Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



1683 results for ass


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Tweet Date Source
Some chick at gov ball took a pic of some other chicks ass. I'm fine with this. Saturday, June 07, 2014 2:32:10 PMTwitter for Android
DBA manager with the rainbow keyboard keeps ripping ass up in this bitch. http://t.co/03GOKOhmmH Thursday, May 29, 2014 4:08:56 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking Time Warner. I logged in on your ISP assholes, you can't even detect me? http://t.co/wwb38JCGwu Saturday, May 24, 2014 2:41:29 PMTwitter Web Client
Let me kick it to you a little something like this: I'd rather be a subway performer than to work in this corporate assed startup Thursday, May 22, 2014 10:05:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Closing out old abandoned tickets. Very tempted to close them all with "Don't give a fuck about your bitch ass request, ho" Tuesday, May 20, 2014 12:51:17 PMTwitter Web Client
Broken bar glass #1 of the day. Live errr day like it's your last Saturday, May 17, 2014 2:12:05 PMTwitter for Android
Kevin's friend is playing ass twerkin videos all night and the gf is like:

I approve of this http://t.co/L0ymJxkgDJ 		Friday, May 16, 2014 11:37:48 PMTwitter for Android
Not to be a cocky asshole or anything, but when I actually ran shit in this joint instead of the idiot suits, the shit hit the fan less. Monday, May 12, 2014 4:51:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Beatsie boys are on. Reminds me of the co founder COO we fired like assholes because he was the shit and now they should crash and burn Sunday, May 11, 2014 1:18:18 AMTwitter for Android
As a physics geek, I can't stop making this wine glass sing. The guests are getting annoyed. Might be too tips to care... Saturday, May 10, 2014 11:52:47 PMTwitter for Android
Reviewing our "standard operating procedures" written by this suit asshole who doesn't understand tech. A bunch of rubbish bullshit. F- Wednesday, May 07, 2014 10:23:09 AMTwitter Web Client
@dannyrob88 Fuck the rays jackass
In reply to @dannyrob88's tweet
Sunday, May 04, 2014 2:29:09 PMTwitter for Android
Oh and if the FBI sees my last tweet, before you arrest me, I just meant I'm farting a lot assholes Saturday, May 03, 2014 10:17:12 PMTwitter for Android
"Helen Keller wouldn't have prescription sunglasses, Joes. Unless it was a prescription for sight" -@MichaelShatin Saturday, May 03, 2014 3:23:50 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 because Fairfield gets cheap no name assholes for concerts.
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Wednesday, April 30, 2014 11:08:30 PMTwitter for Android
If you ask me a question the second I walk in before I'm settled, or Skype me within the first 5 minutes I'm here, you're a fuckin asshole Monday, April 28, 2014 9:14:25 AMTwitter Web Client
Our CTO doesn't understand why we shouldn't do a tier 2 firewall installation the same night as a major rollout </facepalm> #dumbass Friday, April 25, 2014 1:48:28 PMTwitter Web Client
If you spell Michelle with one L, you're an asshole Friday, April 25, 2014 1:34:13 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm at the bar. This is a fuckin sausagefest assed ladies night... Wednesday, April 16, 2014 7:40:45 PMTwitter for Android
Gassy as a bastard Wednesday, April 16, 2014 3:42:45 PMTwitter Web Client
My heel feels fantastic. Thank you to my nurse mother who loves splinters - took a giant piece of glass out of it. Monday, April 14, 2014 5:14:37 PMTwitter Web Client
This pasty assed mother fucker will be up on the roof, tanning.. UV index is 6, son Saturday, April 12, 2014 11:40:07 AMTwitter for Android
The Yankees are a mediocre assed team... Friday, April 11, 2014 10:45:21 PMTwitter for Android
Apparently, that error means that my password was too long. Fucking assholes
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, April 11, 2014 4:34:37 PMTwitter Web Client
finally an Android calendar app that doesn't look like ASS: "New Android Calendar look and features leaked" http://t.co/VmozzOM3mZ Wednesday, April 09, 2014 3:35:06 PMfeedly cloud
Just checked my own ass out in the mirror. It's a good ass. Saturday, April 05, 2014 1:28:38 PMTwitter for Android
I will never be as dapper as this guy on the subway. Looked like a classy guy from the 50s. Girlfriend's gaydar went off, mine did not... Friday, April 04, 2014 11:35:31 PMTwitter for Android
I'd like you to think about how ridiculous this statement is: "A Mexican with an ass fupa carrying a large bag of live chickens." Friday, April 04, 2014 5:26:53 PMTwitter for Android
