9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Fuckin a. Server error. This isn't supposed to happen Monday, July 14, 2014 1:14:45 AMTwitter for Android
TURN IT DOWN FOR WHAT (I put the it in there because that's what white people do) Monday, July 14, 2014 1:14:11 AMTwitter for Android
Went to brunch all day son Monday, July 14, 2014 12:59:18 AMTwitter for Android
My title and only job is release engineer. Only thing I'm responsible for is release. And I get shitfaced for them (by accident) Monday, July 14, 2014 12:57:11 AMTwitter for Android
These bastards don't notice it, even though I'm acting a fill on the call Monday, July 14, 2014 12:56:22 AMTwitter for Android
As an FYI: I am completely shitfaced and doing an production rollout Monday, July 14, 2014 12:55:55 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu lol! Nice touch with the ID hiding
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Wednesday, July 09, 2014 9:12:23 PMTwitter for Android
I can't even make this shit up. People like that make six figures. Tuesday, July 08, 2014 10:58:14 PMTwitter for Android
I have not seen this level of stupidity since unicorns roamed the Earth
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Tuesday, July 08, 2014 10:26:37 PMTwitter for Android
Our database manager thought a gateway timeout was a SQL error, googled it, got a Garmin forum link & said Garmin was why our reports broke Tuesday, July 08, 2014 10:25:16 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopANDslam the amount of new hires I scare off/rant and complain to is unreal.
In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet
Tuesday, July 08, 2014 12:24:21 PMTwitter for Android
How this guy has a job is laughable and proves our ineffective, clueless leadership Tuesday, July 08, 2014 12:23:34 PMTwitter for Android
Our report server was at 100% CPU and the moron reporting manager referred to a Garmin GPS link and said our Garmin integration broke. WAT?! Tuesday, July 08, 2014 12:22:52 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopANDslam Connecticut pizza is a joke
In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet
Monday, July 07, 2014 7:46:04 PMTwitter for Android
OMG. The sketchiest ever Sunday, July 06, 2014 7:32:17 PMTwitter for Android
@Fantasy_Mania @jstanz37 When's draft day?
In reply to @Fantasy_Mania's tweet
Sunday, July 06, 2014 7:14:22 PMTwitter for Android
Oops. Sorry I made fun of Africa. This Indian assed shirt doesn't glow in the dark http://t.co/QyNBdpc2EM Sunday, July 06, 2014 5:07:25 PMTwitter for Android
OK. What kind of African fabric does Old Navy use. My shit doesn't glow in the dark? Fuck off $4 piece of shit shirt http://t.co/QbZcn4lv7r Sunday, July 06, 2014 4:58:57 PMTwitter for Android
I love the aunties. Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:45:16 PMTwitter for Android
You know how I know @MalJNew is a keeper? We were at brunch and there was this girl crying alone and she talked to her. The sweetest. Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:42:26 PMTwitter for Android
You know your teams hit rock bottom. Just know I already cuncelled them a week ago so its fine. 2015 maybe? Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:24:14 PMTwitter for Android
DFA Soriano? #CUNCEL Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:23:34 PMTwitter for Android
Not a wine-o #amirite? http://t.co/iZGlffsRvb Sunday, July 06, 2014 3:06:17 PMTwitter for Android
"I love when I wake up in a neighborhood that I'm going to brunch in." -@MichaelShatin Sunday, July 06, 2014 10:20:38 AMTwitter for Android
Space is blowing my mind Sunday, July 06, 2014 2:10:06 AMTwitter for Android
Holy shit. Look at the moon. Mars is like a centimeter above it. Saturday, July 05, 2014 9:37:10 PMTwitter for Android
Happy Murica Day, you guys🎆 🇺🇸 Friday, July 04, 2014 4:30:39 PMTwitter for Android
Hot dogs!? Nah, sausage and peppers @__JLu http://t.co/McWBO5bbNs Thursday, July 03, 2014 11:56:39 PMTwitter for Android
Just got a text from my boss "You're fired"

Good. Don't get my hopes up. 		Wednesday, July 02, 2014 8:51:48 PMTwitter for Android
After visiting Spotify's office, I officially work at a shithole Wednesday, July 02, 2014 6:20:14 PMTwitter for Android
Mother fucking Instagram with its autoplay noise blew my cover on the shitter. #TMI Wednesday, July 02, 2014 11:12:34 AMTwitter for Android
Gio: "Modeling son. Tell your cousin" Tuesday, July 01, 2014 11:40:43 PMTwitter for Android
I'm so good looking Tuesday, July 01, 2014 11:27:22 PMTwitter for Android
