9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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I can see Phil Jackson or the Dolans getting into some hot water with the Latvian mob and forced to draft that kid. "Draft or we keel you." Friday, June 26, 2015 8:33:25 AMTwitter for Android
Remember that time in college when I destroyed a guy's Confederate flag? I must have been ahead of my time. Thursday, June 25, 2015 7:18:35 PMTwitter for Android
To the gentleman wheeling around a mini fridge on the subway during rush hour earlier: You're an asshole. Wednesday, June 24, 2015 7:31:10 PMTwitter for Android
I have to take a huge shit and this meeting has ko end in sight. Thursday, June 18, 2015 4:17:15 PMTwitter for Android
Halfway through this juice cleanse and it's already coming out the same way it's going in. Wednesday, June 17, 2015 10:21:01 PMTwitter for Android
Someone care to explain to me why this toilet seat needs to be plugged in? http://t.co/Ml81832RLM Monday, June 15, 2015 8:47:11 PMTwitter for Android
Two 60+ yr old cougars just asked us if there were any cops on the beach. Saturday, June 13, 2015 1:05:55 AMTwitter for Android
Waitress at the breakfast spot with the "I love sausage" shirt made me lolz. Yeah ya do gurrrl Friday, June 12, 2015 10:30:34 AMTwitter for Android
All the rage in south Jersey and Philly. 5.9% abv root beer. Tastes like normal root beer. Next fireball. Watch http://t.co/4ZM5w3umvo Thursday, June 11, 2015 8:09:20 PMTwitter for Android
RT @_Frankalank: Is bae short for bacon or is that just a coincidence? Thursday, June 11, 2015 7:30:29 PMTwitter for Android
Just ate a frozen Charleston Chew off the floor. Get on my level Thursday, June 11, 2015 7:30:08 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu NOPE. So proprietary and suitlike.
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Thursday, June 11, 2015 7:26:48 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 NO. NO. NO. Went down the shore. Fuck NYC when its 90
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Thursday, June 11, 2015 6:56:33 PMTwitter for Android
I just accidentally drunkenly threw my FAV red starburst off this balcony and princess @MalJNew got it for me Thursday, June 11, 2015 6:55:54 PMTwitter for Android
We're blasting Mary J. Blige. Blow me. Thursday, June 11, 2015 6:50:24 PMTwitter for Android
"Joe. You're a delightful mess" Thursday, June 11, 2015 6:42:50 PMTwitter for Android
@mustang_sarah @google @googlecalendar doesn't happen on Android
In reply to @mustang_sarah's tweet
Thursday, June 11, 2015 4:07:57 PMTwitter for Android
My next phone might have a USB-C port!!! Fuck all this micro USB 2006 shit where they wear out and aren't reversible Thursday, June 11, 2015 1:23:39 AMTwitter for Android
@thomaswood @MTA yes they are. Even Chicago does contactless payments
In reply to @thomaswood's tweet
Tuesday, June 09, 2015 4:36:24 PMTwitter for Android
Just figured it out. My Twitter is the Amanda Bynes meltdown equivalent, except in the tech industry. Tuesday, June 09, 2015 4:31:53 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ holy hell it's working again by some kind of quantum chromodynamics theory or something
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Tuesday, June 09, 2015 2:26:23 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ why does your service suck? I just had two techs here last week and verified all lines splitters and signals were good. COME ON
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Tuesday, June 09, 2015 2:19:35 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ My next bill better be free. You keep doing remediations but I'd rather have working internet and you not hear from me.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Tuesday, June 09, 2015 2:16:46 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ this is a complete joke at this point. I cannot get one week of stable internet access
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Tuesday, June 09, 2015 2:12:20 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ Are you guys absolutely for real? ANOTHER OUTAGE? I am in the middle if a very important maintenance for work Tuesday, June 09, 2015 2:10:33 AMTwitter for Android
AXELROD Saturday, June 06, 2015 9:15:48 PMTwitter for Android
I get to take a drink girl back to Regis. Said me never from 2006-2010 Saturday, June 06, 2015 12:17:44 AMTwitter for Android
RT @_Frankalank: It's no coincidence that the people who work the hardest are the most successful. Friday, June 05, 2015 11:06:30 PMTwitter for Android
THE PECAN SANDIES ARE AT THE LEVEE AND IF THEY DON'T PLAY AEROPLANES I WILL RIOT Friday, June 05, 2015 10:18:05 PMTwitter for Android
