9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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RT @DadBoner: "Tonight on the news, idiots bombed each other. Also, a piece of trash shot some poor guy. But first, BK Chicken Fries are ba… Friday, August 15, 2014 5:14:18 PMTwitter for Android
Buffer zone, people. If there are other empty stalls don't come shit right next to me asshole Friday, August 15, 2014 3:01:39 PMTwitter for Android
Lol balls. #BookerOlympics http://t.co/wXLfptysBE Thursday, August 14, 2014 1:53:53 PMTwitter for Android
I just editited the db for my twitter app and probably broke it. #shit Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:40:00 PMTwitter for Android
But here's the thing: Close your eyes and count to 5. It'd take the same moment on earth and at the speed of light so blow me!
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:36:59 PMTwitter for Android
So if you're traveling 99% of the speed of light for one day, a year on earth would've gone by? Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:34:15 PMTwitter for Android
Shit. Just watched a Stephen Hawking documentary and now I 100% understand the concept of traveling forward in time Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:26:53 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew @NYCTSubway someone probably got murdered there
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Wednesday, August 13, 2014 10:16:14 PMTwitter for Android
And with that 3 run Orioles shot, Cuncel da saeson. #Yankees #Cuncel Wednesday, August 13, 2014 9:39:23 PMTwitter for Android
It's 4am. Bedtime sounds about right for my 7:30 maintenance + full workday 😥 Wednesday, August 13, 2014 4:03:01 AMTwitter for Android
The fact that it's 2014 and phones still connect to EDGE or 1X is utter bullshit. Deprecate!!!! Tuesday, August 12, 2014 6:46:11 PMTwitter for Android
Everyone please unfollow @BuzzFeed on the grounds that I keep getting obnoxuous timeline ads that my followers follow it. #Whocares Sunday, August 10, 2014 9:35:04 PMTwitter for Android
Also the catcher on the blue team is a wildebeast Saturday, August 09, 2014 6:02:14 PMTwitter for Android
HOLD THE PHONE. This is Little League softball on ESPN2? They look 18. This is why I decided I'm not having a daughter Saturday, August 09, 2014 6:01:58 PMTwitter for Android
Mad respect for this dude on the Injuns with the stones as his at bat song Friday, August 08, 2014 10:33:30 PMTwitter for Android
@Onethirdof3x5 just had to explain to an Orioles fan at Yankee Stadium why we don't do the wave here Friday, August 08, 2014 10:20:25 PMTwitter for Android
Heisenberg looking veteran being honored at the stadium Friday, August 08, 2014 10:17:22 PMTwitter for Android
10-2 Yankeeessss Enjoyyyyyyyy http://t.co/2CJyfZTLoQ Friday, August 08, 2014 10:02:24 PMTwitter for Android
Jeter's Biggie batting song is clutch Friday, August 08, 2014 9:37:20 PMTwitter for Android
There's legit a guy with a beard telling 203 to do a wave. Nice effort but nah
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, August 08, 2014 9:34:53 PMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ Section 202 started to do the wave and 203 was like nah fuck that noise Friday, August 08, 2014 9:18:54 PMTwitter for Android
NO NO NOOO. You don't do the wave at Yankee Stadium. Friday, August 08, 2014 9:09:53 PMTwitter for Android
Yo Swisher. Ya can't hit for dick but we love you! Go Yankees Friday, August 08, 2014 9:07:23 PMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ you should be at the stadium my dude
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Friday, August 08, 2014 7:09:37 PMTwitter for Android
I'm having a Stoli O and soda in honor of the great @MichaelShatin Friday, August 08, 2014 6:10:17 PMTwitter for Android
How should they handle it? Cuncel! @KFCBarstool @BarstoolJJ http://t.co/teuYjuPooi Friday, August 08, 2014 5:23:36 PMTwitter for Android
@tomwcleary dumb bastard should've gone to a coffee shop.
