9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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I told our director of security to "get the fuck out of my face, I don't have time for your noise" today. Thursday, October 29, 2015 11:55:11 PMTwitter for Android
And that's gonna be me walking I to the suits office tomorrow. Billy Walsh style Thursday, October 29, 2015 11:40:08 PMTwitter for Android
If you don't like it you can suck his fucking cock Thursday, October 29, 2015 11:38:39 PMTwitter for Android
This is another public service announcement 
Brought to you in part by Portfolioso.
Portfolioso does not give a fuck what you think. 		Thursday, October 29, 2015 11:38:29 PMTwitter for Android
Shit's about to go down at work tomorrow. Mark my words. #vigilante Thursday, October 29, 2015 10:59:27 PMTwitter for Android
The cunt suits I work with. Should they eat a dick? Thursday, October 29, 2015 8:25:20 PMTwitter for Android
2. I only wanted to go for 10 mins to say hi because I was in a bad mood. 4 lychee martinis and a shot later.... #fml Thursday, October 29, 2015 8:07:23 PMTwitter for Android
1. Went to a friends bday. One of her friends remembered me as "that guy from that hot dog bar" Not sure how I feel about that... Thursday, October 29, 2015 8:06:27 PMTwitter for Android
Annmarie needs to shit the fuck up and stop judging me Tuesday, October 27, 2015 10:10:34 PMTwitter for Android
They cut back to the Fox video feed and Harvey starts messing up. Tuesday, October 27, 2015 10:03:37 PMTwitter for Android
YOU HAD ONE JOB @FOXTV Tuesday, October 27, 2015 9:35:50 PMTwitter for Android
Eh you don't need Fox. No one wants to hear Joe Buck Tuesday, October 27, 2015 9:32:57 PMTwitter for Android
Here's the problem with buying a carrier backed phone. Not even released yet and they're shipping it with an old os https://t.co/BN6oQFT1gS Tuesday, October 27, 2015 1:28:55 PMTwitter for Android
MTA clocks are all an hour back for DST... Tuesday, October 27, 2015 8:44:43 AMTwitter for Android
Everclear, cunts https://t.co/Va80DHCvrh Monday, October 26, 2015 10:01:17 PMTwitter for Android
Piss and line cunts Monday, October 26, 2015 9:52:54 PMTwitter for Android
EVERCLEAR. BB KINGS. YOURE NOT 90s ENOUGH FOR ME Monday, October 26, 2015 7:33:04 PMTwitter for Android
Guy operating this 5 train has gotta be shitfaced. Way to hard brake and accelerate every 3 seconds like an asshole Friday, October 23, 2015 12:15:57 PMTwitter for Android
#ToloPounce Wednesday, October 21, 2015 11:40:56 PMTwitter for Android
One more strike, Family Wednesday, October 21, 2015 11:39:31 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 So positive, I like it! Wouldn't happen to be Twitter inspired eh? We go alllll the way back on Twitter. #OG
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Wednesday, October 21, 2015 11:31:21 PMTwitter for Android
Like the time I blackout called my grandparents in the Bronx and talked for 20 mins about the Yankees in '09 and had no clue the next day
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, October 21, 2015 10:56:50 PMTwitter for Android
Although I'm not a Mets fan. Mad feels for you guys. I remember '09 like yesterday and how fun it was Wednesday, October 21, 2015 10:53:02 PMTwitter for Android
Nah son, he's coming to the Yankees next year https://t.co/lyLzIUF0Ws Wednesday, October 21, 2015 10:46:27 PMTwitter for Android
My cabbies hammered Wednesday, October 21, 2015 10:45:21 PMTwitter for Android
RT @KFCBarstool: I need a Bartolo postseason at bat more than anything in the world. Wednesday, October 21, 2015 10:29:02 PMTwitter for Android
I'd pay cash money to see 'Tolo go wild and pounce on top of a mets pile Wednesday, October 21, 2015 9:52:22 PMTwitter for Android
Called my mom... She spent 15 mins telling me about her neighbor's knee replacement. 😴💤 Saturday, October 17, 2015 10:29:19 PMTwitter for Android
#metsaintgotnooneinrehab Thursday, October 15, 2015 11:24:55 PMTwitter for Android
Congrats to all my mess fans out there Thursday, October 15, 2015 11:24:08 PMTwitter for Android
#loldodgers Thursday, October 15, 2015 10:06:30 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure our director of architecture is a gangster Thursday, October 15, 2015 8:49:08 PMTwitter for Android
Said I'd only have a beer at the bar. Had 5 already and counting. Also, #lolmets Thursday, October 15, 2015 8:38:45 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew RELAX
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Thursday, October 15, 2015 12:13:07 AMTwitter for Android
Lower the fuckin heat on the subways you MTA cunts Monday, October 12, 2015 8:51:24 AMTwitter for Android
Jesus fucking Christ ISIS, I can assure you Allah doesn't want you going around raping people and having sex slaves http://t.co/WM3Bq6IuCv Monday, October 12, 2015 1:03:27 AMTwitter for Android
False alerts waking me up all night and the primary motherfucker keeps missing them. #cunts #fucksysops Saturday, October 10, 2015 5:15:54 AMTwitter for Android
Vinny is now speaking Italian to the cab driver Friday, October 09, 2015 12:08:43 AMTwitter for Android
My dude Vinny is destroying this cab driver right now. Thursday, October 08, 2015 11:58:34 PMTwitter for Android
YEAHHHHHH NATE. GET. IT. IN http://t.co/gyY9f9iD03 Thursday, October 08, 2015 10:02:17 PMTwitter for Android
Our new security guy is a cunt. No security dude is reasonable. None of them. Hate them all Thursday, October 08, 2015 3:07:22 PMTwitter for Android
Mess Thursday, October 08, 2015 12:01:36 AMTwitter for Android
@Billyjune88 bitch you're not gonna rescue me from matchless this week?