Niggas In Paris is jammin. Always reminds me of Aniusha Monday, June 30, 2014 11:20:34 PMTwitter for Android
Stop drawing diamonds and start drawing straight lines Monday, June 30, 2014 10:41:40 PMTwitter for Android
She looks like she was cut from marble. That bitch was marble Monday, June 30, 2014 10:11:25 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin twirlin Aunt Susie on the dance floor Monday, June 30, 2014 10:00:10 PMTwitter for Android
Pat: "You uh... smoking this piece of machinery?" Guy's a degenerate Monday, June 30, 2014 9:52:11 PMTwitter for Android
So now Apple is jacking features from Win 8/Metro? http://t.co/CkKj2TyoRH Monday, June 30, 2014 11:11:24 AMTwitter for Android
Not sure if this guy on the 5 this morning is a weirdo or a G. Nice suit, tie, pants and.... RealD 3D glasses http://t.co/B0kg9BLhbv Monday, June 30, 2014 9:26:19 AMTwitter for Android
Pippa Middleton: You used to be a smoke. Do something about those bags under your eyes before going on TV for the first time. Monday, June 30, 2014 7:43:32 AMTwitter for Android
OMG with the Yeah Jeets sign. #ESPN Sunday, June 29, 2014 9:06:28 PMTwitter for Android
June 29, 2014. I am cuncelling the 2014 Yankees Sunday, June 29, 2014 8:56:45 PMTwitter for Android
Mike Tyson bit off Holyfield's ear 17 years ago today? I am OLD as fuck Saturday, June 28, 2014 11:38:32 AMTwitter for Android
I just woke up on the roof in a pile if beer Saturday, June 28, 2014 3:16:56 AMTwitter for Android
Fuck you in your pink Jeep Saturday, June 28, 2014 1:11:14 AMTwitter for Android
Haven't had a Natty Light since Fairfield... This is fantastic. Saturday, June 28, 2014 12:26:19 AMTwitter for Android
Kelly: "Mal, I think this song came on the last time I was in bed with you." 😎 Friday, June 27, 2014 11:48:27 PMTwitter for Android
You know it's bad news when your boy calls you and is like... I'm gonna be like #yeahjeets with your cousin... Lol Friday, June 27, 2014 1:29:15 AMTwitter for Android
I just whistled an invented guitar solo riff to Oye Como Va. Come at me Friday, June 27, 2014 12:49:24 AMTwitter for Android
I didn't think it would be that hard to see Sam walking away but somehow it was. Fuckin a man. Friday, June 27, 2014 12:26:48 AMTwitter for Android
Not to be a cocky asshole or anything but when a fly ass ex coworker texts you this, ya gotta feel some kinda awesome http://t.co/JO57kOWvjw Friday, June 27, 2014 12:15:46 AMTwitter for Android
"D.A.T.A.Z.Z.D.O.E" (DAT ass tho) Thursday, June 26, 2014 10:33:11 PMTwitter for Android
This cocksucker waiter took away the giant jenga blocks from me. Are you serious? Thursday, June 26, 2014 10:01:45 PMTwitter for Android
Black keys are on so I'm taking a shot. Not their pussy ass new album tho. Good old shit Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:41:23 PMTwitter for Android
Sam's leaving g. My company is now fucked hard. In the ass Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:40:51 PMTwitter for Android
Wench. Stop talking to the other fuckin bartender and bring me beers Thursday, June 26, 2014 8:26:26 PMTwitter for Android
IMA star son http://t.co/hYZS5QGLnD Thursday, June 26, 2014 8:02:40 PMTwitter for Android
Yo Dwight. Lemmie get some sliders Thursday, June 26, 2014 7:59:17 PMTwitter for Android
I almost just broke a tooth biting a bottle of tequila. No comment Thursday, June 26, 2014 6:33:39 PMTwitter for Android
Am kinda bummed that I can't flash the dev preview of Android L on my 2012 Nexus 7. Thursday, June 26, 2014 2:50:46 PMTwitter for Android
In our sysops team meeting, when we went around the table explaining what we've been working on, I almost burst out laughing. Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:57:07 AMTwitter for Android
Dark chocolate is absolutely unreal right now. Thursday, June 26, 2014 12:15:39 AMTwitter for Android
I've been in meetings since 12:30 and they need to fuckin end Wednesday, June 25, 2014 2:45:12 PMTwitter for Android
PS – “Real talk are you horny?” is absolutely gold. @KFCBarstool Wednesday, June 25, 2014 9:40:00 AMTwitter for Android
...Insert Booker joke here... RT @Pontifex How I wish everyone had decent work! It is essential for human dignity. Tuesday, June 24, 2014 4:55:34 PMTwitter for Android
Also, sleeping dude on shitter woke up startled and walked out. No hand wash. Tuesday, June 24, 2014 4:54:21 PMTwitter for Android
I really need to stop quoting the Pope's tweets and comparing them to how bad my job is. But it's hysterical Tuesday, June 24, 2014 4:53:56 PMTwitter for Android
