515 tweets posted from txt
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| Tweet | Date | Source |
|---|---|---|
| I need a cheeseburger | Thursday, August 29, 2013 10:26:00 PM | txt |
| I mean... My photobomb > Ryanes tits | Thursday, August 29, 2013 9:59:34 PM | txt |
| I'm very offended that I did the best photobomb of all time and Freddy didn't even take a group pic. He took ryannes fits instead | Thursday, August 29, 2013 9:59:09 PM | txt |
| Stones to led zep? Im gettin hammered. And I want a fuckin cheeseburger | Thursday, August 29, 2013 9:38:11 PM | txt |
| I'm gonna lay down a sick drum track to the stones and Dave Grohl is gonna teach me | Thursday, August 29, 2013 9:32:26 PM | txt |
| There's a lot of boogers up in that bitch | Thursday, August 29, 2013 9:23:06 PM | txt |
| What dumb bastard thought it was good to make a Bronx brewery? Beers, like the entire boro, suck ballsssssss | Thursday, August 29, 2013 9:22:05 PM | txt |
| PS I'm at a bar with no signal but sexts go through, so I'm tweeting via text message again | Thursday, August 29, 2013 9:01:28 PM | txt |
| I'm gonna need a cheeseburger | Thursday, August 29, 2013 9:00:42 PM | txt |
| sweaters are bisexual... | Sunday, December 11, 2011 11:31:08 AM | txt |
| Did i miss the memo or something? everyone is dressed as santa | Saturday, December 10, 2011 9:46:29 PM | txt |
| welp, one uncle is too fat to fit into the santa claus suit so my other uncle has to do it. | Saturday, December 10, 2011 3:29:36 PM | txt |
| fuck. my mom knows im hammered. lolz. | Saturday, December 10, 2011 2:52:26 AM | txt |
| this cop needs to bone this slut | Saturday, December 10, 2011 2:28:27 AM | txt |
| this young cop/slut convo is fucking hysterical.... | Saturday, December 10, 2011 2:26:33 AM | txt |
| bahahahahahahaha: cop: "youve got really white teeth" "yep. crest whitestrips" | Saturday, December 10, 2011 2:25:55 AM | txt |
| firt with that slut you dirty, dirty copper | Saturday, December 10, 2011 2:22:10 AM | txt |
| lol: "where's that accent from?" cop: "whereever you want it to be from" classic answer. get. it. in | Saturday, December 10, 2011 2:21:40 AM | txt |
| i wanna solder that to an arduino board, program it and make a light show! | Saturday, December 10, 2011 1:39:54 AM | txt |
| the ceo got me. the. geekiest secret santa gift ever... programmable 16ft led light strip with a remote! | Saturday, December 10, 2011 1:38:58 AM | txt |
| what bullshit wendys is closed at this early hr. fuck man. 45th st wendys wouldnt have closed. f man | Saturday, December 10, 2011 1:17:59 AM | txt |
| "suck.it." "i already have" | Saturday, December 10, 2011 12:51:29 AM | txt |
| "Have a good night you Michael Sera looking looking mother fucker" | Friday, December 09, 2011 11:13:05 PM | txt |
| the work christmas party is not complete until my boy raps biggie.... legitimate! | Friday, December 09, 2011 10:08:52 PM | txt |
| omg. dat. a | Friday, December 09, 2011 8:05:40 PM | txt |
| my ceo "who the hell tapped this? i could have tapped this better in high school" | Friday, December 09, 2011 7:49:51 PM | txt |
| i cant deal with this girl. in a really hot way... | Friday, December 09, 2011 3:21:08 PM | txt |
| wow. how did i not notice that bomb | Thursday, December 08, 2011 7:57:11 PM | txt |
| Sitting next to a garlic clove on this train. Get me a gas mask. | Thursday, December 08, 2011 9:03:11 AM | txt |
| Almost mid December and its hot and steamy. nasty! Bring me the cold. | Tuesday, December 06, 2011 7:53:26 PM | txt |
| Jasmine? Jassssmine! | Tuesday, December 06, 2011 8:51:21 AM | txt |
| send out the smoke patrol | Monday, December 05, 2011 8:14:21 PM | txt |
| fucking nooblet driving this train cant even align himself with the station properly. had to back up like 4 times | Monday, December 05, 2011 7:48:53 PM | txt |