I may or may not have clogged a Regis already. Friday, June 05, 2015 9:27:39 PMTwitter for Android
They decided to give us lunch every other week. Today is sausage day, and Russian women always get mistranslated: http://t.co/4fh7pAkE1U Friday, June 05, 2015 1:49:22 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew suck it so hard. You got all the backup
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Wednesday, June 03, 2015 10:07:33 PMTwitter for Android
I might actually die in this cab. Didn't have fireball and this shit smells like fireball Wednesday, June 03, 2015 9:53:03 PMTwitter for Android
Son of a bitch. Toppi just made me do another Jameson Wednesday, June 03, 2015 9:23:28 PMTwitter for Android
"Yo. If I die sitting in a table, write 'Pussy' on my tombstone" -Nick Wednesday, June 03, 2015 8:29:52 PMTwitter for Android
Every. Single. Day. With these Subway delays. @NYCTSubway Tuesday, June 02, 2015 8:33:20 AMTwitter for Android
OMG. @MalJNew is the bestest! Came home from work and have a full bday dinner ready. Cold antipasta, salad, pasta and bracciole! NOMS Monday, June 01, 2015 7:49:54 PMTwitter for Android
@NYCTSubway suck a dick that nothing is running right this morning. You guys are useless Monday, June 01, 2015 9:22:04 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew Joshie and I are the MOST soaked
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Sunday, May 31, 2015 5:13:00 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew @KFCBarstool Big Sexy's RBI double was everything I wanted and more
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Sunday, May 31, 2015 4:18:53 PMTwitter for Android
"Google's Internal Code Name For Smart Lock Passwords Is YOLO, You Only Login Once" http://t.co/A2hS52Tx5X @__JLu Sunday, May 31, 2015 8:22:56 AMTwitter for Android
BED FINALLY. If I get another alert this weekend, I will punch every single person in the face at work on Monday. Sunday, May 31, 2015 3:06:18 AMTwitter for Android
RT @NYC_LTrain: That's the spa car, you ungrateful tweet whining dolt. https://t.co/dOIMZqLFuE Saturday, May 30, 2015 8:36:41 PMTwitter for Android
@NYCTSubway L train car 8193 has no A/C. Take it out of service and fix it you fare raising inferior fools. Saturday, May 30, 2015 7:42:15 PMTwitter for Android
🎵Went to the station caught a boat downtown. I hope it doesn't fall off the track and I drown🎵 Friday, May 29, 2015 8:11:11 AMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ Got an AJ Burnett #34 jersey once. At least his name wasn't on it.
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Thursday, May 28, 2015 7:16:27 PMTwitter for Android
Bitch put the AC on in this cab. Too bougie for this hot sticky shit Thursday, May 28, 2015 12:58:05 AMTwitter for Android
The fact that I'm not at this shit means I work at a piece of shit fake wannabe startup. https://t.co/mJRh0u9DSn Thursday, May 28, 2015 12:35:18 AMTwitter for Android
@portfolioso I realize I spelled it wrong but whatever
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Thursday, May 28, 2015 12:32:44 AMTwitter for Android
7:30aontenance and I'm still reluctantly at the fuckin bar Thursday, May 28, 2015 12:27:38 AMTwitter for Android
The fuck do I agree to this shit for Thursday, May 28, 2015 12:04:43 AMTwitter for Android
Cuncel DA society Wednesday, May 27, 2015 9:42:02 PMTwitter for Android
Omg stop doing that. FUCK Wednesday, May 27, 2015 9:41:17 PMTwitter for Android
"Sometimes, you just want to shake a bitch" -@kevinrose Wednesday, May 27, 2015 9:36:47 PMTwitter for Android
Everyone sucks Wednesday, May 27, 2015 9:27:02 PMTwitter for Android
I'm about to instigate so hard right now Wednesday, May 27, 2015 8:03:33 PMTwitter for Android
@NYCTSubway at 46th st M/R. Why 2 Manhattan bound Ms in a row? There are never enough R trains. Been here 30 mins. Wednesday, May 27, 2015 12:26:56 PMTwitter for Android
Full train #3 arrived at the station and no one was able to get on. @mta: cunts. Tuesday, May 26, 2015 8:37:20 AMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da Summer Fridays while we're at it also. No fun allowed! No fun allowed! Tuesday, May 26, 2015 8:32:48 AMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da MTA Tuesday, May 26, 2015 8:29:39 AMTwitter for Android
@TWC_Help @TWC_NYNJ also, the only way to get your attention is twitter. No one else fixes it unless I tweet about it
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Monday, May 25, 2015 11:57:37 AMTwitter for Android
My internet is out again. Why does it go out 4-5 times a week you unreliables? @TWC_Help @TWC_NYNJ Monday, May 25, 2015 11:57:07 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu lol loved it. Watched it immediately after you told me about it.
