602 results for ass — page 2 of 7, showing 101–200
TweetDateSource
If you don't think my fat fuckin ass is eating a Premio sausage and pep tonight at the Stadium, you're sorely mistaken. Tuesday, May 14, 2019 2:56:56 PMTwitter for Android
Lmao because the Chrome material redesign looks like ass. Edge beta actually looks nice

https://t.co/RC4iVZ2FDA 		Monday, May 13, 2019 10:30:16 PMTwitter for Android
You've gotta be outside your mind to even consider a Facebook Portal. Fuck that. It's like giving those cagey bastards a portal into your living room. Sneaky ass Zuck with his garbage security, spying on you. Fuckouttahea. Tuesday, May 07, 2019 2:00:00 AMTwitter for Android
Centos7 can suck it with their antique yum packages. "Stability" my ass I want the latest.

Shit just works in Ubuntu. Everything's the goddamn runaround getting it working in CentOS 		Sunday, April 28, 2019 3:54:29 PMTwitter for Android
For fucks sake. If I would have started Peralta in the outfield instead of garbage Nimmo on the shit ass Mets, I would have won fantasy baseball this week. Sunday, March 31, 2019 8:09:22 PMTwitter for Android
These guinea pigs the wife impulse purchased in 2015 really need to kick the bucket soon on the grounds that they're a pain in the ass to take care of and I have more imoirtant priorities Friday, March 22, 2019 12:56:11 AMTwitter for Android
@Android are you guys serious with Android Q's ugly ass black notch cutout in screenshots? Fix that shit before it gets released Saturday, March 16, 2019 8:29:32 AMTwitter for Android
TurboTax, are you SERIOUS? Donate $3 to the Presidential Campaign fund? Fuck outta hea. Motherfuckers already have pacs. I'm not paying the shit ass government any extra money.

1) The president is an asshole
2) I owe $4000 in taxes b/c my withholdings got fucked up

#eatadick https://t.co/0rXKFyhaEU 		Thursday, February 21, 2019 12:32:15 AMTwitter Web Client
@MetroNorth Good service on the Harlem Line my ass. The 6:36 left at 6:50. Keep raising those fares tho! https://t.co/hnefOZShsl
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 03, 2018 7:15:47 PMTwitter for Android
Machine learning my ass. You know some degenerate over at Google did this on purpose. Or their machine learning algorithm is DTF https://t.co/bR5ySael8M #android #feedly Sunday, July 29, 2018 12:43:14 AMTwitter for Android
Hey @EPAScottPruitt! Go FUCK YOURSELF! Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out you crooked bastard

Go suffocate on greenhouse gases you idiot 		Thursday, July 05, 2018 4:40:03 PMTwitter Web Client
There is zero grass in Astoria. Zero. Cero. She has no ass clue where to pee and poo Tuesday, April 03, 2018 10:09:32 PMTwitter for Android
@AjitPaiFCC @MIC_JAPAN @kb2474 Hey shithead. Japan's internet is better than ours you shill ass bitch. You ruined it
In reply to @AjitPaiFCC's tweet
Friday, January 05, 2018 12:25:05 AMTwitter for Android
New blog post: Whack Ass WiFi Issue https://t.co/vEOSP79okA Saturday, November 25, 2017 1:20:38 AMPortfolioso.com Blog
This is a pain in the ass you @vizio cocksuckers
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Thursday, August 31, 2017 1:51:41 AMTwitter Web Client
Out at a show and wifey's all like "You're grabbing my ass a lot tonight"

