498 tweets posted from BlueSky
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My Pixel 8 Pro literally stopped accepting touch input and I could not do anything except hold the power button for 46 seconds to force reboot it. Dafuq Wednesday, May 06, 2026 4:13:36 AMBlueSky
Burn it all down. Eat the rich

https://www.columbusnavigator.com/aep-ceo-pay-hits-36-million/ 		Monday, May 04, 2026 9:43:38 PMBlueSky
What kind of dumb motherfucker declares a project complete and then when I power down the old infra, half the shit stops working because the guy did a half assed job migrating it all
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Monday, May 04, 2026 2:06:40 PMBlueSky
Everyone's annoying the fucking shit out of me at work today and I'm about to go on a rampage Monday, May 04, 2026 1:50:04 PMBlueSky
"He took us out into the woods to go mud wrestling and filmed it. And then we'd go wash each other's backs in the shower after. What? Why's that weird? We weren't naked!" Saturday, May 02, 2026 10:37:48 PMBlueSky
Claude is a baddd bitch Friday, May 01, 2026 5:28:57 PMBlueSky
If this means it's gonna be a million degrees all summer, fuck that
https://share.google/twGEY7K37BZT2Lcoj 		Friday, May 01, 2026 3:38:07 PMBlueSky
Confirmed: one who doesn't usually adderall who does a one off adderall becomes an aggressive, overconfident, prick Friday, May 01, 2026 10:22:50 AMBlueSky
I'm really enjoying posting useless tidbits throughout the day again. Reminds me of the old days. Embrace your inner absurdity Friday, May 01, 2026 9:42:59 AMBlueSky
The robins are singing their asses off this morning. In my elder years, I've grown fond of bird song identification.

On another note, I could use better windows 		Friday, May 01, 2026 5:51:13 AMBlueSky
I was sitting in my garage thinking about living off grid - free, clean energy. But then you'd need to buy batteries and replace them when they degrade. The energy produced will always have a cost associated. So I pondered:

Nothing is free, so free your mind 		Friday, May 01, 2026 5:47:28 AMBlueSky
Eat the rich [[ Image ]] Thursday, April 30, 2026 10:42:55 PMBlueSky
You want to fix this shit? Hold a Billionaire's Hunger Games. Each year, the top 10 richest people get put into an arena to fight to the death. Whoever makes it out alive gets to live, but all collective assets are to be redistributed [[ Image ]] Thursday, April 30, 2026 10:42:27 PMBlueSky
You know it's spring in Ohio when you need to switch constantly between heat and AC. Get a load of this bullshit, especially how much AC I had to use IN APRIL [[ Image ]] Thursday, April 30, 2026 8:31:54 PMBlueSky
Neighbors diagonal from me are moving, and one of the movers literally just threw up in my sewer drain. He's a bebe. Must have been out partying last night Thursday, April 30, 2026 11:24:21 AMBlueSky
AI scolded me for being unethical when I asked it how I could train crows to retrieve me money. I don't see the problem with that. Gas is high, I can use the money and if I'm nice to the crows, they will bring me presents.

F that, all ethics are out the window with this administration 		Thursday, April 30, 2026 9:18:13 AMBlueSky
My tiny ass little 1.3L 3 cylinder turbo does better with 88 octane E15 gas vs regular Costco 87.

In theory, ethanol has less energy content so the smidge more ethanol should decrease mpg. But I find a 1-2 mpg improvement vs regular 87 (up to 10% ethanol) and a little more pep 		Wednesday, April 29, 2026 11:23:09 PMBlueSky
"My friends thought Sacajewea was a sack" -E. Tuesday, April 28, 2026 4:04:57 PMBlueSky
My fantasy team fuckin blows. I had such a miserable week 4 and all my good players are hurt that I dropped from 5th to 10th in the rankings. [[ Image ]] Monday, April 27, 2026 8:40:45 PMBlueSky
"Bro, I did it right, bruh" -E Monday, April 27, 2026 8:10:11 PMBlueSky
The US is ranked last in many categories - add assassins to that list. We must have some pretty shitty marksmen around these parts. You mean to tell me three different assassins tried to hit the same motherfucker and they keep missing? 🤣