| i look like a fucking jackoff on this train with this piece of shit dumb phone. 0 street cred | Monday, December 05, 2011 7:30:38 PM | txt |
| every subway train i was on today ran like shit. these guys suck | Monday, December 05, 2011 7:18:18 PM | txt |
| guy in the santa hat at the bar is getting laid. unlike @rocknationradio in the santa hat whose mom wants him to get laid | Sunday, December 04, 2011 1:00:00 AM | txt |
| although... this trough is more legit than the grape's | Sunday, December 04, 2011 12:54:51 AM | txt |
| a trough? seriously? i havent pissed in one of those since the grape | Saturday, December 03, 2011 10:54:17 PM | txt |
| mother fucker. i messed up again. checking in to twitter from a dumbphone sucks balls | Saturday, December 03, 2011 9:25:21 PM | txt |
| once again... fuck not having a smartphone. cant play angry birds on the train bc it needs an internet connection | Friday, December 02, 2011 11:48:28 PM | txt |
| minx! | Friday, December 02, 2011 11:36:41 PM | txt |
| apparently, my mom is bartending. i had two beers and the bitch brought me a water. hhhh | Friday, December 02, 2011 8:44:39 PM | txt |
| these boards are full of shit... | Friday, December 02, 2011 7:31:12 PM | txt |
| useless countdown clocks... said the 6 would be here in 1 minute for like 8 minutes already | Friday, December 02, 2011 7:28:11 PM | txt |
| move to the right if youre going to walk slow, fuckers. i need to get by and am more important than you | Thursday, December 01, 2011 8:02:54 PM | txt |
| the second i go to take a nap, the fucker next to me decides to get out. now i'm awake. i need my own driver. this 99% shit sucks | Thursday, December 01, 2011 7:55:17 PM | txt |
| the only thing worse than missing the train by like 2 seconds is not having a galaxy nexus | Thursday, December 01, 2011 7:17:58 PM | txt |
| You can never go wrong with alice in chains at the bar. watering hole and netta = legit | Thursday, December 01, 2011 3:41:51 PM | txt |
| The architechts next door... do you think we need measuring tape? iuh duh | Wednesday, November 30, 2011 2:49:51 PM | txt |
| dibs on the one in the corner. wahhhh | Sunday, November 27, 2011 5:11:09 AM | txt |
| feel like fuckin shit right now...... | Sunday, November 27, 2011 3:43:31 AM | txt |
| apparently, Lady Gaga knows the difference between a forward slash and a backslash. | Thursday, November 24, 2011 10:08:16 PM | txt |
| My Grandpa: "He wanted to get his pants dancing" | Thursday, November 24, 2011 6:11:51 PM | txt |
| Jesus F'in Christ Eli | Sunday, November 20, 2011 11:25:15 PM | txt |
| 41-24 | Saturday, November 19, 2011 8:43:33 PM | txt |
| i'm the fattest of fucks... went to mcdonalds, bk and wendys in one day. then complimented my boss for being fit. fml | Saturday, November 19, 2011 2:27:46 AM | txt |
| my boss is the most legitimate man in existance. | Friday, November 18, 2011 10:08:09 PM | txt |
| "dude. fuck you! but really though!" | Friday, November 18, 2011 9:17:12 PM | txt |
| we work on linux, we have a hologram version... we're the geekiest. | Friday, November 18, 2011 9:10:43 PM | txt |
| i work with a bunch of alcoholics and i love it. | Friday, November 18, 2011 8:48:46 PM | txt |
| wow fail. fuck not having a smartphone | Friday, November 18, 2011 4:10:47 PM | txt |
| fuck. me. | Thursday, November 17, 2011 10:59:26 PM | txt |
| singing stone temple pilots with random bros at the bar? priceless | Thursday, November 17, 2011 9:33:52 PM | txt |
| i spend... way. too much money on. fucking alcohol... | Thursday, November 17, 2011 8:04:45 PM | txt |
| Dude. macs can suck my dick... | Thursday, November 17, 2011 4:25:55 PM | txt |