No kidding. You want me to grab other girls' asses? 		Sunday, July 23, 2017 12:18:07 AMTwitter for Android
I need a butler to food-block me. Just because I can order anything anytime doesn't mean my fat ass should eat a burger at 3am. Sunday, June 04, 2017 8:52:16 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Hate that too. If I'm almost going 90 in the left lane and someone's up my ass, by all means, I'd rather them pass and get the ticket
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Tuesday, May 23, 2017 12:41:22 PMTwitter Web Client
My advice to a bitch ass client this fine AM https://t.co/tNTrI9Hlq6 Monday, March 20, 2017 9:35:44 AMTwitter Web Client
There's starving people in Africa and my drunk ass just dumped 1/2 lb of pasta down the fuckin drain. Saturday, March 18, 2017 3:25:07 AMTwitter for Android
I just dumped a half fuckin pound if pasta down my garbage disposal. Bitch ass trick. Now I have to cook it all over again Saturday, March 18, 2017 3:22:42 AMTwitter for Android
Dope ass jams. Nice mix. Thx Googs https://t.co/xdLFd4lUjW Thursday, February 09, 2017 3:35:29 AMTwitter for Android
Hood ass LaGuardia airport can't even get a jet bridge. Walking down stairs to get off this plane #shithole Friday, January 20, 2017 3:50:20 PMTwitter for Android
I almost tagged Mal's ass as "boom boom" on Facebook but good thing I stopped myself because her mom posted the photo #nicesave Saturday, December 24, 2016 12:29:09 AMTwitter Web Client
Gotta go to a dinner theater show tomorrow with the fam at like 11am after drinking my ass off so pls donate drugs kthx Saturday, December 17, 2016 9:31:23 PMTwitter for Android
How do you wipe your ass when you poop? Monday, October 31, 2016 1:04:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Luna keeps pointing her farts at my face. Probably karma for my gassy ass ways https://t.co/ORub6OBHNx Tuesday, October 25, 2016 11:26:07 PMTwitter for Android
Down in the lower east struttin dat ass Tuesday, October 11, 2016 9:47:26 PMTwitter for Android
(What’s your name?)
T-Good
(What you do?)
I’m a plumber
(How you do it?)
I lay the pipe for that ass and make her dance
(True) 		Sunday, July 17, 2016 6:44:42 PMTwitter for Android
@RockNationRadio nice ass guy in the blue shirt
In reply to @RockNationRadio's tweet
Monday, July 11, 2016 7:14:30 PMTwitter for Android
I intend on eating nothing but broccoli rabe for days. It's for my health since I ate like a fat ass glutton all week Tuesday, July 05, 2016 8:39:24 PMTwitter for Android
Mal's being all mad at me for dissing iPhones but guess who was able to connect to the wifi? My android ass. Not her iPhone. Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:34:23 PMTwitter for Android
We've let two "express" trains pass us on the local track. I'm sure the guy running this train has his thumb in his ass #TheFuckingSubway Thursday, April 28, 2016 11:07:40 PMTwitter for Android
I think @MalJNew literally broke her ass. I know it's an expression I use a lot, but she may actually have a fractured coccyx. Friday, January 01, 2016 11:38:28 AMTwitter for Android
Fuck China and their polluting ass bitches causing global warming and shit. Thursday, December 17, 2015 11:09:04 PMTwitter for Android
Enraged at something that happened at work. "Speak softly and carry a big stick..." I will do that. Later, I'll shove it up their fuckin ass Wednesday, October 28, 2015 2:35:01 PMTwitter Web Client
eh who the fuck am I kidding. Was always more of an ass man. Just ask Simmons.They called me Spanky in college.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Thursday, September 24, 2015 5:32:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Get a load of this goofy ass looking search bar in the latest Google update. Phone looks like a cartoon now. http://t.co/P09N8ltnMl Tuesday, September 08, 2015 11:42:17 PMTwitter for Android