Completely empty bathroom. Don't shit in the stall directly next to me. Asshole. Wednesday, April 02, 2014 9:34:58 AMTwitter for Android
I am walking around the office drinking water out of a a wine glass because fuck it, why not. Tuesday, April 01, 2014 2:58:27 PMTwitter Web Client
I am at a KFC in the hood and they have bulletproof glass. I need to reevaluate my life. Saturday, March 22, 2014 11:28:35 PMTwitter for Android
Nate's inviting the fucked up ass chick back. Yeah buddy get it Saturday, March 22, 2014 9:21:08 PMTwitter for Android
For real. This chicks almost got @JenSelter's ass but those clothes make it look awful Saturday, March 22, 2014 9:11:52 PMTwitter for Android
As an expert on the female ass, I 109% want to point out that this chicks ass is borderline deformed Saturday, March 22, 2014 7:21:41 PMTwitter for Android
I get goosebumps when the bassline thumps Friday, March 21, 2014 2:00:04 AMTwitter for Android
Whoever fuckin burnt popcorn in here is an asshole Thursday, March 20, 2014 9:57:37 AMTwitter Web Client
My balls are shriveling waiting for this late asses train. #MTA Tuesday, March 04, 2014 7:38:48 AMTwitter for Android
Average page load time increased from 2-4 seconds for 2 minutes. We are classifying this as an outage. FUCKING IDIOTS Thursday, February 27, 2014 11:20:16 AMTwitter Web Client
Didn't even get in yet and this dumb bitch VP is all up my ass because his monitoring triggered 3 false alarms. Bitch, everyone disposes you Thursday, February 27, 2014 8:42:33 AMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: Its been a long ass day http://t.co/ondGYA1gHX Tuesday, February 25, 2014 8:24:15 PMTwitter for Android
Ran into @JenSelter's ass doppelganger on the subway. The struggle was real to look away with @MalJNew next to me. Friday, February 21, 2014 7:14:21 PMTwitter for Android
The GF got me a massage. Booked me with a dude. Man hands. Reminds me of Johnny Drama.... Thursday, February 20, 2014 7:02:32 PMTwitter for Android
I don't want this fucking antivirus on my work computer. 1000 problems since it was installed. Fuck this corporate assed "startup" Thursday, February 20, 2014 4:58:04 PMTwitter for Windows
They also did this shit with the password form where it randomly assigns CSS selectors. HURR DERRR I got around it Thursday, February 20, 2014 1:09:44 AMTwitter Web Client
"Should I get a facial on my ass?" -Mokey Saturday, February 15, 2014 9:36:07 PMTwitter for Android
Basically, the CEO sounded like a Masshole talking about cock Wednesday, February 12, 2014 6:42:30 PMTwitter for Windows
Pretty sure one of my engineers is putting it in the HR chick's ass. Friday, January 31, 2014 10:19:52 PMTwitter for Android
Blasting Creedence and modifying config files so we pass our audit. Friday, January 31, 2014 4:44:09 PMTwitter Web Client
This meandering mother fucker needs to walk in a straight line so I can pass his slow ass. Thursday, January 30, 2014 7:11:29 PMTwitter for Android
They say redheads make the best passwords Wednesday, January 29, 2014 8:09:52 PMTwitter for Android
Please explain how I shattered a glass while I was drinking it and didn't notice Saturday, January 25, 2014 11:35:17 PMTwitter for Android
Good thing the gf is cool. Found out I follow @JenSelter on my other twitter account and was like... I saw asses everywhere Saturday, January 25, 2014 7:35:20 PMTwitter for Android
Bartenders story about playing the bongos on a chicks ass completely blackout almost made me piss myself Saturday, January 25, 2014 7:23:57 PMTwitter for Android
Person should be assassinated: http://t.co/CYOQzexR13 Saturday, January 25, 2014 12:21:53 AMTwitter Web Client
On our lockscreen, all you have to do is view source, find the unlock function and enter it in JS console. VALIDATE IT ON BACKEND ASSHATS Tuesday, January 21, 2014 10:00:27 AMTwitter Web Client
"This is your lobby command station. A fire alarm was activated due to a smoke condition. It is a false alarm" #assholes Thursday, January 16, 2014 12:14:48 PMTwitter Web Client
LETS MIGRATE AN ENTIRE FUCKING DRUPAL INSTANCE FROM A DEBIAN BASED OS TO CENTOS IN <1 DAY YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE Tuesday, January 14, 2014 7:07:08 PMTwitter Web Client
Overheard at the bar: "I would stab a guy in the face to eat that girl's asshole" Friday, January 10, 2014 12:15:23 AMTwitter for Android
Cheers to the old dude at McFadden's frat ass bat Thursday, January 09, 2014 11:47:15 PMTwitter for Android
