9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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So I took a PTO tomorrow because they can go fuck themselves. Monday, December 21, 2015 12:37:22 AMTwitter for Android
Before you judge me for being a wreckless drunk, I already took tomorrow off, so relax. I'm a responsible professional. Monday, December 21, 2015 12:35:05 AMTwitter for Android
Now just grabbed arms with the Barney and sang Coldplay with him.......... Monday, December 21, 2015 12:19:53 AMTwitter for Android
I've got a really awesome @MalJNew Monday, December 21, 2015 12:15:04 AMTwitter for Android
This guy is legit Barney from the Simpsons at the bar right now... Sounds just as brain damaged. Poor guy Monday, December 21, 2015 12:09:05 AMTwitter for Android
I'm okay with these belligerent drunks at the bar playing nothing but The Doors on the jukebox Monday, December 21, 2015 12:06:17 AMTwitter for Android
Vinny's 27th retrospective... Sunday, December 20, 2015 11:39:31 PMTwitter for Android
It's December 17th. I shouldn't be in a spring jacket sweating bullets on the fucking subway Thursday, December 17, 2015 11:11:10 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck China and their polluting ass bitches causing global warming and shit. Thursday, December 17, 2015 11:09:04 PMTwitter for Android
It's too motherfucking hot out. Cunts Thursday, December 17, 2015 11:07:00 PMTwitter for Android
It's not that I'm a fan of the Biebs. It's just that in reality, guy probably has a python. Thursday, December 17, 2015 3:34:14 PMTwitter for Android
Someone said the Biebs had a small dick at the bar and I accidentally vehemently defended him. Thursday, December 17, 2015 3:23:12 PMTwitter for Android
"Tequila makes my clothes fall off" - @MalJNew Thursday, December 17, 2015 2:57:31 PMTwitter for Android
Rumor that Google is removing SMS from Hangouts... Hangouts is a disaster. If they ruin messenger too, I'll be pissed. Thursday, December 17, 2015 10:52:37 AMTwitter for Android
It's too fucking hot outside Thursday, December 17, 2015 10:48:13 AMTwitter for Android
I still don't get the difference between HBO Go and HBO Now... Why couldn't they just sell subscriptions & login through GO? Wednesday, December 16, 2015 2:42:54 PMTwitter for Android
"This Warm Winter Bullshit Absolutely Sucks" https://t.co/2Cuq3GdvOT Tuesday, December 15, 2015 8:54:55 PMTwitter for Android
My eyes are itching from the fucking cat in this apartment and I still don't have my hot dog. Sunday, December 13, 2015 8:22:10 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking global warming. Someone put the AC on, its hot as balls in here Sunday, December 13, 2015 7:42:35 PMTwitter for Android
You ignorant, science non-believing hick assed motherfuckers... this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard https://t.co/emZXMGFFnm Sunday, December 13, 2015 7:27:31 PMTwitter for Android
Lemmie get a hot dog?! Sunday, December 13, 2015 7:06:17 PMTwitter for Android
Um. I still want a hot dog really bad and no one is taking me seriously. Or one of those ballpark Primo's sausage and peppers. Sunday, December 13, 2015 6:53:24 PMTwitter for Android
Sausage and peppers, ya fuckin cunts https://t.co/g6qZHv2DRI Sunday, December 13, 2015 3:45:10 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu I'll eat the shit out of either of those.
