This one makes zero sense... Time to hire a team of cryptographers to figure this out for me, because it's way over my head.

Monday, April 20, 2009 01:10:57 AM from Twitter Web Client

"A sneak is a guy who eats a feast then comes home and says he's hungry" "Joe, isn't that just a liar?"

Monday, April 20, 2009 01:04:34 AM from Twitter Web Client

@SonicBlur23 You guys talkin shit about me?

In reply to @SonicBlur23's tweet

Monday, April 20, 2009 12:02:12 AM from Twitter Web Client

@ky9 They have this thing called rehab for substance dependencies

In reply to @ky9's tweet

Sunday, April 19, 2009 09:54:15 PM from Twitter Web Client

I am the laziest person ever. And I have WAY too much to do. Whatever, it'll get done.

Sunday, April 19, 2009 02:41:20 PM from Twitter Web Client

The Yankees need to stop getting blown out of games. They tend to correlate with me having not so great days. But it's a new day so whatever

Sunday, April 19, 2009 02:29:43 PM from Twitter Web Client

for real?

Sunday, April 19, 2009 12:21:45 AM from Twitter Web Client

Thank GOD I set the timer for those bottles in the freezer. I would have completely forgotten.

Saturday, April 18, 2009 10:41:47 PM from Twitter Web Client

We want Swisher. Put him in to pitch, he can do better than our bullpen

Saturday, April 18, 2009 06:06:13 PM from Twitter Web Client

Don't worry - we're from the internets. It's going to be alright. :-)

Saturday, April 18, 2009 10:33:40 AM from Twitter Web Client

Electric stoves SUCK. Housemates spill bits of food in them, you don't notice & cook. Then it reeks because a piece of food burns. Gas ftw

Friday, April 17, 2009 09:17:56 PM from Twitter Web Client

@Waspito Lol in my haste, I read fried keychains

In reply to @Waspito's tweet

Friday, April 17, 2009 09:13:07 PM from Twitter Web Client

I'm not expecting this to happen. What?! I'm just being realistic based on educated research.

Friday, April 17, 2009 10:21:56 AM from Twitter Web Client

Eeeeeeeeeets a Fridaeeeeeeeee. One moron's class, then lunch, then weekend (insane amount of work though. Grr)

Friday, April 17, 2009 10:04:43 AM from Twitter Web Client

Cool. Once again, moron isn't at his office hours that he told me to be at.

Friday, April 17, 2009 09:04:39 AM from Twitter Web Client