FYI. My ass looks studly today in dem jeans #DATASS Tuesday, January 07, 2014 3:01:28 PMTwitter Web Client
DAT ass Sunday, January 05, 2014 7:04:57 PMTwitter for Android
This Michelle champagne tastes like assholes Wednesday, January 01, 2014 6:27:36 PMTwitter for Android
These apple pies are knocking me on my ass. Saturday, December 28, 2013 6:45:59 PMTwitter for Android
Is it acceptable to live tweet a mass? I kinda wanna get cray and commentate... Saturday, December 28, 2013 12:05:13 AMTwitter for Android
Told the TSA guy I had a bottle of dihydrogen monoxide on my person and he freaked out. Dumbass Friday, December 27, 2013 12:18:50 PMTwitter for Android
Just hid the stupid ass Flash copy to clipboard button on mobile devices for my twitter app. mobile doesnt have flash asswipe Tuesday, December 24, 2013 1:36:00 AMTwitter Web Client
McGivern is ripping me a new asshole because I was unprepared to roll back and our SLA got fucked. #whoops Tuesday, December 17, 2013 4:22:06 PMTwitter for Android
It's official. I'm gonna drop dead of a heart attack at 35 because I'm a hyper, negative, lazy out of shape Type A personailty asshole. Monday, December 16, 2013 10:20:18 AMTwitter Web Client
Ya don't kill a tarantula with a crowbar ya dumbass Sunday, December 15, 2013 2:00:30 AMTwitter for Android
Yeah. Just hitchhike with a random ass polka band dude. Sounds legit Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:33:27 AMTwitter for Android
Buzz's 3 reasons... A, 2 and D... Dumbass Sunday, December 15, 2013 1:21:24 AMTwitter for Android
They're all in first class? Pretentious pricks... Can't even remember their own son. Sunday, December 15, 2013 12:52:38 AMTwitter for Android
Supposed to take the tracker outta the money first ya dumbass Saturday, December 14, 2013 8:51:32 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew stop smoking cigarettes dumbass. Smoke something better Thursday, December 12, 2013 9:14:52 PMTwitter for Android
"I just want to tell you that you have a great ass" @MalJNew to the bartender who actually dies have a great ass. #nohomo Thursday, December 12, 2013 8:45:25 PMTwitter for Android
99 stupid ass bugs in the code
99 bugs in the code
patch one down, compile it around
117 bugs in the code
(via @XtinaSchelin) 		Thursday, December 12, 2013 11:58:52 AMTwitter Web Client
No kidding. Guy's a fuckin asshole. (But so were the other choices): http://t.co/NnVe92ABS2 Tuesday, December 10, 2013 2:15:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Tell these Beauteeze skanks to stop assraping my API. 500 calls per minute? Cache. Jokers Monday, December 09, 2013 5:26:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Props to chef maljnew for the stuffed pork chops, green bean casserole and mashed potatoes! I've got a… http://t.co/6gQm4j1Imv Saturday, November 30, 2013 6:42:13 PMInstagram
What kind of fuckin asshole picks the stall next to you in the shitter when the end one's open? (Jeans, dirty white Nikes w/ a red swoosh) Wednesday, November 27, 2013 2:39:37 PMTwitter for Android
Its Monday, which is the worst day of the week because I get to see that fuckin asshole McGivern at that shithole today. Monday, November 25, 2013 7:47:03 AMTwitter for Android
Guy who replaced Barry talks 3mph and sounds like a jackass and his trains are continuously late. Fucking reject Tuesday, November 19, 2013 7:42:12 AMTwitter for Android
Fucking MTA can't even tell me what track my cocksucking train is on, so I have to stand in front of the board like an asshole Monday, November 18, 2013 6:55:05 PMTwitter for Android
This gentleman makes a mean Tom Collins. Guy at my cousin's wedding made it like ass. Saturday, November 16, 2013 10:07:47 PMTwitter for Android
Pulled the recovery again. Hahahha. I'm such a weak ass. Aka I refuse to yak on the streets of Manhattan Thursday, November 14, 2013 9:15:19 PMTwitter for Android
Sorry Edgar. I'm too white to rap Biggie at an Irish pub with sunglasses in front of an Asian Thursday, November 14, 2013 8:52:02 PMTwitter for Android
New blog post: Jennifer Lawrence Looks Like an Asshole with Short Hair http://bit.ly/1coSMKk Wednesday, November 13, 2013 2:55:53 PMPortfolioso.com Blog
You're a fucking asshole if your offing yourself results in delays for thousands: http://t.co/zSDEzIOFVg Death isn't good enough punishment Wednesday, November 13, 2013 12:32:34 PMTwitter Web Client
If you checked into snowpocalypse on Foursquare for a couple of flurries, you're a fucking asshole. Tuesday, November 12, 2013 9:23:26 AMTwitter Web Client
JOHN . Pass the wii Sunday, October 27, 2013 12:05:01 AMTwitter for Android