| they have like 5 fucking cars locked up and the train is jammed as fuck | Wednesday, November 16, 2011 11:45:14 PM | txt |
| Nirvana and Alice in Chains at this bar. Always legit | Wednesday, November 16, 2011 3:36:43 PM | txt |
| its too damn hot outside | Wednesday, November 16, 2011 9:51:47 AM | txt |
| Casino never gets old. I could watch it every day | Wednesday, November 16, 2011 12:33:47 AM | txt |
| My tweets are beyond ridiculous... | Sunday, November 13, 2011 11:11:51 AM | txt |
| this is the best bush to piss in! | Sunday, November 13, 2011 12:34:52 AM | txt |
| *forgiven... i spell like a bitch | Sunday, November 13, 2011 12:23:10 AM | txt |
| i gave @onethirdof3x5 a celeb shot in beer pong @ #th11 once and he wouldnt let me take it. 3 yr grudge. but jk hes forgivven! | Sunday, November 13, 2011 12:21:47 AM | txt |
| "he came to long guyland and met my family. 2 days later he was with someone else. and i was like go fuck yaself" | Sunday, November 13, 2011 12:14:40 AM | txt |
| #2006 why the fuck am i so god damn old | Saturday, November 12, 2011 11:50:10 PM | txt |
| that... is a townhouse basement smell. #nostalgia #danshouse #th11 | Saturday, November 12, 2011 11:49:33 PM | txt |
| i feel young again... #oldfuckvisitingschools | Saturday, November 12, 2011 11:47:27 PM | txt |
| made it to a college bro house. i miss this shit. #tooold | Saturday, November 12, 2011 11:30:25 PM | txt |
| yeahhhhh freshmen.. get it | Saturday, November 12, 2011 11:16:01 PM | txt |
| sugar daddy with like a 20 year old. giiiiit it buddy. | Saturday, November 12, 2011 11:14:33 PM | txt |
| Chug Monkey: things not going your way today? have a drink! | Saturday, November 12, 2011 10:44:26 PM | txt |
| lolz. cops showed up to order food and the place cleared the fuck out | Saturday, November 12, 2011 10:00:44 PM | txt |
| that was an epic recovery | Saturday, November 12, 2011 9:23:01 PM | txt |
| fuck me in the ass... that was the worst tequila shot ever... completely sober and almost puked | Saturday, November 12, 2011 9:12:41 PM | txt |
| the old gentlemen in flannel in this bar are hysterical | Saturday, November 12, 2011 7:51:24 PM | txt |
| nah. i can try | Thursday, November 10, 2011 5:04:44 PM | txt |
| just watched an episode of unsolved mysteries. just not the same without robert stack. #yesimwatchinglifetime | Wednesday, November 09, 2011 9:01:19 PM | txt |
| fuck man.... | Wednesday, November 09, 2011 7:46:51 PM | txt |
| at least theres a kitten in the elevator | Wednesday, November 09, 2011 6:27:44 PM | txt |
| jesus fuckin christ these elevators are slow. move. i need to get to rthe bar | Wednesday, November 09, 2011 6:27:14 PM | txt |
| get the fuck out of here. margaret schroder banged owen slater? #boardwalkempire | Tuesday, November 08, 2011 11:44:22 PM | txt |
| Asian dancer dudes? shouldnt he be doing calculus instead? Aha! called it. dad disowned him | Tuesday, November 08, 2011 8:27:38 PM | txt |
| this guy's such a pussy. just get it in | Tuesday, November 08, 2011 8:23:32 PM | txt |
| why is this fucking train not pulling out.... i need to go home and shit | Tuesday, November 08, 2011 7:33:24 PM | txt |
| send out the smoke patrol! | Tuesday, November 08, 2011 9:22:55 AM | txt |
| holy shit. that is a dump and a half... | Monday, November 07, 2011 8:28:49 PM | txt |
| Fuck man... Feel like shit | Sunday, November 06, 2011 11:47:09 PM | txt |
| Just found a Howard Stern tape from 1991. Brilliant. I miss the 90s | Sunday, November 06, 2011 3:53:31 PM | txt |
| Just ate like a pig. legit might bust. I am the fattest fuck going... | Saturday, November 05, 2011 3:09:41 PM | txt |
| Passed a Hooters billboard with a bunch of girls on it and my mom stopped and asked which ones were my type. hhhhhhhhh | Saturday, November 05, 2011 1:39:07 PM | txt |