| Tweet | Date | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Yo. Remember the last time we walked to mickeys and I puked in the snow and then ate it to wash my mouth and then drank more? | Wednesday, November 21, 2012 10:29:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Two bitches and a horse or else it isn't even worth my time. | Sunday, November 18, 2012 4:06:58 AM | Twitter for Android |
| DLK witnessed a temper tantrum of me screaming fuck multiple times & slamming my computer around because it kept freezing. He was concerned | Thursday, November 15, 2012 10:41:25 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| I just unlocked the "Fixer Upper" badge on @foursquare for checking in at hardware stores! Tool Time! http://4sq.com/TLsB9G | Wednesday, November 07, 2012 3:29:11 PM | foursquare |
| Whats the worst thing to say to a girl out of these three: "when's it due?" "it's that time of the month" or "stop being a cunt" | Tuesday, November 06, 2012 2:32:21 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| I just unlocked the "Ten Hundred" badge on @foursquare for checking in over 1000 times! http://4sq.com/YR9wDZ | Tuesday, November 06, 2012 9:06:19 AM | foursquare |
| fuckin legitimate. fixed a bug in my twitter app and now the times aren't like 4 hours off. Enfuckinjoyyyyyy http://t.co/QJWJvSF | Tuesday, November 06, 2012 2:55:34 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| OK how many fucking times do you have to count people in this plane. Ya dumb? | Sunday, November 04, 2012 4:54:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I just unlocked the “Mall Rat” badge on @foursquare for checking in at malls! Time for a fancy pretzel. http://4sq.com/QdJA5h | Saturday, November 03, 2012 2:06:01 PM | foursquare |
| new version of twitter tools sucks balls. Will not use (it's for my tweets app). I do like how they fixed the datetime issue though | Friday, October 26, 2012 1:36:16 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Really wish it was tomorrow at this time, minus a few hours, you guys | Wednesday, October 24, 2012 1:02:41 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| "There was no downtime during this morning's rollout. That's how I roll" | Monday, October 22, 2012 3:36:10 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Alexey: "Well there won't be any downtime, only some issues where it won't be available for a minute or so" #engineerdefinitionofdowntime | Monday, October 22, 2012 2:50:10 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| I just unlocked the Back to School badge on @foursquare for checking in back on campus! Time to party! Er, study. http://4sq.com/TGQYl6 | Saturday, October 20, 2012 5:44:11 PM | foursquare |
| THE BUILD WORKED. About fuckin time | Wednesday, October 17, 2012 6:00:04 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| If any build breaks just one more time, I will lose my shit | Wednesday, October 17, 2012 5:43:51 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| I LOVE Halloween time and fall!! | Thursday, October 11, 2012 10:12:24 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| "We have to archive those logs. You know how many times we almost ran out of dick... DISK space" | Tuesday, October 09, 2012 2:37:55 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| Fuck all of the Bronx metro north stops in the ass with a tire iron. Waste of time. Use the fuckin subways instead. | Monday, October 08, 2012 9:59:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tremont and Melrose are the biggest horse shit local time wasting stops ever. | Sunday, October 07, 2012 10:42:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Not sure how I feel about Apple's lightning cable. Fuck them for making it nonstandard. At the same time, it's reversible?!?! That's amazing | Friday, September 21, 2012 12:30:22 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| Nap time. | Saturday, September 15, 2012 5:21:18 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Almost time to be struttin that ass to the bar | Wednesday, September 12, 2012 5:33:49 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| A beautiful, crisp, 55 degree morning! About time this hot summer's almost over! | Monday, September 10, 2012 7:44:23 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @scoopANDslam you fuckers are at dukes? That's my hood. You go there the one time I'm far away. The fuck In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet | Friday, September 07, 2012 9:54:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Anyone else notice that sometimes when selecting text in Google Chrome, the page starts jumping up and down? Drives me batshit crazy | Thursday, September 06, 2012 9:28:01 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| prob the first time I did some php object oriented shit without a syntax error. #twitterbullshit http://t.co/QJWJvSF (needs search feature) | Tuesday, September 04, 2012 3:00:04 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| If @VtotheFlo tweets about #FNO one more time, something I couldn't give a fuck about, I'm unfollowing her. | Tuesday, August 21, 2012 2:06:38 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Snippet to echo "yyyy-mm-dd_hh:mm" in the command line: echo %date:~-4,4%-%date:~-10,2%-%date:~-7,2%_%time:~0,2%:%time:~3,2% | Friday, August 17, 2012 4:25:24 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Thank you sore throat for making me miss dev drinks. The programmers are worried about me because I ditched them for drinks the past 4 times | Thursday, August 16, 2012 6:16:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Delayed for the THIRD time in two days. Fucking MTA | Thursday, August 16, 2012 4:59:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I really don't understand how @MalJNew still has no idea how to type a penis when I showed her like 9 times already. | Monday, August 13, 2012 8:54:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Andyes, that's andre. Its $5 and the