In reply to @tomwcleary's tweet
Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:47:42 PMTwitter for Android
Not even shitting you. The 80something yr old guy on the first floor watches porn nonstop. Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:41:53 PMTwitter for Android
My beer, instead of getting emptier, is getting fuller b/c people keep topping me off. Why couldn't I have this problem in college? Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:07:35 PMTwitter for Android
I really wasn't being dirty... Took an IQ test today and they ask that type of logic Thursday, August 07, 2014 11:01:03 PMTwitter for Android
Playing fuck the dealer. I'm the dealer. By mathematical logic, I'm gonna get fucked tonight. Thursday, August 07, 2014 10:58:05 PMTwitter for Android
This statue's got some hog on him http://t.co/uYfFoEeZoC Thursday, August 07, 2014 10:07:21 PMTwitter for Android
Sitting on this bed bug assed N train. #itchy Thursday, August 07, 2014 8:58:42 PMTwitter for Android
Will you Asians stop linking arms 4 people wide and walking 2mph on the sidewalk? Thursday, August 07, 2014 8:44:39 PMTwitter for Android
.@chuckschumer over at Jones Beach got the Bronx Cheer if you know what I mean. Tuesday, August 05, 2014 9:02:10 PMTwitter for Android
Has anyone else gotten satisfaction from farting on subway benches and feeling the vibration? #SoMature Tuesday, August 05, 2014 10:33:57 AMTwitter for Android
Texiera keeps injuring his vagina. I've been saying it for years. @BarstoolJJ
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Monday, August 04, 2014 7:40:48 PMTwitter for Android
Pet peeve: Doors that have broken doorknob locks that have latch locks that you need to pull to see if it's unlocked. Sunday, August 03, 2014 5:22:17 PMTwitter for Android
@KFCBarstool TOLOOOOOOOOO!!!! How's big sexy treating ya tonight Clancy? http://t.co/T2JZdarWlD Sunday, August 03, 2014 3:58:41 PMTwitter for Android
Just looked out the window and it reminded me of fall and I got excited! Saturday, August 02, 2014 4:03:25 PMTwitter for Android
Also got woken up that the night engineer fell asleep during the maintenance and now I must complete it. 🙅😴😣💩👎 Wednesday, July 30, 2014 6:27:20 AMTwitter for Android
Just had a couple pieces of Italian hero for breakfast at 6:30am because why not? #nom Wednesday, July 30, 2014 6:24:18 AMTwitter for Android
One of the marketing girls at work: http://t.co/RHAgfGIwGa Wednesday, July 30, 2014 5:51:30 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew you're strange
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Wednesday, July 30, 2014 5:48:24 AMTwitter for Android
Your whore mouth. Shut it Tuesday, July 29, 2014 3:30:24 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus John. 30 minutes of babbling about nothing. Tuesday, July 29, 2014 3:27:36 PMTwitter for Android
Good guy train conductor is not only announcing all the stations, but 2-3 tourist attractions per stop. Likes to yap yap yap Tuesday, July 29, 2014 8:51:56 AMTwitter for Android
Perfect temp this morning. An ideal summer shouldn't get any hotter than this Tuesday, July 29, 2014 8:20:57 AMTwitter for Android
1:45am. Hungover. If you don't think I'm spot checking this 45yr old's work for tomorrow's maintenance, you're mistaken.... Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:45:15 AMTwitter for Android
Ow
My head 		Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:43:37 AMTwitter for Android
That'll kill you son and I'm all about living to see the tricentennial murrica celebraish and beyond! Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:42:15 AMTwitter for Android
Just about as bad as Nurse Jackie, except I'm not into narcs.... Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:41:28 AMTwitter for Android
1:40 am. I'm hungover and have to work tomorrow. Lolz Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:39:21 AMTwitter for Android
Wasted Monday, July 28, 2014 11:11:13 PMTwitter for Android
"I'm not into girls but I want to hire cute girls with big boobs. That new imp girl is cute. Good boobs." Monday, July 28, 2014 10:47:10 PMTwitter for Android
I know some guys in the sanitation so we can make problems disappear. Monday, July 28, 2014 10:45:41 PMTwitter for Android
Shit. Someone's getting arrested tonight Monday, July 28, 2014 9:39:32 PMTwitter for Android
Christ. Everyone is trying to hang out with me. Why am I this popular #jk Monday, July 28, 2014 9:29:40 PMTwitter for Android
Upstairs bartender was awful and started taking selfies so I went downstairs band started double fisting Monday, July 28, 2014 9:26:33 PMTwitter for Android
How many drinks does it take to flatten a 400lb guy? 23? Monday, July 28, 2014 9:05:55 PMTwitter for Android
Out HR coordinator is doing the lawnmower with our SQL developer. They're fucking later. Monday, July 28, 2014 9:02:20 PMTwitter for Android
Solanas' white pants tho Monday, July 28, 2014 8:13:57 PMTwitter for Android
Almost just confused two white guys. What? They all look alike Monday, July 28, 2014 8:08:17 PMTwitter for Android