This is sooo staged it's not even funny. 		Sunday, April 26, 2026 9:27:26 PMBlueSky
A bird just shit on my shoulder Friday, April 24, 2026 7:45:35 PMBlueSky
git commit -am "[WIP] Gnome" [[ Image ]] Friday, April 24, 2026 4:41:26 PMBlueSky
These Chinese mfers always looking for trouble. They trying to start a pandemic again with ancient life that'll wipe us out? [[ Image ]] Friday, April 24, 2026 3:08:40 PMBlueSky
I've been putting down 3-4 of these bad boys like a complete glutton, so 12g extra soluble fiber puts me on my throne all day long.
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Thursday, April 23, 2026 11:17:28 PMBlueSky
Been trying to figure out why I've been 💩 so gd much and it's these healthy peanut butter cups. I can't do Reese's cups. Tastes like shit - they changed the ingredients to pure poison and fuck em for being cheap bastards, so I buy other brands.

But why do they need to put in chicory root fiber? [[ Image ]] 		Thursday, April 23, 2026 11:09:35 PMBlueSky
So this is where they're gonna get us... Essentially any new model that comes out will have an absurd multiplier [[ Image ]] Thursday, April 23, 2026 2:40:11 PMBlueSky
Chaotic disorganization like my brain without speed, which is all the time [[ Image ]] Thursday, April 23, 2026 4:33:43 AMBlueSky
Usually, you get what you pay for, unless you're the Mets. Highest 2026 payroll in MLB - almost $334 MILLION, and they have the absolute worst record in MLB. Lost 12 straight 🤣

Bunch of jokers [[ Image ]] 		Wednesday, April 22, 2026 12:58:18 PMBlueSky
I could go for some eggplant rollatini right now Monday, April 20, 2026 1:13:14 AMBlueSky
Ohhh shit. I forgot about this. This is why I was cropdusting the whole time
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Saturday, April 18, 2026 9:52:54 PMBlueSky
The number of parents who reek of weed at Chuck E Cheese is a lot. Dog, I don't judge but if you want to show up at a kids place high, at least vape or have edibles. Come on now. At least try not to reek of it. Saturday, April 18, 2026 6:43:14 PMBlueSky
There's nothing wrong with a K shaped economy for those who are on the upper end of the K Friday, April 17, 2026 9:47:43 PMBlueSky
Wifey brought home leftover Mexican from her trip. Probably shouldn't eat a ton of beans before a kid's birthday party tomorrow at Chuck E Cheese. I'm going to be gassing the place out over there... Friday, April 17, 2026 9:24:07 PMBlueSky
I have the worst luck in fantasy baseball with my breakouts. Abel starts the season 0-2 like a jerkoff, so I bench him. Then he throws a gem for 34 while he's on my bench. FFS Friday, April 17, 2026 10:10:58 AMBlueSky
Explain to me how in the Welcome to Atlanta (Coast to Coast Remix) Radio edit, they bleep out marijuana but not cocaine Thursday, April 16, 2026 7:03:22 PMBlueSky
The school nurse is an asshole and I want her to refund me my $25 copay because she said my kid's ears were both red and swollen. Took her to the doctor to see if she had an ear infection for antibiotics and she's completely fine. "ears look great" Thursday, April 16, 2026 4:43:18 PMBlueSky
Bring it! I'm all for yeeting myself out of society. Hikikomori. The Japanese really know what they're doing over here.