Vote for this shit you politician assed cunts: http://t.co/nAjRSeM94d Or else my commute starts to rape me in 2014 Thursday, October 24, 2013 3:29:05 PMTwitter Web Client
First line: "Connecticut is known for great pizza" FOR SURE NOT. CT Pizza is ass http://t.co/WEyBwvsuek Wednesday, October 23, 2013 9:23:05 AMTwitter Web Client
Things I don't need on a Tuesday morning: TK's saggy assed floppy bra-less titties #VOM Tuesday, October 22, 2013 10:16:26 AMTwitter Web Client
My boy Barry on Metro North made my day again. They told him to stop telling people "no wiggling" but he did it anyway. #badass Monday, October 21, 2013 9:11:58 AMTwitter Web Client
Iight dude. stop bending your fingers in possessed assed ways. we know you're straight out of the exorcist Friday, October 18, 2013 11:05:22 PMTwitter for Android
The front end dev who rips ass all the time is now talking about drinking breast milk. #THEFUCK Friday, October 11, 2013 10:10:11 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm gassier than Gaurav today Thursday, October 10, 2013 2:08:26 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm also gassier than Gaurav, except I don't rip ass loudly at my desk or walk around in circles creepily while methane dissipates Monday, September 30, 2013 4:12:11 PMTwitter Web Client
I mean, KFC is a funny ass writer, but he can eat a bag of dicks for this tweet: https://t.co/wgPCc3OAfm Sunday, September 22, 2013 2:48:59 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm a crazy assed bitch. Monday, September 16, 2013 7:56:41 PMTwitter for Android
Had to take my wallet out of my back pocket. It was so fat with hundos, it was detracting from my ass struttin' abilities #douchebagtweet Thursday, September 12, 2013 9:58:32 AMTwitter Web Client
Mal. You can't wear that red skirt in the office and strut dat ass around without me wanting to bite it. Ya heard? Monday, September 09, 2013 4:00:50 PMTwitter Web Client
Azarenka you dirty minx! I see you struttin dat ass, waiting for a serve. If barstool doesn't post a gif of it, I give up! Sunday, September 08, 2013 5:13:01 PMTwitter for Android
To catch my train, I ran faster than when Carrabotta was whipping me in high school gym class to run the mile in less than 12 minutes Wednesday, September 04, 2013 11:28:14 PMTwitter for Android
Clune. Don't even try to bend your ass at me like that. This is dangerous Wednesday, September 04, 2013 9:19:50 PMTwitter for Android
Executive assistant just caught me talking to myself in the kitchen doing a Joba style fistpump saying "Robocopy is the tits!" #resigning Wednesday, September 04, 2013 5:43:31 PMTwitter for Android
This is the ugliest assed pigeon I've ever seen in my life. Bro, get your feathers together. You're horrid. http://t.co/TAwwSD62K1 Wednesday, September 04, 2013 2:32:53 PMTwitter for Android
Hold the phone... This new software may have fixed these ass radios in my phone. Just tweeted from Crestwood where there's always no service Monday, September 02, 2013 1:19:31 PMTwitter for Android
If this dumbass country goes to war with Syria, I'm gonna cuncel America. Sunday, September 01, 2013 10:49:26 PMTwitter for Android
Second week in a row I fucked up the Sunday Sudoku in the Daily News. Dumbass bitch... So mad at myself. Sunday, September 01, 2013 8:36:58 PMTwitter for Android
Mad question askin, blunt passin... Friday, August 30, 2013 8:50:04 PMTwitter for Android
Why would these dumb ass bitches install SQL Server reporting services on a fucking web server? Another thing for me to reconfigure Thursday, August 29, 2013 4:13:44 PMTwitter Web Client
@KeriAHarrison I take it one step further. I elbow check, walk into, push and/or yell at assholes who can't walk RIGHT on the street.
In reply to @KeriAHarrison's tweet
Thursday, August 29, 2013 12:29:02 PMTwitter Web Client
My old assed galaxy nexus can eat a dick next week. Moto X here I come. We hope the internet works better on it. This one sucked since day 1 Monday, August 26, 2013 6:26:20 PMTwitter for Android
FUCKING ampersand in this password. Escaping ampersands in bash when you need to write it out to a file is bull fucking shit Monday, August 26, 2013 1:26:50 PMTwitter Web Client
Why don't you tweet "don't tell me when to take lunch you're an asshole" Eric Saturday, August 17, 2013 5:01:26 PMTwitter for Android
These farting motherfuckers left without saying bye? What a bunch of assholes. Saturday, August 17, 2013 4:20:50 PMTwitter for Android
Mal's so smart looking in glasses. I'd bang her. Saturday, August 10, 2013 2:16:54 PMTwitter for Android
"did you eat lunch yet?"
