jeremy at the bar I'm legit happy Friday, July 12, 2013 10:13:34 PMTwitter for Android
It could be classified as a weapon but sticks shit together: gluegun Friday, July 12, 2013 8:29:28 PMTwitter for Android
If we figure out this Itinerary builder API problem, I'll do the nakey dance. That shit cray Friday, July 12, 2013 11:29:41 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm very disappointed how my twitter is less batshit crazy than it used to be. #maybeitprobablystillis I'll improve after 10,000 Friday, July 12, 2013 2:09:49 AMTwitter Web Client
I don't actually appreesh that. Ya know.... But I'll let it slide Friday, June 28, 2013 6:02:24 PMTwitter for Android
I just beat myself up because I forgot what the amygdala was in the brain. Bitch I got a 5 on AP psych. I should know this shit. Thursday, June 27, 2013 9:29:19 PMTwitter for Android
@VZWpaul @MarkAbsher @VZWnews Actually make 4G go faster than 56k in Lower Manhattan and I'll be happy
In reply to @VZWpaul's tweet
Thursday, June 27, 2013 10:05:27 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @KFCBarstool: 1 yr later and my @TWCable_NYC internet still fucking sucks. Thanks for nothing Time Warner. Hope all the bad things happe… Wednesday, June 26, 2013 9:03:56 PMTwitter Web Client
Love how I go to the beach and wear 15 and not reapply and be fine. @MalJNew put on 70 and is a lobster #thefairest vs #Sicilian #yeahbuddy Saturday, June 22, 2013 1:29:04 PMTwitter for Android
Don't need an appetizer of fries, but #yolo (@ O'Hara's Restaurant & Pub w/ 3 others) http://4sq.com/107XyZ9 Friday, June 21, 2013 2:17:20 PMfoursquare
I might bang this wrap I made myself. Ham, turkey, provolone, bologna, oil and arugula. OMNOMNOMNOM Friday, June 21, 2013 12:39:22 PMTwitter Web Client
Also, I just grabbed Antonia's ass and request a lap dance. Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:53:08 PMTwitter for Android
Getting https configured for Microsoft webservices/APIs can actually suck my dick right now. Wednesday, June 19, 2013 10:07:49 AMTwitter Web Client
OMG FIOS MOBILE APP FOR ANDROID IS OUT. I MIGHT CUM Wednesday, June 12, 2013 12:15:31 AMTwitter Web Client
Honestly, as a soon-to-be former Google Fanboy and Apple hater, Google I/O was ASS compared to what Apple announced at WWDC. Monday, June 10, 2013 8:42:54 PMTwitter Web Client
Derick: "Management will tell you: Money isn't the key to happiness. But that's bullshit because they've got money already" Thursday, June 06, 2013 9:31:54 PMTwitter for Android
actually agree w/ this mets ass fan RT @KFCBarstool 3h Best thing that could happen for the #Yankees is a 1,000 game suspension for #Arod Wednesday, June 05, 2013 12:17:46 AMTwitter Web Client
I want a lap dance from Antonia Friday, May 31, 2013 7:50:35 PMTwitter for Android
We need to get this API developer Justin a lap dance and some strippers Thursday, May 30, 2013 10:34:23 AMTwitter for Android
Just ripped ass on the train badly & got the WORST look from these two Asians in front of me. probs making fun of me in Japanese. #whatever Wednesday, May 29, 2013 11:12:17 PMTwitter for Android
@mollyCsouthern @MalJNew SUPER NOODLES!! RT @UberFacts In 2000, Japan named Instant Noodles their best invention of the 20th century. Tuesday, May 21, 2013 12:49:42 AMTwitter Web Client
Almost just fell asleep standing on the train. Freaked then car out because I looked like I was going to collapse Monday, May 20, 2013 6:58:45 PMTwitter for Android
I'm just the happiest!!!!! Saturday, May 18, 2013 10:56:33 PMTwitter for Android
The Skype (sun) smiley is the happiest thing ever Monday, May 13, 2013 5:36:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Paula: "What happened with the big balls?" Hughlon: "I can't answer that, it's an HR problem." Monday, May 13, 2013 12:19:26 PMTwitter Web Client
The way I handle dates in my twitter app is 100% fuckup code. I need to rewite it. Fuckin code is worse than booker code Monday, May 13, 2013 2:15:38 AMTwitter Web Client
Happy Mother's Day all you mothers. Sunday, May 12, 2013 8:28:14 PMTwitter for Android
Oh app4 is down? Good. I'd fix it but you said i needed more experience and don't pay me fairly so I'm out drinking instead. Eat a dick Saturday, May 11, 2013 6:17:17 PMTwitter for Android
If I were mayor, I'd cockslap the shit out of crime Wednesday, May 08, 2013 7:48:20 PMTwitter for Android
But is this not the ugliest fucking building in the history of buildings? Fuckin scrap of peeling steel beams http://t.co/Yf1YVibVt2 Tuesday, April 30, 2013 1:29:29 PMTwitter for Android
Gonna add full text search to my twitter app instead of a %like% match. I was sick of assist coming up when I searched for ass Tuesday, April 30, 2013 12:40:28 PMTwitter Web Client
Know what I miss when I was a kid? The Mover and I used to stay up late and watch the Yanks on the west coast and eat apple pie a la mode Saturday, April 27, 2013 3:42:27 PMTwitter for Android
If the Celtics come back and win, Danny's gotta do a nakey lap Friday, April 26, 2013 9:18:11 PMTwitter for Android
COO told me to leave a good review for our Android App. I said do it once it didn't suck. Wednesday, April 24, 2013 11:30:39 AMTwitter Web Client
Fucking Apache and CentOS. Not used to this shit. Used to Ubuntu and Lighttpd/Nginx Tuesday, April 23, 2013 8:33:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy 420 to ya, you guys Saturday, April 20, 2013 8:53:30 PMTwitter for Android
Derick: "Joe's like- 'App 2 is down'" Friday, April 19, 2013 9:51:16 PMTwitter for Android
PS my silver fox boss just told me he doesnt give a fuck if i drink another bottle of this andre assed shit we bought cheaply Friday, April 19, 2013 6:37:11 PMTwitter Web Client
Whoever wrote the build script for our API documentation is a fuckin cunt muscle Friday, April 19, 2013 3:27:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Me explaining bluntly to Meg Long why something is broken in our app. #booker #hood http://t.co/RY2JyPQtzo Friday, April 19, 2013 12:54:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Xtina just named Eric: Popcaps. Fuckin boss Friday, April 19, 2013 10:59:39 AMTwitter Web Client
Gary Busey cracked me the f up on last Sunday's Apprentice Thursday, April 18, 2013 11:52:00 PMTwitter for Android
@Lessard_Eric @keith_connors @tomwcleary @jstanz37 I'll give you $100 if you steal the Jap flag Saturday, April 13, 2013 6:34:36 PMTwitter for Android
How am I supposed to work on my obnoxious Twitter app with HR parading back and forth behind be Wednesday, April 10, 2013 10:39:43 AMTwitter Web Client
God Damn it. My app's been pulling in in_reply_to_status_id instead of in_reply_to_status_id_str and now I have fucking exponents everywhere Wednesday, April 10, 2013 12:36:42 AMTwitter Web Client
@Lennon Ignore this. This is a test reply because I'm testing some code I pushed to my twitter app. Integers and shit. Not exponents.
In reply to @Lennon's tweet
Wednesday, April 10, 2013 12:27:48 AMTwitter Web Client
Jeeeez (@ Papaya Dog) http://4sq.com/10RBH4H Tuesday, April 09, 2013 8:49:49 PMfoursquare

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