https://www.iflscience.com/hikikomori-is-this-dark-japanese-phenomenon-going-global-83148 		Wednesday, April 15, 2026 9:22:34 PMBlueSky
Eat a dick, I won the battle. Now I get to go home
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Wednesday, April 15, 2026 6:27:36 PMBlueSky
Just one of those days where the CI will always fail no matter how many fixes you push. This is starting to annoy the ever living shit out of me ffs. Wednesday, April 15, 2026 6:11:43 PMBlueSky
The amount of trolling and absurdities I commit into the codebases at work is beyond. DevOps Borat: [[ Image ]] Wednesday, April 15, 2026 4:58:43 PMBlueSky
"Whenever I'm too hot, it sounds like I'm speaking British" -E Wednesday, April 15, 2026 3:56:58 PMBlueSky
Protip: don't eat 10 chicken nuggets and then power walk to school pickup when it's 78 degrees outside Wednesday, April 15, 2026 3:24:45 PMBlueSky
God miserable damn it with this shit. I'm busy, late to leave, and now the security team pages out to rotate mf'in GitHub secrets that got exposed [[ Image ]] Tuesday, April 14, 2026 6:37:42 PMBlueSky
How come all high school white boys have broccoli heads? Tuesday, April 14, 2026 10:16:22 AMBlueSky
Never had the president threatening the pope on my 2026 bingo card... Monday, April 13, 2026 1:03:06 AMBlueSky
Mike Pinder always took you on a journey outside your mind, through the solar system, among the stars and back again on a wild roller coaster. What a guy. Sunday, April 12, 2026 10:46:38 PMBlueSky
Can't I catch a fucking break over here? Lost by 3 points last week, and this week, I scored 3rd highest points in the league but happened to match up against one of the two teams that did better. I was predicted to win and didn't. Now I'm predicted to lose next week and probably will.
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Sunday, April 12, 2026 9:39:15 PMBlueSky
I mean... I dreamt one of my starters threw a perfect game and I got 100 points. Thought I had wee 3 in the bag. Then checked and saw my best mfer on the injured list and that it was a fake dream. Fuck off all you hoes
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Sunday, April 12, 2026 9:36:29 PMBlueSky
I thought my fantasy baseball team had a little hope this season. I changed my strategy and won the first game. I'm about to have lost weeks 2 and 3 🤷

Team fuckin blows 		Sunday, April 12, 2026 9:34:51 PMBlueSky
Both Netflix and YouTube Music Premium are raising prices and it's going to cost me like $9 more a month for both.

You know who never raised prices ever? Torrents. Free for life.

#StickItToTheMan #EatTheRich #FuckMediaConglomerates [[ Image ]] 		Sunday, April 12, 2026 1:11:48 PMBlueSky
Dog why were movies so crazy in the 70s. Charlie and The Chocolate Factory flat out absurd. Old Grandpa Joe's sick in bed for 20 years and then he sees Charlie's ticket and suddenly gets up and dances the jig Saturday, April 11, 2026 8:20:43 PMBlueSky
Everyone's breaking my balls over here today Friday, April 10, 2026 1:36:30 PMBlueSky
Hogwash! My grandpa ate burnt toast all the time. He used to say the charcoal was good for the stomach. Guy lived to 99.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2026/apr/07/crispr-gene-edited-wheat-toasted-bread-less-carcinogenic-acrylamide 		Tuesday, April 07, 2026 9:09:44 PMBlueSky
Artemis II astronauts are like: "Thank Christ we left that shithole planet" Tuesday, April 07, 2026 12:12:09 PMBlueSky
The trains have been angry the past few nights Tuesday, April 07, 2026 1:09:30 AMBlueSky
Here's a video of a cardinal being an aggressive prick in my bird feeder Monday, April 06, 2026 7:46:52 PMBlueSky
I have fuckin agita over here. Everything was going fine and then all of a sudden my mom starts shit with wifey and my fucking plumbing company sent me a surprise $500 invoice, 2 months later, for electrical work related to a plumbing install which should have included everything Monday, April 06, 2026 4:57:25 PMBlueSky
My neurodivergent ass found it interesting that my laptop (which runs 24/7), uses 2 more idle watts when running nginx, php and Selenium docker containers - with no requests, load or tests running vs the docker engine shut down. Monday, April 06, 2026 2:45:29 AMBlueSky
These MLB umpires are either blind asf, betting on the games or have it in for the Yankees. Two overturned calls. Calls a guy safe at home who was clearly tagged and his foot didn't even touch the plate. Fuck outta hea. Sunday, April 05, 2026 7:07:04 PMBlueSky
Dog, MLB baseball players are weak. FFS, I'm not even through week 2 and I have like 3 mfers on the injured list. In a deep league, losing Hunter Brown is some bullshit Sunday, April 05, 2026 6:39:55 PMBlueSky
[[ Image ]] Sunday, April 05, 2026 4:42:04 PMBlueSky
Fuck outta hea with this nonsense. Blasphemy! Disgraziad! https://nypost.com/2026/03/28/lifestyle/surprising-pizza-contender-is-beating-new-york-and-chicago-and-gaining-fans-fast/
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Thursday, April 02, 2026 3:21:18 AMBlueSky
Any New Yorker who writes an article about how good Columbus pizza is really needs to reevaluate their lives. I always knew the NY Post was a joke, and this solidifies that fact. Disgraziad!