"no"
"Well get something now and get your ass back here"
*laughs*
"I'm not joking. We need you both from 2-4" 		Friday, August 09, 2013 1:34:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck yourself. For being an asshole, you get no productivity for me today. I won't do a fucking thing Wednesday, August 07, 2013 10:45:58 AMTwitter Web Client
I feel like a lard assed fat fuck. My jeans are strangling me Wednesday, July 31, 2013 10:05:39 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm puzzled as to why the Catholic Church decided to hold World Youth Day in Rio. Isn't the point of Rio to tap wild assed Brazilian sluts? Monday, July 29, 2013 11:46:59 AMTwitter Web Client
6 trains are actually pulling into the stations faster than this slow assed 4 I'm on. #nevergettingtowork Monday, July 29, 2013 9:10:02 AMTwitter for Android
Mal is obsessiled over Dominican girls' asses so I mean....Threesome? Friday, July 26, 2013 11:48:49 PMTwitter for Android
Just crossed off a coupla never have I evers at Hass' Friday, July 26, 2013 11:24:00 PMTwitter for Android
@BadPointer is a bitch for not coming to Hass' going away party sooner Friday, July 26, 2013 11:13:25 PMTwitter for Android
You're not ruining my night you jealous assed motherfucker eat my dick Thursday, July 18, 2013 8:51:06 PMTwitter for Android
It could be classified as a weapon but sticks shit together: gluegun Friday, July 12, 2013 8:29:28 PMTwitter for Android
This new software manager Rao and Gabe need to shut the fuck up. I have earplugs and headphones on and I steal hear their loud asses Friday, July 12, 2013 12:31:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Why does Firefox have massive cocks all over it's shitty architecture? Crashes every 5 minutes. Wednesday, July 10, 2013 2:22:19 PMTwitter Web Client
Sassy is my daughter, obviously. http://t.co/AVp31muG0w Wednesday, July 03, 2013 9:15:51 PMInstagram
"He's a man. and he has glasses. and he looks like me, but he's much shorter. But he has one kidney and I have two. You know him?" Sunday, June 30, 2013 10:48:24 PMTwitter for Android
Come on Mal. You didn't see Jesus on that ass? http://t.co/28WoW0CJD2 Sunday, June 30, 2013 10:44:23 PMTwitter for Android
The reason terrorists hate the United States is because our dumbass government doesn't mind its own fucking business: http://t.co/rnabwDPDRp Saturday, June 29, 2013 11:40:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Girl get your life together: "I can't find my glasses, I legit flashed Perry, and I have a thong on" Thursday, June 27, 2013 3:52:52 PMTwitter Web Client
"Sangria power hour sounds better that a classy lobster dinner" -@MalJNew yep... This is the girl I picked.... Saturday, June 22, 2013 1:30:40 PMTwitter for Android
Aniusha's ass is poppin. #DEMWHITEPANTS #DOMINICAN #DATASS STRUTTIN Friday, June 21, 2013 2:12:23 PMTwitter for Android
Also, I just grabbed Antonia's ass and request a lap dance. Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:53:08 PMTwitter for Android
6-0 in the bottom of the 9th and now its 6-5. This is some mets ass shit right now. Cuncel da game Sunday, June 16, 2013 6:33:41 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ. Yankess play like gems for 8 innings and now they suck ass Sunday, June 16, 2013 6:31:11 PMTwitter for Android
Our HR director? Uncool, super serious, all business, follows rules by the book. Her assistant? A cray. CRAY. Friended me on FB @ 12AM Wednesday, June 12, 2013 12:37:47 AMTwitter Web Client
Raul's playing the shittiest ass rules in beer pong. Obscure. He BLEW. What kind of guys blow. Guys finger son Tuesday, June 11, 2013 7:27:20 PMTwitter for Android
It's okay... No one wants to blow up this shitty assed building Tuesday, June 11, 2013 12:14:11 PMTwitter Web Client
Honestly, as a soon-to-be former Google Fanboy and Apple hater, Google I/O was ASS compared to what Apple announced at WWDC. Monday, June 10, 2013 8:42:54 PMTwitter Web Client
Legit needed to put ear plugs in to prevent myself from punching this dumb phone assed noisy bitch in the face Monday, June 10, 2013 7:34:58 PMTwitter for Android
Um. Eat my dick karaoke machine. I was fuckin 100x better than 52% asswipe Sunday, June 09, 2013 5:11:09 PMTwitter for Android
actually agree w/ this mets ass fan RT @KFCBarstool 3h Best thing that could happen for the #Yankees is a 1,000 game suspension for #Arod Wednesday, June 05, 2013 12:17:46 AMTwitter Web Client
My fat fuckin ass is walking to the train instead of getting a ride. Gotta add steps for my my Jawbone Up Monday, June 03, 2013 7:24:45 AMTwitter for Android
Mal just posted bullshit on my twitter. I'm changing my phone passcode Sunday, June 02, 2013 2:05:41 PMTwitter for Android