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Monday, May 25, 2015 1:32:53 AMTwitter for Android
I legit have no idea how to add people on Snapchat. Feel like a gramps Sunday, May 24, 2015 12:55:33 PMTwitter for Android
tl;dr don't go to prison Saturday, May 23, 2015 10:56:41 PMTwitter for Android
Yo my boy's telling the story about how he got arrested in Texas. Grab some popcorn and come listen. Saturday, May 23, 2015 10:28:11 PMTwitter for Android
Happy bday @ky9!!!

-Sketch
PS - Cya at reunion 		Saturday, May 23, 2015 8:09:04 PMTwitter for Android
This happened to me today. With alcohol. https://t.co/V3933wysxk Saturday, May 23, 2015 4:48:23 PMTwitter for Android
Homeboy's outfit is fly as fuck http://t.co/vJD1zYJMt1 Saturday, May 23, 2015 4:37:34 PMTwitter for Android
I'm doing a grand job on my on call shift by ignoring all the bullshit fucking alerts before they get to @Docent_Steve Saturday, May 23, 2015 3:49:58 PMTwitter for Android
Absolutely anything that could potentially slow me down is doing so. #NotPleased Friday, May 22, 2015 5:28:33 PMTwitter for Android
At least I get to walk off the fat ass burger king I had for lunch Friday, May 22, 2015 5:14:26 PMTwitter for Android
Cunts @MTA Friday, May 22, 2015 5:00:49 PMTwitter for Android
Whoever's operating this 5 train is a real asshole with the brakes and accelerator. Be smooth bro. Friday, May 22, 2015 9:27:37 AMTwitter for Android
Ya fuked up. Windows aren't aligned bro #3WTC http://t.co/sEs8JSyfKj Tuesday, May 19, 2015 12:37:39 PMTwitter for Android
Get lawst. That was kicked in Monday, May 18, 2015 9:29:09 PMTwitter for Android
GET LAWST Monday, May 18, 2015 8:31:26 PMTwitter for Android
If my dentures ever fall out at my 102nd bday party, please euthanize me: http://t.co/siHLfsjEi1 Sunday, May 17, 2015 8:00:09 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_Help tell your idiot technicians to screw the fucking wires in tighter on the poles.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Sunday, May 17, 2015 12:05:43 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_Help want to tell me why your internet is down yet again? Chat said loose wires outside. why does this happens every week Sunday, May 17, 2015 12:02:12 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ WHY do I have another outage. Every other week. This is ridiculous. Please escalate Sunday, May 17, 2015 11:53:07 AMTwitter for Android
RT @KFCBarstool: No exaggeration I'd probably rather be in jail than be at the Preakness with no functioning bathrooms Saturday, May 16, 2015 6:41:34 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure I almost pissed my pants and kidneys almost exploded out of karma/sacrilege. Saturday, May 16, 2015 3:44:55 PMTwitter for Android
Oh the Preakness... I may or may not have convinced a Jesuit to move a final exam for me back in '10 to make an appearance. Saturday, May 16, 2015 3:43:55 PMTwitter for Android
Who the fuck has their wedding reception at a lower Manhattan beer garden on a Friday night? Christ Friday, May 15, 2015 9:27:11 PMTwitter for Android
Get it Nate Friday, May 15, 2015 8:56:57 PMTwitter for Android
This Mexican bus boy with the"Sexico" shirt is straight up killing it tonight Friday, May 15, 2015 8:26:16 PMTwitter for Android
@Waspito android apps, google play TV shows/ movies/ books that work on android and can be chromecasted
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
Friday, May 15, 2015 12:13:32 PMTwitter for Android
Quantum Entanglement Thursday, May 14, 2015 11:18:47 PMTwitter for Android
Magnets are really cool Thursday, May 14, 2015 10:49:34 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck you google. Pay me for answering your creepy advertising shits http://t.co/ohzcTtmjjr Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:23:40 PMTwitter for Android
I live my life through others acting ridiculously Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:16:06 PMTwitter for Android
Nate. If you don't get laid we're not talking anymore. Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:15:29 PMTwitter for Android
My discernment is NEVER WRONG Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:11:42 PMTwitter for Android
I can tell by how this cracker is slouchin' they're both dtf Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:11:23 PMTwitter for Android
YoungNate slating pussy week 3 in a row. Smash that brah Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:09:45 PMTwitter for Android
Hoower Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:07:20 PMTwitter for Android
You are on the train home to hubby SEXTING your boo slut Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:05:10 PMTwitter for Android
Mal and Este are such let's be honests for each other Wednesday, May 13, 2015 11:04:35 PMTwitter for Android
DON'T DO IT BRIAN. TAKE IT SLOOOWWWWWWWWW Wednesday, May 13, 2015 10:59:08 PMTwitter for Android