Dude next to me is legit snoring on the shitter. Betcha its Stein. I mean, when you work where I work, I cannot hold this against you bro. Tuesday, June 24, 2014 4:46:32 PMTwitter for Android
RT @KFCradio: Google knows about #MAILTIME http://t.co/afVsiGUa7I Monday, June 23, 2014 11:51:47 PMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: This is what #OldTimersDay needs from @PaulONeillYES http://t.co/1BwrWmOAp6 Sunday, June 22, 2014 4:05:54 PMTwitter for Android
It's boomstick time Saturday, June 21, 2014 4:17:10 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew I'd hit that
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Saturday, June 21, 2014 10:09:31 AMTwitter for Android
Ace of base is on. My life is fantastic Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:31:11 PMTwitter for Android
Made the Jimmy Two Times reference tonight #Goodfellas #getthepapersgetthepapers Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:27:34 PMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: .@PaulONeillYES loves picking on @RealMichaelKay and I love it. Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:25:35 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin put on Toto Thursday, June 19, 2014 10:22:57 PMTwitter for Android
My boys Vinny Pat and Freddy are degenerates. The hookers are on the way Thursday, June 19, 2014 9:11:21 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus don't know about Booker RT @Pontifex There is never a reason to lose hope. Jesus says: “I am with you until the end of the world”. Thursday, June 19, 2014 7:43:08 AMTwitter for Android
Our suits really managed to improve the joint in a year. #NOT http://t.co/0fNa0D2sxq Thursday, June 19, 2014 7:39:18 AMTwitter for Android
How my boy got green screen pics of our executive assistant is beyond me. All I know is that these would make baller 404 and 500 error pages Wednesday, June 18, 2014 8:13:00 PMTwitter for Android
Dude. That's the biggest tap handle I've ever seen. You can't even deep throat that shit Wednesday, June 18, 2014 7:49:25 PMTwitter for Android
I forgot Derick was out with us. Guess he's tryin to bang the Magic Hat promo girl Wednesday, June 18, 2014 7:41:32 PMTwitter for Android
"I wouldn't piss down his throat if his heart was on fire" @XtinaSchelin Wednesday, June 18, 2014 6:35:27 PMTwitter for Android
This heat bullshit needs to end. Is it fall yet (isn't even summer). Moving to Alaska Tuesday, June 17, 2014 6:48:36 PMTwitter for Android
As you can tell from my grandparents' recycling, they are extreme party animals http://t.co/eFNRYO9iUV Sunday, June 15, 2014 10:01:51 PMTwitter for Android
My boy Danny is so loud, I can single out his voice on the boardwalk from the shitter Friday, June 13, 2014 8:19:40 PMTwitter for Android
If there's one thing I'm good at, it's holding my boys back from beating the shit outta someone. No ones getting by me son Wednesday, June 11, 2014 10:38:21 PMTwitter for Android
"Dude is that Van Gundy? What the fuck happened to Van Gundy." "Dude. You're just old" Tuesday, June 10, 2014 9:10:51 PMTwitter for Android
@BadPointer vagina fingers Tuesday, June 10, 2014 9:04:41 PMTwitter for Android
I've forgotten how fun it was to party with Giovanni Galbo Tuesday, June 10, 2014 8:41:36 PMTwitter for Android
Try this: Open the notepad++ binary in notepad++. Control F, search for cunt. Lolwut? Tuesday, June 10, 2014 7:49:53 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking hate it when I'm hungry and have to wait for people to finish fuckin cigarettes instead of eating #rustlesmyjimmies Tuesday, June 10, 2014 2:15:02 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu At least they were live. This bullshit other band was 100% sampled, had a tech malfunction and couldn't play. Lolz
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Sunday, June 08, 2014 10:36:07 PMTwitter for Android
Yeah sorry but jack White >Vampire Weekend Sunday, June 08, 2014 9:56:53 PMTwitter for Android
Jack White come at me Saturday, June 07, 2014 9:29:44 PMTwitter for Android
Broken Bells didn't play one bad song Saturday, June 07, 2014 5:34:44 PMTwitter for Android
Hxjsjgxjkejsbbfj Broken Bells is up Saturday, June 07, 2014 4:29:33 PMTwitter for Android
This is why you need to play live music... Saturday, June 07, 2014 2:54:35 PMTwitter for Android
Some chick at gov ball took a pic of some other chicks ass. I'm fine with this. Saturday, June 07, 2014 2:32:10 PMTwitter for Android