Quiggs ass looks Luke a bag of wet furs Sunday, June 02, 2013 3:12:02 AMTwitter for Android
King Without a Crown has the most epic bassline. I always end up playing air bass to it Saturday, June 01, 2013 11:58:14 PMTwitter for Android
gassy as a bastard Friday, May 31, 2013 3:20:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck the fuckin 4/5 train in the ass with a chainsaw Friday, May 31, 2013 9:30:38 AMTwitter for Android
I'm legit scared at what my tab's gonna be at this clip joint assed place. But: #yolo #bdayweekend Thursday, May 30, 2013 9:35:54 PMTwitter for Android
Gio: "I only give 6s and 7s. Everybody passes" Thursday, May 30, 2013 9:18:27 PMTwitter for Android
Just ripped ass on the train badly & got the WORST look from these two Asians in front of me. probs making fun of me in Japanese. #whatever Wednesday, May 29, 2013 11:12:17 PMTwitter for Android
Can I get some coffee with that iced milk. You fuckin assholes. @DunkinDonuts http://t.co/paSVzwSWwc Tuesday, May 28, 2013 8:48:31 AMTwitter for Android
Yo. I'm all about ripping ass, but putting charcol in your pants is way too far: http://t.co/VPo0xMexbp Tuesday, May 21, 2013 9:09:34 AMTwitter Web Client
Google hangouts in gmail is a bunch of bullshit. Fuckin product is half asssed. Monday, May 20, 2013 12:32:30 PMTwitter Web Client
Mal. Get your black ass to the bar. (Not just an expression. She's got the black badonkadonk) Thursday, May 16, 2013 8:45:30 PMTwitter for Android
Derick: "What the fuck do you know about Dominicans you Westchester-assed white boy" Thursday, May 16, 2013 7:18:08 PMTwitter for Android
Who needs a seat either. I'm perfectly fine standing ass to dick with random strangers Monday, May 13, 2013 6:45:39 PMTwitter for Android
My aunt: "My daughter brought me kale chips, kale sister's ass... I'm sick of kale." Sunday, May 12, 2013 8:27:43 PMTwitter for Android
Some dude just took a picture of three dudes at the urinal in the passed. Wtf Saturday, May 11, 2013 5:51:46 PMTwitter for Android
Thanks for the drink assistance at the bar, @MalJNew. Those tits are reallll useful for getting the bartender's attention Saturday, May 11, 2013 4:38:14 PMTwitter for Android
"I mean if getting shitfaced and grabbing your girlfriends ass makes you an embarrassment then Im an absolute fucking disgrace" @KFCBarstool Thursday, May 09, 2013 4:50:09 PMTwitter for Android
Thank you barstool for that face down ass up article that popped into my newsfeed as my boss walked over... thanks Thursday, May 09, 2013 9:37:47 AMTwitter Web Client
Whoever's ass is bending down loading dishes into the dishwasher, please stop before Mal yells at me for staring. Wednesday, May 08, 2013 3:12:34 PMTwitter Web Client
Waitress ass bitch. can't you see I'm batshit crazy right now? Let me get a beer asshole. Wednesday, May 08, 2013 2:37:31 PMTwitter for Android
Yes. I'm just being the drunkest assed most hypocritical motherfucker ever in front of Mals mom. Wonderful. Friday, May 03, 2013 9:59:47 PMTwitter for Android
I am the gassiest. And I have 2 Mexican/drinking parties este fin de semana. What's the over/under I end up shitting myself? Friday, May 03, 2013 4:18:19 PMTwitter Web Client
There is NO way I fit into this small assed t shirt.. Thursday, May 02, 2013 5:02:30 PMTwitter Web Client
Gonna add full text search to my twitter app instead of a %like% match. I was sick of assist coming up when I searched for ass Tuesday, April 30, 2013 12:40:28 PMTwitter Web Client
Might actually cunt punt Grace for being an absolute wise cracking bitch ass. Go off on her Joe Pesce style, like Spider in Goodfellas Friday, April 26, 2013 3:51:32 PMTwitter Web Client
When I think of the name Nigel, I think of an ugly assed British dude with rotten choppers. Wednesday, April 24, 2013 7:35:48 PMTwitter for Android
IIS + PHP = ASS (use linux with php) #bitches Tuesday, April 23, 2013 5:12:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Gonna strut dat ass to work tomorrow with ripped Diesels and a pink T-shirt. #bitches Tuesday, April 23, 2013 12:05:37 AMTwitter for Android
CCs pitching like ass Monday, April 22, 2013 7:58:21 PMTwitter for Android
PS my silver fox boss just told me he doesnt give a fuck if i drink another bottle of this andre assed shit we bought cheaply Friday, April 19, 2013 6:37:11 PMTwitter Web Client
My ass looks excellent today #demjeans Friday, April 19, 2013 10:56:24 AMTwitter Web Client
Our recruiter needs to put on a bra on on the grounds that no one wants to see her old assed saggy titties bouncing around in a t-shirt Friday, April 19, 2013 9:09:51 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm switching off Verizon on the grounds that their 4G is ass in Manhattan. And they don't have Nexus phones Wednesday, April 17, 2013 1:46:53 PMTwitter for Android