last time I touched it was 09 when we sprayed it all over the swamp when the yanks won the world series | Sunday, August 12, 2012 12:23:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 12:50AM Time for be.... Wait. I have to do server maintenance. API keys don't change themselves, you guys | Friday, August 10, 2012 12:51:01 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| I need to stop kicking black people's shoes on the subway. This is the third time I got yelled at. In Bridgeport, I'd get shot | Wednesday, August 08, 2012 1:09:08 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| @kerbear88 my girl cousins fought over the flower all the time when I was a kid and yes, it sucked. In reply to @kerbear88's tweet | Tuesday, August 07, 2012 11:09:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| New blog post: About Fuckin Time New York City Has a Rock Station Again http://t.co/tc1HjV6 | Sunday, August 05, 2012 4:21:03 PM | Portfolioso.com Blog |
| "So how many times do you think a Volvo dealership was vandalized to say vulva?" This guy's killing me | Saturday, August 04, 2012 11:54:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If I didn't die in a Haliskoe drunk driving crash in all my time at Fairfield, I guess I'm invincible, you guys. | Friday, July 27, 2012 4:59:56 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Bahaha my boss liked my fb status where I said @LennonImagine could talk (dirty) to my nexus 7 tablet any time she wanted | Thursday, July 26, 2012 11:34:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Absolutely LOVE it how Christina sends me this video every time it rains outside: http://t.co/UweFwqg | Friday, July 20, 2012 10:12:01 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| This is bullshit. We need a keg team here to make sure this shit works at all times. | Thursday, July 12, 2012 6:18:28 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Longboarding downhill for the 1st time. Took pavement at 15mph. Bitches dig injuries. means I'm getting laid tomorrow http://t.co/PnonJC3 | Saturday, July 07, 2012 2:54:39 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Watching Taken. So boss. "Now's not the time for dick measuring, Stewart!" | Friday, July 06, 2012 11:53:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Now you can count how many times I say fuck, shit and other words on twitter: http://t.co/CYg7v2v Thanks Quirk for helping with the SQL | Sunday, July 01, 2012 5:13:23 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| PS. My tweets are like 94% better drunk than sober. Drunk = a fun time. Sober = technology | Monday, June 25, 2012 11:22:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Waspito @ShavingFoams Yeah but if you aren't lazy, you can manyally copy it and do RT @... People do that to me all the time bc I'm legit | Monday, June 25, 2012 12:15:46 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| "She's a real fuckin good time, I'll tell ya that" | Monday, June 25, 2012 12:57:45 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| Its not even worth my energy to waste time complaining about these trains | Tuesday, June 19, 2012 9:05:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Grandpa's fly was down. I told him XYZ. He said "that's okay, you have to air it out sometimes" | Sunday, June 17, 2012 5:26:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Nighttime Atlantic ocean is so peaceful and healing. Not a soul out here | Thursday, June 14, 2012 11:26:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Love doing SQL queries against my tweets. Out of 5733 I have archived, I said fuck 1243 times in 1076 tweets (including this one) | Friday, June 08, 2012 9:52:10 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| specifically, fuck strtotime() | Wednesday, May 30, 2012 12:55:57 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| Why is working with date/time in php a mother fucking pain in the ass? | Wednesday, May 30, 2012 12:54:04 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| I mean.. I know I love Aladdin and shit and Jasmine is hot... but Lion King is my all time childhood movie. | Monday, May 28, 2012 1:44:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew lol. This is the second time i yelled at you for not answering when I never actually called. | Friday, May 25, 2012 7:36:34 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This game is a bunch of bullshit. Nap time because I'll be up all night | Monday, May 21, 2012 10:04:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just wanted to point out that the chick in the FB timeline photon in Joe's Deluxe Spa is bangin: https://t.co/LxPWkpL | Friday, May 18, 2012 4:53:46 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| @VtotheFlo Yeah, the first time I told him about it, he thought I was crazy. Idk In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet | Sunday, May 13, 2012 9:43:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That time you're obsessed with the bartender and you know she looks innocent but really isnt/a freak but she can't be single bc she's so hot | Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:01:31 AM | Twitter for Android |
| That time you have to piss so badly and a dude gets up from a table as you're walking to the bathroom and gets ahead of you... bs | Wednesday, May 02, 2012 8:04:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Welp, Casino is on Encore at 5PM. I know what I'm doing. One of my all time favs. De Niro, Joe Pesce... Scorsese film. Unreal. | Sunday, April 29, 2012 4:30:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Domain renewal time. Godaddy sucks. Cluttered, tries to upsell you 87 times Should have transferred to namecheap during the SOPA protests. | Sunday, April 29, 2012 2:23:42 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| About time it rained. http://t.co/JAEPETP | Sunday, April 22, 2012 12:01:09 PM | |