https://614now.com/2026/uncategorized/columbus-style-pizza-praised-by-the-new-york-post 		Thursday, April 02, 2026 1:54:59 AMBlueSky
Jokes on them. I've gotten around it. Little bit of a pain in the ass, but no one stops Chad Scraper [[ Image ]]
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Wednesday, April 01, 2026 9:49:58 PMBlueSky
Nothing like shattering a bottle of fuckin sauce the second you bring it home because the top-heavy motherfucker tipped over on your granite counter. I want my $5 back. Not a shitty jar of Prego, but the good stuff. 😞 [[ Image ]] Wednesday, April 01, 2026 5:43:49 PMBlueSky
Gasbuddy cranked up their Cloudflare bot protection, the miserable pricks. Wednesday, April 01, 2026 6:02:44 AMBlueSky
This is a weird as shit mix, YouTube Music. These genres are polar opposites and don't mix. [[ Image ]] Monday, March 30, 2026 4:58:26 AMBlueSky
Mandatory disclaimer. This is a joke and I didn't actually do this. I nested my reply under the wrong post, sooo just need to set the record straight this is a serious, non-joking matter: https://bsky.app/profile/portfolioso.com/post/3miahzvd5pk27
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Monday, March 30, 2026 2:29:01 AMBlueSky
Docker Des' top
E cel
ile E plorer

Windows: Go home. You're drunk [[ Image ]] 		Sunday, March 29, 2026 10:34:49 PMBlueSky
I'm also just kidding about this. It's no joke.
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Sunday, March 29, 2026 9:50:40 PMBlueSky
Don't drink and drive when you can smoke and fly
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Sunday, March 29, 2026 9:09:36 PMBlueSky
I'm just kidding about the beers. It's an exaggeration. Never happened.
Don't drink and drive folks. Very bad. Don't ruin anyone's lives or your life.
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Sunday, March 29, 2026 9:09:13 PMBlueSky
Columbus drivers stink. I had 4 beers and can drive better than these pricks. 10 under the speed limit, no turn signals, can't maintain their lanes. Get the fuck out of here. Sunday, March 29, 2026 9:08:23 PMBlueSky
Forgot how much I hate drinking. I have to piss so bad and this fucking place only has one one damn toilet working. I'm such an old. You know where I can piss without waiting? My gd house. Ffs Sunday, March 29, 2026 7:33:44 PMBlueSky
How was everyone's No Kings Day? Soon as it was over, I went down to my local Antifa office and George Soros personally handed me my protest check. Got paid $420.69 to hold up some signs for a few hours. It's a total racket! You should try it sometime! Saturday, March 28, 2026 10:50:13 PMBlueSky
What a sweet baby. You gave her the best life. So sorry for your loss
In reply to @tracketpacer.com's post
Saturday, March 28, 2026 12:12:05 PMBlueSky
That's why I fucked his wife and got filthy rich
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Thursday, March 26, 2026 8:35:57 PMBlueSky
I have to sit through hours of this bullshit which can be summed up as "respect people and don't be a gd creep" Thursday, March 26, 2026 12:51:49 PMBlueSky
These HR sexual harassment trainings are beyond absurd. I can't believe there are people who actually do the things that happen in these trainings. Like a bru asked someone out, got politely declined and then he kept asking a million times? Read the room. Why chase someone not interested? Christ. Thursday, March 26, 2026 12:45:27 PMBlueSky
I have a problem. I need to open my garage, but the drain guys are working outside and are literally right next to it and I have no way to vent the garage out and not have them notice if you know what I'm saying Wednesday, March 25, 2026 10:55:19 AMBlueSky
Randy Walters is a son of a bitch! Wednesday, March 25, 2026 12:24:44 AMBlueSky
Imagine being the air traffic controller responsible for clearing a firetruck and a plane at the same time and it killed the pilot and copilot. Person is ruined for life.