Struttin dat ass @MalJNew Tuesday, April 16, 2013 8:15:17 AMTwitter for Android
Really? 12 digit password limit? For fucks sake Friday, April 12, 2013 8:45:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Ticketmaster and the NY Mets assed 95 year old NY Yankkes can suck my dick Friday, April 12, 2013 8:32:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Googled the names of some of the new hires and found arrests. The fuck kind of assholes don't check for this shit... Friday, April 12, 2013 3:48:26 AMTwitter Web Client
This database is taking fucking years to restore. Bitch ass trick Friday, April 12, 2013 1:38:12 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm legit embarrassed to tweet what Aniusha is talkin about. And I'm nasty as fuck on twitter Thursday, April 11, 2013 9:11:36 PMTwitter for Android
Overheard: "How can your flat assed face not be at McDonalds, bitch" Tuesday, April 09, 2013 9:14:07 PMTwitter for Android
Stephie. How is that ass allowed at work. I'm sure that's somehow against the dress code. Tuesday, April 09, 2013 7:31:15 PMTwitter for Android
drankin' burrrs out of Dunkins cups. Klassy Friday, April 05, 2013 5:55:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Admission is free. Admission requires a pass. There is a $2 processing fee per pass. Fucking scam. Friday, April 05, 2013 12:49:29 AMTwitter Web Client
Welp, passed out at 9:30 for the first time since like 3rd grade.... Wednesday, March 27, 2013 4:20:08 AMTwitter for Android
Alexey, on a good workout: "You pour some liquor in a glass and repeat" Tuesday, March 26, 2013 4:47:56 AMTwitter Web Client
Never use half assed shipping (FedEx SmartPost). If you're not there, they hand your shit off to USPS after one try and you have to pick up Monday, March 25, 2013 9:56:26 AMTwitter Web Client
MICHELLE. fuck you and your shitty ass spring theme Friday, March 22, 2013 4:13:51 PMTwitter Web Client
New blog post: I'm Not Embarrassed to Admit This Story Made Me Bawl My Eyes Out http://t.co/tbPfUeaKQ3 Wednesday, March 20, 2013 1:29:38 AMPortfolioso.com Blog
New blog post: Fuck Google And It's Bitch Ass Reader http://t.co/7J26hwl702 Tuesday, March 19, 2013 3:37:48 AMPortfolioso.com Blog
Niraj is a fucking dumbass Monday, March 18, 2013 11:37:01 AMTwitter Web Client
I am the absolute gassiest right now Monday, March 18, 2013 9:59:41 AMTwitter Web Client
I like how you keep your condoms in a Tiffany's bag. Klassy with a K. Friday, March 15, 2013 7:40:13 AMTwitter for Android
On this bitch ass train for an hour and didn't even make it 20 miles north of NYC. Fucking MTA Thursday, March 14, 2013 10:27:06 PMTwitter for Android
It looks like I legit perioded out of my ass into the toilet. TMI? Nah son, ate mad beets yesterday. Wednesday, March 13, 2013 10:52:22 PMTwitter for Android
Megan Conte you dumbass. If you want to collect donations for a suprrise, don't mail a distro list including the person you're surprising. Wednesday, March 13, 2013 12:50:56 PMTwitter Web Client
Just yelled at a fuckin cop for standing there like an asshole in my way while I was trying to get my train Monday, March 11, 2013 6:40:01 PMTwitter for Android
Just passed by & saw CNBC on TV in my office and they were ripping the Foursquare CEO a new asshole because he has no idea how to monetize. Monday, March 11, 2013 11:34:03 AMTwitter Web Client
The Mover: "She's got an ass, size no more" Sunday, March 10, 2013 12:59:08 PMTwitter for Android
Mal just said "ah" instead of I. Talking real hood. and she has a black ass. So legit. Friday, March 08, 2013 8:17:28 PMTwitter for Android
Haven't been good lately about tweeting (except when im like out of my mind). Gonna try to be my old ridiculous assed self again Friday, March 08, 2013 3:06:43 PMTwitter Web Client
Jesus fucking Christ, James. Go take a mother fucking English class. We hire these stupid fucks? http://t.co/G85KbD0vpF Friday, March 08, 2013 9:11:20 AMTwitter Web Client
Mark Texieria is a pussy assed bitch who's always injured and a huge flop of a contract. Fuckin waste of life hitting .260 Thursday, March 07, 2013 8:44:47 PMTwitter Web Client
a real gangsta ass n** plays his cards right Thursday, March 07, 2013 10:42:40 AMTwitter Web Client
Gave out outdated fucking old branded business cards because fucking pockets in my hood assed marketing dept is too Jew to give new ones out Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:38:18 AMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 @ky9 fucking FUSA dropping the ball again with no name assed concerts. Mirror > FUSA. (Well the Mirror we ran. New mirror sucks.)