#CFO chatting about poo Monday, July 28, 2014 6:29:39 PMTwitter for Android
Will refrain from live tweeting the company propaganda cruise, now that I'm public. #100%overbudgettho Monday, July 28, 2014 6:21:41 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu I want to entertain the world
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Monday, July 28, 2014 6:20:45 PMTwitter for Android
CTO and his minion playin a little grab ass on the walk to the propaganda cruise Monday, July 28, 2014 5:39:49 PMTwitter for Android
Why do they call chocolate chips morsels? Morsel sounds silly. Monday, July 28, 2014 4:38:55 PMTwitter for Android
If you walk around the subway platforms while breastfeeding, you're straight up absurd. Monday, July 28, 2014 2:15:04 PMTwitter for Android
Made my twitter public for a little while because I want to interact with the world. this may be a huge mistake Monday, July 28, 2014 1:28:13 PMTwitter for Android
Okay, this is an amateur hour noob engineer operating this train. Go asshole. Signal is green Monday, July 28, 2014 1:22:08 PMTwitter for Android
Also, train is late #MTA Monday, July 28, 2014 1:19:13 PMTwitter for Android
If you ride a bike on the train station platform, you're an asshole. I'd normally say you deserve to fall on the tracks, but that'd delay me Monday, July 28, 2014 1:18:18 PMTwitter for Android
Looks like the kids are sharper on the drinking game skills than us old folks. @Fantasy_Mania #fm14 http://t.co/kGMPOQI6lP Monday, July 28, 2014 12:24:23 AMTwitter for Android
Protip: Don't drunkenly text your boss that...... Sunday, July 27, 2014 1:49:31 AMTwitter for Android
Texted my boss: " Christ. I'm trying to win at beer pong. Why can't we pause the alerting when we patch?" Sunday, July 27, 2014 12:09:58 AMTwitter for Android
tell deez nuts to pause the fuckin alerting so I don't get my fuckin phone blown up in the middle of beer pong when I'm on call Sunday, July 27, 2014 12:07:52 AMTwitter for Android
For your latest Connecticut heroin overdose news, follow @tomwcleary, Breaking news editor at the NH Register Saturday, July 26, 2014 9:37:59 PMTwitter for Android
How many times do I have to tell these guys to stop taking shots and cheers-ing my penis Saturday, July 26, 2014 9:22:31 PMTwitter for Android
And Sacred Heart won by a run. 😠 Saturday, July 26, 2014 8:59:24 PMTwitter for Android
This Fairfield/ Sacred Heart baseball drinking game is getting intense Saturday, July 26, 2014 8:26:13 PMTwitter for Android
Protip: Younger people will ALWAYS win at drinking games. Saturday, July 26, 2014 5:51:41 PMTwitter for Android
THE RUSTIEST at drinking games 😠 Saturday, July 26, 2014 5:47:06 PMTwitter for Android
RT @Disalmanac: Today in 1990, George H.W. Bush signed the Americans With Disabilities Act, which led directly to his son becoming presiden… Saturday, July 26, 2014 3:38:21 PMTwitter for Android
There is something extremely satisfying about that snap when opening a Snapple bottle. Is that why its called Snapple? #mindblown Saturday, July 26, 2014 3:24:02 PMTwitter for Android
Who's blocking the entire sidewalk and creating a jam of people? Group of Asian tourists. As I expected. Friday, July 25, 2014 7:08:25 PMTwitter for Android
Would be nice if this fuckin train didn't park in the middle of the tracks for 5 minutes with no AC and the sun in my face Friday, July 25, 2014 10:05:52 AMTwitter for Android
The British don't refrigerate their eggs? Mind. Blown. http://t.co/XCmfcVZomI Friday, July 25, 2014 12:01:58 AMTwitter for Android
Hhhhhhhhh⚡⚡⚡ Wednesday, July 23, 2014 11:56:47 PMTwitter for Android
Pat to Hurricane Leilli: "Stop flexing" Wednesday, July 23, 2014 8:54:53 PMTwitter for Android
Not for anything, New York is a pretty shitty place to live. Tuesday, July 22, 2014 6:58:40 PMTwitter for Android
The fucking MTA though Tuesday, July 22, 2014 6:57:57 PMTwitter for Android
And now my internet is fully out.... Tuesday, July 22, 2014 9:24:54 AMTwitter for Android
Suggesting the twin towers as a photo spot nearby... Bad taste, Google... #GoogleNowFail #13yearstoolate http://t.co/zZRaWVSb5O Monday, July 21, 2014 4:14:13 PMTwitter for Android
I'm hot and all I do is win Saturday, July 19, 2014 9:50:02 PMTwitter for Android
You know you're at an Ohio wedding when the groomsmen roll in with Lebron and Manziel jerseys. Saturday, July 19, 2014 6:35:32 PMTwitter for Android
The Middle East is all kinds of fucked up: http://t.co/IpSWpFnp0j Saturday, July 19, 2014 11:52:37 AMTwitter for Android
Heading to Cleveland today, sports capital of the US & A! Gonna hang with Lebron, Johnny Football and see this stuff: http://t.co/WFRc0hfTWP Friday, July 18, 2014 10:50:27 AMTwitter for Android
Thunderstorms in lower Manhattan =. Everyone stand by the windows and watch 1WTC and hope it gets strick by lightning Tuesday, July 15, 2014 2:21:12 PMTwitter for Android
I'm too drunk for fuckin curve balls. the fuck Monday, July 14, 2014 1:18:10 AMTwitter for Android