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Sunday, December 13, 2015 3:44:57 PMTwitter for Android
It's like summer out. Someone barbecue me a hot dog. Sunday, December 13, 2015 3:30:44 PMTwitter for Android
I want a hot dog Sunday, December 13, 2015 3:29:50 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da winter Sunday, December 13, 2015 10:42:04 AMTwitter for Android
This SantaCon is going to be awesome on the grounds that it's like 65, so there will be tons of slut Santas and slut elves on the loose. Saturday, December 12, 2015 1:44:28 PMTwitter for Android
Problem with kids today is that they're not watching Rocket Power on Nickelodeon. Thursday, December 10, 2015 9:44:12 PMTwitter for Android
Pluto's pretty sweet https://t.co/wi2onGzFQp Thursday, December 10, 2015 8:08:31 PMTwitter for Android
We're unwrapping Vinny's present now Thursday, December 10, 2015 8:06:37 PMTwitter for Android
@NYCTSubway stand on the fucking platform yourselves instead of some social media office and then tell me there's good service.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, December 09, 2015 6:18:37 PMTwitter for Android
Good service your mother's asshole @NYCTSubway https://t.co/pzIiFVVaUW Wednesday, December 09, 2015 6:13:26 PMTwitter for Android
Why you send 2 Queens R trains in a row @ 59th st and then 10 more mins for the next overcrowded Q? @NYCTSubway Wednesday, December 09, 2015 6:13:00 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel New York City. I hate it. Get me out of here. Fucking shithole. Wednesday, December 09, 2015 6:10:36 PMTwitter for Android
Seriously. Two days in a row with the R running like asshole: getting stuck for 20 mins; diverting to the M line. Fuckouttahea #MTA Wednesday, December 09, 2015 6:09:24 PMTwitter for Android
The entire N/Q/R line sucks 12 dicks @NYCTSubway Wednesday, December 09, 2015 6:06:23 PMTwitter for Android
Mastered the art of falling asleep standing up on the subway where my leg starts collapsing and I spazz wake up and scare people. Wednesday, December 09, 2015 5:56:38 PMTwitter for Android
Will you fuckers stop ruining the Earth? I want my snow in December and this is why we can't have it. https://t.co/qVpfL7QXD9 Wednesday, December 09, 2015 11:03:44 AMTwitter for Android
There's a dude blasting Latin music on his phone in the shitter stall next to me. And not a single fuck was given that day! Monday, December 07, 2015 10:24:33 AMTwitter for Android
Besides the new San Fran Apple TV flyby, Apple TV screensaver is lame as fuck and repeats the save 7 pics over and over. #chromecastftw Sunday, December 06, 2015 8:16:48 PMTwitter for Android
I want a cheeseburger Sunday, December 06, 2015 7:57:38 PMTwitter for Android
Someone said 1988 was 100,000 years ago. Not sure how I feel about this now... Sunday, December 06, 2015 7:57:31 PMTwitter for Android
If you have to punch a spider in the face, it's probably too big of a spider... Sunday, December 06, 2015 7:36:51 PMTwitter for Android
"I remember the day Whitney died. I was with you. It's like when JFK died, for older people" -@MichaelShatin Sunday, December 06, 2015 1:28:50 PMTwitter for Android
"I hate the smell of a sneeze. It's like arthritis on the tongue" -@MichaelShatin Sunday, December 06, 2015 12:01:26 PMTwitter for Android
I pulled the recovery for Scott Wieland Friday, December 04, 2015 3:09:25 AMTwitter for Android
Ima go buy some fine rugs whilst my dude @__JLu is at Cactus Crossfit https://t.co/LbVi0oaj2i Friday, December 04, 2015 2:08:16 AMTwitter for Android
Um. Whoever played Carly Rae Jepsen at the bar on this, the day of Scott Wieland passing is an asshole. Friday, December 04, 2015 1:51:35 AMTwitter for Android
Cue the STP on the jukebox Friday, December 04, 2015 1:32:54 AMTwitter for Android
Just found out from @MalJNew Scott Wieland kicked it. My first reaction "Jesus fucking Christ I knew that'd happen at some point" Friday, December 04, 2015 1:32:31 AMTwitter for Android
This meandering motherfucker needs to pick a lane to walk in and get out of my way. Monday, November 30, 2015 7:15:49 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da Giants. Cuncel da Eli. Too bad, because the NFC East is weak this year. Sunday, November 29, 2015 3:05:21 PMTwitter for Android
Someone needs to tape this asshole's mouth shut until she starves to death https://t.co/WsjvnNmu60 Saturday, November 28, 2015 1:30:33 PMTwitter for Android
WAIT A SEC. Doesn't the MTA put like huge disclaimers on Arab political shit ads? Wtf is this then? https://t.co/nD0v0rMxZG Wednesday, November 25, 2015 6:45:38 PMTwitter for Android
Buckyball dick, you guys! #penis2010 https://t.co/Wx8bJAJvb1 Monday, November 23, 2015 11:12:30 AMTwitter for Android
All of the MTA sucks a dick. Metro North 15 mins late, now the 4/5 is traipsing along at 5mph. Cunts. Monday, November 23, 2015 9:05:04 AMTwitter for Android
Fuck Apple for their "lives photo" marketing scheme. It's a goddamn glorified video. Friday, November 20, 2015 12:33:08 AMTwitter for Android
Fuck you too bitch Thursday, November 19, 2015 11:37:09 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu of course he says they're fake and they're not duh
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Thursday, November 19, 2015 11:10:18 PMTwitter for Android
Coworkers going away party; everyone's scared shitless I'm leaving next. Didn't buy a drink all night. They just keep handing them to me Thursday, November 19, 2015 7:33:18 PMTwitter for Android