Sick customer your fuckin ass. Get the asshole off the train and move along. Friday, September 04, 2015 4:11:23 PMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ cuncel. My gf is a fuckin Indians fan and I got my ass embarrassed.
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Tuesday, August 25, 2015 9:58:45 PMTwitter for Android
VMWareTools is a huge pain in the fuckin ass Monday, July 27, 2015 5:10:14 PMTwitter Web Client
This bitch ass client is doing data loads and woke me up because their piece of shit system has un-optimized code and our monitoring blows Wednesday, July 15, 2015 4:07:32 AMTwitter Web Client
Did Tex do a little grab ass or am I seeing things? @BarstoolJJ Tuesday, July 14, 2015 11:41:53 PMTwitter for Android
At least I get to walk off the fat ass burger king I had for lunch Friday, May 22, 2015 5:14:26 PMTwitter for Android
I just grabbed a dudes ass to make an asshole girl after him jealous because I can smack that and she cannot. Friday, May 08, 2015 12:16:22 AMTwitter for Android
Watching some not so legit mlb stream from Canada and all I have to say is that Canadians have some weird ass commercials. Monday, April 06, 2015 4:56:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Yo @MalJNew, can we have a threesome with that bartender? I think it's a valid request considering you stared at her ass longer than I did. Friday, February 27, 2015 3:41:48 PMTwitter for Android
I just did an ass dance to ZZ Top in my pjs. I'm winning Saturday Saturday, February 07, 2015 2:19:10 PMTwitter for Android
I'm ordering fat ass food for my fat ass belly Sunday, December 14, 2014 8:06:47 PMTwitter for Android
David, our doorman was NOT amused/pleased with me when I used my ass to swipe into the building (NFC in wallet in back pocket) Wednesday, November 26, 2014 9:57:15 AMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew @MichaelShatin wake up crackers. I'm a bitch ass drinker and I am still awake Saturday, October 11, 2014 12:40:47 AMTwitter for Android
CTO and his minion playin a little grab ass on the walk to the propaganda cruise Monday, July 28, 2014 5:39:49 PMTwitter for Android
Signal loss their fuckin ass. It magically corrected itself... Probably wanted to send a guy here to dick around and say he fixed it Tuesday, July 22, 2014 9:13:08 AMTwitter Web Client
Not to be a cocky asshole or anything but when a fly ass ex coworker texts you this, ya gotta feel some kinda awesome http://t.co/JO57kOWvjw Friday, June 27, 2014 12:15:46 AMTwitter for Android
"D.A.T.A.Z.Z.D.O.E" (DAT ass tho) Thursday, June 26, 2014 10:33:11 PMTwitter for Android
Black keys are on so I'm taking a shot. Not their pussy ass new album tho. Good old shit Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:41:23 PMTwitter for Android
Sam's leaving g. My company is now fucked hard. In the ass Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:40:51 PMTwitter for Android
Trying to use curl on the Windows command line is a bitch and a half. Works in 2 seconds in cygwin... Convoluted ass syntax on windows. Tuesday, June 24, 2014 11:38:28 AMTwitter Web Client
Some chick at gov ball took a pic of some other chicks ass. I'm fine with this. Saturday, June 07, 2014 2:32:10 PMTwitter for Android
DBA manager with the rainbow keyboard keeps ripping ass up in this bitch. http://t.co/03GOKOhmmH Thursday, May 29, 2014 4:08:56 PMTwitter for Android
Closing out old abandoned tickets. Very tempted to close them all with "Don't give a fuck about your bitch ass request, ho" Tuesday, May 20, 2014 12:51:17 PMTwitter Web Client
Kevin's friend is playing ass twerkin videos all night and the gf is like:

I approve of this http://t.co/L0ymJxkgDJ 		Friday, May 16, 2014 11:37:48 PMTwitter for Android
finally an Android calendar app that doesn't look like ASS: "New Android Calendar look and features leaked" http://t.co/VmozzOM3mZ Wednesday, April 09, 2014 3:35:06 PMfeedly cloud
Just checked my own ass out in the mirror. It's a good ass. Saturday, April 05, 2014 1:28:38 PMTwitter for Android
I'd like you to think about how ridiculous this statement is: "A Mexican with an ass fupa carrying a large bag of live chickens." Friday, April 04, 2014 5:26:53 PMTwitter for Android
Nate's inviting the fucked up ass chick back. Yeah buddy get it Saturday, March 22, 2014 9:21:08 PMTwitter for Android
For real. This chicks almost got @JenSelter's ass but those clothes make it look awful Saturday, March 22, 2014 9:11:52 PMTwitter for Android
As an expert on the female ass, I 109% want to point out that this chicks ass is borderline deformed Saturday, March 22, 2014 7:21:41 PMTwitter for Android
Didn't even get in yet and this dumb bitch VP is all up my ass because his monitoring triggered 3 false alarms. Bitch, everyone disposes you Thursday, February 27, 2014 8:42:33 AMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: Its been a long ass day http://t.co/ondGYA1gHX Tuesday, February 25, 2014 8:24:15 PMTwitter for Android
Ran into @JenSelter's ass doppelganger on the subway. The struggle was real to look away with @MalJNew next to me. Friday, February 21, 2014 7:14:21 PMTwitter for Android
"Should I get a facial on my ass?" -Mokey Saturday, February 15, 2014 9:36:07 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure one of my engineers is putting it in the HR chick's ass. Friday, January 31, 2014 10:19:52 PMTwitter for Android
This meandering mother fucker needs to walk in a straight line so I can pass his slow ass. Thursday, January 30, 2014 7:11:29 PMTwitter for Android
Bartenders story about playing the bongos on a chicks ass completely blackout almost made me piss myself Saturday, January 25, 2014 7:23:57 PMTwitter for Android
Cheers to the old dude at McFadden's frat ass bat Thursday, January 09, 2014 11:47:15 PMTwitter for Android
FYI. My ass looks studly today in dem jeans #DATASS Tuesday, January 07, 2014 3:01:28 PMTwitter Web Client
DAT ass Sunday, January 05, 2014 7:04:57 PMTwitter for Android
These apple pies are knocking me on my ass. Saturday, December 28, 2013 6:45:59 PMTwitter for Android
Just hid the stupid ass Flash copy to clipboard button on mobile devices for my twitter app. mobile doesnt have flash asswipe Tuesday, December 24, 2013 1:36:00 AMTwitter Web Client
Yeah. Just hitchhike with a random ass polka band dude. Sounds legit Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:33:27 AMTwitter for Android
"I just want to tell you that you have a great ass" @MalJNew to the bartender who actually dies have a great ass. #nohomo Thursday, December 12, 2013 8:45:25 PMTwitter for Android
99 stupid ass bugs in the code
99 bugs in the code
patch one down, compile it around
117 bugs in the code
(via @XtinaSchelin) 		Thursday, December 12, 2013 11:58:52 AMTwitter Web Client
This gentleman makes a mean Tom Collins. Guy at my cousin's wedding made it like ass. Saturday, November 16, 2013 10:07:47 PMTwitter for Android
Pulled the recovery again. Hahahha. I'm such a weak ass. Aka I refuse to yak on the streets of Manhattan Thursday, November 14, 2013 9:15:19 PMTwitter for Android
First line: "Connecticut is known for great pizza" FOR SURE NOT. CT Pizza is ass http://t.co/WEyBwvsuek Wednesday, October 23, 2013 9:23:05 AMTwitter Web Client
The front end dev who rips ass all the time is now talking about drinking breast milk. #THEFUCK Friday, October 11, 2013 10:10:11 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm also gassier than Gaurav, except I don't rip ass loudly at my desk or walk around in circles creepily while methane dissipates Monday, September 30, 2013 4:12:11 PMTwitter Web Client
I mean, KFC is a funny ass writer, but he can eat a bag of dicks for this tweet: https://t.co/wgPCc3OAfm Sunday, September 22, 2013 2:48:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Had to take my wallet out of my back pocket. It was so fat with hundos, it was detracting from my ass struttin' abilities #douchebagtweet Thursday, September 12, 2013 9:58:32 AMTwitter Web Client
Mal. You can't wear that red skirt in the office and strut dat ass around without me wanting to bite it. Ya heard? Monday, September 09, 2013 4:00:50 PMTwitter Web Client
Azarenka you dirty minx! I see you struttin dat ass, waiting for a serve. If barstool doesn't post a gif of it, I give up! Sunday, September 08, 2013 5:13:01 PMTwitter for Android
Clune. Don't even try to bend your ass at me like that. This is dangerous Wednesday, September 04, 2013 9:19:50 PMTwitter for Android
Hold the phone... This new software may have fixed these ass radios in my phone. Just tweeted from Crestwood where there's always no service Monday, September 02, 2013 1:19:31 PMTwitter for Android
Why would these dumb ass bitches install SQL Server reporting services on a fucking web server? Another thing for me to reconfigure Thursday, August 29, 2013 4:13:44 PMTwitter Web Client
"did you eat lunch yet?"
"no"
"Well get something now and get your ass back here"
*laughs*
"I'm not joking. We need you both from 2-4" 		Friday, August 09, 2013 1:34:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Come on Mal. You didn't see Jesus on that ass? http://t.co/28WoW0CJD2 Sunday, June 30, 2013 10:44:23 PMTwitter for Android
Aniusha's ass is poppin. #DEMWHITEPANTS #DOMINICAN #DATASS STRUTTIN Friday, June 21, 2013 2:12:23 PMTwitter for Android
Also, I just grabbed Antonia's ass and request a lap dance. Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:53:08 PMTwitter for Android
6-0 in the bottom of the 9th and now its 6-5. This is some mets ass shit right now. Cuncel da game Sunday, June 16, 2013 6:33:41 PMTwitter for Android