Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit

Not even shitting you. The 80something yr old guy on the first floor watches porn nonstop.

My beer, instead of getting emptier, is getting fuller b/c people keep topping me off. Why couldn't I have this problem in college?

I really wasn't being dirty... Took an IQ test today and they ask that type of logic

Playing fuck the dealer. I'm the dealer. By mathematical logic, I'm gonna get fucked tonight.

This statue's got some hog on him http://t.co/uYfFoEeZoC

Sitting on this bed bug assed N train. #itchy

Will you Asians stop linking arms 4 people wide and walking 2mph on the sidewalk?

Colin hasn't stopped talking for 20 minutes straight. Go to Japan already

Do you think the ice on Pluto is soft or crunchy?

Doing a rollout in a pitch dark room with a thinklight shining down on me. It's like camping, but for geeks (i keeeeeed)

In Newwww Yorkkkkk. Concrete jungle where trains are infested with bugs and verminnnnn there's nothing you can dooooo http://t.co/AD3QCUtH3k

Coworker just brought in donuts. Is he Dexter Morgan?

.@chuckschumer over at Jones Beach got the Bronx Cheer if you know what I mean.

Bossman is currently bitching at me about an error that HE caused. Still my fault somehow though.

Has anyone else gotten satisfaction from farting on subway benches and feeling the vibration? #SoMature