Ohhh for fucks sake Sunday, November 15, 2015 7:52:22 PMTwitter for Android
That's bullshit. Took two steps Sunday, November 15, 2015 7:35:20 PMTwitter for Android
I love how I have a @MalJNew who loves to chill with me and watch the Giants and order pizza Sunday, November 15, 2015 7:03:57 PMTwitter for Android
The pictures I took yesterday look absolutely nothing like what I actually saw. Sunday, November 15, 2015 3:24:25 PMTwitter for Android
I mean... If I were a white girl, I'd want Drake to murder my vagina. Sunday, November 15, 2015 3:20:02 PMTwitter for Android
Dick wrecking boots @MalJNew Saturday, November 14, 2015 1:45:42 AMTwitter for Android
Whaddup bitches? Saturday, November 14, 2015 1:00:41 AMTwitter for Android
The @Docent_Steve method of drinking whiskey makes it so painless. #breatheout Saturday, November 14, 2015 12:53:41 AMTwitter for Android
This R train conductor is loud, his voice sucks and he needs to shut the fuck up. Guy keeps blabbering in my ear. Too early for your noise. Friday, November 13, 2015 10:06:21 AMTwitter for Android
Take 2 with the MTA today. Hopefully without the Bynes-like meltdown Thursday, November 12, 2015 9:10:48 AMTwitter for Android
Anyone have any demo work for me to do? I'm in prime condition to take a sledgehammer to shit right now. Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:46:09 PMTwitter for Android
Stupid fucking cocksuckers. Rail breaks on the N/q/R and the M has fuckin signal problems. Get your lives together @NYCTSubway Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:38:23 PMTwitter for Android
I hate it. New York fucking is a rat shithole Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:34:29 PMTwitter for Android
Piece of shit city with piece of shit infrastructure get me the fuck out of here Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:33:29 PMTwitter for Android
@NYCTSubway @MTA cunts Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:27:48 PMTwitter for Android
I legit can't get the fuck home Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:25:52 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus fucking Christ. One line has a goddamn broken rail and the other one they told me to take instead has fuckin signal problems Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:25:41 PMTwitter for Android
Broken rail your fucking cunts Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:17:17 PMTwitter for Android
You should fucking tell people there are no R trains at Cortlandt St shitheads. 2 uptown Ns in 30 minutes. #fuckdoipayyoufor @NYCTSubway Wednesday, November 11, 2015 8:55:27 PMTwitter for Android
Stupid fucks. Get more reliable. @NYCTSubway Wednesday, November 11, 2015 8:50:18 PMTwitter for Android
Waiting for an uptown R at Cortlandt St and after 15 minutes, an N shows up. This entire city and MTA can eat my dick. #nevergettinghome Wednesday, November 11, 2015 8:46:21 PMTwitter for Android
Engineer to me yesterday after I lost it: "It's ok. I'm used to talking people down. I have two daughters" Wednesday, November 11, 2015 10:15:31 AMTwitter for Android
There's a female "manspreading" on the subway right now. Way to go with the terminology, MTA. Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:45:55 AMTwitter for Android
Mood https://t.co/Z0yOGKFBzi Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:42:02 AMTwitter for Android
@ky9 #Dory2016
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Wednesday, November 11, 2015 12:09:07 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu #pen15 testers
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Tuesday, November 10, 2015 8:09:45 PMTwitter for Android
Aliens built them and put some device inside, duh. https://t.co/B42VXJHb6L Tuesday, November 10, 2015 8:25:47 AMTwitter for Android
Bullshit. Bet I can get this working in 5 mins: https://t.co/ia3YMLqDzi Sunday, November 08, 2015 1:12:59 AMTwitter for Android
O what up Twitter? Missed me? Sunday, November 08, 2015 12:32:44 AMTwitter for Android
I had enough of these fuckin towels and their idiotic directions Wednesday, November 04, 2015 9:24:06 PMTwitter for Android
Yanks dropped clippard whyyyyy? Sunday, November 01, 2015 12:30:52 AMTwitter for Android
Jesus fuckin Christ Mets. I'm not even a fan but stop making New York loo like a joke to these farmer midwest assholes Saturday, October 31, 2015 11:41:24 PMTwitter for Android
TOLOOO. I should've put on a fat suit and been 'Tolo for Halloween, you guys Saturday, October 31, 2015 10:01:59 PMTwitter for Android
Gf is sharing an ear bud with me and just put on Pearl Jam's Ten. #keeper #ballerstatus Saturday, October 31, 2015 5:02:07 PMTwitter for Android
I think I told this bitch off too loudly accidentally on purpose for putting her arm in my picture https://t.co/RBJ57XUKEB Saturday, October 31, 2015 3:59:13 PMTwitter for Android
Donde esta el tren Friday, October 30, 2015 8:36:21 AMTwitter for Android
I need to slow my role on this thing... Jeez. Friday, October 30, 2015 8:35:40 AMTwitter for Android
You shipped it with an old operating system. Idiots. Where is Marshmallow? Get a Nexus or Moto instead https://t.co/TrOHBSOxzX Thursday, October 29, 2015 11:59:37 PMTwitter for Android
How the fuck is your job going? Mine's swell Thursday, October 29, 2015 11:58:10 PMTwitter for Android