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:38:10 AMTwitter for Android
For the first time ever, someone else is leaking ass at this bar. Not that i do that in public. Might puke. Saturday, March 02, 2013 1:01:35 AMTwitter for Android
Derick on me: "He's peaceful until he's drunk. Then he goes to town on ass" Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:08:32 PMTwitter for Android
Purim? Drink until you don't know the difference? Come on. I didn't know the difference between a high five and an ass slap on that barcrawl Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:03:01 PMTwitter for Android
Just observed my ass in the mirror and it was excellent. Which reminds me that I shouldn't have a daughter. Tuesday, February 26, 2013 9:55:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Mikey is having jack on the rocks. I'm having the rocks with a splash of jack. (I'm a pussy assed drinker) Saturday, February 23, 2013 6:59:32 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin Gmail. When I click Save on the Settings page, do NOT redirect me to my inbox. What if I want to change more settings? Asshats Friday, February 22, 2013 1:23:04 AMTwitter Web Client
Pro tip: When you stand in a group of 4 people. Don't rip ass. Wednesday, February 13, 2013 10:26:02 PMTwitter for Android
Whoever picked this place is a fuckin asshole Wednesday, February 13, 2013 6:59:42 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin Marketing department (everyone except Molly) being a bunch of assholes not listening to anything I say when I obvi know best. Suffer Wednesday, February 13, 2013 3:22:28 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck Metro North and their delayed ass trains. 2/2 in delays on the 6:36. Fuck this train. Not taking it for the rest of the week Tuesday, February 12, 2013 7:07:55 PMTwitter for Android
Derick: "Wezz coast rap is ass. Ah like Nas, Moss Def, Slick Rick" Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:17:41 PMTwitter for Android
There's a big assed thigh going on over there, JLo Sunday, February 10, 2013 8:20:31 PMTwitter for Android
Pass the Wii @Colithika @Waspito @SonicBlur23 Sunday, February 10, 2013 4:05:09 PMTwitter for Android
Y'all know me as a certified ass man, but I mean... Boobs are cool too. Sunday, February 10, 2013 1:09:12 PMTwitter for Android
I'm a crazy ass bitch Friday, February 08, 2013 10:39:03 AMTwitter Web Client
A Catholic black Irishman with the name Hassan... Sunday, February 03, 2013 9:14:12 PMTwitter for Android
DEM black asses Sunday, February 03, 2013 8:16:51 PMTwitter for Android
Welp, looks like some terrorists bombed a US Embassy in Turkey. We should start a war with Turkey. #sarcasm Friday, February 01, 2013 12:40:45 PMTwitter Web Client
Alexey writes some backwards assed shit code Monday, January 28, 2013 12:36:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Seasick on the Metro North again on the grounds that the new M8 cars rock back and forth like motherfuckers. Ass backwards engineering. Monday, January 21, 2013 6:42:06 PMTwitter for Android
@Lennon we should be off. Especially in honor of juicy black asses
In reply to @Lennon's tweet
Sunday, January 20, 2013 11:05:43 PMTwitter for Android
Tuck your stomach in you fucking slob. It looks like a fuckin ass crack Sunday, January 20, 2013 1:37:15 PMTwitter for Android
Great. IT guy would decide to fuck around with wires under my desk after I ripped ass. Tuesday, January 15, 2013 9:11:45 AMTwitter Web Client
Who's this motherfucker with this loud assed car driving up and down my block a million and one times? Bro. get a muffler. Thursday, January 10, 2013 12:37:09 AMTwitter Web Client
"You can bring that toilet paper to the bathroom, but leave a roll here." Me: "What are you gonna wipe your ass in bed?" Tuesday, January 08, 2013 9:15:36 PMTwitter for Android
It smells like nasty assed, stale, overly strong coffee up in this bitch Monday, January 07, 2013 9:30:25 AMTwitter Web Client
🎶🎶"Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland awayyyyyyyyy" 🎵🎵 Thursday, December 27, 2012 8:59:35 PMTwitter for Android
Was going to get a beer, but got a sassy look from the sassy accounting girls. Will wait until they're not looking. Thursday, December 27, 2012 3:27:15 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm legit gonna put a hose in my ass and hook it up to my house. Supplemental methane will lower my con ed bill. Sunday, December 23, 2012 2:43:35 AMTwitter for Android
I still promise my twitter will remain crazy as fuck. People like that shit. #ass #titties #bangbang #struttin #unicorns Saturday, December 22, 2012 12:06:37 AMTwitter for Android
Gio: "Holy shit. Her ass is too low. How do you fuck that?" Friday, December 21, 2012 9:19:08 PMTwitter for Android
gassy as a bastard Friday, December 21, 2012 1:57:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Think I have a little stomach bug. Ripped ass at desk. Fucking vile. I'm going home. Thursday, December 20, 2012 11:14:12 AMTwitter Web Client
The ice on the glass Tuesday, December 18, 2012 8:30:15 PMTwitter for Android
Hey fly ass Santa. I want a picture with you!! Saturday, December 15, 2012 8:55:29 PMTwitter for Android
I don't think @MalJNew was too pleased I was going around strutting my ass on the sales floor, getting mad head turns Friday, December 14, 2012 2:50:23 PMTwitter for Android

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