jeeeeeesus 		Monday, March 23, 2026 10:01:11 AMBlueSky
Want to piss off a boomer? Don't cash a check they give you for a few weeks. It will throw off their manual checkbook ledger Sunday, March 22, 2026 11:22:57 PMBlueSky
If X doesn't have a bot problem, why did these two accounts both follow me within seconds? [[ Image ]][[ Image ]] Sunday, March 22, 2026 1:31:03 AMBlueSky
Dog. Afroman winning his civil case against whiny little offended cops is the good news we need in these dark times. Some of the testimony was laugh out loud funny.

And his celebration is just👌https://www.instagram.com/reels/DWCzAG4iRV_/ 		Thursday, March 19, 2026 2:32:53 AMBlueSky
Idk how I used to be a raging alcoholic in college, because my body completely rejects beer in my elder years. I had one beer, two nights in a row and I'm shitting my brains out (sry tmi not sorry) Thursday, March 19, 2026 1:14:33 AMBlueSky
You know what's so annoying? Shitting before a shower, thinking you'll be all fresh and clean, only having to shit again directly after the shower.

Although the recirculation loop pumping out warm bidet water is a GAME CHANGER 		Wednesday, March 18, 2026 11:07:00 PMBlueSky
"E. It looks like a bunch of pepperonis attacked you" #ShitGirstGradersSay Monday, March 16, 2026 4:57:34 PMBlueSky
Logitech mouse middle click stopped working reliably. Opened it up and it had a foam pad that pressed the button on the board, but the foam was so indented it wasn't pressing anymore. Jammed some cardboard over it and it works as good as new. #solutionsengineer Monday, March 16, 2026 1:26:45 PMBlueSky
"It was pretty good, to be surprised" - Eliana (she meant tbh) Saturday, March 14, 2026 10:46:48 AMBlueSky
So what are the best countries willing to take disgruntled Americans? Anyone? I think it's about time to GTFO here like my ancestors left Southern Italy in the early 1900s

https://search.app/KcAc7 		Saturday, March 14, 2026 1:15:00 AMBlueSky
You know my tism is out in full force when my social interactions make less than zero sense.

Kid's friend's parent: "Have a great night"
Me: "See you then" 		Friday, March 13, 2026 7:53:34 PMBlueSky
Microsoft CoPilot is in love with the word "clean"

Ask it anything. It will include "clean" in the response. It's enraging. They need to dial this shit back a little ffs 		Friday, March 13, 2026 12:23:10 AMBlueSky
This is some Midwestern bullshit right hur [[ Image ]] Wednesday, March 11, 2026 7:56:28 PMBlueSky
This dude on reddit said he witnessed the most gruesome fatal accident ever. It's wild how the entire thread is telling him to play Tetris. I guess there's valid studies regarding it preventing PTSD, but it just sounds absurd Wednesday, March 11, 2026 3:37:11 AMBlueSky
auto_restart_kiosk.bat with a press any key pause🤣

Nothing unattended about that! Who's using batch files anymore?

Also, all these Kiosk probs are Windows 🤔
In reply to @portfolioso.com's post
Sunday, March 08, 2026 2:18:40 PMBlueSky
One of my hobbies is documenting failed kiosks that have errored out [[ Image ]][[ Image ]][[ Image ]] Sunday, March 08, 2026 11:34:34 AMBlueSky
What would you say is the best Asus Wifi 7 router I can get at this moment that will have long-term Merlin AsusWRT support? the 86 series is midrange (AC/AX/BE) but seems to be most popular with the most firmware downloads. I've seen some niche high end older models get neglected by Asus
In reply to @asuswrt-merlin.net's post
Thursday, March 05, 2026 1:50:16 PMBlueSky
Giving up weed for 3 days: 2/29, 2/30, and 2/31 Sunday, March 01, 2026 2:21:44 AMBlueSky