In reply to @Billyjune88's tweet
Wednesday, October 07, 2015 10:43:37 PMTwitter for Android
Sick of fuckin losing so should we start winning like @realDonaldTrump? Hahahahhahahahha
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, October 07, 2015 10:39:22 PMTwitter for Android
Dude. CC is a fuckin pussy checking in the day before the playoffs. My entire kickball team needs to hang with him in rehab. Wednesday, October 07, 2015 10:33:56 PMTwitter for Android
Loser company. Loser kickball team. Loser flip cup team. For fuck's sake can we be good at fuckin anything? Wednesday, October 07, 2015 10:21:13 PMTwitter for Android
Someone put on Poker Face immijitly @Fantasy_Mania Sunday, October 04, 2015 10:03:04 PMTwitter for Android
I just cried my eyes out watching that 2008 Yogi Yankee Stadium tribute #noshame Sunday, October 04, 2015 9:55:16 PMTwitter for Android
🌳🌳🌳 Sunday, October 04, 2015 9:51:32 PMTwitter for Android
Idk what's even going on right now so lets play some music Sunday, October 04, 2015 7:41:12 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da Yankees Sunday, October 04, 2015 5:23:24 PMTwitter for Android
Deez nutz http://t.co/USk43Gu6nL Sunday, October 04, 2015 4:28:07 PMTwitter for Android
.@NYCTSubway it's absurd to blast the heat on the subway when it's like 60° out. Sunday, October 04, 2015 12:22:07 PMTwitter for Android
Like for real, how does it go from like 80 and sunny to like nasty and rainy and 48 #nyc Saturday, October 03, 2015 2:56:57 AMTwitter for Android
Don't you just love it when some porn robot with some hot chick and boobs just favorites a tweet of yours from like a year ago? Saturday, October 03, 2015 1:39:27 AMTwitter for Android
Imagine. Initiate. Execute. Repeat. Until you're the fuckin CEO Saturday, October 03, 2015 12:04:28 AMTwitter for Android
This gravity rap/techno song on Bill Nye the Science Guy is so 90s and awesome and made of win. Friday, October 02, 2015 8:31:11 PMTwitter for Android
One of my Dominicans "Yo dawg. Your jacket looks like it's from the Bronx" Friday, October 02, 2015 6:42:05 PMTwitter for Android
Metro north is literally going backwards right now #fantastic Friday, October 02, 2015 8:39:42 AMTwitter for Android
My boy Vinny is an absolute savage. Monday, September 28, 2015 11:23:33 PMTwitter for Android
Look at the moon, you guys! Eclipse is starting Sunday, September 27, 2015 9:14:52 PMTwitter for Android
Fire hydrants all over Central Park right now for Ed Sheeran Saturday, September 26, 2015 11:38:40 PMTwitter for Android
Yo @MikeMcCreadyPJ, throw me one of your guitar picks later please! #GlobalCitizen #pearljam Saturday, September 26, 2015 1:05:40 PMTwitter for Android
Oh shot, my Twitter..... Welp, didn't tweet anything that stupid tonight Friday, September 25, 2015 3:59:57 AMTwitter for Android
Alice in chains on at the bar. Nice Thursday, September 24, 2015 7:36:34 PMTwitter for Android
Working right now http://t.co/DUPCZM8BHL Thursday, September 24, 2015 4:44:44 PMTwitter for Android
They were talking about conditioner and brushing hair, so my chances just went up a notch #yeahbuddy
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Thursday, September 24, 2015 3:58:40 PMTwitter for Android
This dude at the bar right now is legit Bruce from Family Guy http://t.co/1rp7XQsk11 Thursday, September 24, 2015 3:49:02 PMTwitter for Android
Coolest. Planet. Ever. https://t.co/X7Ru20ZBCb Thursday, September 24, 2015 3:40:57 PMTwitter for Android
I'm kinda hoping this bartendress is a little lezzie for Mal so we can have a threesome Thursday, September 24, 2015 3:17:25 PMTwitter for Android
Overheard at the bar: "Taylor Swift has the eyes of a Chinese man masturbator" Thursday, September 24, 2015 3:01:54 PMTwitter for Android
Shame the Yanks didn't win one for Yogi yesterday Thursday, September 24, 2015 7:06:03 AMTwitter for Android