| This might actually be animal cruelty, which isn't cool. But hey. .. I mean.. dogs gotta go wild sometimes too, ya know? | Thursday, April 19, 2012 8:30:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Christina is my favorite lesbian of all time. Id marry her every time in a game of marry fuck kill every day of the week and twice on sunday | Friday, April 06, 2012 7:57:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Would be nice if Temple Run didn't force close 64 times on the Galaxy Nexus... They delay it and release it buggy. Sux developing on Android | Tuesday, March 27, 2012 6:16:06 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Holy shit! A Panera opened in Manhattan? It's about time! | Sunday, March 25, 2012 11:23:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Okayyyyyyy. One gay thinks my flawless logic is flawed... time to ask another | Saturday, March 24, 2012 4:18:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sometimes you just want to shake a bitch | Thursday, March 22, 2012 7:11:47 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Also @MalJNew just heard the phrase "shit happens when you party naked" for the first time tonight. I remember when I was 17. | Friday, March 16, 2012 8:06:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ya know... sometimesssssssssss...... | Friday, March 09, 2012 1:45:27 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| Sometimes, you just need a fresh day. Think I found the buggy bug. | Sunday, March 04, 2012 12:32:57 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Holy shit, I just used jquery.load for the first time #noob | Wednesday, February 29, 2012 2:21:10 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| Check out my random tweet generator. It will randomly display one of my tweets between now and 2009. #timewaster: http://t.co/QMi490J | Wednesday, February 29, 2012 1:40:11 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| I don't have time to interview this motherfucker | Tuesday, February 21, 2012 2:27:52 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Would be nice if the fucking 5 train didn't go fucking 3 mph and stop 8 times between stations making me miss my train. | Tuesday, February 14, 2012 6:46:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Finally time for bed! | Tuesday, January 24, 2012 7:43:19 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| Fuck man. There's not enough TIME in the day... | Thursday, January 12, 2012 10:29:11 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| New blog post: If Someone Posts This Fucking Picture One More Time, I Swear... http://bit.ly/AhEGRT | Wednesday, January 11, 2012 8:51:06 PM | Portfolioso.com Blog |
| @VtotheFlo 1) my freshmen mentees wished they could bang me and 2) you're not in college anymore so stop retweeting that shit 80 times :-) In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet | Sunday, January 08, 2012 12:10:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm at Trail Of Time w/ @colithika @waspito http://4sq.com/vFE8Ng | Monday, January 02, 2012 5:30:29 PM | foursquare |
| New blog post: Ah Shit, there goes 100% Uptime http://bit.ly/u3zpBS | Monday, January 02, 2012 1:26:02 PM | Portfolioso.com Blog |
| I'm pretty sure my favorite Christmas gift of all time was Pokemon Blue in 5th grade. Shit was REAL | Thursday, December 15, 2011 5:10:43 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| @majlnew: "MY PUPPYTIME APP DOESN'T WORK!!!!" #firstworldproblems. Tell Siri to fix it. | Tuesday, December 06, 2011 6:42:24 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| fucking nooblet driving this train cant even align himself with the station properly. had to back up like 4 times | Monday, December 05, 2011 7:48:53 PM | txt |
| Welp, that was a waste of time | Monday, December 05, 2011 4:13:31 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| I'm at The Samsung Experience (Time Warner Center) (10 Columbus Circle, 3rd Floor, New York) http://4sq.com/vXVBEf | Monday, December 05, 2011 3:25:23 PM | foursquare |
| @Waspito Knowing them, I'll still have a dumbphone by the time we head out there. Which sucks bc I won't be able to Foursquare | Wednesday, November 30, 2011 6:40:57 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| Twitter: Y u no load more tweets on the timeline? | Monday, November 21, 2011 9:01:23 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| About f'in time! http://t.co/xDsieDX | Sunday, November 20, 2011 9:49:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu Yup. They gave me 30 days. I couldn't find a smartphone in that time, so I lost out. Fuckin Galaxy Nexus should have been out... | Friday, November 11, 2011 1:33:40 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| just watched an episode of unsolved mysteries. just not the same without robert stack. #yesimwatchinglifetime | Wednesday, November 09, 2011 9:01:19 PM | txt |
| New blog post: If they Fucking Bomb Search Me One More Time... http://bit.ly/vtkGOF | Tuesday, November 08, 2011 10:15:55 AM | Portfolioso.com Blog |
| New blog post: Sometimes I Wonder Why I Believe In Half of This Shit, Part 2 http://t.co/DJGCGCD | Sunday, November 06, 2011 12:51:37 PM | Portfolioso.com Blog |
| I love gaining an extra hour for no reason. #daylightsavingstimeisoutdatedandonlyappliedtofarmersinthe1800s | Sunday, November 06, 2011 1:46:22 AM | Twitter Web Client |
| @MalJNew Shitshow? Get you ass back to work joker. I remember the first time I got hammered at lunch. | Monday, October 31, 2011 6:47:17 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| I swear to God, if this cunt coughs in my face one more fucking time... | Tuesday, October 25, 2011 5:00:04 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| @Novellabella sounds like an awesome time. Enjoy. I will be out drinking instead In reply to @Novellabella's tweet | Thursday, October 13, 2011 6:15:09 PM | Twitter Web Client |
| It's always a good sign when the builds they give us pass my Selenium scripts instead of failing like 15 times along the way. | Monday, October 03, 2011 6:38:20 PM | Twitter Web Client |