Why can't you get a blown save and then a save for re-saving the game? Tuesday, September 22, 2015 10:48:30 PMTwitter for Android
How the hell am I supposed to win the world series in fantasy when my boy Miller is blowing saves over here like a joker Tuesday, September 22, 2015 10:09:17 PMTwitter for Android
Asked Pops to unbox/charge my new phone. He pulled a Tobias Fünke response. #thatswhatshesaid http://t.co/1bLkexg8q6 Tuesday, September 22, 2015 2:48:55 PMTwitter for Android
Yanks should save some of these runs for Toronto Sunday, September 20, 2015 11:19:52 PMTwitter for Android
#lolmets Sunday, September 20, 2015 10:12:26 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ, CC Sunday, September 20, 2015 8:18:16 PMTwitter for Android
Need sausage and pep right now Saturday, September 19, 2015 1:43:17 AMTwitter for Android
Two antiques just plowed through the karaoke stage Saturday, September 19, 2015 1:19:51 AMTwitter for Android
Fully blame the karaoke guy's Mets wallpaper for crashing the karaoke app Saturday, September 19, 2015 12:15:29 AMTwitter for Android
I was gonna say midget but isn't little person more politically correct? Like isn't there a show called that with a doctor woman? Friday, September 18, 2015 11:54:36 PMTwitter for Android
In other news, I went oncall and there might be a little person here. Friday, September 18, 2015 11:54:04 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure this hammered 70something woman is trying to bang by friend right now. #mystatus Friday, September 18, 2015 11:24:37 PMTwitter for Android
Really need to poop you guys and this NYC traffic can suck it Friday, September 18, 2015 10:09:46 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 depends. If they're in college, its very normal. Did it all the time. Barstool took over the Pepsi porch tonight, so that explains it
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Friday, September 18, 2015 9:21:30 PMTwitter for Android
Tonight's fuckin trouble. I can sense it. #gettinhammeredtonight Friday, September 18, 2015 8:21:52 PMTwitter for Android
Going on a #manhunt http://t.co/bfnrqxJOof Thursday, September 17, 2015 11:50:44 AMTwitter for Android
This might take a while. Also, there is a loud whining kid here. Someone give him an ambien Wednesday, September 16, 2015 7:09:58 PMTwitter for Android
Step off the pharmacy line to grab something bc no one was at the pharmacy. Next thing you know they're helping a guy who no habla ingles. Wednesday, September 16, 2015 7:09:17 PMTwitter for Android
Subway is legit parked right now. #mtaproblems Wednesday, September 16, 2015 8:55:25 AMTwitter for Android
A fuckin bird just shit on my hand Tuesday, September 15, 2015 8:28:31 AMTwitter for Android
That time you have to piss and you didn't even take off yet. This is why you don't get hammered before flights Monday, September 14, 2015 3:39:03 PMTwitter for Android
Can I Seamless food to the gate at LaGuardia when I've landed? #fatfuck Monday, September 14, 2015 3:36:45 PMTwitter for Android
Also, fuck airplane mode. The frequency phones run on won't conflict with the airplane shit. So I am tweeting this as we take off. I'll live Monday, September 14, 2015 3:34:13 PMTwitter for Android
You've gotta be a giant vajay to be secured by a plane seatbelt. Monday, September 14, 2015 3:32:58 PMTwitter for Android
Oh wait plane seatbelts protect you from turbulence? You ever ride the NYC subways? Shit's 95 times worse than turbulence. Monday, September 14, 2015 3:32:10 PMTwitter for Android
Plane seatbelts are the stupidest things ever. Like... If the plane crashed, it's not going to save you. Monday, September 14, 2015 3:30:37 PMTwitter for Android
Eli with the sizzzz pass... To the cameraman Sunday, September 13, 2015 11:39:43 PMTwitter for Android
Ate a 3/4 lb burger today like a fat fuck and now my rotten cow meat farts are putrid #tmi Saturday, September 12, 2015 4:15:43 AMTwitter for Android